Not sharing? Hostile with your dolls?

I don't understand this mindset at all. If I wasn't able to afford a doll and I had a friend that could and wanted to, I'd encourage them 100% - because it would mean that I would have a better chance of getting to see one in person, and maybe even convince them to let me have a play with it You could even use a friend's doll to gauge whether or not you really really want one yourself - these dolls often look and feel different in person than perceived on the internet. A friend getting a doll isn't going to harm anyone's chances of getting a doll themselves - unless it's a one-off or something similarly rare. In which case if they didn't nab it, someone you probably wouldn't know would have anyway.

If anything, I wish I had more friends that were into dolls. More the merrier and all that!

 

My aunt and cousin are my doll buddies, and it's great! I converted them; I'm very proud. :]

I'm glad to hear you and your friend worked the issue out! You should take the opportunity of being able to play with a Volks (like someone said to test drive them; I love that, haha!) and not drop a huge amount of money on a doll you may wind up disliking. That is why I host doll meets; I get to see some dolls from the companies I like, and see if they are what I want to spend my money on.

 

Well, oddly enough I actually have to deal with someone who has that type
of personality.......my Father Throughout my childhood I had to deal with
him needing one of his own of everything...not because he wanted a
ferret badly...but because I wanted one...so he got two. And so-forth and-so
-on. I suppose it can be traced back to a somewhat deprived childhood of
having to share everything with three brothers. Anyhow!

After reading your second post I understood what you perhaps meant to say
in the OP, it does stink when others, especially someone close to you, can get
something you wanted badly and could perhaps only dream of, with just a snap
of their finger....even worse when you feel that perhaps they only wanted it
because you expressed much interest/love/passion for said thing.
Is it fair? Definitely not. Unfortunately that's often what happens in life....and it
only gets worse

But I did notice that you already have 2 dolls..? I feel a little differently about your
situation, knowing that you weren't hoping/waiting for your first doll only to have
your friend get one first....which would be very upsetting, obviously!
I would say if she really is your friend then perhaps you could look at it in another
way...be a little excited for her?.....Plan a box opening "party" where your dolls can
join in on the arrival of her first.....it's your choice how you decide to feel about it
of course but I'd rather enjoy having a friend loving something I loved than feeling
upset over something that can't be changed I hope you can get your Volks doll
one day too!

edit: I'm glad to hear you worked it out with your friend! I do understand your feelings
too, it's nice to feel you have something that's "your own" and it felt like your friend
kind of took that away from you..? But the great thing is that while the hobby itself
cannot be exclusive to any one person YOUR DOLLS BELONG ONLY TO YOU XD
Nobody else has THEM. I hope that you can figure your feelings out, and while I enjoy
my cave sometimes too :-) it's good to get outside now & then, enjoy the fresh air
with your dolls and nobody else. Best wishes to you

 

I still don't see why you should really care. If she doesn't take care of it, its her loss. And what's this about needing no social life to have a doll? There's plenty of 'normal' people in this hobby. Not everyone is socially awkward (not at all).
All in all, people change. Maybe she's genuinely interested in the things you do or maybe she is just wanting to explore new things. Why see it as a bad thing when it could be something new to share with your friend?

 

I think after reading more of your posts I get where your coming from.
She's latching on to your hobbies and trying to get into them though she's made fun of you in the past? I would probably feel the same way you do, you don't know if she's actually into these things or just trying to force herself into your life more? It could be that she's feeling distant from you and wants to do something that would give you two something in common? You could try talking to her about it, it's only going to fester if you don't.

Though, I've had that dolly problem before. I'd been looking at dolls for years, and my friend knew about them before I brought them up, but as soon as I seriously started to save up and try to get one, she goes out and buys 2. Right off the bat, at least that's what it felt like. And she still talks about how if she sees a Breccia up for sale she'd buy it on the spot, and I know she could. It really bothered me that she could just drop that money on them without ever working for it or saving up or really thinking about it like I had too.

I should say that I got over it and am happy to have a new doll friend, but she doesn't have names for them, I don't think she has clothes for them, and frankly they're just gathering dust and yellowing on her shelf. So I'm still a little bitter. But this isn't my only gripe with her, she does the same thing with cosplays and things, it's not just this.

But really, if her parents just buy a doll for her, the bond between her and the hobby isn't going to be as strong, the bond you have with your dolls is something she will still have to learn and earn, and hey, if she drops out of the hobby maybe she'll give you the volks ;D

 

If I ever catch myself talking behind a friend's back on a public forum and being judgemental about said friend's anticipated behaviour regarding an object she does not own yet, I hope I will be in the right mind to ask myself what kind of friend I am.

My first doll is a gift from my parents and my bond with the hobby is just fine. Just because someone didn't have to scrape every penny to get a doll, doesn't mean they won't appreciate the doll on "the right level". Some of my dolls came easy and some of them were acquired with more difficulty, but I appreciate them all the same on an artistic level. In the end all of my dolls are pretty dolls. I can scrape all the pennies I had to scrape all over again, since I did it before and can do it again, but I can't replace the kindness and love that is given with a gift.

 

Sorry, I should of worded that better, I have a gift doll too, and the bond isn't any weaker. What I was trying to mean was if she just asks her parents on a whim, not actually into the hobby or not really thinking anything other than 'I want that toy because my friend is into it' it may not mean the same thing to her as it does to people who are into dolls and love and understand the hobby. That isn't to say she won't or doesn't love the doll, and she won't learn or come to understand the hobby.

Actually I'm still not sure if I got what I was trying to say across...

