Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Why don't not ask to sell your cat/kids/etc?

Most of us don't get into this hobby because our dolls are throwaway. We love and bond with these guys and if someone asked me if they could buy Taira I would be horrified especially after all the time and love I've given him. >>;

 

Sorry, but if the unsolicited 'WTB' pm isn't expressed rudely, then how is it rude simply to ask ?

In a previous doll collection I obtained some of my very, very best dolls by quietly and politely asking 'If you ever part with him / her, would you please let me know ?'. The only alternative to that was finding out that I'd missed out on buying something I adored simply because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and didn't hear about it. (I will admit that these questions were made in person or over the 'phone, which is a different experience to getting a pm. I didn't need to pm in those days because I was buying things that turned up closer to home, usually, than BJD's).

Almost everyone I asked sold to me when they were ready to do so - I missed out on almost nothing, so I hardly think that anyone was offended by my methods. For my part, I ended up with one of the best collections in England at the time. ( I've been thoroughly surpassed now, though ).

I find it very strange that people adopt a completely different code of ethics for BJD's and that there is an expectation that everyone should behave in exactly the same way. I'm greatly relieved by Andi's clarification that it isn't against the rules here. There's a very big difference between asking politely and harrassing someone and upsetting them by either throwing money at them or suggesting they have no right to own what they own.

I genuinely do appreciate that what I find rude ("How much did you pay for that ?" is a classic question that I will almost always find rude if the questioner knows quite well that something was expensive) isn't the same as what everyone else finds rude and just because I find something to be OK doesn't mean anyone else on the planet has to agree with me (this is a debate, yes, not an attempt to lay down the law on anyone). Simply, the outside world of collecting does not operate by not asking people who have something special to consider you if they should ever consider selling it. Collectors and their collections shift, evolve and change as life happens around them. If no one sold anything collectors would have a rough time of it !

Prospective buyers simply need to have the good taste to know when to ask and when not to ask - or be prepared to face the consequences of getting it wrong !


jaxa

 

While it seems more polite to phrase the question 'should you ever part with that doll please consider me' it could inevitably lead to hard feelings when, months later, the owner does decide to part with the doll and hasn't kept track of and then contacted every random person who asked.

Case in point, a friend of mine had a fairly rare doll and received emails like this fairly frequently. When she did decide to part with the doll she sold it to a close friend of hers. One of the random strangers who'd emailed her previously discovered the sale and proceeded to harass the original owner incessantly, believing she 'had dibs' on the doll long ago and the original owner should have sold it to her.

Since then I've been especially wary of all such requests. I don't get many, and the ones I have received were typically of the 'rude' variety (offering me a ridiculously low amount of money because my doll is 'common' but they like the faceup) but I do make it clear that if I sell a doll it will be posted FS in the marketplace or on eBay and there are no 'dibs'.

Considering my experience, I feel it's very impolite to ask such a thing.

 

I really understand about this kind of situation ! When I've asked in the past and still missed out, obviously I was sad about it and wondered what I could have done better. Ultimately, though, its up to sellers who they sell to - nothing is 'owed' to someone just because they asked or pm'ed. Some potential buyers will always miss out to someone the seller knows and really wants to sell to. That's life ! When it happens, pm'ers just need to grow up a bit and accept it - not complain and harrass after the fact. They don't have 'rights' just because they asked !


jaxa

 

Wow... I can't believe how common the "you have too many dolls...sell me one!" is! I find that so incredibly rude!!!

Volks promoted Super Dollfie as being your precious adopted child, so people who entered the hobby a few years ago probably still have that sentiment, but now that the hobby is so big, some of that feeling has been lost, so that people new to the ABJD world don't realize that asking someone to sell their doll could be like asking someone to sell their child.

However, to pm someone and harass them by saying they have 'so many dolls' is just wrong.

As far as trying to offer amounts of money for dolls, I once put a somewhat rare Barbie on ebay for auction (a childhood 'toy', I don't 'collect' Barbies and am unfamiliar with that community), and I got 4-5 messages from people trying to buy her before the end of the auction (for less than the starting bid), and I have to say I was shocked by that response, I have sold many things on ebay over the years and never had this happen. I had been watching Barbie sales on ebay for several months and had a good idea of how much this doll went for, so I assumed it must be some sort of Barbie or doll collecting phenomenon, making aggressive offers to try to buy it out from under other potential buyers.

I hope the ABJD community doesn't start taking on that attitude, it was quite off-putting.

 

I'm certain this may have already been said. As it's a rule of DoA NOT to PM someone asking to buy a Dollfie, I'm certain it doesn't come up often. However outside of DoA if someone inquired about it, I would politely say "No, I'm sorry I won't..." then say, "However, you can purchase this type of Dollfie at..." then tell them about DoA and other sites I've been to, especially the one of that specific Dollfie in question.

