"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

My husband has never given me so insensitive an ultimatum. He doesn't understand my dolls, he doesn't love them, he finds them a little creepy and a LOT expensive, but he has bought me 2 full dolls and he knows how much I love them. When we were in financial difficulty, I was about to sell all my dolls to help us make it through but he refused to let me. He knows how much joy they bring me and he knows they're irreplaceable. If a potential mate is giving such an ultimatum without very good reason (such as really needing the money for some reason) then there's a misunderstanding between you two that might need some discussion. Other people might not understand how much dolls usually end up meaning to their owners.

Also, I just read Zuka's comment, that would be totally different. In the case of a person saying "I simply do not like these dolls, get rid of them or you lose me.", that seems like there is a problem in the relationship. But if a person said "These dolls are making it difficult for us to connect because you're letting yourself get lost in them, maybe you're devoting too much energy to this and not enough to the humans in your life.", then that sounds like a statement of love rather than jealousy or misunderstanding. I guess it really matters most why the person is telling you to get rid of the dolls, whether it's a selfish reason or one of genuine concern for the one they love.

 

I've never had to deal with this (I don't date), but... if I hypothetically did, I would probably break it off then and there. Maybe that seems unrealistic or shallow to some people, but... someone who has no respect for the things I love and choose to spend my money on, who would command something like that from me clearly has no respect forme, my feelings, or my own autonomy. I would never, ever, ever let someone tell me what I'm to do with my things. My significant other would not ever be my master or my parent, and as such have no right to give me ultimatums or tell me what to do with my things. If they tried, well, they clearly weren't the one for me to begin with.

Ugh, thinking about it irritates me, haha. Anyone I date has to respect me as a person... hobbies and all. I'm not asking them to love the dolls like I do, or have their own, or whatever. But respect that they're something I'm interested in and love, and leave it the heck alone.

 

No way. Take me, take my interests/pets/hobbies/other random quirkiness. My husband doesn't give me a hard time about the dolls, fortunately, but then I don't give him a hard time about his collection of "I worked at GenCon" T-shirts and vintage video games, so...

 

Nope. I'm not in a relationship, but I haven't heard this from anyone at all. And I know for a fact there are men out there who are supportive. One of my best friends is a guy and regularly has to deal with me bombarding him with 'Which one do you like?' 'What about this one?' "Which wig would look better?' He actually doesn't mind giving me his opinion, and often times offers useful advice. Would he ever buy a doll himself? No. Is he even remotely interested in dolls? Nope. Does he ever disparage them, tell me I'm weird or say I am wasting my money? No. (well.. he calls me weird but not because of the dolls) He does make comments on the realistic SD female scuplts ( He is after all a man ) But all in all he's supportive and can handle it. It gives me hope that more men can do the same.

I actually really like Lyzrd's post, it really sums up what I hope to have in a relationship concerning hobbies.

 

Then said potential mate no longer has potential. Telling me to sell or give up something I love that is not harmful? That smacks of control issues, and I don't take well to people attempting to control me. I can see a request to cut down on the spending, or streamline the collection, or suggesting some be sold to pay for essentials (rent, bills), but just because he doesn't like them, or doesn't see the point of the hobby? No. I would calmly explain that my hobbies are my hobbies and they are not up for debate. Compromise, sure, but ultimately any decision regarding my collections, be they the dolls, teddy bears, or videogames, is up to me.

 

I only got into BJD when me and my BF were together for about 3 years so the potential mate isn't really the right term for him xD

But he doesn't like my dolls at all >.> He was already a bit annoyed when I bought my first. For the second he didn't have any arguement about the price because he had just spent about 150€ in one weekend on going out alone ... Then came my Soom, which almost ruined our vacation (I hadn't ordered him yet, but told him in France because I don't like to order behind his back...) and he didn't really know about the last head I bought :p Was a head only, for some reason he didn't mind xD

But now it gets to a harder point, we started living together about a month-and-a-half back and I now have plans for another new doll. He just got angry again because I only mentioned it and asked me the evil question "WHY do you NEED one more?" And he doesn't accept the answer "they make me happy" because he thinks I have plenty already.
So he told me this "sell one of your dolls and I don't mind you buying a new one". Luckily I am trying to sell one already and put up another head for sale aswell. Not that it has a great success but at least I try ...
The thing that I am afraid of is that whenever I want a new doll, even if I saved for a long time, he will tell this again

Ah well, he just asked me wether I already ordered that doll and I said no, then he came "still waiting for approval?" >.< sometimes I can just kick him in the nuts :p

But yeh, I think he shouldn't try to limit me, he spends a lot more to going out, fitness, festivals than I do to my dolls... But the difference lies in the prize I think. I only buy one (expensive) doll in a few months, over half a year, and he spends about 150&#8364; in himself every month (fitness, games, going out, cds) so yeh, I will have to cut him dry if he does the same with me xD

 

My last boyfriend freaked a little when he saw my dolls for the first time in real life, since he's only seen pictures before, but in general he was more curious than anything else and even ended up getting dolls of his own a few weeks ago I believe.

