Things that annoy you... *Rant Thread*

Yeah, exactly. Talking about the need for representation in media is NOT NOT NOT the same thing as demanding it in other people's private doll collections. Someone may choose to share some or all of their collection with other doll hobbyists online, but that doesn't mean that their privately owned doll collection is then on the same level as publicly presented news/entertainment media and the people who see their doll photos have a right to demand that they add diversity and representation to their collection and/or imply racism because they aren't happy with the level of diversity in that person's collection. THAT is flipping ridiculous.

 

Well said, Kavarr.

 

To be honest, though, I don't think mermaids was setting out to make anyone feel bad. They specifically said "this may be petty, but..." and ranted in a thread full of petty ranting. Yet it seems to have made a bunch of people feel personally attacked. Why is that? I think it's because a lot of people seem to consider "racist" a bad word. Like, it's a personal insult for someone to imply you did something racist. I wish that weren't the case, because that's counterproductive. Instead of feeling personally offended, I wish people were able to think about themselves critically in this way. I don't have any tan dolls yet. There are plenty I like, and one I plan on getting soon, but the fact that I haven't made it a priority yet says something about me, doesn't it? And that something is problematic. I think it's important for me to realize that, particularly as a white person, because I've grown up in a racist context and every day I'm working on reversing the misconceptions that have been fed to me. It doesn't make me a bad person, it just means I have more work to do. And I wish people would approach it like that. Like, racist isn't a bad word, it's just a fact of life for most people. And being "not racist" isn't a passive state, it's a constant active state of rebuilding your brain. And that rebuilding is so important. I wish people wouldn't blow it off just because they've gotten their feelings hurt.

Plus, to be honest, if someone who experiences systematic racism was having a bad day and feeling particularly frustrated and did actually attack someone for their doll collection... Would that really be a huge deal? On the one hand you've got somebody crushed under the weight of their life, on the other hand you've got somebody whose dolls have been criticized. I'm not saying it's fair or even nice, but I'm saying the doll-owner might just survive, don't you think?

 

When I see folks acting like true cliques at meets. My observation is that we're a hobby filled with introverts. Some hobbyists look almost pressed against a wall unable to engage at all. When I see a shy person approaching a table and told "these seats are taken" without even so much as a HI I cringe. I too tend to gravitate to friends or people with similar tastes but being welcoming, kind and interested in others is part of socializing in public imho.

 

Unrelated to ranting, but this diversity thing just got me thinking, so it's more like a random rambling (also, if there is a "dolls and ethnicity" post somewhere, feel free to poke me towards it):
Most folk on here are probably from the US. The rest of us is scattered all over the world, and "diversity" looks different everywhere.

For instance: Where I am and where my story is set, there are precious few dark-skinned folk. As a matter of fact, most ethnic minorities in Germany aren't easily visually discernible, least of all in doll form - the largest minority in Germany are Turks, and so far I've never even seen a sculpt that struck me as Turkish from the outset. It could be done via styling, faceup, dark eyes and hair - but the caucasian sculpts themselves are pretty neutral* whilst Black / ethnic sculpts are easier to spot, and most minorities over here are caucasian in look (current statistics say that most immigrants came from the surrounding European countries).
If I were to get all my main story dolls in one pic (currently impossible due to lack of bodies, some have to share - if anyone is interested, head over to my dA and browse through my BJD Gallery), there'd be two Realskin ones and four normal resin ones. Only two of those are "100% German", one in each colour. The others have mixed backgrounds that are commonly found here - but none of them shows it. So while it might be easier for us to find shells for our OCs, their ethnic backgrounds might be harder to spot.

(*just a side note: One reason for that might be the fact that most sculpts' creators are based in Asia - have you ever tried differentiating between a Japanese-, Chinese-, Vietnamese- and Korean-looking sculpt? Good luck with that ... I spent most of my college time surrounded by Asians and I never mastered it. I suppose if we were to ask them to tell whether someone was Danish, German, Dutch, French, Spanish or Italian, they'd give us the same kind of look.)

 

In relation to photos:
-It's been said before but grainy, small, blurry pictures. Especially in the marketplace.
-Dirty backgrounds. If you can't be bothered to hoover the whole room, at least do the corner you're shooting in. It reflects poorly on you. Since the dolls are small, those little bits of fluff and animal hair are GOING to show up. Again, especially in sales threads- I don't want to buy something if it's been laid on a dirty floor.
-Untidy backdrops. When you use fabric to drape behind the doll, make sure it's at least somewhat ironed. I can't expect everyone to keep fabrics in tidy, neatly folded storage, and I don't expect everyone to be a master seamstress with an industrial iron. But super wrinkled backdrop fabrics are quite possibly one of my biggest pet peeves. It doesn't take much to iron out the cotton broadcloth I see most often used and most wrinkled.