 

Just the other day I saw a WTB post from a member, and in it she had a list of dolls she was offering as potential trades. On that list was a doll I have been hoping to find, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with sending her a PM asking if she was interested in selling the doll directly. She replied immediately that she was happy to sell her for X amount, and I bought the doll and we were both happy.
I didn't see anything wrong with doing that.
I also answered a FS post from a member because I wanted to purchase the doll she had for sale, and in closing, I signed my name Maggie, who covets your X doll! She responded to me regarding the doll she was selling, and added, "by the way, if you'd like to buy the X doll you may have her for X dollars. I'm glad you like her!"
Again, I don't feel like my comment was predatory (which is the implication of all these "offended" responses in this thread, from what I can deduce) but merely complimentary.

 

Hmm..I remember pming someone when they had a doll at hold, at the time I didn't know what 'hold' mean't and my english was.. meh XD so I pmed them saying I was willing to buy it-no direct price though (OKAY now that I look back at that.. I FEEL SO EMBARASSED- an idiot for that matter XD *shudder*)

Anyways moving on...I have had continous pms that have 'direct prices' such as- 'I want, I buy for x amount.' Sometimes I do not know how to react with this-but always being polite works.. Although truly, I DO feel offended when I get pms like that because it makes me think that THEY think I can easily give up a doll for a high offer. Though I have a feeling that recent people who have pmed me, are pming other owners who own the same mold. Sigh..

 

Different communities have different cultures, and what seems the norm in one place, is often different in another. This hobby tends to (I say tends to, because there will always be some exceptions) to place a lot of emphasis on the sentimental attachment to the dolls rather than on resale value or amassing large collections. It's a different mentality than there is with some of the other collectables I've been involved with. For me, this makes the bjd hobby all the more attractive, and the dolls more special. It's also one of the reasons why some people feel affronted at unsolicited offers to buy.

Now, not everyone is going to feel that way, and that's allright too. However, as people become more involved in the community, it should become more clear as to what's ok and what's a faux pas--and if nothing else, a person can always ask a mod or someone as to what's appropriate. And of course, the tone and wording of the PM is going to make an enormous difference as others have pointed out.

Though to be honest, even with other collectables, it would never occur to me to PM someone out of the blue. If I want a particular doll I'll go to the marketplace and look at what's actually available, and if I miss one, oh well--it wasn't meant to be.

 

If someone expressed an interest in one of my dolls(respectfully, naturally), I think I'd actually like it: Because if I ever had to sell the doll, BAM, there's a buyer! I'd love that shortcut XD

If they asked me to sell the doll to them in a rude way, then I don't think I'd sell them the doll at all even at a later time, because that just sets off a red flag that this person might not be so good in a transaction...

 

Enki, in the second instance the doll hadn't been mentioned on DoA at all, as far as I know. The seller (who is also a doll maker and talented faceup artist) had shown her on Zone of Zen a couple of times, which is where I saw her.
xoxox
Maggie
p.s. I'm glad that you agree that, in general, my "approaches" were genial and non-predatory.

 

Honestly? I find it plain weird. I mean, has this method ever actually worked? Randomly PMing an owners and asking them to sell their doll?

Why would they? If there's nothing indicating interest in selling, why would they decide to do so because someone PMed them?

I wouldn't be offended if someone asked to buy one of my boys, but I would seriously find it weird.

 

I'm flattered some like my dolls! Had a few ask if I ever decide to sell, please keep them in mind, and I have. No offense there!

And Enki, though Mike won't be going anywhere, if I decide to sell him, want first bite?

 

It depends on the context. If someone is just saying "Hey, I love your dolls! If you ever sell, keep me in mind! ;D" I would take it as more of a compliment. However, if someone is harassing you to sell you your doll because "you have too many" or other similar excuses, then that is defiantly not ok. The selfishness of some people in this hobby never ceases to amaze me.

Not everything is black and white, I wouldn't condemn it all together.

 

I've just read thru this whole thread looking for someone who's had an experience like mine and am surprised it doesn't happen more often.

Someone PM'd me very politely expressing interest in buying one of my CH Unique dolls (a $1300 one) and although I hadn't posted her for sale, I was receptive to it because I had bought this amazing doll on impulse straight from CH (practically the moment she appeared ) and was feeling bad about having no self control and really guilty about how much I'd spent. I felt as though I didn't deserve her.

The buyer was very excited and agreed to my price (what I paid) and asked for a long layaway, which I agreed to. I answered all her questions and felt quite relieved that my doll would be going to a loving home. I waited for her deposit, but it didn't come...then she backed out of the sale! Albeit "politely."

I personally don't think it's wrong, rude or inappropriate to ask, as long as it's done politely of course. It becomes quite rude though if you agree to sell, work out the terms and then this person who supposedly covets your doll turns around and says "on second thought...". Left me feeling pretty jerked around.

Has anyone else had this happen?? Certainly made me think twice about taking seriously any future offers that come thru PMs.