Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Indeed, I believe it! You know what they say... just because it's paranoia doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Tha intarweb is full of predators.

But the thing is, if somebody's harassing members via PM & demanding to buy their dolls, unsolicited, and they get ripped off-- I don't see where they'd have very much recourse. That's sort of like yelling, "Officer, officer! I left my cocaine in that prostitute's room, and she won't give it back! Arrest her at once!" ^^

I don't insinuate that everybody who even inquires about a doll via PM is guilty of harassment, of course; and I certainly don't mean to suggest that everybody who arranges an actual sale this way "deserves" to be scammed. But if you go outside the relative protection of a marketplace, it's like going into a dark alley to make your purchase. The risk is yours.

Oh, THAT person? -_- Boy oh boy, where's a scammer when you need one? *hehe*

 

Exactly! ^_^ Or "The prostitute stole my car while I was out scoring cocaine." (True story too. If that poor car could talk, it would have some stories. . .)

 

Personally I don't think it's right either way. Whether it's worded politely or rudely. I know for a fact, that I would be quite uncomfortable if someone approached me through a PM in such a manner.

While some members are OK with someone PMing them about being kept in mind, which is perfectly fine, we are after all entitled to our own opinion, I kind of find it insulting. I would feel like the person was insinuating that I would fall out of love with my girl. Unless I had expressly stated that I was unhappy with her, why would they assume that she was just a passing whim? I bought her for a reason, why should they believe that my reason would change when I have never showed the inclination of doing so. Even if was worded politely, I would still feel as if they were watching, watching and waiting for me to say that I had given up and could no longer love such a doll. But who are they to determine that my love shall wane, I am not the moon, I'm just an owner with no intent to sell. I am of the opinion that a potential buyer should never express their interest unless the person they wish to buy from has expressly stated that they are no longer interested with their "property" if you will.

As for the people who would rudely PM with their childish reasons. I would like to know, what makes them think that they deserve to own a doll that an owner has worked so hard to achieve their dream with. Why should they gain the reward of someone else's hard work when it was not meant for them. I believe that under no circumstances should such a PM be given. For not only is it harassing to the owner, but it is degrading to the one who sent it. They would lower themselves to be petty and selfish to try to gain something they will never have. For I could not imagine someone who received such a PM would ever sell their doll to that person, if they decided to sell. I know if I found myself in such a situation, I would never sell to the person. In fact the first time they PM'd me, I'd report them.

Perhaps I am coming on too strongly, but I could not help but add my opinion to this intriguing thread.

Did I seriously just write that, gods I'm such a snob. If this came out snobby, it was not intended as such! When I find myself uncomfortable, I tend to get stuck up and prissy. What can I say, I'm a tightly strung person with strange defensive mechanisms. And a penchant for bad puns. XD

 

Personally, I find it horribly rude when people do that. If you don't have a sale ad for your doll, they why would someone assume that its for sale in the first place? On a different forum, I had someone PM me about one of my Pullips, and was like "omg i luv ur doll, r u selling her? if u ever do, i want her blahblahblah..." Yeah, that PM was deleted immediately. Even if I was to sell her, she'd have been the last person I'd offer her to.

 

Am I the only one that doesn't have a big problem with it? A demanding/rudely worded email is one thing, but the fact is that people often resell their dolls. We wouldn't have an active marketplace if they didn't. If someone PM'd me to say they loved my doll and if I ever sold to keep them in mind, I probably would keep them in mind. And to know that if I wanted to sell, I'd have a buyer. I don't have any problem with that sort of PM at all.

In fact, on another list, I did tell someone I was friendly with that I loved one of her dolls (she resells her dolls periodically) and I said that if she ever resold her, I'd love to be in line for her. She replied that she had been thinking of putting her up for sale and sold her to me on the spot. This person's faceups are somewhat in demand. If I hadn't asked, maybe someone else would have asked and I never would have gotten her. Generally this person's dolls are snapped up when they are advertised for sale.

I think I approach BJD differently than many people here though. I love my dolls, but I don't think they are real or that they have souls - they are things, and things that get resold occasionally. So if someone asks politely, I don't see it as a reason to take offense.

Just my 2 cents.

 

Hallelujah ! I was beginning to think it was just me !

