My money, his money and our money for dolls

I personally enjoy reading the many different situations placed here. I'm unmarried and I don't live with my parents, so any money I make is mine and that's that. However, I've seen what terrible things can happen in a relationship when one isn't treating the other well and spends like crazy, so I've always made myself a promise, that once I finish paying off my school loans and hospital bill, I'll be taking a small percentage of each paycheck and converting it to something solid, like gold jewelry (my version of the proverbial million dollars in the mattress), and taking another percentage and putting it down for fun, and another for "in the bank" savings--none of these will be huge percentages. I won't allow myself to buy anything fun, like big things for my dollies or new dollies (a little fabric is allowed, if it's on sale), until those bills are taken care of.

With the bad examples I grew up with and repeated warnings from family and friends alike, treating money responsibly has packed a major change in my instinctive spending habit (which is really bad, I spend like a medieval pirate, though on very different things, if given half a chance).

As for the his, hers, and ours, I am planning how that will work, as I intend to stay at home with my kids when I get to that stage in life, I'll have to work it out with my husband then. I plan on not spending anything on the hobby (or any hobby, really), particularly large purchases, without clearing it with him first, as he'll be the breadwinner. Whether that means an allowance per month just for me to have fun, or relying on him choosing to gift me, it doesn't matter. I do not see this as lowering my worth or making me subordinate at all, but I will not place any obligations on him to pay for something the family doesn't need (though I do see hobbies as a necessity to keep a person sane, but maybe I'll just have to cut back to my slightly cheaper hobbies, I have tons).

 

It's complicated ^^; I used to work full-time and go to school then I graduated and got married and almost immediately got pregnant, hubby was suddenly not so keen on me working and the doctor recommended bed rest as I have some other health issues. We had our separate bank accounts and a joint account, I didn't really have any bills besides a cell phone bill (I bought my car outright, paid off all college loans too) and had a bit of money saved up. I never made as much as my hubby did and my working was never anything essential, so I stopped working for a while and got a small stipend from my hubby (about $200 per paycheck). The stipend was so I could still buy whatever I wanted, it wasn't for doing chores as I kind of suck at being a housewife seriously the local fire dept has requested that I do not attempt to cook again as every time I do they end up having to come for a visit ^^; . I have recently started working part time a few days a week so I can buy stuff on my own without being dependent on him but I still catch him depositing a bit of money into my bank account.

We share most of our hobbies, we both collect video games, comics and anime stuff so joint money goes into it, it makes us both happy after all (although I am unable to contribute as much as him). The first time I started seriously considering bjds, he made it very clear that if I wanted them I would be funding them all by myself. Of the seven I have now I have outright purchased three of them, one was bought via asking for denverdoll gift cards from friends/family for Christmas and I traded for two more. My husband bought me my grail bjd Hina Ichigo last year for our wedding anniversary as a surprise (I had desperately been trying to get her myself but kept losing auctions) as he knew I had really been pining for her.

Dollfie Dreams are kind of a different subject, my hubby loves them just as much as I do and their costs from the get go have been split down the middle as we each bought each other one for Valentine's day last year (I got Ryomou, he got Kanu) . I have bought him two dollfie dreams, he has bought a few for me, I outright bought two for myself and we have even pooled money to buy them together.

 

if I have a surplus, and can afford a doll I want, and have the time for it, I'll get it.
if not, I won't. I don't use anyone's money but mine for dolls.

 

In the case of a couple where one works and the other takes care of the home, the homemaker should have just as much right to spend money brought into the family on their hobbies as the partner who is working. The homemaker may not be paid for their job, but they do a lot of hard work regardless. Any homemaker whose partner denies them money to spend on themselves on the grounds that they haven't earned it should stop cooking and cleaning until their partner acknowledges the work they put in!

Obviously when it comes to something expensive like dolls you need to think things through carefully and avoid being reckless with money, but if someone has the money to spend then it should be their choice. In the case of children and teenagers I think their parents should have some control over what the child spends in terms of helping them learn to be responsible with money and using their own experiences to advise. It's no good exerting total control over the child's spending though - everyone needs to learn how to spend responsibly at some point and it's better to make mistakes with small amounts of money as a kid than mess up badly once you're an adult with more money.

Up until I was about sixteen or so, I didn't have a bank account. My parents gave me a tiny amount of money as allowance each week, and then bought things like clothes and school equipment for me with their own money, and when they felt like it they would sometimes give me the money to buy something like a book or CD. Then eventually they decided I could have my own account and a more substantial allowance, and cut back on buying anything save for essentials for me (I wasn't really getting enough allowance to be buying my own clothes at that point and a part-time job would have interfered with school). This was far better for me, and meant that I could realistically save up for more expensive items and learn to manage my own money. My parents have separate accounts for their own needs, and then a joint account for family-related purchases like electrical appliances and holidays. This seems like the most ideal situation to me. Sometimes they horrify each other by making an expensive hobby-related purchase but I've never seen it cause any conflict, and they're using their own account for it rather than the joint one. My sister and I now have our own accounts and our parents don't stop us from spending our money as we wish, even if it's allowance received from our parents. Sometimes they ask us to contribute towards essentials for our own benefit - I had to pay for £150 worth of vaccinations before I came to Japan with my own money.

