Is there a lot of Drama on DOA?

@manabusama I can understand social anxiety making you too stressed to post, and being unsure if your feeling lie with you or if there is really something wrong. What were some of the threads that made you feel like crying? Maybe that will help with sorting out what exactly is behind these feelings.

 

The best way to keep a bad situation from becoming worse (IMHO) is through quality control: Just block any user you see showing toxic behavior, and continue on.

I've had to do it a few times. 95% of the people here are mature enough to treat others and their opinions with respect, but there will always be that 5% in even the best places.

It isn't your responsibility to tolerate things that make you feel uncomfortable/unwanted/inadequate, and you are not guilty/wrong for feeling what you feel no matter what your past history and current situation involves.

It's okay to be flawed. We're all flawed. If anyone else would ever expect you to be perfect, please remember that their expectations aren't your responsibility either.

 

I've been here about two years (I think), and I've never seen any drama. The mods seem reasonable and vigilant and most members are very kind and welcoming.

In my opinion those bjd confession and similar websites are absolute poison - stay away from them!

I hope that you'll be able to find peace and fun here, and will be able to fight back against social anxiety. It sounds like you are aware that sometimes these feelings are internal. Maybe you can look up strategies to combat them. Even a simple trick like rewarding yourself with something you enjoy when you avoid doing something harmful (such as visiting those confession websites) can help you stay on a healthy path.

If you are concerned about being too blunt, can you let one of your siblings or a friend check your posts once in a while to see if they seem rude? And maybe create a set of rules for posting? Like, always be positive, try to interact with other people's posts instead of just posting your own content, etc.? For example, if you are posting in a photo thread, say something nice about the photo above your post when you post your own photo. It helps to give back to the community.

One thing that can be helpful is to look for answers and not just ask for them. Sometimes people don't answer questions that they think are easy to find solutions to. Try to use the search feature and really study the website. That way, when someone asks a question maybe you can answer and make their day better, and maybe find a connection

Spoiler: Mirodoll

Just to warn you, I know you didn't bring it up, but we're not supposed to discuss the Mirodoll decision (DOA members must respect the decisions of DOA mods). That said, I think I read that some bodies are still allowed. I can't find the banning thread that explains the ban more fully, but if you can find it, check it to see if the one you wanted is okay or not.

 

Maybe this information can help in your future interactions on the forum:

- Do not mention your trauma/diagnosis in discussions where it is not explicitly relevant to the topic. On forums, this is often perceived by others as over-sharing, derailing the conversation, or fishing for attention/sympathy, which is considered rude for forum etiquette. It can also make other people feel very uncomfortable to hear personal things like this from strangers; generally, the polite social response to feeling uncomfortable is to ignore the person/post making you feel uncomfortable.

- Many people here experience similar issues as you, and you may be able to find or make a topic in Brigadoon to discuss it with other members.

- Everyone on the forum (including you) is basically a stranger wearing a name tag. Before you post personal details, think to yourself; "Would this be OK to tell a complete stranger at a coffee shop? Would they be comfortable hearing it?" If not; revise your post, or don't post it at all.

- Forums are "long-form" online groups. Topics tend to move very slow, sometimes there are months or years between responses. People tend to only post if they feel they have something meaningful to contribute to the conversation. If no-one replies to your post, it usually means they have nothing meaningful to reply with directly to your post, or they feel more comfortable contributing to the group discussion, as a whole.

And, most importantly:
- Seek out a professional in your area and get "Social Skills Training" and/or "Behavioral Therapy", it's best if it's group therapy. This will help you immensely with future interactions and help improve your view of yourself. But, it will ONLY be effective if you WANT to improve yourself.

 

Ah, well, this I understand. My daughter used to suffer the curse of social anxiety because she was bullied when she was a little girl and went to a new school where the 'queen bee' told everyone not to play with her. Of course it all stemmed from the fact that the other little girl was jealous of my daughter's knee-length hair, but being treated that way she actually began to believe that there was something wrong with her. She has since learned better, but it took years. So sad, and over something so ridiculous.

The truth is, we're all pretty much ants on this enormous forum, and a lot of our comments will be overlooked. It's not a personal attack, and it doesn't mean the comments are weird or 'different' - it's just that they get lost in a sea of chatter. It's all about how you perceive yourself. Because you worry that there may be something wrong with the way you come across, you take the times that you are ignored personally. Me, I generally just figure that either no one had a response that they felt was worthwhile, or they were feeling lazy and didn't particularly want to answer, or no one noticed my question. Some topics aren't looked at for days or even weeks, and by the time someone else stops by, they probably don't even read the most recent stuff - they just want to make a comment or ask a question of their own, with no offense intended at all. Believe me, there is nothing "off" about your posts...the ones I've read just seem like regular, everyday chatting.

I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that this happens a lot. Social media is a great outlet for gripes.

 

@manabusama I can kinda sympathise, like i'll sometimes get offended when my family don't call me but i've learned to not take it personally. People don't mean to ignore you, life stuff just gets in the way. Like someone mentioned, therapy is definitely a good start with not being so sensitive. Me personally I have seen forums where there is all out racism and sexism so, DoA is really fine and probably the most polite forum I am part of. Good luck with your journey working through it.

 

@manabusama From the sound of it, it probably was not anything personal. People get busier and can't reply as much, or it gets buried in their notifications, or they simply have nothing to say to you with no ill will involved. Sounds to me like there isn't anything wrong with you or your posts, just people slipping past each other. I'm not sure how to resolve this, not being the best with communicating myself, but reading your responses here, you don't have an annoying personality to me. Good luck with future posts!

 

I admit that I am one of those aforementioned "Drama-queens"

However, I usually keep it between the Mods and me. I lost count of how many posts I've made in "Ask the Mods" part of the forum.
(*is surprised to still be here*)

BTW the "Ask the Mods" is the best place to get clarification on the rules of the forum, or asking if a doll is on topic to post.

 

I'd definitely say there's a lot of drama surrounding DoA, but not really much at all actually within it.

I tend to think of DOA as far and above the least nasty and dramatic place in the hobby, but that might not mean much compared to how nasty some of this hobby is. I think that's mostly because certain hot-button issues are banned entirely... In some ways that's good, but it's also sort of a bummer that some things that could be read as 'too negative' are tamped down.

The worst thing about this site imo is that it tends to attract the sort of "veteran of the hobby" types who treat newbies sort of crap. It's not really drama, just sort of a dismissive feeling that I can imagine would make less confident members of the hobby feel unwelcome.

But feeling ignored, and that type of thing... Honestly I've come to just accept that as part of the forum experience. But I'm the type who doesn't really like having a direct conversation with people, so I actually like it...