It worries me rather to see the number of forum members who are so profoundly against this and so keen to report even a polite pm to a mod when it is not against the rules of the forum. In RL, its how a lot of things get done - isn't it called 'networking' ?!!! It bothers me to see such readiness in other posts to restrict the freedom of other members. Life is tough enough, isn't it ?

jaxa

 

It is against the rules of this forum.
http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=136619

As specifically stated by a moderator in this post:

I do not appreciate it when it happens to me, and I know others don't either.

 

I'm quoting this again !
Apologies for the repetition, but it seems that the point made here has been missed by some members.

jaxa

 

Thanks, jaxa - that's how I interpreted the rules too. The forum rules as stated in the link posted to seemed to be more about spamming people telling them you were selling a doll rather than the other way around. I'm sure it's all in how it's done. Harassment is never appropriate. But as Ashbet said, sometimes polite emails/PMs will get you the first right of refusal if the person does sell. I'd hate to see my dream doll go to someone else because I was too shy to politely ask.

 

If PMing someone about selling their doll is against the forum rules, I absolutely feel it shouldn't be done. Speaking from a purely personal standpoint (and putting aside that rule for a moment), I wouldn't be particularly bothered if someone PMed me and asked POLITELY to keep them in mind should I ever decide to sell. I don't think I'd ever do that myself, but if someone did it to me I'd probably just shrug it off. Back when I was a kid in 4-H, people often did that with horses (I think someone else mentioned horses earlier in this thread, didn't they? lol!). There was even a name for it: "the right of first refusal". You'd hear people say: "I love so-and-so's horse! I have right of first refusal if she ever sells him!" It's an odd concept, but it does exist in some non-bjd hobbies. Now if someone asked me about my doll, I declined, and yet they kept pushing, I wouldn't hesitate to report them for harassment. If it was just once though - strange, but no big deal.

EDITED TO ADD: Actually, reading leynano's post below raises a great point (at least for me...): If someone PMed me and asked if I was selling my doll, because they thought that my doll was really cool and they wanted a doll that looks just like her, that to me is a bit different than if they just want the sculpt and they plan to wipe the face and change the wig as soon as they get it. If I had a lmted doll that I had used to create a unique character, then yeah, I can totally see being insulted if someone wants to buy it without keeping my character. They should wait and buy that sculpt on the marketplace or ebay.

 

Aside from being rude, I, personally, dont understand how anyone can buy someone elses doll when that doll has a personality, background, etc. I have admired many dolls on DOA. There are certain molds that I have seen that I absolutely loved. Yes, i would like that mold. But I have never specifically wanted someone elses doll just because I liked the mold. If I want something bad enough, I save the money and I wait for it. Waiting is a terrible feeling, but at the same time it is awesome because when you finally get it- and you always do if you are patient enough- it is ten times more wonderful! Im babbling...

 

I'm with padawansguide, idrisfynn and jaxagambla on this.

In fact, as long as it was a polite PM, I think I'd be pretty flattered that someone liked my doll enough to go to the trouble of contacting me about it, even without it being for sale

 

"Please keep me in mind if you ever sell" PMs don't bother me at all, especially considering that they don't seem to violate the rules. Before collecting BJDs, I was involved in the anime cel collector community, where collectors were almost as attached to their artwork as folks here are to their dolls. Offers were much more common, and I did end up selling a number of pieces that I hadn't planned on getting rid of because the offers quoted were just that generous.

Sure, sometimes people make rude or insulting demands. If they violate the rules, report them. But other than that, why worry about it? How they view you and your dolls is their problem. Other than being annoying, it doesn't hurt you or change anything about you.

 

What if you already made a WTB thread and still PMed someone asking,

"Hey, if you are thinking of selling your doll here's a WTB thread I made. I'm not forcing you or whatever. But just if ever you change your mind. Thanks."

Something like that. Is that okay? o___o

 

Um...you mean randomly PM'ing someone who owned the mold you had a WTB thread up for and saying that?

 

I'm very emotionally attached to my boys. But like Lady Brick, "Please keep me in mind if you ever sell" PMs won't really bother me and i'll just politely turn down their offers.

 

Yup, that's how I feel about it ^w^

 

The "keep me in mind" PMs aren't a bother, I'll agree. But it is really presumptious of someone to try and buy stuff that isn't for sale, and altogeather rude for someone to demand it. I get very annoyed when people (RL community) start begging for me to sell them artwork, or particular items that clearly aren't for sale. I hate it when people demand I make them something as well - even worse, for free. I can understand family, or maybe a particularly close friend - but even then, they better realize it's a favor, and not constantly expect it. It's not like I'm their little slave. D: