What do you do with a doll when you're not bonding?

I had a doll (well, still do) that just didn't seem right for the character he was supposed to shell. I ended up giving him a new body (gave his old one to another doll) & making him another character - while shelling his old character in a new doll. PERFECTION!

 

Sometimes I feel the same way, but I often have to remind myself that it doesn't make other people's feelings about bonding any less valid. I have to admit that I sometimes feel intrigued by the whole "bonding" concept, and I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have that level of attachment to a doll.

 

I admit I too don't really understand the deal with "bonding", I think you shouldn't worry so much about other peoples expectations about whats supposed to happen when you have a doll, if you like the doll that's all that matters!

 

I tend to cycle between which dolls I feel the most "love" for, and not all of them are the same. I have a select few that I always want to take out, enjoy, and take pictures of, and then I have those that I take out because I realize that I'm a bit overdue in having them out and feel a bit guilty. It's okay to feel immense love for your doll on the day it arrives, and it's also okay for that feeling to diminish slightly over time as the newness wears off. I still love them dearly, and do occasionally get the giddy excitement that I had when they arrived, but that feeling doesn't happen with all of them and it's not every time I see them. At the end of the day if they make me happy and were worth it, I wouldn't sell any of them.

 

I don't have a large collection, for on topic dolls I have one msd and four tinies with one on the way. Some of the original OMG I LOVE YOU feelings that happen when they first arrive does fade, but I don't 'love' them any less now that the initial excitement has worn off.
I don't do a lot with them for weeks at a time, and I haven't fleshed out characters for all of them, but they still make me smile when I look at them, and really that's enough for me to want to keep them around.

 

I had all my dolls except one! I usually just let them name theirselves (sometimes you just feel the name) and just work around that and the over all feel they give off

 

I've had a few times were a doll didn't really "work" for me. With my second doll, a Dollmore Banji line girl, I liked he initially but she didn't fit with the rest of my group and her teeny wig on her teeny head drove me crazy. I got a head from a different company in hopes of making a hybrid would make her work for me. That didn't work, and after spending several months mostly in her box she's gone on to a new home.

The opposite happened with one of my Soom girls. I was a bit disappointed when I got her because instead of being brown-black like I expected (the resin color is called Coffee Black), she's the color of grape juice. I thought I might end up selling her. When I got the wig I ordered with her a week later, I like her a lot more. Fairly recently I got her proper sized eyes from Oscardoll. Hello, fairy princess, I think I'm in love.

I have two dolls I got second hand that I'm currently unsure about.

 

I only own three complete on-topic dolls, but this failure-to-bond business has happened to me. My second doll Alistair arrived, and I initially wasn't impressed. He was second-hand and limited, and I'd gotten him for what I thought was a steal, but I couldn't help feeling underwhelmed. I ordered him some new clothes, some new eyes, a custom-made wig, but he refused to fit the character that I had for him. His expression was too lighthearted and dreamy to be the sarcastic punk that I wanted him to be, and the geek-chic things I had for my first boy didn't suit him either. The custom wigs were nice and I still use them every now and then, but what saved Alistair from being shoved into the back of the closet was an outrageous wig that came from a grab bag I'd purchased on Etsy. Y'all may be familiar with these bags, these items that are essentially blind bags. Inside this particular bag was a blonde fur wig that looked eerily like something Bret Michaels would have worn during hair metal's heyday. Out of curiosity I plopped this goofy wig on Alistair's head and matched it with some champagne colored glass eyes that had come in another blind bag. Instantly Alistair's character fell together and I fell in love with him. Alistair now has an honored place on my shelf, with friends on-topic and off.

My suggestion to anyone going through a difficult bonding process? Play with it. Be silly and have fun with colors. Try eye, wig, and clothing combinations, even if they sound outrageous. You might find a combination that makes your doll pop, just like I did.

 

So I've been a part of the BJD community for a few years and I have three girls! Two Luts MSD that I love and bonded with immediately and a Luts YoSD that I've... struggled with, to say the least.

I love her size, and admittedly the sculpt wasn't my favorite when I first saw it, but it grew on me. She was a limited edition full set that I bought on an impulse and I'm just not sure if I love her as much as I thought I would. She came with a white wig, which I'm not hugely fond of, and I wonder if getting her a new one and changing her style would help. I've never had this problem with bonding with dolls before and I'm not totally sure if I should sell her and buy a new Honey Delf that's not a full set or a male MSD.

Ultimately I guess my question is: based on your experiences, is it worth it to try to revamp a doll to bond with it, or is it better to give up and move on?

