"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

about 3 years ago when i got my first boy my fiancee wanted nothing to do with my doll (now dolls) surprisingly now since i am finally gonna move in with him and his family i told him plain and simple that i will make sure they are put away and so he doesn't have to look at them, and he gives me a confused look and he tells me that it's not a problem and he ACTUALLY got used to me bringing them over *cheers*

but back to your question i would say that it would be really shallow of a person telling you to give up something that you love just for them. if you are in a relationship they will accept everything for you and all your hobbies.

 

Agreeing with the "I'd dump him/her" crowd, as yes that kind of request (or demand) is just the tip of an iceberg. Selling your dolls should only ever be your choice, and if finances are so bad... unless the doll nets a ton of money, it seems like it wouldn't even be worth the loss of the doll itself. But yeah I'm just starting on the BJD obsession so my price range is a lot lower than avid collectors. I know dolls can run $1500+ and yeah that would make a difference in a temporary very-bad financial situation. It would also be very, very sad...

 

I have not had this happen to me, my husband is very understanding of my hobby, gosh he even has a favourite in my collection and for my birthday this year (a big one) he even bought me my Unoa Lusis. The word that comes to my mind is RESPECT, it has to be a two way street. I would never tell him to sell his collection (cars) and he wouldn't tell me to sell mine. If I do sell some of them it is because "I" have made that decision, not because I have been TOLD to, that will only get that person a one way ticket out my door.

 

I had been in a similar situation before...
It was in the 8th grade -and I had fallen in love with a quite cool guy.
When I told my chinese friend about these wonderful BJDs, she agreed and said that they are quite popular there, too but they would be too expensive for her.
Once, I heard the cool guy talking to his friends:" ...she is mad. She wants to spend all her money for a doll. How old is she?!"
...I still remember some of these words vaguely but don't really care about that.
I stopped falling in love with him at once. Talking about someone in a bad way without really knowing this person is even worse.

 

You know, there is the opposite phenomena in hobby racing (Sports Car Club of America).

This is why there is a team called "No-Wife Racing", (although they have stated that should a gal whose husband said "racing or me" choose racing she would be welcome too!).

 

I would never date someone who didn't have an incredibly geeky hobby of his own, so I imagine that if a guy suggested selling off my dolls, I could come back with 'when you sell your (what-have-you)'. And then as an addendum, probably 'Never sell your (what-have-you)!'.

But yeah, that's why geeks are love. They're more likely to understand my own geekery.

=^__^=
Anneko

 

Frankly, I'm of the opinion who feels the need to tell me what I can or can't be into (in regards to ANY of my hobbies) has no business in my life. It isn't the matter of dolls being more important than the person I'd be involved with, It's the principle of it. They shouldn't think they can make me change my interests simply because they say so.

Of course, that might be why I'm still single. ^_^;

 

Oh man.. I'd cry if my husband did that to me. Probably would shoot back with making him sell his video game consoles, or never letting him get the dog he wants once we've moved into a house. About the same importance to me, my dolls are as important to me as my birds, who I love totally!

 

Oh yes mine ended like that too, we have a shared collection.
& I agree with you!

So true! I couldn't say it better!

 

Trying to dictate what I can spend my money on (assuming we're not sharing financies) or what I'm allowed to have as hobbies? Serious dealbreaker. My boyfriend doesn't care about my dolls or understand them, he's not interested in them beyond his baseline vague interest in why I'm interested, and he thinks they're expensive as hell and probably a bit ridiculous. But he knows I like them, and he respects that. He likes some things I don't understand or enjoy either and I don't tell him to knock it off.

 

Yes. But he knew I wouldn't listen to him and when it did come up he'd quickly cover his track by saying he knew he couldn't really talk because I didn't ask him to get rid of his gaming stuff (granted I'm a gamer too so that wasn't even on the board lol) or martial arts things. He only did it when either he was needing money for something (cause he was a mooch) or if I happened to bitch about money situations. Either way he ended up cheating on me with some chick while he was studying abroad and as far as I know they're still together.

I do have a... *coughs* friend with benefits who tends to get fussy about my dolls. But again I just ignore him. They creep him out cause he's one of those many afraid of dolls people. More than once we've discussed the possibility of moving in together though, and I always jokingly say I'd be worried for the safety of my dolls when I wasn't home. He just laughs.

Overall it's a control issue and as far as I'm concerned if a guy is ACTUALLY serious? He's a dangerous guy to be with. And the same goes for any close relationship.

 

I for one think that if someone is interested in being in a potential relationship with you then they should be interested in you in your entirety. Otherwise, it's not so much you they're after; perhaps, rather, only an aspect about you.


For instance, I also have numerous tattoos. If I'm potentially involved with someone, they have to accept the fact that I have them in addition to the possibility of me adding new ones. If they're uncomfortable with this aspect of who I am, then they're uncomfortable with me. It's no different than my doll hobby.

I have to have someone who loves me for me and I consider things like my hobbies, personality and so on to be components of a whole. You can't just pick and choose and ask me to dispose of the rest.


Currently, I'm sort of seeing a few people; one is a boy who absolutely loves my dolls and finds it adorable that I still play with dolls. Granted, if we have rent due and I blew my portion on a SOOM MD, he'd be pissed. Not about the doll, about wasting money when it's needed elsewhere. It'd be no different than had I bought a car or something else~ He supports me in my hobby. He's also a musician and even though I think spending $2500 for a guitar is a little outrageous, I still support him.