Regarding PP fees and selling:
-It's against PayPal's TOS to charge the buyer the fee, which we all know. If you're selling something for say, $100, and you WANT at least an even $100, and not a dollar under... just add $5. Chances are, if someone is willing to pay $100 for something, $105 isn't going to make them bat an eyelash. I know the charge goes up the more something is, but be realistic. Is $20 when you're selling something for $500 really that big of a difference? You're using a service that makes business so much easier on the internet. Know why so many stores irl have a minimum to use a credit card? Because they have to pay a fee to whatever company they use for CC processing. But the stores don't charge you the percentage they have to pay for your convenience to use a CC. So sellers should either suck it up and deal, or be cheeky and include the fee in the selling price.
-Not including an estimated shipping cost. I know it differs from location to location, but I have seen a lot of sellers in the handmade area (most from China) include a shipping estimate or flat-rate fee for shipping. If you know the dimensions and weight of the package, and have a set shipping method, it's so easy to estimate shipping costs. It takes maybe 5 minutes to estimate shipping within the US, to Canada/Mexico, to Europe, and to China. Chances are, once you have those major countries covered, it can be easily estimated as a buyer about how much you're going to pay if you live elsewhere (ex. if I live in Korea, I'm probably going to pay about the same price as shipping to China).

On Dolls in general:
-The stigma attached to resin yellowing. There are ways to help slow the yellowing process, but it's going to happen. If you keep a doll in a box in a dark closet for 10 years, it's going to yellow even a tiny bit. It's in the nature of the resin. The only way the resin won't yellow is if it's the dark tan. Then it will change color differently but most of the lighter tinted colors will yellow. It's going to happen. I think beauty green is lovely, and I'm getting a 6 year old french resin doll soon and it's yellowed evenly but I don't care. Because I know that's going to happen, especially with french resin and it adds character.
-The stigma attached to more environmentally friendly resin. Okay, if it makes the resin REALLY brittle to the point that it crumbles upon light use, it's not great. But from what I've read, it's more about the fact that it yellows quicker (read above), and it's not as tough. If you can still pose your dolls, that's fine. If you can transport them without terrible fear, you're still good. If you take it to bed and throw it around, and let them fall over and whatever else that could make them break, why are you in the hobby? Get a rag doll. As far as the environment is concerned, why don't you want to help in whatever small way you can?? If you plan on having kids and so on, and you think your dolls are a lovely thing to keep in the family, how about we take the steps to ensure our family lines can thrive on the planet we've left them first?

I could have some facts wrong, of in which case, please kindly set me straight. Otherwise, these are my pet peeves and rants on said subjects.

TL;DR: I don't like bad photos, sellers requiring PP fees, not including shipping costs, and people hating on resin yellowing.

 

On the ethnic background thing, it's all relative to where you are and what people are used to seeing. I have Aboriginal heritage and you can tell that from my skin colour and facial features. However, where I live seems to dictate where people think I'm from/what my background is. Case in point....

I grew up in northern Ontario. There is a significant native population there. A large rez was only a 40 minute car ride from the town I lived in. Everybody in town identified me as native (which I am). I moved to southern Ontario 25 years ago. We have a VERY large Asian population in and around Toronto. Nearly to a fault I am mistaken for being East Indian or even Middle Eastern. Most often people think I'm Bangladeshi, Sri Lankian or Egyptian. I've had people start speaking to me in various east Asian languages because they assume I'm from... wherever. I even got into an argument once with an older East Indian lady about whether or not I was East Indian (she was convinced I was and said I was shaming my family by appearing in public with my hair uncovered and wearing shorts and a tshirt)! People are always surprised here in southern Ontario when I correct them and say that they got my ethnicity wrong and yeah, some have even asked if I was sure *rolls eyes*.

I do think it's silly for somebody to demand diversity in a doll group that isn't their own. If you want diversity, do it with your dolls because that'll make you happy. Don't expect others to share the same views as you because they quite likely don't. And how do you know that the doll you're complaining about for not being diverse enough isn't actually a character that has mixed ethnic backgrounds? There's plenty of people walking around this world that have what you might think are surprising ancestors given what they look like.

 

Paying someone else's paypal fees. I put up with it because I try to be nice, but now that I know it's against their ToS...I don't think I'll be tolerating it in the future.

Also, I'd probably go with someone criticizing another person's collection because it doesn't match what they expect should be in a collection/want to see. Mostly on the grounds that I'm sure most people get into a hobby for the sake of themselves, not what others think. Or so I'd like to believe, anyways.

Lastly- my inability to stick to one color of eyes for now is starting to drive myself crazy. I keep adding one set to the cart then removing it and putting in another repeat over and over.

