Not sharing? Hostile with your dolls?

Most people dislike it when "friends" start competing to get better stuff (dolls, cars, clothes, etc.) but in the end, her circumstances are different than yours and there's nothing you can do about it. This is an opportunity to learn a good life lesson to rise above this and wish her well.

 

I'm very territorial about MY dolls, but I think if a friend wanted a bjd, it'd be really fun! I'd love to have some real life 'doll friends', but my gang of besties isn't into this hobby at all, so I think you're lucky that a good friend is around to share it with you.

Whatever the reason for being upset with your friend, the one thing it wouldn't be right to do is to ruin her enjoyment of her new doll or the hobby. If you feel bothered by the situation, maybe start up a little fund for your future Volks, and in the meantime play with hers! Maybe ask if you can make clothes, or do a faceup together?

 

I don't feel exactly that way about the dolls, but I try to not blab about them too much to my "real life" friends because with all of the limited items... I get a little greedy. I don't want more competition for items that I want that have limited quantities. Also, I know I'd be heartbroken if one of them got a doll or an item that I have wanted and I didn't get it. It's selfish, but I'm just being honest.

I'm hostile when it comes to touching my doll though. I make sure everyone washed their hands, and I don't let them hold her for too long. :p

 

I don't see why you would be upset. They're your friends. Sharing hobbies can only make you closer and it is more fun, no?
The only time I felt like "oh no" is when my housemate saw my dolls and said she wanted one. She's very fickle and changes her mind every day. She gets bored with things very quickly. So I was a bit annoyed that she wanted to buy something so expensive and then forget about it later. Even tho that would be her own problem.
And like others have said, you can't expect people not to like the same hobby as you do or get the same things you have. If you are into dolls because you want to be super unique and special I think this is not the hobby for you anyway.
And exactly what Taco said, there's thousands of other people that got into the hobby waaaaay before you did. There might even someone who lives in your town that has dolls without you knowing it.

 

I guess I'll just have to agree with everyone else since, well it's all been said already,
but I was just gonna say that in my case, me and my best friend decided to get into this hobby together, and at some point when she was just in generally bad mood and decided to back out, I remember being really upset since knowing that sharing this hobby with someone close, or in general just a friend, is a lot more fun that doing it on your own!
I think it's a positive thing that your friend decided to join you, and in no way is it anything negative or something to feel jealous over. Besides, if she's your friend and she's getting something nice, isn't the proper way to just be happy for her? : )

 

I love having friends in the hobby. i've made several really close friends because we all collect bdjs and live close to each other. I know I am not territorial with the hobby at all because I love being able to talk about it with other people that understand it and that get just excited as I do when a face-up goes well, a doll comes out, or we find something in scale while shopping. We help each other out and always tell each other when we find something nice that would really work for the one of our dolls. I think it's great and I'm totally happy I have people around to share the hobby with!

 

I think I know where you are coming from. Like Surreality said, if the friend is all about one-upping you all the time, it can get very stressful and discouraging.

When I first discovered BJD, and then later, Volks, I knew I wanted a Volks at all costs. I talked about it to my husband for 2 years! Then, around September, I told a friend of mine about BJD in general, and what they are and how badly I want to do Full Choice for my doll. To my surprise, a few weeks later, she tells me she wants to buy a Super Dollfie!

I would be lying to say that I didn't feel jealous. I wanted this doll for years, and she had just discovered them! Then she wanted to come with me to the Volks store and pick one out. But I defeated my green-eyed monster really quickly. I saw it as a great opportunity! I knew it was only going to be a few more months until I would be able to get my own doll, and this was a great way to test drive one, since I had never even seen one in person before. When we went together to the store and she was so gracious and let me hold her and play with her and change her wigs, I was in love! I was so very very grateful to my buddy, who even let me babysit her doll for a few days when she went out of town.
Now I have a super-awesome friend in the hobby with me! We can chat and share about dolls and have box openings together and it's so special to have a friend share your joy with you.

Please be happy for your friend, and be gracious. I am sure if you show support and joy for her doll, she will want to share that joy with you. If you are broke, please be patient and save! It took me 2 years! I know that sounds like forever, but they are really worth it

 

for me it's the opposite! I want my friends to buy BJD too!
none of my friend like what I like it makes me feel sad and alone

 

I would love it to have a friend who collects dolls too. I have one, but she lives pretty far away.

 

yes! be happy that you have a friend who wants to share this hobby with you. I don't have any rl friends who have dolls, and I tend to be very shy (i've been on this forum for 8 months and i have only 70 posts, because I lurk and feel inadaquete about what i have to say) so its hard for me to make friends and talk to them about things that are out of the ordinary.

