What do you do when you feel disconnected from your doll?

The moment I look at a doll in person is when I can tell if I will bond with it. Sometimes, the way they are portrayed on the computer is more enchanting than when you're holding it. Most of my dolls I knew they were perfect, but two I knew were not. I held onto my Pipos for awhile, because I did like him. I later realized I had no motivation to work on him like my others because I prefer larger dolls. The second was an SD, but his personality that I pictured in my head did not match what it really was. Most of us have purchases we regret, and dolls are no different.

When I am unsure or feel disconnected from a doll, there's nothing I can do. I either am in love with it, or I'm not! The ones that aren't getting the proper attention need to find another home

 

Sometimes I simply get a doll and it wasn't what I expected. Either the size doesn't work out, the body doesn't have the posability I like, or etc.

I often try to do things like glue sueding, faceups, and other projects to see if I can get the doll to be something more along the lines of what I wanted. However, selling them usually ends up being the best choice for myself. If the doll just isn't what I expected or wanted, I'll just find another doll that works better for what I have planned.

 

generally I play with her, change her clothes, mess with her hair. I feel like shes too used to sell. Its like giving a child to someone else. Kind of. Aha but different heights of dolls would change what I do with the doll I think.

 

I sell. They cost too much money to have sitting around if I don't want them 100%.

I am one of those people who sometimes can't tell if a doll will stick around or not right when I get it. I've dolls for months into years before looking at them and suddenly thinking "I don't want that one so much anymore". Usually if I've done nothing with it at all, no photos, no new clothes, now aesthetic work or anything, I start wondering if I really need it. coincidentally I don't think about that unless I suddenly want more dolls and don't feel I can get any unless I sell first. I might really like a doll and put it up for sale anyway, because the rest of my dolls, I love and can't bare to part with. With me, sometimes "like" isn't enough.

As far as the changing look or character thing goes...that rarely works in my case. If a doll isn't going to work out, it's not going to work out. A faceup and wig isn't going to change the doll, that's just surface stuff for me. And I can't change characters...once a doll is a character that's all I can see. It's over for them XD They're doomed!

 

I'd say up until these past two years I've been a little unforgiving to dolls I hadn't "clicked" with the first time around. It's off to the marketplace once I got the feeling that it wasn't going to work out. Lately though, I've been giving those dolls more chances and they've worked out pretty well so far. A boy MSD I've had for a while that didn't quite click...just for fun I put him in a girly wig and a dress...and I suddenly loved how he turned out. I was like......well, okay! I wasn't unexpecting that, but that's cool. And now she's now a doll I'd have a hard time parting with. I just had to find the right character/personality for the sculpt.

I'm going through this again with another doll. I am considering selling her but not before I give her a new faceup and or a new change of clothes and wig.

 

My first doll was a doll that I didn't bond with. I tried for almost three years to make it work but it never clicked. When I finally sold her it was a relief.
I find that after the experience of selling my first doll I am a lot less hesistant about selling. I only sell when it doesn't work out, and never again will a doll that I am selling have that added value of being my first doll.
So for me it's selling, definately. I will try for a long time, but when it's time to move on I feel good about clearing space, pruning my collection, and giving someone else a chance of owning that doll.

 

I also can tell pretty quickly whether a doll will work out with me, or if it won't. It might be a matter of hours, days or a week, tops. If I just feel...nothing, I will take photos, then I remove the wig, and wrap the doll up carefully and put it away for safe-keeping...and she would get listed on the marketplace or my LJ or on whicher BST/forum I'm frequenting at the moment. I recently had a Pukipuki pong who was just really adorable...but it did nothing for me. Whereas my pukipuki darjeeling always brings a smile to my lips. And I just got an Ante, who also brightens up my day (I think Pong was just too happy for me...)

It's the same way with my OT dolls too. I used to feel bad for purchasing a doll, and then turning around and listing it on the BST, so I'd change the eyes and wigs in an attempt to endear it to me and keep it around, but in the end all I was doing was prolonging the ill-feelings and causing my wallet more pain by buying unnecessary parts.

I guess it varies from person to person, but I'm one of the ones who makes quick decisions in regards to dolls. If one doesn't work out, then it should move on to someone who will appreciate it more than I ever could, so that I can get the one that is right for me. It's best for all involved this way.