 

Hey guys. I just read Mermaid's post and I don't feel that she's "demanding" or trying to "make people feel bad". It's a rant and certainly other people here are kinda' calling out other hobbyists with comments like "people who take photos like xyz". Her post isn't special in that regard. We're all just venting in a safe place right? I think the reaction is because we are dabbling in a discussion about race and that's very sensitive. Giving everyone the benefit of the doubt here - no one wants to feel like they're being called out as racially exclusive. It really touches a nerve for all of us, but it's her honest rant and I don't think it helps to try to make her feel bad for just ranting. If we take it personally it's on us right? I say this as an owner of almost alllllll white skinned and "normal" skinned dolls. I have one super dark skinned doll and I only just purchased her this year.

Personally, I find it an interesting topic. I work in the games industry and this is on the table a lot lately. Why don't we have more diversity? BTW I think the reasons are very different because in the doll hobby there are very real production constraints in making dolls with dark color skin. However, I assume that demand does play into it all somehow. Likely this discussion is worthy of a completely new thread so we all don't become too off topic.

 

You know what peeves me the MOST? Pettiness, especially (but not limited to, PC pettiness). Nosy pettiness as well.
Also, rude people (especially in person) like someone mentioned - the people at a meet who just brush off shy newbies. That happens near me, sad sad sad for those rude people... Had an experience like that at a DragonCon meet - took the said shy person under my wing & managed to shame the rude types (in my best Southern Lady manner BTW). Fortunately my current meetup group has none of that going on

 

It was my post Teleri. Good on you. We're such a strange niche hobby and it's great to make an effort in making people feel included.

 

What irks me isn't really the original post. It's how quickly others went right for that "OMG, you guys are so defensive"-line when people started giving (fairly rational-) reasons why their collections look the way they do.

There's a difference between being defensive and simply offering an honest explanation, but that seems to have gotten lost in all the finger-wagging and tut-tutting.

 

Oh boy, you'd see that very, VERY differently if you were living here in Germany (and had grown up here). Calling someone a racist here basically equals calling him a Nazi (or Neo-Nazi). And believe me, you do NOT want to be associated with that kind of people. Not when you have even a glimmer of common sense and decency in you. You want to get someone up in arms against you real quick over here? Just call him a racist/Nazi.

Just because it might not be a big deal to you, personally (or it might not be a big deal where you live) to call someone a racist or a Nazi that doesn't mean it's true for everyone in the whole wide world. So, yes, some people will be offended - seriously offended - when you imply they're racists purely based on their doll collection, without knowing anything about what kind of person they are. Let's just say - you better not make such generalizations in Europe, especially Germany.

 

This is a BIG annoyance, and it's probably been mentioned already - poor quality control! You buy a doll, it's expensive, wait what feels like forever, 4-9 months, get the doll and find it's either missing parts, the head is messed up, parts don't fit and you wonder why it wasn't checked a bit better, you could have waited that extra week or two for them JUST to make sure, but instead you need to send the parts back, and your country's tracked shipping to them will be a fortune, but they want the cheaper airmail, so 1+ months later you finally get parts back but they still aren't as good as some of the same doll the company gave to others the first time around and all you got is a 'sorry for the trouble' in the q&a. It's happening to me again now. Imagine those box opening photos, I hardly do them now because of let down.

 

I do not think mermaids was trying to make anyone feel bad either and they were just stating their view that to them collecting dolls all of one color are boring. Thing is not all peoples characters have to have different skin tones to be interesting. Just because they are all white they could still be many different races or even fantasy creatures. This is fine as a general statement but I just do not see the need to criticize other peoples collections.
Racism is a different matter. If I was accused of being racist (on the basis of my doll collection) I would see that as an insult. To me racism is not only a bad word but something vile and disgusting. I live in a very multicultural society and have friends from many nationalities. So being accused of being racist is something that I (and I think many others) would find personally insulting. What I am trying to say is we don't know eachothers stories and should not judge others. You do not know what the person you are criticizing is going through either so you may really hurt them. This is a hobby to be enjoyed and we should be supportive of eachother and accept that we are all different and have our own personal reasons for having the dolls we do. Never try to make someone feel bad about their collection, if you don't like someones collection just don't comment on it.

Ok serious stuff aside and this is petty I do detest paying a small fortune for a doll and not being able to choose the color of the eyes they send you! That being said not all companies do this and I found if you ask politely they will often try to give you the color you want.

 

Oh god, this.

I recently bought a doll direct from a well-known company. I have another of their sculpts from the same line, different head, although he is a much older doll (however, they haven't changed the body one tiny bit). I'm well used to and resigned to his wonky knees and knew that the new doll would likely have the same knee issues as it is common knowledge amongst owners that they suffer from bad knees, but I was willing to deal with that because I really like the sculpt and he's perfect for the character he is.

