My money, his money and our money for dolls

To be honest, I can't imagine being in a situation where I wasn't working in some way, shape, or form. Although I currently live on my own, I feel that if my boyfriend and I moved in with one another and even if he was able to make enough money to comfortably support us, I'd still want to go to work part-time just for the sake of having my own, guilt-free money to spend. Beyond that, my boyfriend doesn't really have any pricey hobbies, so I just can't imagine how I'd justify taking his money to fuel my own hobbies, especially if it was meant to be "ours" or "his."

I don't think I'd be able to live in a situation where he didn't know how much my dolls costed, however. If I was going to pursue the hobby, especially using money that he earned, I would very much want him to know exactly when I was purchasing dolls, where they came from, and how much they costed. He's already a little familiar with them, and although the price tag blows him away, he's not overly unreasonable about it. It's not like I'm blowing money on plastic surgery or anything.

 

This is an interesting thread and brings to light an issue I had never thought of. Im not married and am financially independent, hence it has never dawned on me that the amount of money poured into this hobby can have an impact on a relationship/marriage.

None of my boyfriends, be it the previous or current one, control what I spent on. My money is mine and they absolutely have no say in how I spend them as my bills are paid on time always, no debts except for a mortgage loan and bank account still in healthy status. Unless things change and my doll expenses are proving to be detrimental to my financial health, I do not expect them to stop me from spending on my passion/hobby. Current boyfriend is more understanding of this hobby. Though he feels they are expensive, he appreciates them more the luxury brands our peers are splashing out on.

However, things should change if we are talking about a marriage. As long as in a marriage, I fully agree that financial responsibilities should always go towards the household before any personal desires. And not just household expenses but any goals that both have agreed on to work towards, eg, buying a property etc. As long as these are fulfilled, all extra monies should be free to be spent on things either one enjoy.

 

Honestly, my fiance and I share our bills. There's no "his" or "mine". It's "ours". We both know our budget, what we have to pay, what we can work with. Both of us work, both of us take on equal amounts of bills and such. If we have room for luxuries, great. We both understand that we can't buy stuff for ourselves all the time. I'm a doll collector, but I won't throw a fit if one month, I can't afford to get any dolls. It's just how things go. You gotta work together to make it work.

 

Well I can say I am not the primary "bread winner" of the household but as I do have a PT job I believe I do have a say in what extra items I buy. The first doll was a tax return of my own. The second I intend to pay off with my job after the holidays. He may not like it and doesn't know about it yet but as I received a large chunk of gift money for the holidays from my parents I think he has no say in it. We've been married for a year and I still have a separate account I use for my jewelry business (on top of my p/t job) which is making more money now, so even though I have accumulated bills for other things while I was out of work and waiting to move back in with him (that unfortunately he is paying off)... I don't think that one doll a year (or year and a half) is too much to ask? I even made clothing for them by hand. He expressed concern after the first doll and said when I reunite with him after 5 months (in the military) he better not see an army of dolls.... and there wasn't...

 

I can respect that your money is your money. Your husband should respect your hobbies as long as the other main bills are taken care of. I also agree that a doll per year isn't much.

However, the hiding part kinda worries me. In my opinion when two people marry they become a united front. A team. In order for a team to function well the teammates need to know what's going on. That includes large purchases like dolls. I wouldn't mind saying something like "the mortgage is paid for this month so I'm going to order X doll for $Y." Just like I wouldn't mind if he said "the utilities are paid for this month so I'm going to buy X game for $Y." Knowledge of the purchase and respect for the spouse's money are what's important. Hiding the purchase of a doll (or the price) would make me wonder what other large purchases my spouse was hiding.

Then again, this is how I'd want my relationship to function. If it works for you guys then more power to you. Right now it's a moot point for me. I'm single, so I don't have to report anything to anyone.

 

In our household, we're both students, but we also both have savings (his being WAY bigger than mine!).
So far we let the money we get from the state for studying go to our joint account, and the rest we earn is our own money - except for when we need to boost the joint account (it's not really possible to live off the state funding).

So I have no say in him buying a new computer, and he has no say in me buying a new dolly.
That being said, however, we do actually talk to each other about spending. He has always been a little saver, whereas I'm more of a "Live today, be poor tomorrow!" kind of person...so I talk him into getting the stuff he actually needs (honey, your computer can't run in the summer, because it overheats itself and shuts down. Will you only do your school work in the winter? GET THAT NEW COMPUTER!), and he talks me out of things that are too expensive (like an Iplehouse Tania...).
I feel way more comfortable that way, because I know he's looking out for me. Besides, we're going to get married in 2013, and we already know that we will merge all our money into one account, and if I run out of money before I'm done studying, he will support me financially. That means that every doll brings me closer to that, which neither of us really want...

We're currently laying down the ground rules for having joint accounts (realistically, we will have to join them before the actual wedding to make things easier), which is actually hard work. The lawyer in me wants to suggest that we write down the rules, which we probably will.
But we agree that hiding big purchases from each other will only cause problems - honesty is the way to go if we're going to make it work.

 

In my situation with my boyfriend, Boy pays the rent, bills, ect and saves the rest in his account, my check goes mostly to the fun stuff, food and major buys like dollies, new TV, dollies...