 

Many owners have imaginary/roleplay characters that they "shell" or embody inside their dolls, so the doll represents more than merely an inanimate object. So comments about "bonding" generally refer to how much an imaginary character is realized or represented through a particular doll sculpt. At least, that's what I mean when I talk about bonding! Hope this makes some sense.


For me, "bonding" to a doll sculpt rises and falls with how much I like the sculpt beneath the face-up, eyes, etc. If I lose interest in the sculpt, I have a hard time justifying any reason to keep it. I do make characters for my dolls, but that is tied closely to their sculpts, and so far no character has been a strong enough motivation to keep the doll. I do think long and hard about keeping sculpts that have fallen out of favour -- after all, I spent all that money and I want to give the doll a chance -- but once I've made a decision, I have no problems selling sculpts I'm no longer bonded to.

 

When I first got into BJD I thought I'd never sell a doll. I was completely romantic about the hobby and in love with the notion of having all these dolls and having them all forever. After awhile, I realized that some just didn't make me as happy as others, and when times got hard or I wanted a new doll, they had to go. While I do feel attachment to some of my dolls, I find there are very few I regret selling.

 

I've never had a problem with 'dissconection' to point I'd sell a doll. But I do have a bit of a distance with my doll, Seraphim, apposed to my other two. If I ever felt like I couldn't connect with a doll at all I'd probably try to redesign them. Get new clothes, eyes, wigs, re-do face-up, etc... and possibly even change their name. Mentally create a new image or character for them. Sometimes I think it's the attachement to the character that makes you feel 'connected' to the doll, not so much the doll itself. Unless you hate the mold or something, then I guess it's a different story ^^'

 

knightjeran-
I'm one of those people who use the dolls as a "shell" for my role play characters. It IS an attachment for me. Though resin and flesh is very different, the dolls ARE like kids to me in many ways. I don't have (or want) real kids, so the dolls give me something to love, care for, cuddle, invest time in and enjoy. Bonding, to me, is feeling like I "know" the character and want to spend time developing and playing the character and working on the doll, taking pix, etc. It's feeling the doll is right for the character (or the character emerges strongly from the doll) and enjoying it as much as possible.

I think bonding is different for all people, and while a lot NEED that bond to even want a doll around, others do just see them as art or just an object and really don't need to feel "connected" to the character (or even HAVE a character) in order to enjoy them. You're not doing anything "wrong" if you have no bond. We all enjoy things differently.

 

I only had a problem once, but I never considered selling her off. As seeing her depressed me somewhat, I undressed her, removed her wig and places her in her box to have her out of sight so she could wait there. In the end I decided it wasn't the doll I was having trouble bonding with but the character -as all my dolls belong in a co-owned story between myself and a friend- and eventually I decided to give her another chance, thus I took her out, changed her faceup, changed her wig, eyes, clothed her in a completely different fashion and... voila, Dia (her old character) was gone and Marvel was born... and I fell for her almost immediately...

 

In my experience, if I'm not connecting well with a doll, it's because I'm unhappy with something about them that prevents me from truly loving them. It could be that I can't find them a story, or they don't fit with the story I was intending for them. it could be their clothes, or their posing ability, or the way they stare. It could be anything.
So what I do, firstly, is I try to identify if there are any physical things I dislike and I'll try to change it. Faceups, restringing, whatever is needed. if it isn't any of that, I give them a makeover: I buy a new outfit and new accessories, maybe a better wig, maybe some new eyes of a different size. I've had great success in bonding after a makeover!
If they don't seem to match my doll family, I try to work them into it in a different way, or see if they'd fit somewhere else. A complete rewrite of their story often helps. Usually my dolls are based off a character I have in a story or in an RP, but those stories don't translate well into the doll universe, so I need to make some tweaks.

I've only sold one completed doll who wasn't working for me... I'll tell you that story:
In my time with this hobby, there have been two dolls I simply couldn't bond with. One of them was Reiji, a Dollzone Mo-2. He arrived too quickly for me to prepare and he was an awkward size, and he was the only doll that--for the longest time--I couldn't sleep near. ^^; I don't think he liked me very much. I sold him when times got tough, and I never regretted it, but his character is dear to me so I recreated him a few months ago as a tiny. he's much happier, and so am I!
The other doll I couldn't connect with was a CH Hani, but I kept "him" for two years anyway. Then one day I decided to overhaul his character and make him a girl. I bought a whole new set of clothes, brand new eyes, and had a huge makeover... now she's one of my favorites. It took awhile, but I finally connected with her and I'm glad I did.

