[Out of Control?] Unsupportive Friends and Family

Well... I have my first doll on order, and I'm waiting for him to come home for me. But I can tell you a bit about my other hobby. I keep betta fish-- specifically males. If you don't know, you can't keep male fish together because they will fight to the death.

There are many different and wonderful variations of bettas-- ranging from common to quite rare. I didn't think that I was going to start 'collecting' them-- especially since they're live animals and not objects. But one day I looked around my room and realized I had 9 fish. I was grabbing fish because I didn't yet have a halfmoon-- or a fish of a particular color, or because that color was a RARE color, and when was I ever going to find one like that in a pet store again and not off aquabid?

I didn't think I was out of control-- and looking back I don't think I really was-- but I think I was getting close. I only ever thought about my fish, about the kinds of bettas I wanted and how to best do their water changed, what to feed them, ect.


I guess the point of this ramble is that you might not be out of control, but consider taking a step back and looking-- cause other people often get concerned for good reason. Maybe you've not been neglecting yourself-- but maybe it's also time to pamper yourself in some other areas if your friends are getting worried about you. Instead of putting away $50 for a doll, stash $25 and take yourself out for a treat or movie or something. Being able to save is good-- but when you're into something it can be hard to draw a line, I guess. Not saying your friend is right, just saying... if they're worried, ask yourself why. lol

 

I only have one doll which I got for a great deal but still people think im crazy for spending money on him! I dont regret it though becuse I knew it was meant to be when I saw him and I have no regrets.

 

In general, people might be concerned that, firstly, you're spending 'that much money' on just a doll.

It doesn't sound like you're buy like... fifty dolls at once in a year. That would be tough on the wallet. But your parents have a reason to worry. As long as you are taking a step back and analyzing and planning out every purchase, I think you're fine.

My parents will probably freak out over me getting my second doll. I'm lucky because I don't think my collection will grow over four just because I'd have to travel 2000 miles every time I want to visit home or go home from college, and moving them would be difficult. My parents might restrict my buying, but I think I'll work/sneak around it, because it's my money! They give it to me via allowance, but it is mine after that.

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?

No, only my parents know and they never complain since I pay for all the dolls myself. Honestly, I don't think it's bad for friends/family to politely tell you if they do think you're out of control. I'm not directing this at the OP (who doesn't seem to be overbuying at all), but there are probably people who really are buying more than they can afford/enjoy. The problem with this hobby is that it does lead to impulse buys when the dolls are limited or on the MP or there's a event going on. I have felt like I was out of control recently - at one point last Spring, I had five ordered at once, plus floating heads that needed bodies. If you look at people's signatures, it's not uncommon to see people waiting on multiple dolls and/or paying multiple layaways. I don't think that this only necessarily means they're "out of control", but I can definitely see why family members might find it hard to understand.

Also, try to think of something that you think is very strange to a lot of money on, and then assume that people feel the same way about the dolls. For instance, I think spending over $20000 on a wedding is bizarre, but that's normal to most people. I also think spending $60 on a video game is silly, since video games depreciate so rapidly and they can often by bought for $20 a year later. Other people can't wait a few months to play a new game, though, or they want to play it while their friends are playing it. If someone ordered 10 brand-new video games for $60 each all at once, this would seem strange to me because they can't play them at the same time. Other people might see buying multiple dolls as strange for the same reason. Except with dolls, they don't always depreciate, so sometimes it's wise to go ahead and get them while they're readily available. People outside the hobby don't always realize this, though.

 

my family and my friends don't understand why I like bjds, they hate them...and they don't even know the prices! I know if I tell them they'll think that I'm totally mad! anyway it's my money that I'm saving (unfortunately not much ) so I can use it as I want! maybe your friend has a hobby or a bad habit too and he/she spends a lot for it, but it doesn't look much cause it's spent little by little.. I think about my friends habits like smoking, going out many days a week, drinking, expensive stuff/clothes.. I don't smoke or drink, I don't like to go to the disco, I buy cheap things (unless for the shoes :P) and I always save money if I can :/ oh, and I never ask money to my parents even if I live with them and I work only during the summer cause I'm in college, so why they have to tell me (or tell everyone) what to buy and how much to spend? sorry if I vented (<--don't know if this word is right O.o) but it's sad to have a passion that all the people you know don't understand :/

 

My best friend can be fairly critical, and I'm pretty sure has used the phrase 'out of control' before, which is ridiculous considering my reasonable collection size and disposable income, but she was raised in a very thrifty household by parents who consider anything unnecessary an incredible extravagance, so you have to account for differences in values and not just lash out and be offended. Its not that she hates my dolls (or my tattoos, my other expensive hobby), she just thinks the money might be better off in a pension scheme

 

You make a great point. I go shopping kind of often, but I don't buy anything unless its a steal (I got 130 dollar shoes for 15 just last weekend), and all the kids in my dorm are like "Jeesus! Shopping every weekend? How are you not broke?" I'm not broke because I go shopping purely for the point of seeing clothing designs and getting out of my dorm. I don't know how my dormmates don't go broke because they go out drinking, clubbing, dancing, skiing, partying, five+ times a week!

Yes, indeed it is sad that this hobby is misunderstood like that, because it is hard to make people see the comparisons between this and other people's 'expensive' hobbies.

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?

On the one side my mom always says I've got enough dolls, and she can't believe how I can buy a "plastic" doll for such an amount of money. I'm 35 and there should be no reason for her to say such things, because I've got my money under control. It partly seems to be a question of generation. But on the other hand, she says I should buy another Billy from Ikea to make more homes for my BJD. AND the best or the worst? thing. She kidnaped my modded AOD Chen a week ago!

