"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

Basically if you are interested in someone who knows of your hobby, and asks you to give it up, you shouldn't find interest in them anymore. Whether your hobby is expensive or not, it is something you enjoy. If he or she asks you to hold off on buying more for awhile, that's one thing, but to sell something that makes you happy? That's a big red flag. :/ Much like how I could not date someone who does not like animals, or thinks cartoons are dumb (that's my livelyhood, person! >O), the person I am with should respect my hobby, even if they do not understand or partake in it.

Personally, I would see that as a warning of a controlling person... someone who will tell you what to do, when to do do it, and expect it to be done immediately, without thanks or kindness. It seems to me that even something so simple as telling you to get rid of a doll could be a warning sign for a unhealthy relationship.

 

I was wondering if many of you had to deal with this sort of thing from a significant other/potential mate?
No I haven't. My dolls are a hobby which is a big part of me, if someone doesn't except my dolls they aren't expecting me. I would be very wary of a person if they said that to me, that is a form of control. Giving up something important to you just at the say so of someone else is very damaging. What next? Only wearing the clothes they want you to wear?

 

I haven't gotten one but I don't know if I would have a potential mate and if I did, that would amaze me because I think I would rather spend time alone or live with my friend. Plus if I am living with my friend she totally accepts BJD and we would both have one. We'd be the coolest kids out there. (I mean you know...to us we would or to me.) Anyways, I probably wouldn't know what to do if my potential mate wanted me to sell them. I'd get mad and tell him to F himself and leave...yea.

 

I'm also one of the lucky ones. My fiancée didn't really understand my thing for the dolls, but he let me prattle for a lil bit about the dolls in a sort of long suffering kind of way. Until I started talking about wanting to get one of the characters we write about into resin form and how awesome it would be to have a 3-d form of the character. I showed him the bella auden on dollmore, and his comment was omg that would be perfect for roslynn! Heeh. And since the price has dropped for her, he may be getting her soonish. X3

And even if he didn't support the hobby or understand it, really..he drops 60 bucks on a video game and likes the cute anime figurines, the pvc ones. So he really can't say anything anyway.

Now, were I strapped for cash..I would sell my less important belongings before I sold the dolls. I would seriously downsize my belongings before I sold my dolls. And then, I'd sell'em to my friends so I could buy them back. I'm one of those folks that really, this hobby helps me not be a hermit. >_>; Kinda depressing and sad, but true. My first dollmeet and the first one where I had a doll were terrifying. It literally took me 10 minutes to work up the courage to wander over to the con meet and interact with the doll owners. So yeah, this hobby's actually had the reverse expected effect. Now I look forward to going to meets (well, the ones that have the people I'm used to and like) and interacting with the dolls and owners.

 

Hehe, To be honest, this has happened to me before! I kinda laughed and said "Only in an emergency, that was part of the allure of them initially." Then again, who knows if they would sell in a timely manner?

 

I've never been in this sort of situation but for me, especially right now, it depends. If my current boyfriend asks me that, I wouldn't sell my doll, but that's because he's potentially not the one. If my ideal mate, which would at least be more responsible, would tell me to sell the doll, I would have more faith in his advice.

 

I would be worried if my significant other told me to sell my dolls. If he's telling me to do something, he's controlling me. Giving advice is different to telling someone to do something.

The only reasonable way he could tell me to sell dolls is if I bought them dishonestly with his money (which I would never do), he would have a right to ask for his money to be returned and the dolls sold. This makes sense. Telling someone to sell parts or the whole of their collection when it has nothing to do with you isn't right though.

 

My significant other knows about my collection but told me to buy a few each year....so the rest I hide it from him LOL

 

My response would be

"Okay. If you sell your car."

And that would probably be the end of the discussion. I don't know if we'd break up over it, but we'd definitely be talking seriously about how neither of us should have to sell anything we like in order to be together.

 

Sell the mate, keep the dolls.

 

I'm sorry...WHAT? I don't think someone would even get to the end of that sentence before I'd kicked them out.

Anyone who doesn't respect a simple hobby can find their own way to the door frankly. I'm an adult, my responsibilites are cared for and beyond that, I have no time for anyone who believes they can tell me how to spend my hard earned cash. It boggles my mind that there are people out there who would actually think they could just order someone about like that and get away with it.

 

If someone outright set me the condition "Sell your XYZ, and I'll consider you as partner material", well, they wouldn't be the kind of person I'd want to be with. It smacks of control issues.

