People Who Should NOT Have Dolls?

Wow, a lot of fence sitters in here. Surely we love and trust our friends mutually enough to be able to offer some advice, encouragement or discouragement to their decisions and ideas?

I personally would speak up for anything I believe in. Doesn't matter if it's a doll or not, it's the principle.

 

If I was in such a situation, I'd probably just warn that the dolls are pretty fragile and should be handled with care if they want it to last. But I'd not thry to stop them from buying one because even though probably most BJD owners are the ones that know a lot about them and, for example, have other doll friends, some other people might stumble upon them on the web and be like, "Wow, I think I know what my kid's next birthday present will be..." I mean, the doll are there to enjoy them, however it may be, and you don't need a "license" to do it "the proper way."

 

It's her money, her dolls, her choice. Unless she bought and mistreated an animal, you don't have any say so in what she does with her own property. You can show her how to treat the dolls by gently suggesting things, but I say just let her be and enjoy the hobby her own way.

 

I'll openly admit that I'm one of those people. I buy things thinking they're going to be the best thing EVAR only to not touch them again for months and I pretty consistantly spend up within a week of payday because for the most part, my wage is entirely disposable (i.e. I'm still living at home because it's convenient for work) and I'm taking advantage of that while it lasts. Although I do point blank refuse to borrow money from anyone, once it's gone...thats it.
Does that mean I don't deserve my dolls?

I personally detest (yes DETEST...with a passion) this notion that people have to deserve a doll. As attached as we get to them they are at the end of the day an expensive luxury item. If you have the money you have as much right as anyone else to own one reguardless of how you'll treat it or how much attention you give it.

Her money, her possesions, her choice.

 

I don't get what principle you are talking about here. The principle I would stick to is "Mind your own business" and that old saw "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything." Besides which if you'd like to throw a bit more modern philosophy at it, if you forsee negative, well that is probably exactly what will happen. Instead why don't you share your friend's joy in thier new interest? You really don't think much of this person if you are so judgemental of thier abilities to take care of an object. What if heaven forbid they had a child or a pet? Would you berate them about that too? That is not the place of a friend, friends are meant to be supportive and kind. Otherwise they sure wouldn't be my friend. If I want to hear negative crap I could ask someone who strictly doesn't like me.

 

You really have no right to lecture your friend on how they spend their money, they earned it and whether they want to splurge on a new doll, buy lots of "stuff" or put it in the bank..its not your business. If someone came to me and tried to tell me how to spend the money I earn I would tell them thanks for your concern, but its my money.
you are not their keeper and to do it for the sake of the dolls?? they are dolls, they are inanimate, they don't care, they are not living breathing beings....if it was a puppy or kitten and they bought/adopted it and didn't take care of it, that's an entirely different matter..they feel pain, neglect, loneliness..and i its a crime to not take care of them....
But dolls are things, stuff, possessions, and nothing more...and if your friend wants to buy one..good for them..you should be happy you will have someone to share a hobby with...possibly could it be you don't want them to have a doll because then you won't be the only to have a unique item??

 

Catdancer, your response would be gentler than mine. If someone who wasn't say, my mother or my husband told me how to spend my money I'd tell them to mind thier own f...ing business.

 

well depending on how someone would approach me about spending my money, I feel I worked, put up with my bosses crap, dealt with morons on boths sides of the counter for two weeks, came home with stress related headaches, body aches etc....and then to have someone tell me how I should spend it or that I shouldn't get a doll because I would not treat it like they would?...yeah I might put it that way too..

 

i dont have friends who buy dolls inpulsively. anyway, if there's anyone who such a situation, i'd just advise them where to spend their money instead. but if they did buy a doll(or two) and regretted buying it, im not going to care about them since they are the ones who decided to buy the dolls..

 

Somebody who only says nice things to you isn't a friend. They're an enabler, and quite possibly the worst kind of "friend" ANYONE can have. If a friend of mine is constantly broke, constantly mooching, deep in credit card debt, and has a bad habit of incinerating his/her paycheck within two days of getting it on video games/anime/CCGs/clothes/what have you, I've got an obligation as somebody who cares about them to go, "I think this is a piss-poor idea. You have X, Y, and Z obligations you haven't met yet, and you owe me/your parents/other friend $50. I love you, you're my friend, and I'm glad that you love dolls too, but you really need to get the CC debt under four figures before you look at dropping $600 on a large, pretty piece of resin." They can tell me to fuck off and buy a doll anyway--that's their prerogative as a human being with free will--but at least I'll have given them my honest opinion and been a true friend, not a sycophant.

