My money, his money and our money for dolls

In this relationship, as in all others I've had, we have our own money. We split our part of the bills with the other couple in the house right down the middle. What i have left over is mine, and what he has left over is his. That being said, we're both working towards saving up for expensive things, such as newer cars and school. If either of us brought home a big ticket item, I'm sure the other would be miffed, since that money could have gone towards one of those things. Even though it's respectfully his and my money, since we're together, it's not completely there to spend "at whim", especially when it gets into the 100's of dollars.

 

I'm kind of spoiled when it comes to the money in our house. My husband works full time and pays all of the household bills. I work part time and my money is my money. He always has more money than me for his hobbies (motorcycle) but he deserves it since he's paying the bills and taking care of us. Anyways, it works for us and we are happy.

 

My doll hobby started when I had been working for about one year. I afforded all my costs with my salary, so nobody could say to me 'No, you are not allowed.'

But I must say there are many people around cannot understand me because of my costly dolls (although it is none of their business). I don't mind at all but the only thing is that my boyfriend don't support me and strangely he can accept one paying lots of money to buy luxurious clothes or bags but not dolls (not one of my dolls is as expensive as an LV bag actually and I NEVER touch his money to buy anything I want). He is not very happy while I tell him that I find an adorable must-buying doll or my eagerly wanted doll arrived. I find sometimes he have the thought that the money I earned and spent are OURS and felt uncomfortable when I use it to buy dolls. I really don't like that attitude. Luckly, we don't live together and I always ignor his complaint (and I don't have wish to live together with him in the future).

My parents accepted my hobby already as I don't ask money from them for any of my cost.

 

We have seperate checking accounts and spilt the household bills, he pays the mortgage and electric, his cellphone. I pay my cellphone, car, and internet. Anything left over from our individual paychecks are our own money to do what we please with. We often still spoil each other though.

Any money I make from sewing goes directly into the dolly habit. He's never told me I couldn't buy a doll or outfit etc, and has often bought them for me.

 

I live with my boyfriend, and in terms of money; there are necessities and luxuries. We both have our own money, both have jobs, and both have hobbies, but we know better than to indulge and spoil ourselves if we need something for the house. However, like most people have stated, we are very "kind" to each other If i really want a doll, he usually insists on paying half because he cares and wants to see me happy. I know, I'm very lucky haha. And i do the same with his hobby! I think that respect is very important in any relationship. I would not be very happy if my boyfriend criticized my hobby and always looked at me like a compulsive spender. Thankfully, he never has, and can actually appreciate the work that goes into the dolls. Funny story. I was going to sell my dear Aurora in order to buy a new doll, but my boyfriend stopped me. To my surprise, he says he bonded with her and she has personality. He refused my idea to sell her, and insisted on helping me buy another doll if i really wanted her that bad.

 

Things were much more clear cut when both my husband and I worked full time. We put majority of our income into our joint account but had a little leftover each month to spend on our own, no discussion/approval from each other needed and no guilt. Now that I'm no longer working I'm still trying to adjust to our new financial situation and my feelings about it. My husband is very generous and supports me 100%, but it's hard not to feel guilty spending any money on my own hobby when I have no income of my own. For now I'm selling things I have and using that money to purchase things but that's a short term solution and I'll have to really figure out how to adjust to our new situation.

 

Since I'm not married, still in school, and live at home with my mom, things are slightly less complicated. That is, my mother covers my tuition, cell phone bill, and food (obviously, since we live together), and I also get monthly allowance... Money for dolls however usually comes from my part time job. And as for my boyfriend's money and my money... He makes a lot more money than I do, so he usually pays for dinner when we go on dates out, and I pay for small things like icecream//dessert. I think he finds my dolls a bit strange, but he's accepted them (To an extent), and is willing to chip in/buy me things related to my doll hobby, eg. buy me a new doll for my birthday~ So I guess I'm really lucky ^^

 

My husband brings in a lot more money than I do, but we pool our money and decided together what we will spend it on after bills are paid. It took some talking to have him agree to the BJD hobby, but as he has some hobbies of his own that cost just as much money, it was only a matter of time before he agreed. But it is important to me that he agree. I didn't want any bad feelings because of my interest in dolls. Everyone does things differently though.

