My money, his money and our money for dolls

well i dont work yet.... i really dont trust no one to take care of my toddler and he is still little and needs my attention... i do everything 24/7 take care of everything is tiring when iam sick i still have to everything and iam just 20 so when my husband buys me doll is graet he gives me money not bacase i deserve it but because he believes that everything i have is his and everything he has is mine we share everything just like marriage he works but he gives me the money to spend on my dolls

 

I'm a student and I was working until the recession hit and my job was cut. Since my studies come first, I haven't found another job that would suit my schedule. My husband works full-time. We also have a 6-year old kid. So for now my role is being a student-housewife.

As for money, currently my husband pays the bills for obvious reasons and the random incomes I get from freelance work also go towards household expenses. Even when I was working, all money was our money. We can't really afford having additional money for his and my luxuries. However since we are both in bjd hobby, we have established that all the money I get from making clothing and accessories goes into doll funds. Our doll wishlist is shared, we both add to it and try to maintain some sort of balance. So even doll money is our money heh.

I do hope that when I graduate, we'll be able to earn enough to each have a separate wallet in addition to all these shared funds. I think the best way is having all three - our, mine and his money. From which mine and his would be for whatever we choose and that wouldn't affect everyday life financially. But for now the our money works and we haven't had arguments since we made the budget together and everything is planned out beforehand to keep negative surprises to the minimum.

As for who does what in our household - I'm responsible for everyday chores like washing the dishes, cooking and small regular cleaning. Everyone puts away their things and the kid keeps her room tidy (she has a system that if her room is in order when she goes to bed, she gets a star. For seven stars there's a reward). Once a week, usually on Saturday, we clean more thoroughly. My husband is in charge of washing the floors and cleaning the bathroom, I do the rest. So in a grand total I do more then the others but I don't think it's a problem since I'm home more then he is. We did have problems on this subject when I was working though. So I'd say sharing household chores is a more problematic topic then money for us when I'm also working and tired.

In any case, my daughter does get pocket money every now and then and she can do as she wills with it so I don't believe I should regulate. I do offer advice sometimes to help her pick from several options that she would like as to what might give the most play time or whatever but she's not obliged to follow that at all. And I intend to keep it that way, her money is her money. It's not money I've displaced into her wallet for my own use.

 

I work fulltime and part of my income goes to my boyfriend so he can pay all the bills. The costs are split more or less 50/50. All money that is left on my bank account is my money and all that is left on my boyfriend's bank account after he has paid the bills is his money.
I roll my eyes when I hear how much he spends on beer when he goes drinking with his buddies, but it's his money. He rolls his eyes when I buy yet another doll, but our financial situation allows us to buy luxury items and none of us can't tell the other not to have fun if the finances allow it.
It would be different if our financial situation was tight. I think my boyfriend has the right to say I can't buy dolls or doll stuff when the money is needed to pay the bills and buy groceries.

When I was younger and still lived with my parents, my father would give me 25 guilders (I think that would be about $15 now) a month as pocket money and that was something I could spent however I liked (as long as it wasn't spent on illegal things or cigarettes), because that would be my money. A few times a year my parents would also give me money to buy clothes, but I was allowed to spend it on clothes only and if any money was left I had to return it to them. If I'd spent that money on something else, my parents would stop giving me the money and buy me clothes themselves. (A teenager's nightmare.)
Later on I got a small job and because I didn't have to supplement my parents' income with my income, I could keep all that money and spent it the way I liked. So I was raised with clear "my money" and "one purpose only money" concepts.

Clear agreements on what you can spend on your hobbies and what part of your income is reserved for other purposes (bills, savings account, food, emergency fund, etc.) is not only sensible, but keeps a lot of arguments at bay. A lot of people fight because of money and different opinions about how it should be spend.
Maybe you don't like your tight "fun" budget. I certainly didn't like getting only $15 a month from my father, but as long as I didn't spend it on illegal stuff or on cigarettes my parents would respect my choices on what I would spent my money on. I think that's a fair deal. It wasn't much that I got, but there weren't that many strings attached to it either.

