My money, his money and our money for dolls

My doll hobby is a bit of an issue between myself, my mother and my brother. I still live at home with them, paying my fair share of the household bills every month. I've also got a chunk of credit card debt that I am in the process of working on - debt actually caused by my Mother who now refuses to pay me back. I work more hours than they do, but I get paid less. My paycheques don't amount to much more than theirs and, income wise, we're on a pretty even playing field.

My Mom smokes and she does crafts. I estimate the former works out to about $200 every two weeks but it's probably more than that.

My Brother likes to buy or rent video games and orders his clothes off the internet. Lately he's been putting money towards an online game, spending up to $150 in a matter of days on virtual, intangible items.

I set aside $50 from each paycheque into a 'doll fund', though I probably spend another $50 or so ordering clothes/wigs/etc from the Marketplace. I don't really have any other hobbies and don't drink or smoke.

And when I order things on the internet - like dolls - they at least have a use and are something I can hold. I feel that I contribute quite a bit to the household financially and that such a small portion of my income that I consider to be my 'entertainment budget' and the equivilant of Mom's cigarettes or my Brother's internet stuff is mine to do with as I please. And unless I stop paying my share of the bills, they'll just have to live with it as far as I'm concerned!

 

When people are married "mine and yours" becomes ours. If your not married then that doesn't really apply because of they way the laws are set up. But I believe that if you're married you should have a joint bank account and then individual ones for yourself for money left over after all bills, food, etc. have been paid.

But I'm for the time being so all money is my money. But I only buy dolls on layaway so that way I don't get huge credit card bills.

 

I agree with the joint account. That money is untouchable and only used for the rented house, food shopping and bills. I dont own credit cards at all, so anything that i buy i pay straight away, i am a hoarder. My husband has credit cards that he uses and he pays with his own money. I would not ever like my hobby to be paid on his credits cards, or his money or put joint account. I hoard for a few months and buy it. Althought this year i want to extend my house, so i wont be looking at getting bjds.

 

both my husband and i work outside of the home (we have no kids, just a cat) and we keep a lot of our finances separate. We both pay bills (he has some and i have some) from our separate checking accounts. We have been together for 11 years now quite sucessfully.

So my money is my money, end of story, but if one of us is unemployed and our finances are more precarious i lay off the dollie buying (unless i sell one to pay for it) and if we are in dire need i *may* sell a doll though i try and not do this and the need would REALLY need to be dire. Dollies are the only luxury non-essential (in terms of physical needs anyway, i do personally see beauty as a need) item that we have in the house except maybe our Xbox 360 and my laptop.

 

I'm not married but I have been in situation where I've not been working and I have been reliant on someone else financially

I can't say I ever felt entitled to any form of 'compensation' though, to me housework and cooking are chores that need doing rather than 'work', I did them to thank the other person for supporting me when I needed it and because I was the one who had more time to do it (it's not really much more difficult to clean up and cook for an extra person compared to looking after yourself). Admittedly occasionally if there was something I wanted I would ask, but we are talking about small items which wouldn't make a major impact on the finances such as a doll would and I was always happy to accept a 'no' if money was tight

personally I would much prefer earning my own things anyway, there are ways of earning besides a regular '9-5' job

children are a different issue really, they do take a lot of looking after but thats a choice you make for yourself when you choose to have them and I would have thought the first concern would be the childs needs rather than what you get in return for looking after them

 

First of all thank you for posting something that covers a mature perspective. As for the etire money issue, for me and my husband there is no issue as long as bills and mortgage are paid. We have a joint checking and savings and we also have individual. The only time an issue arises is if I were to buy a doll when we were having problems with bills. Even if that were in the "my money" category, the doll really shouldn't be the priority. It works both ways too because I'd have a problem if he made a big purchase for his hobby and bills needed to be paid. Marriage is a partnership and should be handled as such. Oh and currently I am not working outside of the home either.

 

I enjoy saving y own money, i work hard for it, and requires separation from my family. Thankfully there are no issues with our saving, except that my husband earns more and has less saved, and i earn less and i hoard a LOT. The only time there are issues is when he pushes me to get a credit card, which i dont particularly need or want. My dolls are not necessary items, and i ony have 3, 1 more is coming which was second hand and very cheap. I dont buy new dolls nowadays, i rather give a home to an unwanted damaged doll so i can work on it.

 

I agree with christalblu in that this a great topic for a thread. I think a majority of people in this hobby deal with the money issue quite frequently. So it's nice to see what other people are thinking and how they make it work.