 

I am a full-time student right now, living off of student loans, while my husband is a tattoo apprentice and only making a small amount of money.
That sounds silly at first, but we are both over 30, had some substantial savings, and have supported each other each direction in the past 10 years. So right now my loans pay for my tuition (ahh vet school) and rent and basic utilities, and the money he makes at his apprenticeship is our "lifestyle" money. Once he starts making more (get a larger % etc), we can reduce the loans, but I also consider that my student loans are "paying" for his opportunity to learn too, just not in a formal university!

Anyway, right now, the only money I am spending on doll stuff is money I am making by selling my old stuff on eBay! I have become very savvy at picking through Thrift stores and I have been sewing more outfits, etc.
Our dynamic (we have a shared bank account) has always been "if the purchase is over $20-30, then we should talk about it." Even if that just means letting each other know "hey I bought a few t-shirts yesterday," or whatever. We are always aware of what the other person is doing, so if our bank account cannot handle purchasing something we don't need, we agree about getting it or not.

He cannot give me a hard time about my dolls. HE has two giant glass cases full of vintage Transformers!!! So he understands :P

 

My fiancee is extremely supportive of my collections, Not just my, ( in his eyes) sudden obsession with BJD's, but also of my two other collections. He collects magic the gathering cards, we could have easily bought a car....However i sew, to contribute to the "spending" I also have alimony (basically it's complicated) from my ex husband, that after i pay the bills that i am responsible for, is mine. I can ask him for things, like help getting my first doll, becuase i want the Full set of her.... or an item for my other collections, and if he has it, he helps me out.... His family is another story....it's ironic they complin about how we spend money...but they just bought a new "camper" it's a borderline RV....AND a new truck to pull it..... AND are buying another car...when they have...three...between them they GAVE their middle kid a two year old SUV.....but we have a 4 month old.. and can't get the POC truck that is the oldest in the family, cause they won't pay off the loan on the two motorcycles they bought, and are now selling....in short....they have NO room to bloody well talk.

 

I live at home with my parents. When I first bought my doll, I was worried that they might object... but it turns out that nobody in the family minds what I spend my money on. I pay the rent, and my parents don't mind what I do with the rest of it! Which only makes sense, since it's my money, haha The only time they might exhibit any displeasure is if I went into debt for a doll.

 

I want to comment on the situation in which one person is the breadwinner and the other is the homemaker. It frustrates me when people think that the work of a homemaker is not worth compensation in some way, because it absolutely is! The homemaker does many jobs and like the OP said, does them seven days a week! This work deserves compensation, be it in cash or in dolls.

 

How do you feel about the our money, his money, her money issue. as it concerns luxury items such as our precious dorries. You might mention how you deal with it in your household.

My husband and I both work full time, and aside from his overtime, we earn about the same amount. All of our money goes into the same checking account but we each get a weekly "allowance" to spend on whatever we see fit, personally. So if I want to spend every penny of my "allowance" on dolls, I can, without him saying a word. And I usually do. I typically don't even question what he does with his, but he does spend Friday nights out with the guys, drinking and partying. He's safe, so I really don't care what they're up to. The only time spending money on a doll would be an issue is if I'm asking for extra money that is not budgeted to be mine. He allows me a certain amount and that is it, no extra. (before anybody says anything negative about him being controlling, yes, he IS in control, but I CHOOSE this life, I LIKE it. He is in no way harming me)

Edit: In relation to the "one breadwinner" situation, I say it depends on the situation. I was not working from April to June because I quit my job due to stress and hadn't found another. My husband alone did not make enough money for me to continue spending as I had when I was working, so I got no allowance,. anything I spent, I had to earn by doing commissions or selling stuff. I think this was totally fair since it was my choice to stop working and caused money to be tight. If one of us made enough to support us both, pay all bills AND have extra spending money, AND told the other they were allowed to not work, then it might be different, but in my city, there aren't many families that can afford to do that, so in my case, personally, it would be unrealistic to not work and still expect to spend.