I buy my dolls and related goods with my own money. I don't tell my parents what I spend, and they don't ask and it's probably safer to keep things this way. Sharing money spent on oneself with another person could go wrong all too easily.

 

I'm not married just to point it out there, but even if I was, I agree with most of the people on here. Its not "yours" or "my" money, its "our" money. The money you and your spouse earn should be used on paying taxes and food and such first, then maybe spoiling yourself later. In a relationship, especially if your living together or if you have children together, family comes first. No doubt about that. I think when I get married and start a family, I would of course pay taxes and allowances first then split the money thats left equally among myself and my spouse, to be used on whatever we wish.

Of course, I'm still living at home so... I get a allowence for the work I do around the house. But typically, I really don't spend my money. I really only spend my money on vacation trinkets or when I go out to get somthing to eat. I just like to save my money just in case of a emergancy, or when yes I want to purchase a new doll (which lately I haven't found lately to interest me.)

My parents do think my hobby is a waste of money and with that most time say "No" when I find a doll I do like, just because they don't want me to waste my money. And my parents house, my parents rules so I can't really do anything about that. To make things a bit clearer, I don't have a credit card, paypal account or anything like that so... I really have no choice but to ask my parents then pay them back later. When I turn 18 though, I will have more freedom on what I can spend my money on.

 

I actually posted a couple of months ago very shortly after I moved in with my husband...well, things have changed a bit. I've gotten a little more used to the idea of "us" instead of "me and you" and I actually allowed him to buy me an ENTIRE DOLL, a Pipos Naughty Cheshire Baby. He was actually really happy to do it because it meant 1)he bought me a nice gift and 2)for him, it meant he was in a good financial place because he could afford to buy me such an extravagant gift all at once. Now he wants to buy me one every few months or at least give me money for eyes, wigs, etc. I never even mention them, but he'll just say randomly "Hey, I put $150 in your account for doll stuff, enjoy it!" And now that I have a job, he and I have made financial agreements: I pay for my own credit cards, I pay for the gas in my truck, I put X amount in savings for future truck repairs, X amount in other savings for emergency, (I'm going also make a secret savings so I can buy him stuff) and I can use whatever is left over on dolls or whatever I want. He uses his paycheck for rent, food, (he gets a rent and food stipend, by the way, so I don't have to contribute there) gas for his car, car insurance, going out on dates (mostly, I'll pay sometimes), medical bills, X amount for emergency savings, X amount for college fund, and then what is left goes toward his hobbies and for when he wants to contribute to mine. We discussed it and it all works out since my paycheck is smaller than his. It's a good system and there's no resentment about who spends more, etc.

I think the big key to working out doll spending with S.O. is probably communicating frankly about it. Dolls are not cheap, period.

 

Right before we got married, S.O. and I decided that we would use a joint-account to pay for our common bills and real property loan, but keep our separate accounts too. Every month, each of us puts part of his/her paycheck in that joint-account, and whatever is left in the personal accounts is for the free use of the owner (he buys video games to his heart's content, I splurge on dolls, no questions asked on either side).

This is not a matter of who contributes the most gets to indulge him/herself more, since we earn about the same, but we feel more comfortable working that way. Akin to having a little privacy/freedom within our couple dynamics! Works perfectly well so far, six years together and not a single argument

 

Hubby and I have a joint account for our bills and kids' needs, etc. Then we each have our own accounts where we keep our "fun money". If he buys new electronics and I buy dollies, it's no questions asked as long as the money came from our own accounts.

 

I don't work outside the home. I have 2 Etsy shops and I use the money from that and birthday, anniversary, christmas gifts are how I pay for my dolls. I recently sold quite a few dolls to buy new ones.He pays all the bills obviously and he can have whatever he wants so it's pretty fair as I see it maybe he thinks different lol If you were to see his collection of things you'd see it's pretty fair for him too.

 

Last time I had an issue with a significant other and my dolls it was not so much of a money issue, as we kept our own funds sepearate, as it was an issue of time. He often thought I liked my dolls more than him. But I often thought he liked his guitars more than me. We both had the "if it's me or it drowning?" and thought "why the hell did you jump in the water in the first place?" but we were a strangly detached couple.

But yeah, I definitely feel seperate funds for hobbies is important. After the important things are taken care of, bills savings etc, then what each one owns should be up to their disgression to spend.

