"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

My answer would be "sell your video games/books/whatever"
I don`t know if my boyfriend has an opinion about my dolls and I really dont care xD

 

I've been married for 12 years now. I've come and gone through a few hobbies, although dolls seems to be prevalent. My husband never asks me to stop doing things I enjoy even if he doesn't enjoy them with me. I am responsible with the hobby, I don't buy what I can't afford.

Guys I've dated before i got married often told me to stop doing things that i enjoyed. Stop watching cartoons, stop reading comics, stop dressing in goth clothes... or told me what they wanted me to do. Wear more make-up, wear these clothes, take these classes, do this with your life... and then it progressed to behavior, don't say these things, don't hold that opinion, don't disagree with me, don't tell people you're my girlfriend when we go out, don't talk to other guys.

It's about control and it isn't healthy. You are an item to this person. You are not a person. Your worth is only in how you make them feel. Please don't let yourself get further into a relationship like this. At best the person is just immature and needs time to grow up- which could be years, or decades, or a life time. At worst... this person is going to cease to become your mate and become your abuser instead.

 

There are hobbies that take up all of your time and make it hard or impossible to carry on a decent relationship. If you both work full time, and your hobby takes up so much of your free time that you and your partner barely see each other, there's a problem. I had to cut way back on gaming when I got into a relationship, and some friends are currently in major trouble because he cares more about playing a Magic tournament every Saturday and Starcraft all Sunday than he does about her.

Dolls aren't really one of those hobbies though. If you're blowing the rent money on them, yeah, there's a problem. But otherwise, they're not a hobby that takes you away from your relationship all the time. Even if you're really into photographing them or working on them or whatever, it doesn't take up all that much time, and you're still home and available, plus they're something you can generally put aside for a while if something comes up, unlike anything that involves tournaments you have to be at or MMO raids you'll get kicked out of the guild if you're not on or whatever. I don't really see how they'd be a relationship-breaker.

 

I don't have a partner or anyone like that yet.

BUT if he were to say that to me, I'd totally tell him to "STFU" and get lost. XD (Though, I'll put it in a better, nicer way lolz.) I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with someone who won't respect what I like. :/

 

I haven't read a bunch of other posts, but here's my opinion:

If your partner is saying that just because they don't like them or your hobby, then your partner isn't a good one. At least talk to them about how you feel about it and stay firm with what you think, maybe they'll understand.

If your partner wants you to sell them because of financial reasons, still, make that decision yourself. Try to find other ways to save money, instead. Don't sell them due to the pressure from a loved one.

I believe in compromise, if it is because of financial reasons, then ask them to dump one of their expensive hobbies. Though I believe that no one should tell each other what to do with their hobbies, relationships should be equal.

 

Well I don't have a loved one in that since but I would be all for saying that its not ok for them to want to force me to do anything. I would try to talk to them about it and if they still didn't see reason then there would be no reason to be in that realtionship. I mean I would accept them if they had a hobby of model planes or trains or something...sooo. Yah.

 

I was wondering if many of you had to deal with this sort of thing from a significant other/potential mate?

Simply put, I wouldn't deal with it. I've been in the doll hobby my entire life and telling me to stop would be trying to change a major part of my life. If my lover can't accept all aspects of who I am, they are not the one for me. I wouldn't change other things about me, why should I compromise what really makes me happy? I wouldn't stop them from doing what they love (unless it was really harmful, like drugs or theft or something...but then again, I wouldn't be marrying into that anyway...)

 

My husband totally does not get my BJDs. He thinks they are insanely expensive and kind of a strange hobby.

That being said, it's MY hobby. He has a PS3 and a Wii and buys a lot of games I think are strange :P So! He can't say much about it in terms of expense.

I have seen this topic come up a few times and my thoughts are that any partner, potential or current, should respect who you are as a person. He/She doesn't have to "get" everything you like, but he/she SHOULD respect that it's something that makes you happy. I feel the same way about boyfriends/husbands/whatever who demand that their partner get rid of a dog or cat. It's your life and you're sharing it with someone, not letting them take it over. They should respect and love you for who you are - dolls and all!

If they don't, well....there are 7 billion people on Earth. I would strongly advise anyone who has a partner who can't respect them for all of their quirks to keep looking. That might sound harsh but honestly, you only get one life, and you should share it with someone who is going to be supportive and loving of you and everything you do.

 

I think I am self-sufficient person. Nobody has the right to decide for me as I abide in his right mind. Moreover, I prefer not to communicate with people who love a lot of advise and poke their nose to not their business.