 

This begs the question: why are you even still friends with this person? I wouldn't want to hang around with somebody who constantly puts down my hobbies.

Also, how do you define "taking care of a doll"? I have other hobbies outside the BJD world. In fact, due to real-life craziness I haven't messed with my crew in several months. Does that mean I'm neglectful?

Anywho, I'd be delighted if I could convince more people around here to join the resin world. Even if that means they own the same dolls as me. In fact, there are several people in my local group who own the same doll. The sculpt is the same, but I can promise you each doll is unique and well loved.

 

Personally I'm of the opinion that there is no "one true way" of enjoying the hobby. Even a spoiled brat who gets everything they want and more from their parents can't own their dolls in a wrong way. (Unless they are doing illegal and/or unethical things with their dolls.)
If I give someone who is not into dolls a doll, that person does not need to go through a learning and earning process to get to the right level of doll ownership. Different people will own and treat their dolls differently. One person will drag their doll everywhere and the doll will get dirty and scratched, but hey, dolls can be cleaned up and scratches can be sanded smooth. Another person will dress a new doll and then put it away in a dark closet to make sure it will be in perfect condition and they will enjoy it to the max when they take the doll out once or twice a year. Both owners love their dolls, but I'm sure there will be people who claim they are doing it the wrong way.
There is no way of pleasing everybody, so enjoy your dolls and let other people enjoy theirs.

I also like to add that it is likely that owning dolls and dolls themselves don't mean the same thing to you as they mean to me. We are different people, but is one way better than the other?

 

I have no objections for other people getting dolls, even the same molds as I do. I would actually be very happy, if even one of my friends would like to share this hobbie with me. And I don´t mind someone holding my doll, taking pictures etc. But I draw the line when someone starts changing clothes or wigs for my doll. That I don´t like. Luckily no one has ever done that, and I think people who share the hobby understand not to cross this line.

 

I feel very protective with my little girl that I rarly let anyone else hold her.

 

I totally understand you. I've had similar sentiments as you but for other things for the reason I'm about to explain.
I wouldn't mind my friends getting into abjds. I'd be totally excited to have our dollies meet up.
Though if they are actively copying me and becoming my clone....then it becomes a bit annoying and frustrating.

 

Hm, at first I was like "I understand! ;u;!!" Because I'm a person who wants to be weird and unusual, and if I got into a hobby no one around me knew and then someone started doing it too, I'd be a bit upset, because it wouldn't be so unusual anymore. (It wouldn't make me love the hobby any less though, and I'd be happy to be able to talk about it to someone!)
But reading more, I realized it was about something else =////=; Anyway, thought I'd share my feeling, since you were asking if anyone understood about not wanting people to enter the hobby XD
Actually I got into the hobby thanks to my two friends who were into it, and it wasn't that "unusual" to me from the start. I'm trying to spread it too. ^^ But still inside the hobby I get a little jealous when a mold I've fallen in love with becomes popular. That's the biggest thing that makes me a weirdo, I guess : D

 

I wish one of my friends liked BJDs and other dolls like I do.. I feel kinda alone and misunderstood now :-\

 

I understand that feeling you have! =) I use to feel the same way about certain TV show or character when I was young! "No! You can't Watch Sailor Moon! That's Mine! AM the only SailorMoon!!!"

In my option, most of us feel that way at least once in our live but usually that feeling fade away over time. At least it was for me and my friends.

 

This does not describe me in the slightest. I got into BJDs through and a little while after a good friend got into them. We even have a sculpt in common, and both are default, and they're both still quite different. I like having sculpts in common with folks I like. I like sharing this hobby with folks I like. I don't share it with people who aren't in it or would be unlikely to be into it.

I rarely get genuinely jealous of what others own or how they got it. I've lost numerous lotteries and even a janken for One Offs and I felt disappointment but also pleasure at the clear excitement on the winner's face. I have at times felt very disappointed by not winning in lotteries, but rarely felt anything at all towards the winners of them. They won their Hijikata (for example). I wanted to win mine. And yes, that probably only makes sense to me .

My only RL friend who is into the hobby lives on the other side of the world. I'd love to have a local friend into BJDs, personally.

 

I agree with some posters that this just sounds like a silly and childish way to behave. I cannot even remotely begin to empathise with you, it just sounds like an irritable child. As an adult who funds her own hobbies and personally doesn't agree with overindulging children (buying $500 dolls for my kids isn't something I see as realistic), I just cannot get into your mindset. You do realise there are thousands of doll hobbiests out there? Shall those who were in the hobby ten years ago be peeved about the new people joining the hobby? Yes, your friends father has the money to buy her the doll, but rather than being selfish about it, enjoy the experience with her. It is just a doll at the end of the day, certainly not worth ruining or abandoning a true friendship over.

 

I understand completely, because after seeing my dolls, my friend wanted them too. She even got the exact sculpt that I did. And it didn't bother me at all, because we're good friends and it's nice to have one more thing to chat about. ^^ She styles her doll differently than mine of course, but even if she did get the same wig or eyes, it wouldn't bother me because its her doll and she can do whatever she likes.

But I'm not gonna lie, I would get hostile/jealous too if my friend ever got the doll that I had wanted for a long, long time. (We both like the same sculpt) Eventually I'd get over it, but if I knew that she got it just to make me jealous, then I would question the friendship... I try not to think about that kind of scenario because I never wanted this hobby to be a competition. :/

 

I'm not hostile at all O.O I'm very open with my dolls so if my friends are interested in BJD then I'm fine with it ^^. But if my friends ever wanted to hold my dolls I would always ask them to be careful with it..since it is expensive x3.