 

I have yet to be in an "our money" situation, but I have experienced the his/her money. My money is mine and I spend it how I like. My boyfriend is the same. Who am I to question how he spends his hard earned paycheck? Likewise, he has no say in how I spend mine. I think that if I get married and have a joint account with my husband I would still want a separate account. A "my money" account for dolls. That way I could put aside money each paycheck and still contribute to the household income. It would allow me to spend hundreds on dolls without severely depleting from "our money."

 

I earn more than my husband, and we have a joint, as well as separate, bank accounts. We pay bills, set money aside, then spend a certain amount on fun stuff. My husband spends on intangibles, such as golf, sports, the odd night out...I spend on dolls. I honestly believe I'm going to get a better return on my spending, although he argues that what he is spending on is priceless!

 

In our household we share the bills and food money equally (that includes stuff we want/need to the household like a new couch, gas for the car, kitchen machines and so on).

When everything is paid, we do whatever we want with the rest we have (which is not much at all, Im working sporadically and take comissions and my boyfriend has his own company with some friends and has a low sallery).
He works a lot more than me, but on the other hand Im doing the dishes and cleaning more. So. We're on the same page about this arrangement at least.

And if there's no money left for dollies (or computer stuff on his behalf) then that is that. Maybe next month

 

My husband and I have a solid relationship, and we don't fight over money, but we do discuss the spending of said money on luxuries. I expect him to tell me when there's a sale on Steam and he's buying a bunch of games he wanted anyway because they're cheaper now than they might ever be again. And I understand and give my blessing to spend the money. I just like knowing what's going on. I don't want to look in our bank book and see that there's $500 unaccounted for. At the same time, I discuss with him if I want a new doll. They're expensive and I believe it's only right to include him in the decision. I know he doesn't understand why I spend so much money on a new hunk of plastic, but he knows it makes me happy and that's enough for him. Sometimes he's not too happy about it and I have to plead my case, but there's never a fight involved. The only time we ever fought about money was once when he promised that he was saving all our money for the move and I saw his bank statement and he had $6 in his account after spending over $500 on Magic Cards (in just 2 trips no less). I was upset with him because he didn't discuss it with me and he promised he'd save his money and broke that promise. Since then we discuss everything, but at the same time he doesn't say I'm not allowed to do anything and I don't tell him he's not allowed. It works well for us.

 

I think I would feel guilty spending a lot of money on dolls if I didn't earn my own money, but I guess everyones' situation is different so I can't really comment on whether I agree with it or not. Both my husband and I work full time, and once all the bills are paid whatever we have left is ours to spend how we see fit, although we do try to save a little bit for a 'rainy day'. Even though I earn my own money, I do sometimes feel guilty about spending large amounts on a doll as my hubby's hobbies aren't as expensive as mine, but he actually doesn't mind as long as I don't get myself into debt!

 

To be honest my money has always been my money. When it came to my items...they were mine. Computer, phone, car and other things that were taken from me were because my parents had bought them for me, or because I had really done something to deserve them being taken.

My dolls, toys, etc etc were always mine..bought as a gift, bought as a personal thing..they didn't take those unless they were causing havoc or something similar. xD

Now that I live with my fiance..there is some debate on whether I should be spending this much money on dolls or not. They do get upset, and they do tend to whine about it...but our money is our money, and we have the money for our household and animals as well. xD Sometimes fights break out but in the end the money we work for is our own until we get a joint account, and even then the joint account will strictly be for household, animals, gas and food methinks. :3