I have pretty much the same agreement with my boyfriend. If you have money left after all the bills are paid, it's yours and you may spend it the way you like as long as it isn't spend on illegal stuff. (I can't really tell my boyfriend he can't buy cigarettes as he's an adult, but I'm glad he doesn't.) We do, however, have certain rules that apply to the living comfort of both of us. If I'd buy a hideous piece of art, my boyfriend can say I have to put it somewhere else than in the living room if he doesn't want to look at it. Same way we have the rule my dolls are not allowed in the bedroom, because my boyfriend is afraid of dolls. I can buy dolls, but just not put them everywhere. ^_^

So bottom line is: make clear and fair rules about your finances. Rules you can both live with and stick to them.

[edit] About household chores and how I view that matter: My boyfriend and I both work so we don't have a lot of time. We fight more about the house being a mess than money. I just figured that if I see something that needs to be cleaned or that the trash needs to be taken out and I can do it, I should do. If I think that my boyfriend can do it too and I don't clean, I'm just lazy.
It would be completely different if I'd stay at home and my boyfriend would be the only one earning money. Keeping a house not only tidy, but charming and welcoming is an effort that needs appreciation even if you don't get paid for it, but a clean and charming house is reward in itself too. Nevertheless, should my boyfriend give me an "allowance", I wouldn't like it if there were many strings attached to it.

And just a small comment on the SO who made the threat “that will be the last money you spend”. Threats don’t work well in a relationship, because fear is not what makes a relationship healthy and strong. I’d suggest you two talk about it and try to work on communicating as adults and see and treat each other as equals.

 

i live with my husbent and our friend, i work part time, and guy's work full time. Me and my husbent have our money, an a friend have his money. we try to be fear, but bills get payd , by person who got the money at the moment. lol because we all realy immature, guys into musik, so they bay expensive instruments, and i bay dolls. often we really skint. we dont judge each other for that.

Usually i cook something more complicated, my husbent cook somethink easy, and a friend order us some food from takeaways. Because of that i dont need to cook every day. Mostly i clean on my days off, guys sometimes help. We have a peat, bunny and my husbent clean his cage everyday. As well if i dont feel like shopping i send some of them to the shops, other day we shop together.
we dont have joint accounts but we use each others bunk cards.

 

A household should be 50/50, in that no one should put down the other person, do more work than the other person, etc. Maybe it's not a bad idea to have a joint account for household finances, and each have separate accounts for personal usage.

That being said, it can get sticky pretty fast if one person borrows money, etc. It can become an issue of "You owe me this much because I bought the milk with my personal money," type deal ... Maybe I'm not making sense.

I think in a household money lines get blurred. I tend to not keep track of who's money it is, so much as "All the bills are paid, good." And then we can indulge in hobbies. Hope that made sense.

 

i think its all depends on people, we live together with friends for years and money never start any problems. we r friends for about 15 years and from beginning, when we was just teenagers, who ever have the money, buy the beer and now when i go to convenience store, i just ask if anyone want anything, and guys do the same.

 

Mmm, this seems more like a question of how someone handles a relationship rather than anything directly related to dolls, but I, personally, have a really hard time seeing my husband's hard earned money as mine. He always insists it's "our" money, but I can't and don't see it like that. I refuse to use his money to buy my luxury items. It drives him insane because I refuse to tell him anything I want beyond bare essentials, but hey, that's just how I am. I have no problem using my own money to buy his luxury items, I just don't want him buying any of mine.

 

I agree, i rather not let him get anything that is for my personal "hobby" . I belive BJDs are very personal and private at least to those pf us who are no longer depending on our parents). He is the same, he doesnt like me buying him his hobby stuff, because i dont understand motorcycles at all :P We respect out joint fund, but we also respect out own hobbies and "toys". What would happen to our personality if that kind of respect did not exist?

 

There is no "our" in the relationship I'm in. He uses his money for stuff he wants, and I use mine for bills and when I can, stuff I want. Only when it's life threatening will I ask him to help me out financially, just because I know that it's a big deal for him. We agree not to complain about each other's expensive hobbies, because we both know that once we graduate college, we will have even more expenses. So we let each other enjoy our "frivolous" spending while we can.

