People Who Should NOT Have Dolls?

mmm I tend not to get involved with something like that because its really none of my business what they spend their money on. I would want someone to respect my right to my a 11 foot stuffed bananna if I chose to so I respect others descions.

p.s on the upswing maybe when they get bored of their doll they wil sell it to you cheap ! just kidding!

 

Bottom line is that it is their money and they should be able to dowith it what they want to regardless of whether they are irresponsible or not. If you are a true friend you might counsel them about all the various dolls out there and that they are fragile and need to be taken care of.

Cat

 

I agree with everyone here...it really isn't my business what other people spend their money on or how they treat their dolls or possessoins. I would be really angry if one of my friends or a family member tried to tell me not to buy something!

 

I beg to differ. Real friendship doesn't give anyone carte blanche to pass judgement on how other adults live thier lives. Once you grow up and leave your mother's home each individual needs to learn how to deal with thier own lives without being micro-managed by so called friends who are nothing more than busy bodies. I don't lend my freinds money, and I don't borrow any. If I buy something on credit, I pay it back. If someone else can't do that, it's not my business. It's not sycophantic to be good and supportive to your friends. It's called how polite people behave. If you're not related to me by blood, I don't micromanage your life. And I would definately not allow anyone to butt into my affairs. At all. Period. If I needed help, I would ask for it, as should any sensible person. Grown up adult person that is.

 

I actually had this situation happen. Now, know that the person I'm speaking of, I adore to death, but she's very, very sanguin. She gets interested and excited about stuff very quickly, and loses interest quickly, too.

I had gotten at least three (I can't remember when this all came down, so it might've been five) dolls at the time, when my friend announced she wanted a doll, too! Apparently she had gotten some money, and wanted a little girl. I was thrilled and offered to help her compare molds. I sat down with her and showed her DOD, Volks, Luts, and some of the basic companies that are easy to order from, and was eager to browse the marketplace with her for examples. But She was impatient, and wanted a doll now. So, when she saw an Ani and thought she was cute, she ordered her about two days after she decided she wanted a doll. She didn't know the wig companies, so I showed her to Leeke, where she ordered the girl some wigs and then to Dollmore to get her some clothes.

Now, a few weeks later, and the doll and the goodies showed up. The little girl was absolutely adorable, with pretty dark eyes. Ani was dressed in everything but shoes (For some reason, my friend didn't order them) and she was paraded around everywhere. She went with my friend to everything, without a carrying bag, or anything to hold on her wig and quickly got rather filthy, including a coffee stain on her shirt on her arm.

My friend brought her to school one day when I brought my Adelais(it was an off-day), and she attended a meetup with her. As time went by, I noticed the doll was perched in the same place every time I visited.

She stayed that way for over nine months, perched rather precariously on a room divider in her den. A while after that, my friend found out she was moving, so most of her things were going into boxes.

It was around that time when I asked my friend about her doll, and she told me that she didn't want her anymore, and asked me if I could sell her for her (She wasn't really on DOA and didn't know how the marketplace worked, and I had better feedback.) Her doll was a bit dusty and had smudges last time I saw her, but after a quick Mr. Clean scrub, she'd be almost mint condition, her default faceup was intact, and really quite cute. I said I'd be happy to help her, if she could gather her stuff and bring her to my house.

...Then she said she didn't know where the doll was. Apparently she had been squirreled away in some storage unit for the move. She's still not quite sure where she went to. We haven't spoken in some time because of college, though.

The moral of the story? If a friend is considering BJD-ism, be sure they completely understand what they're getting into first. And don't be extremely eager to help, because then they might not have the fun of discovering things for themselves. No, you can't stop them from getting a doll, but you can advise against it. And even then, some people will want to learn the hard way. But hey! Who knows, they may turn out to really, really like it! So hey!

My guilt over my own story really isn't about the doll, it's that my friend basically lost a ton of money, and I feel responsible because I helped her get the doll. She doesn't seem to mind, I guess, but it's still a LOT of money, and as she's sitting around in a storage unit, she's probably losing value. Part of me hopes she'll find her when she finishes the move, and I can sell her for her still so she can get her money back. I can always cross my fingers!