 

I noticed that the person who posted the question said s/he saw the most problems in households where partners decided to merge their funds. I would say that merging funds does not equal money fights; rather, those people took a big step that their relationship obviously couldn't support. Merged bank accounts require a level of trust and respect that those couples just didn't have. To get back on topic: regardless of the way money is divided, I think that household necessities must come first and big expenditures should be discussed. Right now I am a little low on money and my boyfriend is helping me out. To buy a doll now would not only be stupid, it would be disrespectful to him. He isn't into dolls himself but he is 100% supportive of my hobbies (and I of his), not to mention that we trust each other to be responsible, so someday when money is shared between us I will be able to spend reasonably on dolls just as he will be able to spend reasonably on sports equipment, camera accessories, etc.

 

I am currently waiting on my very first doll, and since talking about whether I should buy her and actually putting my order in, I have copped a lot of flack from my best friend, because she thinks it was a waste of money, and that because of my mental illness I will lose interest to quickly (I am severly bi-polar and manic depressive), as I am prone too. However, my mother and sister are really interested, and my partner, who I am living with, is really supportive of me. Recently I was looking at BJDs on the net, and he asked me to stop and look at one, and said that he really wanted to save up for it. I am the only one working between him and I. We always have enough for everything we need, because he gets money from the Government because he is studying and not working. But it is always hard for me, because sometimes I end up two days after pay day and have no money because of bills etc. And then I feel bad when I want something and he gets it for me, meaning that he has less. But we always make sure that if there is something either of us both really want or need that we both save and get it. It is still 'my money' and 'his money' but we both put things into it. Contrary to what my friend thinks, my partner thinks that having a BJD will be good for my mental health because I have something to look after, and something to 'work on' and bond with that doesn't bite me (at christmas we bought a kitten, and he is a little vicious! Almost due to have his "boy bits" removed.) Any ideas or thoughts on that point?

 

My fiance and i have separate accounts. I work twice as much as he does, but he makes more and also goes to school full time. We pay our bills and then if I have any left over I can spend it on say taking the family out to eat. He's a tad more responsible and whatever he has left over he saves for anything that may occur. I stayed away from the boards for a year to prevent any temptations that I might have had knowing I couldn't afford any layaways or anything like that. I also refuse to use credit cards. Honestly he keeps me afloat, if i didn't have him to keep me on track I'd drown lol. Anyway since I'm getting a large tax return I decided I want to buy a doll with part of my money and pay off a lot of student loans and pay some legal expenses. My doll is my "goodie" the rest are my responsibilities. I have to watch myself though as I'm tempted to buy more than just one dollie...

 

I've been working since I was 10 (legit jobs with real cheques), so, money has always been mine and mine to spend on what I wish.
I have always been very frugal (and oddly lucky in finding really good deals-my favourites have to be my Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass copy from the 50s-50 cents, and my working Atari-$15)
Heck even Clover was a great find herself

 

well, we both work full time and earn the money. When I started my first expensive hobby, we both got "pocketmoney" for hobbies and clothes. Nothing more, nothing less. When my husband will buy a WII from his money, I didn't care, it is HIS money. We never use houshold money for our hobbies.

 

My husband and myself both work full time (40+ hour) jobs (at the same company as well). We both have hobbies that are pricey (mine are dolls and art supplies - his revolve around technological gadgets and computers) and we both like to spend from time to time. There really is no, money categorization such as "his", "mine", "ours." We pretty much know how much we have, know what bills need to be paid, debts need to be paid and school bills (mine) need to be paid, on top of other neccessities; food, gas, etc. If there is wiggle room we buy stuff, if not we dont. I often rely on selling some stuff of mine before comitting to a new purchase, as this also helps.

 

I guess I'm in the my money, your money catagory, but in a different way.

Being single and living in southern California is expensive, so both my younger brother and I are living at home right now. Both my parents recently lost their jobs two years away from retirement, so my brother and I are actually paying rent and buy things for the house (food for 12 cats, litter, groceries, etc.) plus paying our own bills and I do most if not all of the cleaning. I do get rolled eyes if I mention the cost of some of my dolls, so exactly how much I've spent on them is sort of my little secret. But I've alway been crafty, so they are used to me spending my extra money on art supplies, and as I am constantly sewing/building/painting ofr my dolls, I guess they view it as an extension of that behavior and don't really pay attention.

I do work full time, and my parents raised me to earn what I spend. As long as all the bills get paid, whatever else I may wish to buy is my own business. Even when I was little, I had an allowance for doing chores and getting good grades, so if I wanted to work for weeks to buy a frivoless toy (I did chores for months to buy my first Nintendo system) then, hey, that was okay. I do still occassionaly get the "you really should be saving you money" from my mother, but that's just the mom in her talking. When I first started working an was buying things and missing a credit card payment here and there, they told me that my finances were my problem and up to me to deal with like an adult.