On another note, I recently started a thread like this, and it got locked... I think it was deemed off topic, or there's just SO many threads like this.

 

I'm "not allowed" to get a job because I'm "unable" to manage my life satisfactorially yet. It's more frustrating than I'm able to put into words, especially because, for now, it's at least partially true. My parents give me money, but they don't want that money funding doll purchases. Even though they expect that some of that money will go towards "fun" stuff, they're pretty mortified that I'm spending it on dolls, however carefully (I NEVER spend over what I have, and always get what I need to buy before what I want to buy). So saving/layaway plans/splits are my friends, even if my parents judge me for it.

All told I think I'm pretty sickeningly spoiled, now that I think about it. D:

 

My husband and I are both broke college kids so all the money we earn from Campus jobs, odd theatre jobs, grants, and student loans all go into a careful budget to keep us fed, clothed, housed, and warm/cooled throughout the semester. We don't fight about money because, quite simply, we know where it needs to be and there's no question about why.

However, my husband is a smoker. And cigarettes are expensive. So, when I took up my dolly hobby, we agreed that whatever he spent on cigarettes, I could squirrel away for doll money. And the same goes with his hobbies. If he gets a new game, I get to put that much toward my doll. And it works out just fine.

But that's just my situation. Everyone's budgeting and money situation is different. My husband and I have never had 'my money, your money' and our lives have worked out pretty well.

 

My money is my money. Though, since my income is the only income - I also have to pay for "my" house, "my" car (even though i do not drive) etc. So i have an monthly entertainment budget which is holy and untouchable, even for emergencies (unless it's my cats). So my dolls come from that budget + whatever I make on the side. My husband, whenever he gets money, is welcome to spend it however he likes - i have not say in it, as he has no say how I spend mine, as long as I CMA. ^^ I do appreciate when he helps me, but I do not expect him to. So yea, there is _my_ money and _his_ money. and really no "our money". Purchases are billed to whoever is more interested. If both are interested - we split the cost. ^^

Same thing with household chores: whoever needs them or can do them best - does them. (tough i'm forbidden to do laundry - stuff shrinks and turns funny color when I do it) Plus... all I can cook are "manly" foods, nothing elaborate.

 

Yes! But a friend of mine had afore-mentioned sticky situation, although I, personally don't see money as a big deal. There are more important things to me than who pays for what. I agree with you that it depends on people and what they prefer.

 

I've always had a pretty strict view on privacy when it concerns my finances. I do have some issues concerning secrecy, because I learned when I was younger that if people close to me (my mom mostly) knew I had some money ratted away they would try to claim it for household expenses (them having spent their own money on something frivolous). She would flip and scream if I spent my money on books, so if she would have known about the dolls/their true value she would probably have grabbed the thing next to hand and beat me senseless. :

The trust issue has definitely seeped into my current relationship, although I try to minimize it as much as possible. My bf and I live pretty happily together, discussing and negotiating everything, financial/chore and luxury-wise. We're VERY strapped for cash and have been for the last 1.5 years because we're technically neither with a steady income; he's running a restaurant and I work there, and neither of us can claim any wages until the place gets running as it should. Going from at least having luxury money ratted away from my mother to having nothing at all to spend on myself was very difficult at first (I actually threw a teary tantrum at one time because I was so frustrated with not being able to buy any new clothing or have a haircut etc etc as I was used to) but eventually I got used to it. However, buying dolls over most of this time has been an absolute no-go.

I did manage to keep my hobby going by the sell-to-buy route, and it's been going pretty successfully up until now. In the coming year I'll probably get myself a full-time job elsewhere, and then I'll set at least two thirds of that money down for bills/mortgage/neccessities, then the remaining third can be put in a luxury fund/spent on clothing/dolls, etc. :3

 

hmm. My husband and I do not look at finances as 'your money, my money' since we were both in previous marriages where the significant other had those issues- "your money= is my money" . We share everything equally, including finances, and it pairs down to who has the money pays that bill. We have been somewhat strapped lately because we both own our own businesses and that and the household bills take precedence over buying luxuries- which includes dolls. I discuss my dolls and my collecting with him and so he knows all about how much the dolls cost, just as I know how much his items cost- he is a tool nut and loves woodworking and other tools.

