Mothering instinct?

I see this is the first Debate thread you've started. They pretty much all start out simply, then become frought with misinterpretations and seem to diverge from the original question. It's always interesting to follow the debates as the subject begins to warp and expand, but inevitably people begin to take things personally and things get ugly, or the thread is lost interest in as the same arguments/opinions are re-hashed over and over again. Unfortunatly, there's never a clear wining side in the debate, just a general concensus of personal opinions.

And back to the topic at hand......!

 

I think that it is possible that for some people, filling the mother-child gap may be the reason. I don't see that as being particularly common, though.
I can say that for me, that is NOT the reason I buy dolls. I don't really like the huge-eyed childlike dolls and I go for maturity even in my tinies (the ones I have may sometimes act childish, but are most definitely not children) and do not dress them like children (even my Puki wears leather trousers and a leather jacket with boots). I don't like children, I don't want children, and I am most definitely not filling some supposed void with dolls. (And a bloody good thing it is, with some of the stories and photoshoots I've done.) I collect SD and MSD sized dolls mostly and all of them are adults. Hell, most of them aren't even human. I'm fairly sure I'm not secretly pining for children with wings and horns and four eyes or sociopathic tendencies and a facination with knives.
I like that my boys and girls aren't children. I like looking at pretty boys in fishnet and leather and PVC and girls in pretty gothy clothing, so that is what I have.


Uh...I have to apologise if that came off sounding hostile. It isn't meant to be, I just don't always have the ability to phrse things in a way that doesn't come off like that.

 

Well ... for some people this may be the case. For others, it may not. I don't think anyone should generalize anything about people...

Personally, no. Children? No thanks. They may be MSD but they're not children

 

Considering as I'm male, and generally avoid children like the plague, I dont think my love for tinies comes from a desire for children. I guess you can refer to the whole 'little girls like to pretend to be mothers to baby dolls' way of thinking to help back up the claim that BJD's fill the mother-child gap. I've seen several young girls (and/or boys) that play with dolls go down the nurturing route. But I dont agree that people are attracted to BJDs because of it.

I prefer my Soom Tiny to my bigger boys, but I dont think it's because of my desire for kids.

 

Totaly not ... true humans cannot be replaced by dolls … I believe you just like how they look , it is resin & pocket size ... about appearance they don’t even resemble to true children anyway. Some prefer (not me) smaller bjd . They do this for many reasons , smaller sizes are easier to handle and carry around (convenience in playing) & stored easier, many prefer them for this too …
… besides the bjd dolls may look realistic in comparison with other types of dolls but they are not truly realistic some look more cute (could I say animetic?) , other more stylistic and even those who are more realistic in face tend to look more like a renaissance approach than bold realism ... bodies have longer feet , bigger heads , thin waist or cute shaped bellies e.t.c. the structure has more a purpose to fulfil this or that artistic style than to resemble boldly or copy a human anatomy to the last detail …

I am the children type , I want children but true ones ... as for dolls I am into a shared collection (5 collectors for legion of dolls and heads) , we have a head vitrine (displaying heads only) , many dolls kept unpainted and displayed as statues , we prefer & mostly have sd/hound or mature msd … our only tiny humanlike doll here has boobs (!! big boost pipos - - - even If we get more tinies they’ll be in fantasy concept and shared & some might be only heads for the vitrine)
…they are all naked (we don’t feel we need clothes in collection) & my favourite motto is “I need more heads” … We mostly don’t treat our dolls like playing with them but just display them in weird posing or statue style & we’d like to give them face painting and blushing of the same type as ancient Greek gave to their statues but we need historical sources for that … so it’s study first.
… I don’t believe any other motive is needed, they are artistic products, dolls, playable or displayable, pose-able, painted or not, dressed or not & can be used in many ways as that: dolls (creation, playing, decoration)
So I want children but ehhm surely I don’t fulfil that with our head vitrine (bwhahaha) or notdoll vampires, or demon Ark, or extra sensual raurencio & iplehouse dolls … what I want in my life is another theme but as about my collection I need more heads.

 

Whoa, I thought the biological clock went off at MY age (mid-30s), not yours. Not that mine has yet . . . Since I was 13 I knew I wasn't having kids. Just somehow knew.

I do think my dolls fill the gap that not being able to keep pets creates for me. Whether that is an extension of maternal instincts or not I can't say for sure, but I'm always wary of biological determinism. My dolls are certainly tied in to other creative urges, which I think guide my behaviour a lot more. They're all based on original characters, and I don't see those as my kids, even if they are kids . Writing is a sadistic act!

 

Short answer? Good GOD, NO!

I have ZERO interest in having kids of my own, I like my disposable income, freedom and cream carpets thank you very much but that said, if I wanted a child, I'd have one and not bother faking it with a doll.

There's absolutely no correlation between my dolls and offspring nor do I regard them as being dependant on me...unless you count my wish to give them hideously expensive outfits and pretty wigs/eyes...and yes, it does tick me off when people automatically assume (my own parents included) that my need to have a pretty, minature person in the house means I have a rabidly ticking biological clock.

Fair play to all those who wanted kids, it's a perfectly valid career choice and all that, but it's not MY choice and really, I just don't see the relationship between having a hobby and a desperate need for a child.

Honestly, if I wanted something to depend on me for it's every waking need, I'd get a puppy.

 

My answer to the original question is no, my dolls do not make me feel motherly, but if someone else has dolls for that reason, it's fine with me. I have a grown son and two grandchildren and I like children on a case by case basis, just like adults, but most of my friends happen to be childless by choice. I buy dolls because I like them and think they are a fun hobby. The only doll I ever felt maternal about was my Tiny Tears doll that I played with when I was about four years old.