 

I'm quite lucky in that I have not yet lived with a partner and so do not have to worry about what someone else thinks of my financial expenditure. I do live with my parents still but both my dolls have been bought out of my own money and at times when there was not something more pressing and essential that I needed to spend it on. The hobby has got me thinking about financial independance just lately and I don't think I would ever spend shared money or ask someone else to spend their own money on my ball jointed dolls. It makes me feel that my dolls are more my own.

 

I'm a student in college who lives with her mother (unmarried, no job currently but usually have a part time). I pay for about 1/2 of my own stuff (I pay for school, books, gas, doctors, clothing, luxuries, and part of car insurance)


As far as dolls go, I don't do layaway so I always know if I have the money for a doll to save myself from doing something stupid.



For married folk:

Whoever has a job obviously has the power to do what they want with their finances. If your spouse makes all or a vast majority of the money and you stay at home for kids or whatever it realllly depends on how much money you make and your position financially currently. If you can afford to stay at home and spend money on dolls more power to you, if you get a stipend that you save for one then that's cool too. As long as you pay your bills, feed your family, save up some money as a nest egg, and provide needed things then I see no problem in buying dolls or other luxuries, you should ENJOY your money!

 

I totally agree and can relate to this. Not sure what will happen when I start living with my boyfriend though. In the end, I guess if I work hard for my own money it doesn't matter what other says.

 

While living with my mother, I had my own income and didn't really have to pay for anything. I helped my mother out with bills but most of the money I could spend on myself. Every doll I owned I paid with my own hard earned money. Now though. I live with my boyfriend, we kind of act like a married couple. We both work, have separate bank accounts and what not but we don't ever say its my money or your money we always refer to it as "our" money. He pays for most of the stuff like, utilities,cable, internet both our cell phones, groceries, necessities, insurance, car payment and whatever else we need. I'm in charge of the rent and any money I have left over I give to him to pay off something, so I barely spend money on myself and when I do, I feel so awkward lol. He also manages all our finances, if I want something I ask him first like today. I want to put a doll on layaway.. he was completely fine with it.. but I would of understood if he said no. He puts everything in to consideration. We're not rich but we're doing fine enough for both of us to spend a little money on our wants.

 

I have my own cash and my parents give in enough allowance and my red packet money are mine and mine alone. I get to keep my scholarship since they will continue to pay my school fees. But once there was this really annoying problem that cropped out and they need my money. So I had to miss the price less chance to buy Iplehouse Lahela and Aurora. But they are family, and I put them above dolls.

 

well aparently when you give someone somthing its by a verbal contract so its not theres anymore so by law its not theirs anymore because they give it away. but my bf bought me mine for valintines day and i told him even if we did ever brake up ill be keeping her lol

 

sorry double posted sorry

 

My boyfriend and I both have expensive hobbies, and thankfully are very supportive of each other's. For example, if I'm planning on buying a doll item, he'll say "Hey, I really wanted X item that's about the same, so how about we trade. I'll buy you yours and you buy mine." If there is a significant difference, we'll offer to pay the extra. It's fun, keeps you involved, engaged, and aware of purchases. I have no problem with his hobby, and we're both very responsible. Sometimes he'll even offer to pay completely for some doll parts if I'm low on cash. I am not worried about sharing funds for both of our hobbies

 

My husband and I keep separate accounts ... partly for tax reasons and partly, well, because both of us were used to working and setting our own financial budgets well before we were married and agree we don't know how we'd cope if we felt we had to live out of each other's pockets. Sure, in a way financially this means I kind of end up with the raw end of the deal as the usually part-time working mum (currently unemployed and dealing with some health issues) compared to his white collar middle management job but we also share out financial responsibilities with respect to what we know each of us can handle financially. Sure, this has lead to several arguments as to where the line should be as to who pays for what, but it usually works for us pretty well and at least this was neither has to feel ashamed about the amount of money we spend on hobbies and luxuries as long as we can still cover our general allocated expenses. When things get tough (much as they are at the moment), money spent on hobbies such as my dolls is the first thing to be cut.

 

For us, all the money is basically our money. I'm a stay-at-home mom so 90% of the income is his, but I teach Tai Chi twice a week so I have a little bit of my own pay. He's completely supportive of my hobbies, including dolls, and we both make sure to take care of the necessities before we spend on interests, but after that it's all fair game for whoever has a use for it.

 

I currently live with my parents and they don't mind about my dolls since it's my money, not theirs. If I fall into a financial hole, I'll get myself out.
However, I used to live with my ex and he'd get on my case all the time about my dolls. At the time we both worked, paid rent, amenities, all that. I met him halfway and did my part so it was immensely frustrating to have him try to restrict my spending money when it wasn't affecting either of us negatively. I'm very glad to be out of that situation.

 

This is all very helpful! I'm new to the hobby and haven't given "hobby funding" a great deal of thought. Many of you sound very disiplined and unselfish in your approaches. Good influence!

 

If my husband or SO insisted on keeping their money apart from mine, and believed it was his right to tell me what I could or could not buy, I would leave him.