 

I'm definatly a dolly liberator after seeing the movie toy story and seeing how Sid abused his dolls horribly x__X I've actually told friends who I KNOW wouldn't take good care of the dolls not to get one. Most people think of bjds as being friends and a part of them...they have some kinda connection, at least I do. So witnessing someone neglect there doll is like seeing a child get abused by a parent. I wouldn't allow that to happen so I don't think I'd let a doll suffer the same way.

 

For me the answer is plain and simple. It is their money and they can do with it what they like. It is not my place to tell anyone what to do with their money. I may offer advice if they ask, but I would never tell some one not to buy a doll or discourage them from doing it.

There is no such thing as a person who should not have a doll if they buy it with their own money or if it is a gift. Everyone deserves the right to get one with their own money.

 

Sounds to me she got enjoyment out of the doll when she first got it and why feel guilty. If your friend was concerned over the loss of money she would make it a priority to resell the doll. She probably wouldn't have mentioned reselling the doll if you hadn't asked.

How many people buy the latest video game playing console, play with it a few months then later it collects dust.

 

Yeah, don't feel guilty, it's not like you generated the world of BJDs and lured her into it, it just sounds like your friend saw how much fun you were having and wanted to give it a try. If it didn't work out, she doesn't sound as if she's blaming you.
I have made some incredible friends through this hobby, even one who bought me a limited because she knew I didn't have the funds on hand. She offered, and I accepted, and I paid her back promptly. To this day our friendship remains intact, and I deeply appreciate her generosity, and I look for the chance to return the favour to her.
As far as Non-dolly friends, I've had some who have shown interest, and one who even bought a doll from me. I don't know how far it will go, but I consider it the same as if I said, hey I love your jacket, where did you get it? This is how we find out things in life, from other people.

 

I have a friend that is like that with scernio #1, but I think in theory if they want to fork over that money and lose interest after getting the doll hey that is sorta what they get for being impulsive.

#2...it's the owner's choice. I know I am not as careful with Rhiannon as many other owners I know, but hey my doll. The dolls will get dirty eventually (believe me I've had Rhiannon sit for 3 days in her bed and she's dirty) and chipping from a fall or just something hitting the doll is always a possiblity no matter how careful you are. I'm for it being their own business and you might not like how they handle their doll, but that's all personal opinion. Like some might think my carrying Rhiannon around in a regular cloth bag, maybe with a knitted blanket around her, would never consider that with their dolls, but I trust myself and I watch her carefully. Also some owners do not want their dolls touched at all by anyone, but I could careless if Rhiannon is handled by everyone so long as they don't drop her. A lot of personal opinions come into play and why I gave those examples.

 

Hmm, people jumping on the bandwagon for style sakes....annoying -_- once thats over poor deserted doll. Though I could never say anything.
I know if my sister turned around and said sh wanted one I'd totally try to persuade her not to She isn't very good with caring for things, has a short attention span an is not a collector so I don't see what good it would do her.
I'd say it was money wasted. But yeah I'd only confront my sister :3
Anyone else.....let em to it. But arogance is annoying> _>

 

You're completely and entirely misinterpreting what I said.

Being friends with someone doesn't mean you are their critic on every little thing, nor did I ever--in my entire post--say anything to that effect. It means that you should be able to be honest with your own feelings, and be able to say things that are in their best interests to be aware of, even if they don't want to hear them. Believing that "friends" only exist to enable you, and not help you be a better person, is a very shallow perspective on what it means to have a meaningful relationship with another person, in my opinion.

Sometimes you should voice support for your friends, because it's the right thing. Other times, you should let them be aware of concerns that you might have. In the end, you can't make their decisions for them--which I also never said you should do--but you can help them by offering your vantage. For instance, if one of my friends were doing drugs, I wouldn't tell them that it was okay just because it would make them happy. I would let them know that it makes me uncomfortable. I don't think that makes me a bad friend.

 

Yes, the above situation does change things--you have the right to say something since your friend and roommate had a financial agreement with you.

It's a matter of knowing when to pick your battles and when it is appropriate to intervene. If its just a matter of you disapproving because your friend isn't as carefull with money as she should be or doesn't handle the doll the way you would, then I don't think it's appropriate to make a big deal. It's her descision and her money and her doll. You wouldn't want someone picking on you, because you didn't play with your dolls the same way, would you?

