"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

I've only had three bfs since the time frame where my dolls have come into my life.

The first paid for two of them, the second thought they were creepy and overpriced, and the current says that he's really happy that I'm so passionate about something and I get so involved in it. Though he does say if we move in together they are probably going to need their own room since I have so many haha! That and he thinks they're a little creepy and doesn't want them in the bedroom where they are currently haha.

 

I'm sorry, but I would never sell them. My Dolls we're here before them and my dolls will probably be here after. My Fiance now I'm lucky, he's super understanding. In fact he likes when I talk about them and show pictures of them to him. He thinks my hobby is cute. But if a mate told me to sell them off, I'd say, "My dolls were here before you, and well, there here after you too." I also on top of collecting BJDs collect Action Figures. I wouldn't sell my stuff just to please anyone. If I can't be accepted for who I am and what I love, that person is not worth my time at all.

 

If anyone I was dating or considering being with told me that they'd be dropped like a rock. I wouldn't mind them not understanding the hobby or prefering I not rant to them about it but ANY sort of demand like that would signal the end of the road for the relationship. Whether it was my dolls or any of my other interests if someone I was with/would potentially be with demanded that I drop it simply because they wanted me to I would be pissed. If there's one thing I will not tolerate it's a controlling relationship.

 

My ex actually told me he felt they where a waste of money. Needless to say, while it wasn't the reason we split, we obviously where not compatible. ;p

My current partner takes the stance that they make me happy, so he's happy with them, even if he does not understand them fully. I think that's just part 'n parcel of a healthy relationship; Being happy the other has happiness. We have the interests and hobbies we share, and we have our own things. If someone who is not even seriously in a relationship can say something such as "Sell your dolls", and then no drop the veiw when explained why your in the hobby, well...they know the way out ^^;

 

Man, I respond so badly to helpful advice, I can't even imagine what I'd do for insulting demands like that! Thinking about it, if I was without money, and suffering for it, and my partner suggested it, I'd be sad but agree. But as a condition to dating? Nope. No way. It's not just the dolls, it would go for any of my hobbies, or lifestyle choices. I would hope though that anyone I date would be ok with me and my interests.

 

I was wondering if many of you had to deal with this sort of thing from a significant other/potential mate?
Potential meaning not your significant other yet? Then peace. I wouldn't bother to date someone that has a problem with what I do in my free time. That would be a major red flag that the person is very controlling, early in a relationship that isn't even solidified yet.A significant other is more tricky. Did they help you buy the dolls? If they didn't did you buy the dolls responsibly when all your other priorities were taken care of?Lots of variables in this type of situation.

 

This has never come up for me, but hypothetically, telling me I should sell my dolls would be a very very bad move. Here's the thing--I wouldn't expect an SO to be interested in all the things I am. However, I expect who ever I am with to accept the fact that I have my own hobbies and interests and to respect that. Likewise, I would do the same for him, because I think it's healthy and positive to have interests outside of work. Expecting someone to give up the things they love to do just because they're suddenly in a relationship is so not ok.

 

As my mom noted, "Then what else are they going to want you to sell?"
She says it's the same way in quilting.
I agree with a lot of the comments here. This is not a problem unique to dolls. Some of the hobbies I've delved into have a wider price range even than dolls, if you're seriously into it. In all of them, there's stories about the new spouse making them sell all their gear, the horrors of the desirable date who ridicules what they discover when they visit the hobbyist's home the first time, and so on. The doll person who does beautiful work but gets accused of being crazy and to show their true devotion to the SO first, they get rid of big chunks of their collection. Or the hostile stories from coworkers about a former date who turned out to be a completist collector who amounts to the country's librarian on some obscure hobby. (All the Volks molds ever made, for example.)
Depressing, right? I know that a lot of younger folks might go along with this, confused about whether this jealous/frustrated/selfish other person really has their best interests at heart. "You're too obsessive, my dear, let me fix you--"
Or worse yet, "You spend too much money on your stuff. Your money is my money. I need more money for my stuff, so you need to give your money to me."
I don't think so. These are not the motives of a caring person.
It's not the rhetoric of a caring person, even if they say it nicely.
As victim of this rhetoric, why would you let somebody destroy everything you like and who you are, just to prove they have the power to mess you up? What kind of fun is that?
We're not talking about folks who need an intervention before the dolls pilled in the front room block the doors. We're not talking about folks who use rent money they shouldn't. (SO's who blow grocery money on computer gear does come to mind...) We're talking reasonable hobbyist folks who hold off on layaways for months, who sell dolls to pay the rent, and so on.
So what's the right thing to hear?
No, I believe it's really not, "Hey dear, I just won the lottery, how much of it do you want to blow on dolls?"
Unfortunately.
What I really like hearing about is all those supportive SO's and family members who may not entirely get it, but they're into you being happy, and they know it makes you happy. This is anything from those folks who say, "Hey, there's room for my toys, and there's room for your toys!" (even if that's one shelf above the bed). This is the folks who figure out a gift certificate that'd help you, or make clothes for your dolls (yay, I'm lucky, and I know it!). These are the folks who will make display cabinets because they don't talk, they just do carpentry. SO's who send you links about stuff that will help you, like teaching you how to take better pictures. Or outright buying you a decent camera. Priceless, man.
I know there's a lot of those folks out there. I read about them on DOA all the time. I like that about DOA folks.

 

Quite honestly, and this is definately going to be the less popular opinion, I would consider it. Why? As much as my dolls are a creative outlet, they can also be a psychological crutch. I am aware of this, and as of right now the pros outweigh the cons, but if that changed, I would be open to accept that.