 

When I'm having trouble bonfing with a doll I revamp first. One of my girls needed a lot of fine tuning before I was satisfied with her. I changed wigs, eyes, faceup, and overall style I think twice. That's my Henna, an old customhouse Sia. Now she's one of my favorites that I just can't imagine not having now.

But on the otherside, I did end up trading the very first doll I ever had because I tried bonding with her for several years, changing her style, wig and eyes many times before just giving up. The part that was hard for me was her size. I didn't really love the single jointed limbs and one piece body. And her size was just awkward. So, I eventually gave up trying with her. But then I got my first Yo-sd with that trade and I adore Minni, soom teenie gem dolomi. I don't regret all the time I put into the first girl, but I also don't regret trading her when I finally realized we just didn't connect.

So, my biggest piece of advice for you is this: do what you feel will satisfy you. If revamping your doll will make you feel satisfied that you tried, then do it and as many times as you want till you succeed or don't. If selling her will be ok for you because you feel a different doll will be a better fit, then do it. As long as you don't regret either way, then do what feels right.

 

I honestly think it's worth a shot to revamp the doll because it could help you really fall in love with it. Overall though if you feel like even putting that effort into the doll won't help to really bond with her than you may want to trade/sell her to get a doll you immediately feel close to

 

At that point I would get a new faceup, maybe a new wig and some new clothes. Maybe even consider a new character entirely if that didn't help. I never really "bonded" with my first doll until I wiped his faceup and did my own, made a new wig, ect. If in the end you're still not satisfied with the changes and don't want to keep making more either to the character itself or to the doll, then there's no shame in selling.

 

I would spend more time with the doll I am not bonding with. Buy new clothes, and accessories for him or her. If you are into custom faceups and don't mind getting a new faceup you can try that but I would rather you wait for a while before making any permanent changes because there is NO guarantee you will like the new faceup. I am not into custom facesups, so I'd make superficial changes to outfits, wigs, eyes etc. Spending more time with the doll helps.

When I was very little during the 70s, my dad bought me a doll from Tokyo during his business trips=, I did not like the doll but did not dare to show it. I pretended to like it because he never bought us anything ever and certainly not a doll. Subsequently, the doll was stashed away and forgotten until the mid 90s when it re-surfaced. I tried not to cry but my dad bought me a boy doll 24" tall, wearing brown funcky outfit with cap and boots. On the doll's body and neck is marked "Seki Guchi Japan." I remembered I wanted a Licca Chan! Pink dress and how disappointed I was to see a brown outfit and dark complexion doll. Now, my taste has changed, I bonded very nicely with the doll, it's still with me. I take that doll to vintage and antique doll shows and it's an eye opener for people to see a real 1970s Sekiguchi Printemps boy doll.

Give your doll and yourself some time. You might like it more than you ever think you would.

 

After nearly 14 years in the hobby, and with a collection of 39 dolls at present, the bonding issue has of course happened to me on a few inevitable occasions. Early on, it was caused by issues of size or personal aesthetic, as I worked out what my own personal tastes were. Later it happened more from not fitting a specific character, and eventually I got better at shelling. Now-a-days, it’s more likely to happen if I wind up not bonding due to character issues over time...if that character doesn’t develop and becomes static to me. But I look at it like this, this hobby is a learning experience and your needs may grow and change. Also, because I live in a small home, real estate for display is at a real premium in my home. If a bond doesn’t exist or is broken for whatever reason, it’s time for me to let go so someone else can enjoy them. I can’t begin to tell you how many of my most beloved dolls have been adopted from the second hand market, and I know others surely feel the same way.

 

this recently happened to me with a couple of new dolls, which I gave to charity shop last week as I was sick of dithering over them! So far no regrets at all.
I give them a good chance first though - keep them on display, change their eyes, change their wig, change their clothes, see if that helps. If I'm still not getting any pleasure at all from looking at them (which is my main criteria, but it may not be someone else's deciding factor) I pack them away, and see if I miss them at all.
If I don't miss them in the slightest, then I let them go, in the hopes they will find someone who really loves them. Not that the doll cares, but it does seem a waste if I have a doll which doesn't make me happy, but which might make someone else very happy. All that locked up potential happiness needs releasing into the world ^_^

 

Flat out, "not bonding" just means that you saw the doll in person and didn't appreciate it as much as you did in the pictures. It's not like you gave birth to a baby and couldn't find the love in your heart. As pretty much everyone has said, try a new faceup, new wig and new eyes. If it's still not working for you, let it go. Sorry, but these aren't little people, they're lumps of resin. If the love isn't happening, it's all one sided - and the side is all yours. Time to let go. Trust me, the doll really won't care.

 

First try to do some things with the doll. Make a face up, wig, some clothes. Try different colour eyes. if it's not help, sell it.