 

Feeling hostile over a hobby taints it for yourself more than it does the people around you, or at least that's how I see it. I agree with Taco that having friends in the doll hobby can be extremely rewarding. I think its our own jealousy and frustrations that lead us to believe that everyone is trying to outdo us; usually (and I won't say always, because some people do have malicious intent) your friends are just interested in the same thing that you are. In the scheme of things, what's really the point of calling 'dibs' on an interest, anyway?

 

Im would be fine about it unless i know the person does will not take care of it correctly then i may start to freak out.

 

I actually feel the opposite of how you feel. ^^

I would be absolutely delighted if my friends would like BJDs as much I as do... I know a lot of them think its ridiculous that they cost so much. I'd love to be in a situation where if I linked them to a doll, they could comment on the doll instead of the price.

Although, I might feel a bit... over-protective if someone was getting the same mold as me. There's really no rationale or reasoning behind that though. ^^

 

Sorry, I'm definitely not like that. I LOVE seeing lots of others who have BJDs!!!

... I even love it when people get the exact same doll I'm getting! They will all be different, no matter what, since we all dress them differently... I never worry about my dolls looking like others... They have default faces and outfits and yet still manage to be MINE.

 

There is such a thing as living vicariously - so do that through your friend's doll. I'm sure they could use the help and advice, and you both can enjoy the hobby. When you finally get your own doll, it'll be even better because then you can both equally obsess and enjoy the hobby further.

 

O.o My girlfriend was the one who got me into this hobby, so it'd be pretty difficult for me to be territorial over the hobby. I'll admit, there have been times where she's been able to get dolls and items that I haven't, and I've been a little jealous, and vice versa, but honestly, I love having someone to share the hobby with.

The one doll meet I did go to I really enjoyed - I loved seeing the different sizes and how cute and pretty everyone made their dolls. I'd love to have more friends who were interested in the hobby, since most of my friends have very different tastes and interests. I'd enjoy seeing what they'd make.

But I can see where some are coming from - you have been lusting after a certain doll for years, and your friend who just got into the hobby is getting that doll. It would kinda irritate me as well, but I'd see it as a golden opportunity to see my dream doll up close and personal and really get a chance to decide if it's what I want.

 

For me, I wish that I had friends or knew people who had, heck, let alone knew what a BJD was without me first sharing/telling them about dolls! I think it would be wonderful to share in person the same joy I have of them with someone else! I nearly fell over when someone my mom met actually knew what they were! She doesn't own any, but I was so excited that someone nearby at least knew what they were!

Something like this could actually bring you and your friend closer together!

 

I found out about BJD's first though a stack of old Houte Doll magazines a friend of my mother gave her. I thought they were fantastic and showed my older sister. She had a full time job, I was still a student in my final year. She fell in love them too and very soon had bought a Luts Soony. I admit to feelings of Jealousy, since I had liked them first and she beat me to it. However, she brought her Soony home and I fell in love with BJD's even more, she showed me that they weren't so expensive I could never have one, and so I started saving for my own. I later showed her Soony and the magazines to my friend from school, and she fell for them. The next thing I knew she had bought one. Was I mad that time? No, because she was so happy to have her and let me play with her. Soon after that I had enough to order my Elfdoll Red, he was there for graduation.

Since then I have converted at least 2-3 more friends to getting dolls. Some have a ton more then me already, others a few or the same. I guess what I am saying is, yes it sucks when people beat you to it who have just learned about it and maybe have more money so they can get one faster, but who cares? Most doll owners are fine with letting you handle them and the fact that you already knew the people before hand is great, cause you can have even more silly doll time together.

 

Given that I've spent the better part of a year trying to convince my friend to get a doll, I'd say I don't find this a problem. ("If there was a perfect doll for Aly, I'd get him...." "Tedros! Teeeeeeedroooooooos!" "...Shut up, Haku." "...Only when you admit you want a Tedros.")

I'm not even that possessive with my own dolls. My friends and I do ridiculous things with them all the time (Like getting one to stand on another's shoulders and so forth.) and we're just in general very silly with them.

I think that you will value your doll all the more when you finally get your dream volks, and it'll be great in the meantime to share the hobby with your friend. You'll be able to see what volks dolls are like in terms of posability and feel, and what looks do work and don't work with Volks. ^_^

EDIT: Also, it sounds like you're scared because the friendship is changing. But that's okay. It's normal for humans to be a bit scared when their life is changing. I think that having a 'pre-doll' and 'post-doll' attitude will make you quite secluded. A doll should be part of your life, not your whole life. I think that having a friend into the hobby will assist with this - it'll make the dolls 'part of your friendship' as opposed to 'the whole of your friendship' and this will probably extend to who you are.

The thing with change is that not all change is 'bad'. In fact, there is a very small amount of change that is bad. Most change is good, if you can manage to get yourself to not resent the fact that life does change. I think that you and your friend will become closer due to a shared hobby, and that it'll help you grow to know your friend more. Which is a very good change. ^_^