However, when financial arrangements between you start suffereing, you have every right to say something, since that obligation has to come first. As for a landlord being screwed over, that's really between your friend and the landlord, though I would probably say something at that point out of concern for her losing the apartment.

 

It gets more complicated if you're in a situation like mine, in which the friend has depression and a spending addiction. She works hard to control it, but there are times she overspends on a lot of small purchases, which means expensive overdrafts or direct deposit advances (which are evil, be warned!). I have lent her money in the past and would do so again if it meant keeping her apartment or getting a bus pass so she can get to work, but it's incredibly frustrating to see her sabotage herself again and again...and she's aware that she's doing it, that she has no savings and no retirement, but she feels so bad about certain things in her life that a book or a figure or a lunch out gives her a temporary lift (my grandmother was exactly the same way, I just realized. Brrrr!) Although I know I shouldn't, I sometimes feel guilty because I earn more and I can buy things when I want them--I share, of course, but I wonder what influence my spending has on her. Should I suggest having lunch out? Should I offer to buy? Should I lie and say I got a free ticket to that movie we both want to see? Should I not mention the new <fill in the blank> I just bought? What do I say about the $600 doll I just got when $600 is more than she pays in rent per month?

In this relationship, my role is tricky. We are both mature adults. I have no right to lecture her about her spending, and that would be more likely to backfire anyway--she'd be hurt and depressed and more likely to revert than before. What I can do is be a reality check. I can talk to her about the situation, be a sounding board, reinforce the coping skills she already has, be her cheerleader when she makes good decisions and offer support and suggestions on how to do better if she makes a mistake. And that's pretty much it. I can't fix her. I wish I could make the past better, but I can't.

Most of this post is personal and not entirely OT; my apologies. It's just that human relationships are complicated and so is money. Sometimes it's easiest to help, even when you shouldn't, and sometimes it's hard to tell what the best thing to do might be. The OP's situation seems less complicated, fortunately. I'd say, give your truthful opinion when and if you're asked, refuse to lend the first friend money when she fritters hers away, and gently explain the fragility and magic schmutz-attracting powers of BJDs to the second friend, perhaps with an offer to teach her about caring for her doll if she chooses to get one anyway. I'll shut up now.

 

Honestly, either way, I'd have to slap them across the face and say "No! save yourself!! these dolls will consume you body and soul!! run while you can!!!" ...Or something like that, as much as having someone you know like the same things as you do, I really don't think dragging someone else into the dolly harem would be a good idea... I just know one of my friends would curse me for letting them spend their money on a doll for the rest of their lives...

 

I don't want to sound mean
But I'd wait until they were bored and buy it off them xDD
and love it and clean it and wow...

*starry eyed*

 

I agree that it is their money and their choice to buy a doll... though, you can be "sneaky" and when you see the doll being treated badly, ask if the doll wouldn't like a visit to your place... and maybe said person would forget about the doll. OR if the doll is already being shoved in a closet *shudder* ask your friend if you have it at a discount or keep it at your place as you would give it love?

 

I'm kinda like one of the people that's being given as an example. XD

I am in a lot of debt, myself, and when I'm sad or depressed, my credit card takes a beating. (IE, why it is frozen in a nice block of ice in the freezer) I was still in debt from one doll when I bought another, and had mentioned a few times that I was hurting for money. If one of my friends had sat me down very gently and told me they had some worries about me dropping 400 or so on a dolly when the car I am driving is getting dangerous, I wouldn't have gotten huffy or anything. Now, looking back, I really wish I would have had someone who would step in and have asked me to think about what I was doing.

I view friends as people whom I can share things with, and who should not be afraid to share their viewpoints with me as well. Should I be expected to change my views simply because they differ from my friends? Of course not. But if I saw one of my friends digging themselves into more debt that they could handle, I would step up and ask them to step back and take a good look at their situation.

 

I don't think you should stop them, or that you even could, really. It's their money. But, I think even the most careless of people will know they've got something special and delicate in their hands when they hold their first BJD. Especially when they've just paid a lot of money for it. ^^;