However, if my current partner and I were in financial trouble, and we sat down and talked it out as rational people, I wouldn't be adverse to them suggesting "Sell a doll or two?", much as I'd suggest to them "Sell your big expensive artbooks".

 

Hm...Well it depends. If we were going through some financial difficulty, perhaps...as in losing a couple that I may be able to find again someday is much better than dealing with bankruptcy or something like that. We would just work something out.
If it was just because he thought they were to expensive or not to his liking, heck no I'm pretty sure everyone has a hobby, and everyone's hobby, if they are really into it, becomes expensive. Plus, a hobby can make you happy, and what potential mate wouldn't want that! [as long as you don't go overboard of course!)

 

I got into BJDs after my boyfriend and I had already been together for several years. I collected dolls when I was younger but nothing as expensive as BJDs...only procelein and vinyl back then. He hates my dolls! When we moved into our current home, he accepted the dolls that I already had because they were remembrances from my childhood. However, he does not accept me collecting now. He thinks it's something childish and that I haven't quite grown up. I don't really care, though. It's something that I love to do, and as long as we have separate accounts the money is mine for the spending. I think that's one of the hardest things for him is that he doesn't like me spending money on myself period esepecially for dolls. He thinks if I have money it should go for something he wants...he's very self-centered. If we had joint accounts, I could maybe see where he was coming from. As it stands now, he has his hobbies and this is my hobby

 

My finacee, is a darling, he would NEVER ask me to give up any of my things....In fact he wants to start collecting Dolls as well, and is currently working on picking out HIS first instead of mine/ours.

Honestly, if someone tells you " it's me or the dolls/dog/car/friends. Than that person, is not right for you.. accept the passions and loves of your partner, and expect them to be just as respected by them... otherwise, well, they are not right for you...that's a manipulation.... not love.. ( sorry if this is disjointed, my meds are just kicking in.. i hate being sick)

 

After reading some of these posts it makes me a little said that a significant other would ever say that to their loved one. ): I, luckily, have a very understand boyfriend. He actually was the one whom suggested that I should get my very first BJD and helped me pick out my only boy. It's funny but he finds them to be very cool/interesting yet creepy at the same time. I don't really like the idea of "you do your thing and I do mine" very much since you don't want to completely avoid your hobby around him or vice versa. If he had a hobby that I didn't like I wouldn't want to at least attempt to enjoy it with him if it made him happy because I know that he would do the same for me.

 

I've never had to be told that - my boyfriend of four years was actually rather interested when he heard I was into the hobby. He and I have been planning a future doll for him, as a matter of fact.

I think after hearing that- if I did/should I ever- I would mention the dolls early on. If they can't accept what I'm into, that means they can't accept me and it isn't worth wasting time to hear that down the road.

 

Mr. Shen Xia has a ton of expensive hobbies of his own-- tabletop gaming, LARP, tech geekery-- and so if he ever told me to sell my dolls, I'd kindly steer him toward a copy of his own bank statement.

Luckily, it's never happened. He doesn't really "get it," but he likes to see me happy. He's offered to buy me a new doll for Christmas, even, but I refused.

 

"then get rid of your dog, shave your legs and you are forever forbiden to play video games and I choose the colour we'll paint the walls as well as the movies we'll watch *troll face* "

in a way, she/he'd be asking you to change who you are. "you can't like or have dolls, it's weird!". and if he wants you to change, then he just doesn't truly love you, I think :/ if really the person did love you, they would take you just as you are, in every way, and with your dolls!

 

I have had a situation where I found what I thought was the "perfect man." He was absolutely gorgeous and we had (almost) everything in common. We had gone out a few times, always got along, and it seemed like we had known each other sense birth, and really complimented one another. I had him over to my house, and he saw my dolls on their dresser... He told me they were "creepy" and the dolls were my "one flaw."

I don't see how someone's hobby (that they're passionate about) is a flaw. That was a complete turn-off for me. It was repulsive that he would even say it. He plays WarHammer (I play D20 games, but not this one) and I don't think that's weird at all. I think that some people draw conclusions too quickly and just need to give it a chance, or at least try to understand why the other person enjoys it, and then respect them for it.

After this experience I was scared to let any other man know about my hobby, but my current boyfriend thinks it's a cute hobby, and even helps me style my dolls. I think he might be interested in having one of his own, but he's rather shy about it.

I would never ask a significant other to give up their hobby for any reason. Even if we were having a tough time financially, he should come to it on his own and be the one to make the decision. I could NEVER ask someone to give something so dear to them up, as I would never want someone to ask me to give up my dolls.