"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

I got lucky. Before my boyfriend and I started dating he knew about my hobby, and when he met Melody he loved her. He didn't think it was weird at all. He's even offered to buy me an Ai after we have our finances in order. He even said he'd be interested in getting a little tiny or a puki to keep him company when he plays video games. My boyfriend is so cool~!

 

"Goodbye," I say to the potential mate. No one who truly loved me would tell me to stop participating in a hobby that gave me happiness. Working out a way to earn/save more money, discussing future spending, or gently suggesting that I manage my doll addiction are perfectly reasonable; telling someone to sell his/her dolls outright strikes me as a sign of a controlling and intolerant person.

 

I think in a relationship there has to be a lot more balance and mutual respect going on. For example, I was discussing with my sister's mother-in-law how expensive hobbies can be (e.g. even something like acquiring purses or high heels) and she reminded me that a lot of hobbies like buying cars and motorcycles are a lot more expensive than a few fashion pieces. She also said that the same idea could be applied to my dolls--there are far more expensive hobbies for me to engage in. XD

If a "potential mate" is embarrassed about your hobbies or any extension of you, then it's a problem. Obviously if they're not willing to be respectful of the things you enjoy, then it's likely they'll want to control and micro-manage other aspects of your life as well. I wouldn't stand for anyone telling me to throw away my hobbies.

 

I don't think anyone has a right to tell me what to do w/my hobbies, unless they're paying my bills & giving me spending cash....even then, I'd argue that the spending cash they give me is mine to do with as I please.

Basically, anyone who tries to tell me what to do usually sees the other side of the door in short order.

 

My new life mate would want to work with me on my pursuits in my life. The dollfies have become a new big part of my life, affording them from my hard earned money. No way am I selling them off because some one else doesn't like them. Hit the door Jack!

Anyway, the person who values me will also value my stuff, same as I would value his stuff.

 

Yeah, I agree with a lot of other posters here. I do hear about this kind of friction related to partners/spouses/boy-girl-friends and their judgment of their persons hobbies, collections, tattoos, piercings, etc. My ex would have thrown a fit over this hobby but also disliked many other things I liked orchids, tattoos, piercings, nice boots... There were many reasons we're not together anymore. My partner is so sweet about things like my tatts, my knitting, and my collecting - taking me to orchid shows, knitting festivals, and took me to Michael's today - and helped me plan doll rooms for my incoming tiny. He did shake his head a little about all the rement stuff I've been buying but he seemed delighted to tell our friends about my new hobby last night at a party. He said he was really sad he had to sell his mom's dollhouses when she died 10+ years ago. He said how I would of liked them. He saved a miniature quilt she made and few little items. She was a crafter and collector of precious things too. Actually so is he but not bjds.

 

"No way", says I - case closed. The dolls aren't even my most important hobby. A different demand like "stop live-roleplaying" or "stop writing" would most likely result in me looking for a new flat and boyfriend. Yes, I am willing to compromise (as in "ok, please don't buy any more dolls without talking about it with me, first") but I'm not gonna turn into someone I'm not - not for anyone in the world. Take me as I am - dolls, LARP, writing and all - or leave it.

 

Any potential mate has to accept you for who you are, I agree with many of the previous statments, Take me as I am, or I think we are better off friends. Most of my male friends are accepting of my dolls, they might chuckle and shake their head when I start talking about it with the girls, and even a companion I understand doing this, everyone has a hobby, like the last guy I was with was all about video games and Warhammer 40K, so thats where his extra money went. And compromising is a big part of ANY relationship, the "Please don't buy another one without telling me" or "Just don't have them out when my friends are around" is totally cool with me, and I'm sure there will be things I will want him to compromise on, but thats part of a healthy relationship.

 

"When dating a guy, don't bring them in to meet the kids till your sure he's going to accept them for who they are". I use this train of thought for my dolls as well.

 

Well put, hobbywhelmed, and I completely agree. Our hobbies in life truly help define us. Why? Because in a busy world where we spend so much time doing things for others (home, school, work, community involvement, etc.) our hobbies are something we do exclusively for ourselves. They are the pursuits and interests that make us uniquely us and allow us to personally express ourselves. It IS me to collect rare dolls and make them even rarer by individualizing them through my own creativity. It is NOT me to spend the same amount of money shopping all day at the mall or hanging out at bars all weekend.

My husband celebrates who I am as a person and therefore he encourages my personal pursuits. He gets excited about a new doll coming into our home because he can't wait to see what I'll creatively do with it. He helps me with display building, helps me problem-solve anything the "dolls" might need, gives me extra monies to help me with purchases and even went so far as to design the eyes for one of them during my participation in a group order for expensive hand made urethane eyes. He doesn't collect dolls himself, but after 20 years of marriage, he happily indulges me. He just treats them like part of the family...and therefore he supports them.