 

Completely agree! Nobody should be bashing anybody's decision to have or not have kids. It's a very personal choice, and nobody's business but yours. I think the reason people get defensive over this is the association. "You like dolls so you MUST like/want kids!" "Awww, your own kids are grown up and gone. That means you're using dolls to fill the empty nest." The assuming is was annoys folks.

Oddly enough, you'd think the assumption would work in the opposite way. That the people who collect dolls don't want kids because dolls require almost zero maintenance.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

Nope, just in the event that it's my comment you're referring to and that's what you thought I was saying, you're mistaken.

Just the fact that you CHOSE not to have kids means that you *thought* about it, and that puts you head and shoulders above someone who didn't. Likewise, I *thought* about it (for several decades, even) before making my decision.

Both paths are equally valid and equally deserving of respect. Truly!

And neither one of them has squat to do with dolls, actually, which is kind of the point of the thread. Nope, we choose to play with dolls for doll reasons, not for kid reasons.

Yep. 100%. And I don't blame 'em, either.

 

I don't think you have to compare the two.

I have a pretty strong attachment to my Elfdoll Lydia. The connection still surprises me. She is not just a piece of resin.

I am also a parent (I am the dad). We had a very dangerous pregnancy. All is fine now, but there is no comparing this to dolls. Parenting is like parachuting. Until you jump, you really have nothing to compare it to.

Lydia "speaks" to me in a metaphoric/artistic manner. My 16 year old son speaks to me about interest, concerns (big and small), needs and lunch.

BJD appeals to my child like side. I think some version of "play" is what makes this so appealing to us.

 

THIS!
Nomatter where we individualy sit regarding children, the assumptions of our dolls being child substitutes will make most of us go on the deffensive.
Given the general view from outside of dolls, especialy of adult collectors, that they are a 'replacement', its not surprising the bulk will jump onto the deffensive when someone sugests it.

 

I'm going to have to say for me it would be a big "no". However I am not at all offended by the question. I am sure that for some people this may be the case, though probably less with BJD's than with other types of collectible dolls (reborn baby dolls come to mind). I apparently have a rather strong mothering instinct. I mother my friends and I was the "go to" girl for babysitting when I was a teen. Despite swearing I would never have children of my own few of my friends were surprised when I did have my first, they had always just assumed I would have kids. However I would not compare the way I feel about the dolls with the way I feel about my kids. Having kids is a very real responsibility that makes one think of some one else above yourself. The dolls are sort of the reverse of that. At least for me they are something of an escape from responsibility and a "guilty pleasure". Something I do for myself.

 

Yes, for me it is. I want to take care of something cute. It's really expensive grown-up game of pretend. I see it as a substitute, for now, that silences (to a degree) that little voice that speaks up every time I see a cute little toddler, saying " I want one of those!" I know I want kids some day, and focusing on dolls is a way to ignore that desire (what good is pining now?) until my life is where I can have kids.

However, I don't see it as a direct replacement but as an idealization that allows me to ignore the doll for weeks if I need to, a bonus that is balanced out by the downside that I will never get any love/interaction from the doll. I know that having kids is a whole different thrill ride.

I know that it's not the same for everyone, or even many people out there. Although, I know that my mom's dolls (not BJDs) are partly a way for her cope with her empty nest. That said, "filling the child-mother gap" as you said is definitely not the only reason I enjoy these dolls.

 

I think it honest to God depends really. I mean, I tend to have fantasies somtimes of whether my dolls were really human children and I'd love to have kids like my kids.

For me I'm only 17, so I'm still rather young and know A TON of more stuff is going to happen to me in my future, but I do plan on marrying in the future and having children in my mid 20s.

But I mean, overall I think dolls that looks like kids are cute but I like the dolls that are more mature in a sense. The children looking dolls remind me of just regular babydolls parents give their kids.. If I had the oppurtunity to get one I probley would though.

As for my mothering sense transferring to my dolls, like I said I'M ONLY 17!! but somtimes I admit that I will say to my dolls some things some parents may say to their kids, but its not like if my dolls falls over I go OMG BANDAID!!!!!!! MEDIC!! When I was like 5 years old I would do that, just because most little girls ( NOT ALL but most ) love babydolls and love to pretend that their taking care of the baby and being the dolls mom, which is fine. I might think think of baby names once in a whlie but overall my motherly senses haven't really come into play, so... at the momment no though I will say that I have rare momments that I act like my dolls mother.

 

well thats probably the case for just a few people. but it doesnt sound like it for you.
i love kids... i have hope for them im a teenager and i cant stand most teenagers. and i like adults as long as their nice.
and i happen to like dolls
its a hobby..

 

For me, I do want children some day, but doll collecting is my hobby, not my child-substitute I prefer adult or teen dolls to infant-looking tinies - my only exception is my YoSD and I didn't buy her to mother her myself, I just like how it looks when bigger dolls look after littler ones

 

Exactly. And often adults (especially women) who don't have kids have already had many assumptions and/or comments and/or pressures put on them, which just makes that a hotter, er, hot button for them. On top of that, this sometimes leads to a kneejerk reaction and unfortunate comments about people who do choose to have kids. As many have said already, both are personal and valid life choices, and no one should be bashed for them.

That's why a seemingly innocent question can get some pretty heated responses. The bottom line is, though: Do you enjoy the hobby? If so, does it really matter why?