I don't consider doing the chores about the house something to get a doll for, or to be rewarded for. Though I do hate housework, we share it as it is something that needs to be done. Though I do collect a vast variety of dolls, not just bjd's, I budget for them, so hence, I do not buy expensive video gaming systems, designer bags or clothing, or go out to expensive clubs or restuarants when I could put the money away on a doll.

 

My fiance and I both have expensive hobbies hes an avid gamer from Dungens and Dragons to Pathfinder to rifts to system and computer games we also like goign to Ren Faires and such and with the atire and swords ETC it adds up quick. I am very lucky in that since i had to change jobs at drastic pay and hours cut he almost never asks me for money so I use money mostly for myself on my cell and little things.... I sometimes put money in for smokes or the water bill but thats it.

Hes heard me whine for the last year now that The money I have been saving up for a doll gets depleted. Hes the major bread winner in the house but in these tough times his checks have been lean ones and my almost non existent ones don't help much and since he has several thousand dollars worth of steel (swords) hanging on the wall he has offered to buy the doll for me if i meet certain conditions. Hes not a fan of the dolls he says they are creepy but cause he loves me hes willing to get one for me. "Wuv Truuu Wuv may fallow you forevah"

 

i bold that word . Somehow, i don't like intangible things like going to cinema, hang out too often in a cafe or bar (I very-very rare doing that...only when meeting and old friends...still i don't like it either), hang out too often in a mall and sit in a cafe...
Whenever I have money and would like to spend it, i'd rather spend it in a tangible stuff...

 

for some reason i enjoy reading this thread so i've decided to add my input

with my boyfriend and i, we keep our money totally separate. he pays for our tiny apartment (and i mean tiny one bedroom, and a small living room/kitchenette area), the rent is super cheap. my end of the bargain is that i buy all the groceries, it works out pretty well for us. i also do the cleaning but that's only because my boyfriend is messy

with hobby expenses we don't really gripe at each other since we both have expensive hobbies, we just make sure that we pay the bills before we pay ourselves.

interestingly enough this seems to be pretty popular among the members here.

 

I alway liked this old saying, 'What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too!' LOL!

 

I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship where my fiancee (who earns all the money for both of us right now while I am going to school full time and trying to move to the UK, which he is also financing..I live in the USA, he lives in England) doesn't see the money as 'his', but 'ours'. We have always put our financial responsibilities before any want that we may have, but we always have the means to go out and have fun and spend our money the way we want to as well. And neither one of us really solely 'owns' anything in our possession, we share it all! Even though he went out and spent 150 GBP on an Xbox 360 Elite, he doesn't consider it his, but ours (even though I barely play the thing!) I'm also lucky in the respect that my fiancee loves BJDs and expressed great interest in bringing our first home! We're both super geeky and are basically the same person, so I am truly blessed.

If I may express something which is purely my own opinion, I think its wrong for one to rescind a gift or token, be it money or an item or a trip out somewhere...for someone to give a "gift" and then either take it back or hold its existence over someone's head for the rest of their lives ['oh, I bought you that blah-blah-blah so you need to do this for me'] is absolutely DOWNRIGHT MEAN and I would rather just decline the gift than have it held over my head for the rest of my life.

Couples who fight over things like money simply have different points of view, and its too bad that relationships have to get so rocky over silly things like that. I know that the point of making sure you have the means to pay your bills and be responsible isn't silly, but its always baffled me how married people can have such polar viewpoints on money! I mean, wasn't that kind of thing brought up whilst these couples were still DATING? Isn't that a characteristic that one would make a priority in establishing in relationship building, before two people make a legally binding contract to be together and share the same space, money, time, for the rest of their lives? This is just my opinion, I am not expressing it to be mean, its just something that's always troubled me...