I'd never force people to be interested in the hobby or love my dolls or whatever, but I expect a potential life partner to tolerate my hobby just as I expect him to tolerate anything else that's part of me and my life and does not have any negative effects on them. There's always room for discussions and compromises but I'd never give up something that makes me happy (and doesn't really affect the other person, honestly.) just because somebody tells me to.

 

Oh I would like to know how the dolls already purchased & paid can be not compatible monetarily ... getting more maybe it is in some occations, but those already paid ?? ... & physically how a chunk of resin could be a harm physically... if you afraid someone could break those then you can always put them into a closet... for you of course it may work like you said but it is certainly not true in a general way , it's not a rule.
Dolls are things , they are compatible with everything we wish with proper organizing , with only restriction money issues for future purchases (if the money are not enough).

If you are already thinking the line "in a life with my children, my dolls may be not compatible" (because you don't want to bother/try make it be compatible,& it's your decision , respected of course but yours not everyone's) then you are thinking it all of yourself & it's already your decision about the hobby & either the other person says something or not you've already considered this by yourself and it's your choise.

... your example is different from the hobbyist who has the way to support monetarilly his/her hobby and to enjoy it & has no will to abandon it , and some other person comes and say "ha I am the master of your life obey and cast your interests to ashes" ...
Possesiveness of any kind is not something I can see in a nice way , never ...

Oh yes !!!!!!!!!

Giving a wrong number is even more devious ... hehehe ...

 

Resin in toxic, so a pet or child that doesn't know better than to put their mouth on it could be physically harmed (if the adult isn't careful with where the dolls are left), but Zuka Engel never said anything about physical harm. I think they were getting more at the lifestyle--the way that some people practice their doll hobby wouldn't be conducive to having children. At least that's how I read it. Dolls and pets/children are not intrinsically impossible to have in a house with dolls, but for some people it wouldn't work out well. If you're used to spending every spare moment on your dolls and loving having them out, a baby or a new pet would mean issues that have to be resolved somehow.

 

If somebody says that to me, that&#8217;d be my queue to get out of there. It&#8217;s not so much the dolls as it is the notion of, &#8220;you should change yourself for me because I don&#8217;t like it&#8221;. Fortunately, my boyfriend seems completely understanding and he never mentioned anything about selling them. Heck, he has spent more on his warhammer than I ever have on my dolls, hehe.

Now, if somebody were suggesting I sell my dolls because I truly had some sort of spending problem, that&#8217;d be another story.

 

Thankfully (but unsurprisingly), my husband is wonderfully supportive in my dolly hobby. He kind of rolls his eyes from time to time, and thinks I'm weird for wanting dolls, but he'd never tell me to sell them or that I couldn't keep them/have any more. As long as I'm reasonable with timing and finances, he's always fine with me getting one.

He has his hobbies (video games, computers and electronic-y stuff), and I have my crafts and dollies - it suits us both fine. People don't have to be identical to be quite compatible - it all boils down to respect. It doesn't have to be, 'I love you, so I love everything you love too!'. I'd be shocked (and a little alarmed) if hubby actively LIKED my dolls one day, haha.

Also, having 'real children' and pets and a house, I can't really see how dolls would be incompatible with any of them. If it's a financial thing (emergencies aside), then you probably spent too much on hobbies in the first place. ^^; If it's a safety issue, that's just silly - would you leave cleaners laying around where your kids/pets could reach them? :P

 

For me, it's a case of "Love me, love my dolls." If you can't accept my hobby, which is a part of me, then you don't deserve me. XD