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?hope that's not happening to me or i will get in great trouble orz...but i do know one of my friend's friend did. that friend afford lots of money on doll and buy doll stuff like crazy,and almost get a doll each month,but luckily her parents never say sth and we always like to borrow stuff from that shareful friend~lol
what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?i think if one day i save all my money from my own clothing or food or sth else that i even cannot ganrentee my own life and health but just for dolls,then i must be off my mind and i really gotta tell the whole world to stop me~XD

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
Pretty much. I mean I am worse I got a lot of dolls in a short time but I agree with it's my $ and I will do what I want with it. But i get a lot of crap because I choose not to go on trips and stuff saying I don't have the extra money. Then people get mad saying if I didn't have the dolls I would have the money. Then i have to explain my extra money is for me to spend. I want a doll more then a beach vacation sorry. At some point I just gave up fighting people on what I spend my money on (I collect a few things)
what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
Really I ended up starting to hide them from the people I got crap from and got what I want so yeah not the best way to deal with it but I guess the best you could do is try to explain why you love them and stuff (I had one family member that hated them till she saw how happy they make me then she could not say anything after that)

 

Boxie: I don't think you are going out of control... I think it is a human perception, it is our decision where we will spending our money to.

I have the same problem with you... each year only 2 new dolls... and my mom dislike it while my father didn't really care of what kind of hobby I am into... lately, mom, had given up on telling me that I should stop lol

Well I think it's just some-kind of warning, mean that person really care about us

 

I don't think anyone can say someone is 'out of control' with their hobby unless it is interfering with their every day life. If you weren't spending your money responsibly, and instead say, bought a doll instead of paying your bills and your power/whatever got shut off, that would be 'out of control'. :P

Anyway, as long as you're enjoying your hobby, that is the most important thing. I've gotten 2 dolls a year for myself too, and I think it's a very good rate of acquisition. Hehe.

 

I think it's more about where you are at mentally I guess. If its really interfering with your life and you can't think of anything else but dolls and things for the dolls then that's a problem. And if you are going through a hardtime and that's how you are coping then maybe it's a better way of coping than drinking or whatever (unless you get crushed by a avalanche of resin I suppose!). I bought 2 dolls this year but I've sold more to pay for them so I just shrugged and said I was consolidating many small dolls into two bigger ones...

 

Hear hear.

I've had ONE person say to me "woah, maybe you should slow down the dolly train!" But it was years ago, in a completely non-serious fashion -- and she's just as bad as I am If it had been offered in a serious way I'd have had to have serious words.

I do have to add that I find it utterly odd how quickly people raise questions about spending money on THIS HOBBY. I didn't get that when I was ferociously collecting production art. I wonder what it is about the fact that they are *dolls* that pushes people's buttons so.

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
It wasn't in relation to this hobby, but yes.
I was buying a lot of things, and my Grandpa stepped in and confronted me about it. Now, my gramps has always been a dad to me. I think I was 19-20 then. Usually grandpa lets me do my own things, but this time I guess I was buying in excess and he was worried.

How he put it was "I have a sister in law that showed the same signs, and I am just worried you're out of control." That was all that he said, and I thought it over. It turned out that since I had moved and didn't have friends or anywhere to go, I was trying to fill that gap.


what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
Like I stated above, I was trying to fill a gap by buying things. Anything, everything, it seemed. I trust and respect the advice of my grandparents, they've always been a good influence and insightful people. So when gramps told me that I had a problem, I listened and thought it over. I realized I did, and we all worked it through and I got out of that habit.

As for you, I think you're perfectly fine and in control. Infact, you're very smart with your money and seem to be very sound in your decisions and budgeting! Very mature, imo. It's been three years for me, and I am barely starting in on a second doll, so I think you're just fine.

I do understand that people have different viewpoints, but still...I usually place "out of control" with unstable behavior that is damaging to the individual, their life, and the people around them.

 

Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
no but my family is not very supportive of this hobby and I know that some of my friends wouldn't be either if they knew how much I spent on my girl, I wouldn't put it past them to do/say something like this

what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
that's horrible, you're not starving or homeless because of buying dolls and they make you happy so why should they care how many you have/how much you spent on them?

 

My problem is the fact that they make fun of me. It used to bother me but not anymore. Everybody has something they enjoy the most. Ours just happens to be this. I just do what makes me happy.

 

My family's pretty supportive for the most part, with the exception of my mom thinking the hobby costs too much money. My mother-in-law doesn't know about it and won't know about how much BJDs cost if I can avoid it, as she's VERY frugal to say the least. She's a single mom who used to work 16-hour shifts just to keep a roof over her son's head and still works 6 days a week, then volunteers at church on Sundays. Yeah, she wouldn't be crazy about the idea of spending hundreds of dollars on a doll. XP

 

This. My parents, namely my mother, needs to butt out of my spending habits.

Because, when I can afford to pay for a doll in full, while still succeeding to bank a decent sum of money at the end of it despite spending however much? I'm not exactly being irresponsible. And, really, I am AN ADULT. It's none of her business how I choose to spend my money.

 

I showed my Dad my old excrutiatingly long list of dolls I wanted and he thought that it was fine as long as it was a long term product and that I wouldn't be buying them all in like the space of a year or something. But I since realised that the massive list I had wasn't really suitable, it mostly consisted of dolls I liked not necessarily ones I had characters for so that list has seen A LOT of trimming since then. More or less my parents think that as long as there is room, time, money and they aren't bought all at once that it's okay.