My advice? Provided that you are not irresponsibly blowing the rent or food money on dolls, then no one has the right to control YOUR hobbies! If they try to do so, they are not the right person for you, so tell them to hit the road!

 

Are you kidding me? After showing him Soom's Monzo my husband said "You should get him in gray! The gray is really cool!"

The person who tries to control your life in such a way isn't your partner (or even your friend). They're a controlling jerk, and should be treated as such. I'm going to second hobbywhelmed. Kudos to all you guys for standing your ground.

(This is assuming you have all your necessities paid for and aren't using the hobby in a mentally damaging way.)

 

I have to agree with a lot of people that someone who loves you should accept that this is something you enjoy and not try to change who you are. If my husband was like that we wouldn't still be together anymore.

My husband and I have very different hobbies, but he accepts my dolls and in fact often helps me do things with them. He is the major money earner in our house, so I always talk to him before I purchase a new doll but that's just out of respect for him and the fact that we work as a team and I talk to him about everything. He's never said no to a doll if we could afford it after paying our other bills.

I think a mate should be someone who loves you for who you are and wants to enjoy life with you, not tell you who you should be and how you should live.

 

If you are very interested in BJD, then giving them up for another person seems an awful lot like changing yourself for that person. And shouldn't a person who truly cares about you not be bothered by such a thing? People are different and have different interests.

My fiance loves Nascar, which I can't for the life of me understand the appeal of, but I still watch races with him because I know how much he enjoys it. And likewise, he may not understand every aspect of why I love my dolls, but he really seems to love that I have a hobby that makes me happy. And actually, when I sold some dolls off during a financial bind, he was the one who didn't want me to sell them.

 

So far I haven't gotten to that point, but if it happened, it would really depend on the potential mate's reasoning. If the reasoning was stupid or unhelpful, then goodbye mate.

 

I'd have similar thoughts like everyone here. If they don't like it they can either deal with it or leave. I'd be more than happy to compromise within reason, like using my own money or not buying so many at a time etc. (I need to do that anyways at this point X.x) then sure. If they want me to sell my dolls for no other reason that they think it's wasteful, especially the ones I favor the most, then no... and a hell no. If something like that is going to be an issue in a relationship, then there's nothing more to say about it. Now I can understand if money is very tight and it's more out of necessity, I'm willing to work with that. I just have to have a valid reason as to why they have to be sold. If someone loves you, they should be able to accept your quirks. If I had a boyfriend, etc. that was into a hobby I wasn't interested in, I'd be supportive (granted unless it's a seriously harmful type of hobby ^^;; and in those cases, it simply depends what it is).

 

That is a very unreasonable request in my mind, and if I heard that, I would be hurt that the person I want to care about is insulting a hobby that I also really care about. In my mind, that doesn't show a lot of respect or good communication from either side.

However, before it reached that point, seeing the signs that they don't really like or feel comfortable about the dolls, I would definitely strive for a compromise between both of us: I'll keep my dolls mostly out of the way and only keep one or two out, while they'll have to accept those one or two dolls out or keep away from the area I display them in. Depending on the issues, I might even exercise more self-control on buying dolls or doll accessories, on the basis that they would do the same with their hobbies. For instance, being in a situation where bills and other necessities need to and should be taken care of first when we're tight on money, etc.

 

My boyfriend didn't understad my hobby, because of the money. I ask him why was better for him to spend 140€ in a XBOX game than in a doll. He said that he really loved playing games, so I told him "and I really love my BJDs" xDD. At first, he said that it wasn't the same, but I think that you can spend your own money in what makes you happy. I could spend it in lots of videogames, but I don't like to play them, and I'm happier taking pics of my dolls and customizing them ^^'.
Now, he understands my hobby. In fact, he has bough me my two tinys, as a present n__n.

 

Ahahah my partner was exactly the same.

 

One of the few positive things I have left to say about my ex-boyfriend is that he was 100% supportive of me and my doll hobby. He didn't understand it, but he supported my enjoyment of it...sadly he turned out to be a coward and a liar and that was the end of that I've not met anyone serious since, but the potential partners I have confided in about my doll hobby have been lovely about it - one thought that all things Japanese were awesome and the other collects Warhammer figurines so he understands the painting/customising aspect of the hobby. While nothing came of a relationship with either of them, they've become valued friends anyway

I don't think I would sell my dolls if a prospective partner asked me to. I wouldn't ask anyone to give up their hobby to be with me, so I wouldn't take it very well if someone tried to get me to give up my hobby to be with them, either.