 

miticides/insecticides are even worse & there are in most houses and are considered necessary but of course are kept were kids/pets cannot reach them ... A doll is less toxic and can be put also into a closet ...
She said "not compatible" that's why I reponded to her with "it's not compatible for you , but this is not a rule"
I didn't say she has to bother to feel it compatible or that some people cannot feel this way but she said "not compatible" like it is a general rule and it is not a general rule sorry ... and she said physically not lifestyle ...
If you read all my post you'll find them all there : "closet" , "for you might work this way but it's not a general rule" e.t.c.
I feel like repeating myself & I don't like that. ....
As about time, time is like money , someone can always organize his/her time..... as about me I can manage economic and time matters in a perfect way. here is not a thread where we talk about why someone could willingly leave the hobby but a thread how would we react to an oppressive demand "leave the hobby-sell the dolls or you will lose me the hyper-macho" I simply told she is OT.
. & I knew it was about lifestyle, the way some may do it is not how everyone does it period - not a rule, and I'm not the one who will care about how others do anything. As about lifestyle I don't truly debate my style with anyone neither I give the right to anyone say what is or not compatible with my lifestyle.I have a black metal lifestyle and that's it. As about how some practice the hobby each does it differently - so no rule can applied ... I collect sculpts to display into my atelier as original casts of poseable-doll-sculpture (and of course dislayed nude to show the sculpture details). end of story
I can say that possesiveness & ulltimatums are unforgivable here in my lair in any case.end of story

 

If a potential mate told me to sell my dolls or give up a hobby or interest then I would be running as fast as I could in the other direction. It's just far too close to the beginnings of many of the abusive relationships I've known of.

 

"And after I 'sell the dumb dolls' what will you want then? A kidney? Part of my liver? My first born? The door is that way."

Sorry. My immediate reaction to the idea of a potential boyfriend telling me that was "Uhm no." No one has the right to tell me what I need or should do with the things that belong to me. If you are not in an emergency situation, there is no need to sacrifice my resin pals to your selfish whims. If I sell them, I want you to sell that vintage Camero, or that's some-odd-hundreds-of-dollars-ridiculous stereo system that takes up 75% of your living room floor space.

You know where the door is darlin'.

 

A boyfriend or husband that dominates to that degree would not be wellcome, life is to be enjoyed and explored and that person would not be the kind to spend a lifetime with. Its a real signal right there of the kind of person that person is putting a leash on the other person. Too many great men / woman to be with !!!

 

I've been very fortunate to not have this situation, but if a boyfriend said that to me, there would be issues. My dolls represent characters I've created from as young as the 4th grade. So essentially, their characters have been in my life, influencing me WAY longer than any boyfriend. In each character is a little sliver of my personality, so selling them would be selling a part of myself. If a boyfriend wanted me to be rid of a doll, he'd also be asking me to give up a part of myself. If he actually loved me as myself, he wouldn't want to see something so symbolic go.

That being said, I got into dolls a year ago and kept them somewhat out of my family and boyfriend's life because 1.) I'm always kind of private with my art life, 2.) I didn't want to be labeled weird...er than I already was. Later, my boyfriend actually surprised me by saying he LIKED my dolls. He saw way before I even told him that the characters represent parts of myself and it was one of his favorite things about me that I created characters/personalities for every little thing I came across. Now he's very eager to hear the stories and future plans I have for my dolls. He also is well aware that they are expensive and he is one of the most frugal guys I know. But he likes that I budget out the cost and research into them greatly before purchasing them. He sees it as "It's her money and hobbies and at least she's responsible with it." I even considered if times were tough, would he want me to sell them? But I think he would put up more of a fight to keep them than I would.

So the moral of the story is, dolls represent more than "just a doll" to anyone. If a SO wants you to compromise that part of your life, it is actually a matter that should be taken seriously and discussed. And never settle! Everyone deserves to be respected, and there is someone out there that will accept you for ALL that you...and your dollies...are!

 

Whew! Well it's been, um... almost exactly 33 years since I did the dating thing... (this week, even!) but if I heard the "sell your dolls" -- or, at that time, what would it have been. Stuffed animals? Books? -- I'd have walked the other way. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I felt only a twinge of remorse when telling my then-boyfriend that I'd found The One was that he had informed me that The Man Controls The Money. While that was more true back then than I'd like to remember, it did not sit well with me (why? because we have different body parts? how does that work??). I certainly wouldn't deal with it at all more than 30 years down the road.

That said, and even though I've been the primary wage earner for significant periods off and on, I have been very careful to check intermittently "are you sure this is ok?" Because as many others have mentioned, it's about mutual respect. He buys electronic toys, I buy dolls. We both keep eyes on the family finances and generally discuss major purchases with each other out of basic respect.

It's just... common courtesy, which seems none too common a thing these days.

 

here here. i feel the same way. generally when it is the first time that i talk to someone about what i am into they usually say 'omg that is so expensive.' i just say ' some people buy cars, i buy dolls.' but to be honest my room mate doesn't like my dolls that much cause they scare her. she wanted me to keep them in a box somewhere. but i just figured if i left them out during the day time she would get used to them being there and she since has.

i have never dated before, omg 21 years old, but i know i would rather be alone then be with someone who didn't accept me for who i am.

 

or the doll comes alive and slaps you, then you are its tea servant lol