 

I agree a lot with batchix. I find this kind of behavior a controlling gesture.

I've sort of dealt with such issues. One of my ex's HATED my Yume. He said she was creepy and she wasn't ever allowed near him.
I thought this was extremely bizarre as she's not that scary, and had a very tame natural face up.
I eventually decided that he was too critical of my hobbies (not just dolls) and that just wasn't what i was going to put up with and moved on.

I can say with 100% honesty though if a potential mate was trying to push me out of a hobby i really loved and made me happy, i'd just end the relationship.
Someone who really loves you will be happy that something makes you happy.

 

but sometimes you can't find them

 

My opinion is going to be based on my prior life experience:
If it's your dolls, or your cat/dog or some other part of your life that makes you happy,
and a potential "life partner" would say "give up the dolls/pet/hobby/other thing that makes you happy"
it's not a good sign. It's a person who will end up being a controlling jerk and NOT be concerned about you being happy, comfortable, or in control of your own life in the long run.

So yeah, my current SO sometimes teases a little bit about the dolls, but I can also tease him about going off for a weekend to play "Cowboy" with his friends.

 

If my girlfriend said that to me I would dump her. Seriously why would I date someone with no respect for my interests

 

If a man ever, ever, told me I had to give up something I love for him, he'd be on the curb so fast.

 

I've never had this happen, but the first thing I would really want to know is 'why?' How will it benefit me or you to sell something I'm currently interested in? It might lead to nothing, and the subject might never come up again.

But constantly telling me to give up something I'm currently involved in is not cool. That can only lead to other control issues, and that leads to a dangerous path. I would equally be infuriated if that person kept telling me to ditch my friends, or give up my pets. Unless there's a very good reason, it's not gonna happen.

Besides, if it really bothers them, we don't need to be in a relationship. Just because someone - anyone, be it a sibling, friend, parent, date, SO, or BF/GF - doesn't get why you enjoy this hobby, it doesn't mean there's no point to it. That person's opinion isn't law. They aren't going to be forced to collect dolls, too.

It reminds me of that song by Sara Bareilles, "King of Anything." The song is perfect for this issue, but the refrain says it best:

[video=youtube;eR7-AUmiNcA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA[/video]

 

I had a boyfriend in high school that made fun of some of my hobbies. We stopped going out fairly quickly. I think you can imagine why.

Anyway, I'm married now. Been married for about 3 years, been together for a total of 10. We got into dolls the same time. We share a lot of hobbies, but even for ones we don't share, that's totally fine too. The best part about the hobbies we share (like dolls) is that it's just another way of spending time together.

 

I know a specific hand gesture for those situations In all seriousness, my SO is very supportive about the dolls (he should actually prooobably try to keep a slightly firmer reign on me, lol). But if anyone ever talked to me so disrespectfully, I would have a very, uh, firm reaction.

 

Well, if he collected anything mostly useless and expensive, I'd be like "Why don't you sell your (for example) War Hammer figurines?"

Honestly, though, if the person I was with didn't accept me for who I am and wanted me to sell something precious to me (even after I explained that they meant so much to me and no I won't be giving them up for you), I'd drop that person like a rock. I have a healthy dose of selfishness in my make-up, and I won't compromise on who I am for anyone. If they can't respect my interests, they have to go.

 

I got the best weapon to scare any boyfriends away from telling me that. My dad.

Redneck who has permission to purchese a gun to scare boyfriends into submission + Boyfriend who tries to make me sell my dolls = Hit the road jack and don't you come back without a doll.

It'd be like asking me to give up my betta or my dog. Not happening in a zillion years.

 

I wouldn't be with a person very long if they tried to start changing who I am and what I like. I can understand someone telling you it might be a good idea to cut back on spending or sell some things you own if you're in SERIOUS trouble and they're trying to help you get out of thousands of dollars of debt or something. But just because they don't like them? Disrespectful.

The guy I'm currently dating respect my hobby, even though he doesn't get it and he finds dolls, in general, creepy. We joke around about it and how he wouldn't find them creepy if they were in Harry Potter uniforms (Harry Potter is one of his biggest fandom interests).

But he hasn't said anything that makes me think he would actually try to talk me into getting rid of them. xD I can respect him not enjoying them since he can respect I don't enjoy to play some of the video games he likes. We still have a lot of things in common, and it's nice not to share every hobby with him. We get our own personal space to grow and experiences to talk about without being like: 'already seen it.'