It's all about acceptance and respect. :3

 

I got into the hobby while I was dating someone who was very supportive of my hobby, and even got excited with me when my dolls came in. We've since broken up, but before him, I had a terrible boyfriend who wouldn't allow me to do much of anything unless it was for his benefit -_-; Because of those two, I will keep my hobby, no matter what. If he doesn't like my dolls, he'll either have to deal, or find someone he considers 'normal'.

I would think my future boyfriend would be happy that I have such an immersible hobby that doesn't require I spend every waking hour with him, lol.

 

To some extent, it depends on the circumstances. If it's 'sell your dolls or Little Timmy can't afford his operation', yeah, it's time to sell the dolls, and I'd be the jerk if I said the dolls are more important. Otherwise? I can see saying, 'don't spend family funds we need on dolls' if things are tight, and my partner is making similar sacrifices. I can see emergency situations forcing it to become necessary. I can see the need to do something about them if said partner has a crippling phobia about dolls.

What I cannot see is 'I don't like them so you have to sell them'. Quite frankly, I'd put up with that for exactly the length of time required to draw the breath used to laugh the person who said it right out of my house. Any partner that thinks they can dictate what I like, and what hobbies I participate in that do not negatively impact my or his life, is a partner I do not need.

 

nope, actually i was planning on selling them, because my baby was born sick and we need the money for medical bills. my husband responce was "no dont sell them. " i was surprised we needed the money he said that he knew what they meant to me and to our son since he loves them so much. so he sold something of his own. all of his family started to talk trash about me since i did not sell them, but my husband shut them up. he said everything is paid, so theres no problem anymore. if for a reason we need money he said we still wont sell them he will sell something else.thats why i love him.

 

I haven't had to deal with this. My fiance has his own expensive hobbies, and we both have developed at least cursory knowledge interest in each other's hobbies because it's what we talk about most of the time. He is perfect fine with my wanting to collect dolls, I am perfectly fine with what he wants to do.

When people in other threads mention not telling their spouse/fiance/partner how much their dolls cost, or even how many they have, it kind of baffles me. Especially on the spouse/fiance front. I just can't imagine marrying someone who didn't respect what I loved, or who I felt I could be open about it with. Call me idealistic about how relationships should be, but my parents had drastically different ideas of how life should be lived, and one of them wasn't willing to compromise so something like this would come down to an argument and threats and challenges. And you know what? Everyone in that family was unhappy until my parents divorced. I'm not trying to attack anyone or their relationship, but if someone can't respect that you want to spend money on something you enjoy, and you can't tell them because you don't trust them to respect it, how much farther does it go before there is a total breakdown of respect and trust altogether?

I'm not saying your partner should have to love your dolls, but relationships should be based on TRUST and RESPECT above anything else, and I don't think any amount of love can make up for that missing in a relationship. People should definitely try to compromise, but this comes in the form of "I know that you don't like how much money I spend on my dolls, I'll cut down how often I buy them and things for them if you try to get used to them being around," not "I'm going to hide this from you, and not talk about it, and you can still harbor negative feelings and not talk to me about it," because that's not how compromises should work, and in the long run, they don't work. Of course, if an emergency came up and selling a doll would make it less of a problem, that's different. I'm just talking about the general "dolls are worthless, you should sell them" attitude.

In the end, they're just dolls. Expensive, yeah, time-consuming for some people, but if your relationship has a breakdown of respect over something which is, compared to other problems a couple could have, pretty silly, how are you going to deal with those bigger problems?

Again, I'm not trying to attack anyone, but in my experience this is how things work.

 

unfortunately my boyfriend doesn't have any terribly expensive hobbies I can use as collateral for justifying my doll need! he's understanding though thankfully. he's not completely thrilled with the dolls (he finds them slightly creepy haha,) but he would never force me to sell them or anything. In fact for my birthday he gave me half the money for my new one~ Honestly, I'm not sure I would really be able to part with my boys! hell they've been around longer than my boyfriend has, hah~

I think if it was just a casual relationship that wasn't anything serious yet and the person told me I had to get rid of my dolls, I would tell them where to go! XD I don't think someone you would potentially want to marry or spend prolonged periods of time with would NOT understand the doll thing? why would you want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate your individuality and hobbies? like any hobby, I don't think doll collecting is horribly detrimental to your wallet if you restrain yourself.

 

My husband is a sculptor and actually makes dolls, so I'm pretty lucky in that regard! But if he ever switched gears and tried to tell me what kind of hobbies I should have, I'd know he was replaced by a pod and I wouldn't be very happy. I would hope that if one partner didn't like the other's hobby, that they would love and respect their partner enough to allow them to enjoy their hobby. Control freak-ism has no place in a healthy relationship.

 

"Sell the dolls" says the potential mate.

"Bye. Have a nice life!" says the doll collector.

I wouldn't date or even consider anyone who would try and change something about me. I choose hobbies I enjoy because they make me happy, someone who cannot except that will not make me happy.

 

Absolutely. Love me, love my dolls.
Actually, Yumiko, my first large-scale doll, originally owned my boyfriend. We're still best friends forever, and this weekend I was given a few more of Yumiko's possessions that turned up in a box he was unpacking. Love the new (to me) Maido dress -- it looks great on Yumiko. If someone who was in other factors "Mr. Right" told me to sell my dolls, he'd be on the curb instead.