 

Sometimes washing and restringing my dolls brings them back to life for me. When they start to feel lifeless, I have to "recreate" them, strip them to their basic pieces and then watch them become the character again. That usually makes me want to take pictures of them also, which definitely helps the bonding feelings happen.

Most of my dolls were purchased secondhand, and I suspect that if the previous owner had tried doing this, they likely wouldn't have sold them to begin with. They've all come with some degree of damage or filthiness that the previous owner likely didn't notice, since they'd been looking at them in that state for so long, it takes new eyes to see just how bad it gets sometimes. Most dolls don't get enough everyday TLC, in my opinion.

Whether you regard your doll like a person or an object, the thought of cleaning them often doesn't come up. I find that the practice of it is very personal, and a great way to get to know your doll better. It's also great for dealing with or fixing posing issues, which also have a big impact on bonding.

 

I sell. If it's a really special doll (mods, really special faceup, limited) I will try different eyes, wigs, clothes, etc. and try to rekindle the bond. But USUALLY if I am struggling, I sell. My boyfriend can always tell when a doll is on the chopping block because they usually all end up wearing a certain wig and hat I have (I love this wig and hat) and he just looks at them and says "Another homeless doll".

The only time I spend an "excessive" amount of time or stress trying to re-kindle my connection to a doll is with my woosoos. They are my grail dolls and I am determined to NOT sell them. So they get new clothes, wigs, eyes, and the one I sent for a new faceup because I've been having issues with him.

But generally- I sell. if it isn't working, it isn't working and I'd get far better use out of selling them and buying what I do want, than sitting around worrying about it.

 

I have only had one I had trouble bonding with and almost sold him once. I have changed him dozens of times. I think I messed with him so much I got attached! I am just not able to sell him. Plus he is so played with now I doubt anyone would want him except for a free to good home thing.

 

My first doll is a LM Chloe, ever since I got her I feel like her character or something is off
But it's probably because I dont have her character/look figured out yet. And for some reason I keep thinking her face doesn't match her body? as if she would look better as a boy.
I'm going to redo her faceup sometime soon, body blush, and sew her some clothes
Hopefully I will be able to connect it all together soon. If all else fails I will get her a boy body.

 

I don't care about the *~magical bonding~* as much as I used to when I got into the hobby anymore. It's not a requirement for me to enjoy my dolls. But yes, if I really cannot seem to do anything with them at all, they have to go. Granted, that almost never happens, like two times with heads in the past, that's pretty much it.
I just try to think outside the box with them a little, stop focusing on the character they were initially bought to represent and see if I can make them into something else that fits better and that I enjoy more.

 

I've had this problem with all of my dolls except my Dollfactory Elf Beau. However with the other three bjds I've been in contact with, I find the best way to attempt to love the doll is to customize it more. If you're still not content, consider selling. My first BJD was a Dollndoll Milk, WS; an unpopular sculpt, tiny, terrible poser, eye holes that were not beveled or wide enough to even see the eyes and glowing white skin that I was not prepared for. I attempted to sell her, but I kept her because she had the sentimental value of being my first doll. So I fixed all my issues with her. The body was traded for a better posing alternative, I modded the eyes and I dyed the skin a beautiful brown. And now I lover her, and am glad that I never sold her. On the other hand, I once had a BBB tiny for less than a week and I instantly knew that I would never bond with her, regardless of customization. Currently I'm feeling unhappy with my PKF Luna, and I don't really know why. I think my faceup is not dark and detailed enough and I still have not found a perfect wig for her. I just have to keep trying untill I find her look.

 

I've eventually had this problem with almost all of my dolls...
I recently sold or traded the last of them for new BJDs because of the bad memories associated with them and my loss of interest. When this happens I usually buy new clothes, wig, eyes, or commission a new face-up since I'm rather hopeless at them, haha. Sometimes you just know that those things wouldn't change your feeling, though, so it's best to move on and not try to force it and waste your time and money.
You know best, so I hope you are able to "bond" with your dolls. The plans you have for them sound quite awesome!