So now when a new box arrives for me in the mail, my parents just say "Is that another new doll?" and that's as far as it goes. My money is my money is my money, and that's it.

 

My husband works and I stay home. We both split the chores equally. I ask him before I buy a doll, but it's usually because I just want another opinion on if it's a good idea to buy another at the time. I take care of the finances, and honestly, the guy would let me spend all of his money if I asked. But he trusts me, and I trust him, and that's why it's all OUR money. If I was bad with money, it would be a completely different story, I'm sure.

 

I've use only my own cash for dollfies. I just don't want somebody to spend his/her money for my hobby. Weird? I don't think so, if that person will be rubling about that all the time DX no way-!

 

This is a really fascinating read! I've enjoyed everyone's responses. So I decided to go ahead and put in mine.
I'm spoiled and I'm very grateful, and often wonder what I did to deserve it. I'm currently a student and I live with my boyfriend and our many pets in the condo my parents own near my school.(my parents don't live with us) My boyfriend and I used to get into fights alot about money when we first lived together, because well he never had money to just spend and always had to earn it, and I, well, I always had allowance to do with what I pleased, and I still do, so it lead to many conflicts of why he should pay for groceries if I have money or things of that nature. Or if he bought something for me I owed him money. Thankfully that mentality is pretty much gone now. I'm very very happy to buy him whatever he'd like, don't get me wrong, but when he starts to Expect me to pay for everything because I have more money than he does was the big problem. I like to do things and buy nice things because I want to, not because it is expected of me. (so I guess this is the other side of the coin on this discussion...lol!) But we've worked it out pretty well now, so I buy most of the groceries, and use my credit card to pay for general household expenses, and take us out to eat once in awhile. And he contributes when he can do so, and doesnt expect me to pay him back for it. He's a student too, and he has a grant to go to school with, and he's out of a job, but sometimes works for his aunt on the weekends, he's been living here rent free thanks to my Dad's generousity, but he's bringing more money in now so he may be able to pay rent consistently here pretty soon. ( I don't have to pay rent, or bills, and I get an allowance because my Dad feels that school is my job) In order to fund my doll habits And pay for us, I do alot of layaways, and save up amounts from each week. I also sell alot extra doll clothes I have and dolls I don't care for anymore, to get new family members! And I sew so I've been hoping to start selling some clothes I've made also to fund the dolly-habit. And my boyfriend doesn't really get upset that I'm spending alot of money on them, I've told him how much a few cost, but the ones I'm about to buy I've havent gone into details. He's not into them, but he accepts them. lol! And he's a huge xbox gamer so thats where his fun money goes when he has some. Actually when I started paying on my newest family edition he went out and bought a video game, because he was like Well, I think if you are buying something for that MUCH, i can certainly afford 60. lol! I don't chastise him for spending the little bit of money he has on fun things once in awhile, everyone needs treats and fun! Personally I view money not as money, but as a tool to get what you'd like and need. So prices don't bother me that much, like rent money is a trade for nice living space, and well doll money, most of it comes from dolls I already had so its pretty much recycling itself. I put in a bit from my allowance, but it is mostly recycled. I also view dolls as an investment(lol, like buying gold jewelry, whoever said that!) because I know if I ever was in a really REALLY tight money situation, I could sell them pretty easily, I wouldn't want to, but I could. On another note, if we were ever robbed, I'm not sure the robbers would take the 'creepy dolls' because even though WE know how much they cost, the general population, I don't believe, doesn't.
As far as household chores and all that goes. He is SO messy! OMG! The messiest person ever, and he hoards things. >o<
So it causes frustration for me, because he doesnt have any clear sense of organization, and if I leave for ONE day, things are all over the place, like a hurricane! We are still working on this problem, his messiness. One thing that does help alot, is he has his own room to put things that belong to him, and it is a giant pile of junk-junk-mess in there, but I don't have to see it or clean it, so I really don't care what he does in his space. lol! So when we do clean, like once or twice a week, I make him take all of his stuff up to his room to just pile in there, because seriously he brings EVERYTHING into the living room, so by the end of the week, it has become his new room. >o< I am no neat freak, by any means, but I am an organized person and I know how to contain my mess to one little pile on the couch where I usually sit. But in general we do equal amounts of household chores. I cook alot, we take turns cleaning up the kitchen, he mops( I hate mopping!!!) and we take turns with the living room and vacuuming. He takes out the trash and changes the cats litter, I clean the Chinchilla cage and feed all the pets. And he's started doing the laundry, because I tend to forget to dry it(oops...). And this is probably how its going to be for quite some time, accept I'm graduating soon, so I'll be the one working and he'll still be in school. but pretty much the same scenario.
And it works pretty well for us. As far as joint accounts, nope we have everything seperate at the banks as of now, but I think when he graduates we'll have a joint account for bills and the like.