As for me, I'm rather lucky. My significant other and I both work and we live together in an apartment which is rent free (due to my job, which is running the whole apartment building). Neither of us makes a huge amount of money, but we get by with enough for luxuries. My significant other works from home, so neither of us commute. We live in a city, so we don't spend a ton on gas, and overall, we have a pretty comfy life for 2 late-twenty-somethings.

He's a keeper, and spoils me rotten. His largest habit is computers and well, mine has become dolls. We tend to try and spoil as evenly as possible, but he rarely says no to me. Yet, I'm very keen as to not take advantage of his big heart. I would never buy a doll knowing it would make us tight for the month.

All our money is "OUR" money. So with good communication, we indulge in the fun stuff for one another, and also make sure our bills are paid. I think communication and self control are really what makes it all work for us. ^_^

 

in my mother's house hold it was always "If I (she) paid for it, I can take it away at any time for any reason." but if I spent my own personal money on it, it was off limits to her searches and seizures. xp

but since being married my husband and I have almost the same thing. but its house money and then our money and we collectively buy w/e with it as long as we consult each other just so there are no questions later. ^^

 

After the bills are paid for the month, it's MY money. And I spend it the way I want.

If he ever pays off his bills, he can spend his leftover how he wants.

 

Background: My husband and I both work outside the home, put our earnings into a joint account, and are parents only to a small dog (see avatar )

Really, it all boils down to communication. Before we make any sort of large purchase ($100+), whether a household good or a luxury item, my husband and I talk about it at length to determine whether it's "worth it" and whether it's in the budget. Only after we both agree do I press the "pay now" button. This prevents arguments over purchases, feelings of bitterness, or any of the negative things that might come with expensive hobbies.

As far as my husband "forbidding" me to spend money on dolls or thinking that toys are a waste of money...I would never have married someone who didn't feel that my hobbies and interests had merit and were important to my well-being. (Although in my case, we're both toy collectors, so it wasn't really an issue!)

 

The Hubby and I have one bank account. Both our cheques go into that and all bills are paid out through it. When money leaves the account for any reason, the other person knows/is informed of it. This even applies to what many would consider small time withdrawals of $20 or $30. This way, we have a good grasp of what we have on hand at any given moment and what we have as extra. It also helps us to plan for things and keep track of just where the money is going.

I will generally take $20 off each paycheque (mine and his) and put it towards saving for whatever it is I want. I believe this is fair as Hubby smokes and certainly spends more than $40 every 2 weeks on that. I don't mind taking a while to build up a fund because I know if there is a doll emergency (i.e. last one EVER), we'll scrape up the money from somewhere so I can get it (this has happened twice). I'd gone 20 years without spending anything on myself that wasn't absolutely necessary and the Hubby is happy that I've found something I will indulge in.

The only money that is considered mine exclusively is money I make as an author or money I make knitting/sewing things for people. The Hubby was actually more upset than me when I needed to use my very first royalty cheque to cover some household bills instead of buying the lap top I wanted.

As quite a few people have stated, communication is key to making things work money-wise for couples. It certainly helps to also have the same goals (i.e. paying off consumer debt together as opposed to one person wanting debt paid off and the other wanting to buy a big screen TV).

 

My mother wasn't quite that bad but she had tendencies in that direction. I never got a regular allowance growing up. The few times we tried that, my mother got upset with me if I saved my money because then that was proof that I "didn't need" the money. On the other hand, if I spent the money, she always wanted to approve the purchase. If it was cosmetics or something she thought I "didn't need" sometimes I would get yelled at for that. Gifts were also problematic as they usually weren't taken away but were made into objects of guilt (i.e. "I gave you such and such and you are so thoughtless you didn't notice I needed help with the chores.").

There is no way I would have asked for a very pricey doll from my parents. I wanted some (like collectible Barbies and antiques) but I knew the family just didn't have the money and there was no way for me to get any. I tried to get part-time jobs several times but by and large those did not pan out - for one thing, we lived in a depressed area where there was no shortage of full time adult workers to take the jobs that would have otherwise gone to teens. The only exception was if the teen had a car, which I didn't.

Obviously the only way for a person to escape this sort of situation is to make their own money and do exactly what they want with it, which I have proceeded to do, and it's worked out quite well.

As far as husbands go, I didn't get married until I was quite old (mid 30s) and when I did it was to someone who had known me a long time and knew that money was not something I wanted to be questioned about or have my spending habits fussed about one way or the other. I am a pretty reliable person and don't tend to get myself into debt over my head or need anyone butting into my money business, and I figure as long as I am making the money myself I have a good bit of say over what gets done with it and don't need to answer to anyone.