If that person was reaching out to me in a way beyond 'the dolls are creepy, make them go away' and more in the direction of 'I think keeping these are unhealthy for you', I would consider their position and would probably sell them. It would have to be a very specific type of person, and a very clear path of reasoning, but it is entirely a possibility.

I'd like to think I'm mature and flexible enough to not get my feathers ruffled if someone thought my admittedly childish hobby wasn't condusive to a real relationship.

As it stands now, I'm with someone who I will be marrying in the future. He is completely okay with my dolls, and my answer has nothing to do with 'doing anything to find a partner', since frankly I've already got the best one I can imagine.

I guess I answered this way because my mind has been wandering into the future where real children, a new house, and new pets may be involved. Dolls aren't compatible with most of those things, physically and monetarily, so I've already come to grips with the idea of them having to go.

 

Oh hell no. Generally when a potential mate tells you that you need to change to be with them, that's your cue to run screaming in the other direction.

 

Someone saying something like that in regards to any hobby, "sell your dolls/stop drawing or writing/etc." it's so incredibly rude. I mean, imagine telling someone to stop watching sports just because you don't like it? Especially seeing as it's a potential mate, drop the guy/girl. There are plenty of people out there.

This situation has never happened to me since I started talking to my boyfriend around the time I got my first doll, but I definitely wouldn't be okay with being with someone who didn't want me to do the things I liked. I was with one guy in the past who wanted to decide what books I read, what music I listened to, and frequently put down my decision to go to college; a relationship is not worth it if it means you can't be happy.

 

Any man who'd dare say something like that to me = clearly someone who doesn't know me well enough to even consider himself a "potential mate". The kind of man who'd say something like that to me isn't the type to even get my phone number. I have standards.

 

Zuka Englel has a valid point, and I can agree with it somewhat. I was reading the question as though it concerned a only a potential SO.
As was brought up in some earlier posts, there is a difference when one is already married and there is a financial hardship involved. If I had a husband who asked me to sell a doll or more because we are in financial need, and he was willing to sell some of his possessions as well, I would obviously consider it. But I think it would be really important that the money made could actually improve the situation. Right now, with the one doll I've ordered (that's not here yet) it wouldn't. But if I owned several more expensive dolls, then I have to do what is right for my family.
I still stand by my other statement that if it is not done out of concern, it is a sign of a controlling, possibly dangerous person.

 

It boils down to respect. If the person doesn't respect you enough to respect your hobbies, they don't deserve your attention. Any man that said something like that to me would be out the door, not so much because I love my dolls, but because it's disrespectful and I'm not willing to put up with that.

I think if it was in the midst of a discussion about joint finances and preparing for the future and about BOTH of you paring down for a certain goal (getting out of debt, saving for a wedding or house, etc.) then it could be perfectly reasonable. But to flat out tell someone to sell something they enjoy? Total disrespect, and a definite warning to get away NOW.

 

a year ago, I would have sold anything and everything I liked to be with a girl
now...I'd probably tell her to eff off lol
if she doesn't like me for me, its not gonna work
and getting rid of things I like won't change that

 

Ultimatums are not a good way to begin a relationship, whatever they're about. Collecting something is NOT that big a deal. A person who wants you to ditch your beloved hobbies is a person who doesn't care about your feelings as much as they care what others might think of you. It's also controlling, and controlling behavior tends to get worse as relationships progress.
I would never date someone who told me I should sell my dolls. Not because I'd never sell them (I might if I had emergency medical bills or something) but because that person obviously doesn't value my creativity, or respect my autonomy as a person.

 

I have not been in this situation personally. I was already married when I started collecting dolls. At first hubby wasn't so sure but after the first meet we attended (which he drove me too and attended with me) he found himself lusting after his own resin boy. I think his initial concern was that I would lose interest quickly or not really enjoy the hobby. Plus the whole "what is this really about," concerns. He would never tell me I had to get rid of something I really cared about, barring financial hardships effecting our family. I am lucky I married a really great guy, he is more likely to see something he cares about, or take on a second job, to ensure our family is taken care of. He just wants us all to be happy.

In the past I did have an ex who told me to get rid of my dog. It isn't quite the same thing since a dog is a living being, but I told him he knew where the door was, the dog was staying. I had another guy who couldn't stand my best friend to the point he told me we couldn't be together if I didn't kick my friend out of my life. Well given years of companionship with a person I could bear my soul to vs a relationship that had lasted about a month it was obvious who I was going to choose. Obviously a guy that insecure wasn't going to be a good fit for me. I think what it comes down to is respect and acceptance. I wouldn't expect a partner to necessarily love the dolls the way I do but they should respect me enough not to make such petty demands. A person who can't show at least some respect for something important to you probably isn't going to make you happy.

 

That's such a nice story, you've got an awesome guy there. I hope your son is ok now.

This thread made me think. I've given up my long-term dream of moving abroad for my travel-phobic fiance but my dolls? I'd have to draw the line there. If it's not a case of needing the money, it's not like they're actually harmful to him, they have no bearing on his life. I just can't think of a valid reason for someone asking me to sell my dolls.

 

If a potential mate is offering ultimatums, then there are deeper problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Would I ever give my dolls or anything else up because someone told me to? No way. I'm happy single and there are many, many fish in the ocean.

 

If your potential partner doesn't care about what makes you happy, what you enjoy etc, then he's not worth it.