As far as people who are hard on their possessions go, that I can't really get after them about. Finances are one thing--financial irresponsibility can cause a person serious and lasting harm. But if their doll's going to wind up a mess because they're careless or terminally clumsy, I can wince, but I can't say "NO DOLL FOR YOU. COME BACK ONE YEAR." The best I can do is hold the superglue and say, "Well, let's contact <Doll Company> and see if they'll sell you a new left forearm. We can restring him together; it'll be fun!"

 

To be honest, it's not really anyone's business but theirs if they want to buy a doll regardless of what you see as an irresponsible attitude to cash and your feelings as to how dolls should be treated.
If your friend decides to throw her doll out of a 15 story window to see if it bounces - that's her choice, so long as it does'nt hit anyone on the head! Your concerns for doll welfare won't be shared by everyone my dear so step back and let her get on with it, she might even surprise you and take to owning BJD's like a duck to water.

You have to let people make their own choices and mistakes in this life

 

I can understand your frustration because I feel bad when snugglies, stuffies, and dolls are not at least loved. You can't hug everyone everyday, after all. But think of it this way, if that makes you sad.

Dolls, stuffies, and snugglies get their 'life' from a human that loves it. If no one loves it, then there isn't anything there to hurt. The dolls we love have a glimmer in them to us, but to others, they don't. Because that glimmer is a reflection of ourselves in them, and only we can see it.

If they don't care about the doll and they do end up wanting to get rid of her, then perhaps they'd dump her on you? At the very least you could pay for her, but if they're that irresponsible then they won't think about a return and probably just give her up.

You know, in some beliefs, people can be reincarnated into inanimate objects to work off karmic debt. Perhaps abused dolls have a purpose?

 

You hit it right on the head Filovirus - there is a huge difference between a true friend who'll be there for all the highs & lows and a fair-weather friend who's more of an acquaintance.

I quite a few folks who I consider acquaintances & they would be the ones who are strictly "supportive and kind" as Stella Maris said. Then there are the people who I consider friends - I can count their number using both hands & have a finger or two left over. It's a couple of these folks who, when I first started getting into ABJDs, stated their worries about the hobby. Even though I can afford it monetarily & tend to be cyclic (to put it kindly) in my hobbies. They are the ones who help me reel myself in when I'd much rather spend money on a new doll than on food & things for myself.

Are they kind about it? Not always. Hey they're guys - sometimes they can be kinda brutal about it. *laugh* But are they supportive? HELL YEAH!!! But like the true friends they are they let me know when I'm being a ding-bat.

 

I don't think it's for me to judge whether they deserve a doll or not. If I were in a similar situation I would warn them on the hidden financial costs that arise from owning a bjd. If the person still decides to buy one then goes around that month trying to borrow money for other life costs I certainly would not be the enabling friend to loan them the money. If I did that they wouldn't learn anything and continue to live their life financially irresponsibly.

Sometimes being a friend also involves tough love not just constantly bailing and supporting a friend everytime they fall.

 

I can really relate to what you're saying. Sadly, nothing one can do. It is their money and all. ^^;

 

I don't see where it's wrong to point out your perspective. If they're actually your friend, they'll listen to you and consider what you have to say. If you can't say anything that challenges your friend's irresponsible decisions, then it's just an association of politeness, nothing more. Real friendship isn't just saying whatever will make that person hang around you more; it's about having a deep understanding with another person that encourages helping and understanding one another.

 

I know a couple of my friends that want dolls but, like you said, they'd grow out of them within a short period of time, and the poor babies would be left to sit by themselves. D:

I know if my friends were going to invest that kind of money, they wouldn't treat it horribly or anything, but it would end up being just another "thing" that they own. In which case, once they got bored of it, I would offer to adopt it. xD

I don't think I'd tell them "Don't buy a doll, since you won't want it in 2 months anyways." because it would kind of seem like "Oh, I don't want you to have what I want". So I'd just let them do what they wanted. ^^;

 

As for the person that messes up their doll, if they still enjoy it, it's really their own business. My childhood stuffed animals, although cheap, were filthy but loved.

As for the money waster, if they're your friend and you think they would be better off if they didn't get a doll, maybe it would be good to dissuade them.

 

Well, I say to let people do what they wish with their money and their possessions. I would inform them that all things should be taken in moderation, but it is totally up to them. Afterall I'm not the "dolly police".

No one likes to see their friends go broke, or see a doll get ruined, but a person can't dictate someone else's actions.

 

i seriously wouldn't do anything about it. My friends mostly reckon i should stop getting dolls. Despite how much i don't want to, i might have to do just that.

Still i would be very very upset if someone turns around to me to say 'you can't buy anymore dolls because you're irresponsible' i would tell them to bug off and mind their own busniess.

At the end of the day i don't think anyone should be judged on deserving or not deserving to own a doll. These are toys at the end of the day. If they want one then let them learn. It can be annoying when someone borrow money of you after they had just bought something useless with said money. Simply don't lend them money. They need to learn so why not the hard way?