So, I just buy what I want and I know when to stop It's not my husband's business and he can also do what he wants with his own money. He's bought pricey things like electronics and I literally don't even know he has them in the house, nor do I care, as long as the bills aren't out of control.

I firmly believe that if you're bringing money into the house and there are no dependents who need it, such as kids or elderly folks who can't make their own money, then you should be able to do as you please with it. If someone isn't comfortable with your buying habits then maybe you two shouldn't be in a relationship. I know money is one of the subjects that I would never tolerate anyone fussing at me about again after what I went through growing up. I get very impatient just hearing about such things.

 

Hell yeah!

 

My husband and I have a joint account. We were super-poor when we started out and needed to pool all of our resources. We both keeps tabs on the account and consult each other for practically every purchase, it's just a matter of communicating. When we do have some extra spending money, we usually take turns with who gets to spend it. He's never complained about the price of my dolls (in fact 2/3 have been Xmas gifts from him) because he has his own expensive tastes (videogames). I'm actually on an full-time, unpaid internship at the moment, and he's the main breadwinner, but I never think of it as 'his' money. Last year, I was supporting the both of us when he got laid off. So, what's his is mine, what's mine is his.

 

That is what my mom is doing. I work, I go to school and when I get home my mom expect us (Sister and I) to do chore and other things that we are really just too tired to do or just dont want to while she tells us that she is working all week and that we are not doing anything.....

Now that for me seems like normal, but to go into the subject of this thread; she as control over our bank accounts. We are both adults (18+) and we both work, but we dont have control of our money. We have to explain why were taking money from our bank and she does not aprove of any of my hobbies. For her, buying things from the internet is evil and will only be trouble in the future.
And now try to think of buying dolls at 500+ =P

I cant do anything about it as when I tried to ask the bank about separating our bank accounts they told me I needed my moms signature.... and she is not going to do it as she knows that I'll buy things the moment she is not looking........

The only solution I have is to get out of the house, but I cant until I am finished with my studies.

 

This, actually, is exactly what's standing in the way of me ordering my doll right this instant.

Before we got married, when we were taking pre-marital counseling, my husband and I agreed that there would not be his money and my money, it would all be our money. The divide in finances has been an enormous problem in my parents' marriage, my entire life, and we agreed early on that we didn't want to go the same route.
Except, somewhere along the line, my husband changed his mind. ~_~

We follow traditional gender roles in our house - I stay home and take care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc... My husband works (Or did, he just got out of the Marines and is currently looking for work.) and provides all the necessities. I have never asked him for money, or asked him to buy me anything. I feel that it's my responsibility to get things I want, not need, for myself.

We do have a joint bank account, but because frequent moving immediately after getting married, my personal checking account from before we got married is still open. It's a small localized bank, there's only a handful of branches, only in the St. Louis and Southern Illinois area. I couldn't get there to close it, and my PayPal, Etsy, my website, all my auto-billing subscriptions... They're all tied to that account, so I've been slowly moving that over to the joint account.
Recently however my husband told me that he does not want me to close my account and put all my money into the joint account. Nor does he want me to tie my shop or PayPal to it. The money in there is 'my' money, and the money in the joint account is 'his' money, and he doesn't want to consolidate our funds because he doesn't want to have to consult me before buying anything.

Well. Personally I think that's not right. He should consult me before buying things anyway, and even though he always says he considers the money in my account to be mine, he still wants to have a hand in what I'm allowed to buy.
Recently he pretty much told me that I can't have my doll because it's a huge 'waste' of money - Of course let's not speak of the fact it's been a year since I started saving for a doll, and I've spent nothing on things that weren't necessities since then, and I couldn't tell you how much he's spent on video games.

I've been trying to find ways to convince him that if it's really 'my' money, I should be allowed to buy whatever I please with it, and just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I don't work, which means I should be entitled to have a say in the money in the joint account as well.
His only reaction to that was saying that if I ever bought a doll with money out of the joint account, it would be the 'last cent I ever spent'.

It's an enormous problem right now, but it's also one I don't really know how to address. I don't want to just get the doll and cause marital strife, but at the same time, if it's my money, shouldn't I be able to spend it as I please?

 

My husband is the only one with a paying job. The money is "ours", but like most of America, we have bills to pay. We can buy small things during the month, but larger things we talk about and usually do not get.

All in all, I guess I don't mind -terribly-. My husband has a good job, we own our home and we have very little debt. I would like to make the money we did in VA, where I could buy a new doll every 2-3 months. hehe However, I think those days are long behind me. :P

 

This sounds a little scary to me. I hope this wasn't a serious threat.