I get the doll faster than I was expecting (yea!) only.... He can't stand. At all. There is an issue with his ankle joints that makes his feet point upwards with the toes noticeably higher than the heels. Trying to get the feet flat and the body straight doesn't work and actually ended up gouging out some resin on the inside of one ankle joint. I immediately email the company literally within an hour of unboxing him and provide photos of the issue as well as let them know that I have another doll with the same body and a different head and have no issue getting him to stand straight (knee issues aside). I even provide them with a photo of the 2 dolls side by side so they can see how the feet don't align like they should. Know what they respond? The doll stood fine in the factory and I'm just not trying hard enough and don't know how to pose a doll.

Uh... what? I was quite insulted by that response and upset with the company. I paid a tidy sum of good money for a doll and it can't do something as basic as stand because of a defect in the manufacturing process that should've been caught before the doll was sent out. I'm further irritated that I have to spend money to have someone fix the problem for me (I have zero modding skills, as do many in this hobby) when the company should've owned up to the defect and offered to fix the problem. I also discovered that the channel in the calf of one of his legs is not straight when I went to re-string him with S-hooks in his ankles (hoping that would help his standing issue; it didn't). While not a visible problem, it makes it very tough to re-string him as you have to push the elastic through what is essentially a jog in the channel and I can't believe that wouldn't have been noticed during the initial stringing process at the factory. It is crooked enough that you can't look straight through the calf, so it's not like it's just a bit off.

 

EDIT: I'm not singling this post out, because I'm angry or anything. It just showcases many arguments that are normal today that I think are dangerous. Things aren't as black and white (huhuh) as we'd like them to be. If that were true, it'd be much easier to aquire world peace. Just my two cents. On a soap box .

Talking about thinking critically: Why is this problematic? I've been thinking about adding a specific (NS or FS) tiny in my crew for a loooong time, and yet, even after years, I haven't done so. Although I love Volks Cecile, he's still not part of my collection. And even though I have several female characters, I still own mostly boy dolls, 'cause I like them more. How is this any different from your example? The PC consensus implies that not favorably acting on everything that involves the color of a skin is racist. And that's absolute bull. That makes skin color a much larger factor than it is. It's just skin. There are so many factors that make up our decisions, that it's naive to simplify it like that, I believe.

I absolutely do not share your opinion of people. I don't believe the majority of us are inherently racist. It is the same sweeping, prejudiced statement that we try to combat when dealing with racism, sexism, and other negative -isms. We do have a tendency to feel awkward when presented with a custom/idea/person etc that is unfamiliar to us, but that in itself isn't a negative thing. It doesn't mean that we think less of it; it simply means we have to readjust.

When I look around me, I believe the majority of the people I meet are not racist. There are sometimes conflicts, because we do not understand the other, but nobody thinks the other one is inferior, because he/she isn't a native from my country, or because their skin is lighter/darker.

And yes, like [MENTION=16933]Khell[/MENTION] said: Being called a racist in the Netherlands is a HUGE deal, because it implies you would've gladly helped the Nazis in the second World War.

This thinking is also dangerous, I believe. Bad things happen in life - I am well aware of that, as I'm sitting at home unable to work because of that - and that is not our fault. But it is our responsibility to deal with those situations and not let innocent bystanders be hurt by our behavior in return. Your experiences don't give you a free pass to terrorize others.

So, yes, it is a big deal, because the person you mention here is just as prejudiced as the people they're accusing. It's understandable. At the same time, it is impossible to change a situation if parties involved are unable to take of their distorted glasses.

 

The looks people give you when they find out you have dolls, they treat you like you're 3. :/

 

Silk-- I really appreciate your post here. You covered just about every point I had going thru my mind in regard to the post you were replying to, and did so very logically.
In closing, what Silk said.

 

Dolls that have unevenly placed eyes.
Companies/sites that do not show blank versions of the sculpts.
Not being able to find any patterns for 1/6 sized dolls, especially for male dolls.
Different companies using different terms for their doll sizes, as a newbie it's pretty confusing for me.
The wait for dolls to arrive D=
Not being able to find owner photos of a doll you want and taking the risk of not liking it (especially when you can't find blank photos)
The extra charge for tan and dark skin.
Confession blogs.
People who get angry when other people sell their dolls, it has nothing to do with you so shut up.
People who attack others for how they dress their dolls.
People who bitch about 'gay dolls', not everyone creates their character around the doll, I personally have had my characters for years and some are gay, and yes they would still be gay in doll form, it doesn't affect you so back off.
People who bitch about people putting their male dolls in dresses.
People who call those who don't have any tan or dark skinned dolls racist.
People who assume any male in the hobby must be gay.
Being unable to get MSC in England (if anyone knows how, PLEASE tell me)
Assuming people are rich or poor based on how many dolls they own and what companies they're from.
Companies that don't send a pair of undergarments with their dolls.
Boxes arriving damaged. I know this has nothing to do with the seller (usually) but mostly to do with the postal service being mean to parcels.