What to do when your parents don't "like" your dolls?

The unfortunate thing about parents is, that they sometimes don't think we will be in a hobby for long and want us to save our money esp if it is an high priced one. At least that was one of the reasons cited by mine when I got into the hobby (discovered BJDs at age 14, got my first at 17 1/2).

There is no guarantee that your father will come around but the easiest thing might be to just not talk to him about it esp if your Mom is supportive of it and you live with her - I get that it is all exciting and new and you want to share that excitement with everyone but sometimes it is best to choose with whom you share it to keep yourself happy.

Wait it out with your father, maybe try bringing up the subject every few months to see if he has changed his mind but if not, ignore it. Hell, I am 25 now and my Dad is still like "So you still collect these dolls?" (I have a similar home situation as you do) and I have a 'proper' job that pays me nicely and I pay my own bills and stuff

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this with your father and his girlfriend. If it helps you, I would try as much as possible to focus on the positive, which is your mom is very supportive, and understands. It is sad you can't share this thing that makes you feel so much better, and happy, with your father, but please try not to let that take away any joy for you.

I'm well past the age where I worry about my parent's approval or understanding. But while growing up there were a lot of things I realized I could not discuss with them. Not without having them, even unintentionally, rob me of some joy. So I limited the subjects I would initiate with them. If they asked, and I knew it was a subject they might criticize me for, I treaded very, very carefully. It wasn't great, and I still feel a lot of resentment, but hopefully you can avoid that. You're smart enough to reach out and ask for advice, which is good step.

Don't let anyone take away your enjoyment. The next time they say something hurtful or dismissive about your new hobby, just smile, and let the conversation drop, if you can without creating an incident. And remember your mother supports you in it.

Good luck!

 

Not everyone is going to understand the hobby, and it's best to remember that you're doing it for you, not for anyone else. I have 5 siblings and live with my parents still (27. Maybe I should stop buying dolls and buy a house. ///working on it//// )
I started collecting at 18 years old. I had been saving since I was 15. I can tell you my parents didn't like the fact that THAT's what I wanted to get with my hard earned paychecks. however, that's what I wanted, and it's my money. they allowe dme to purchase Ren on their credit card, as to which I gave them the cash.

My mom /kind of/ gets the doll thing, and supports me by making clothing for them, but 4/5 siblings don't get it. They complain that I spend too much money on them, etc etc. It's a matter of 'Hey, you guys smoke and drink, and I don't. Take that money you spend there and match it with my doll spending'.

There are worse things you could be doing with your money.

as I said before, just remember it's your hobby, not theirs, so don't let them deter you from enjoying it.

 

Some people just don't understand the hobby, and that's okay. If you are happy with the hobby, that's what matters. If they say something I would just tell them that there is more to the hobby than what they may think. These dolls are in no way like Barbie's. But, they are just unaware of that. Without knowing exactly what BJDs are most people just think of them as your every day store bought doll. They may think that you like every doll in existence just because you like these.

My father always picked (and still does!) fun at the hobby, but I just ignored it. He has his own hobbies that I don't have any interest in, so I just think of it like that. This hobby is about you, and not your parents. Enjoy it, and love it! The more they see how happy it makes you the more they will probably just stop talking about it. They may never understand - and that's okay. A hobby is purely personal. No one else has to understand why you like it. If it makes you happy than keep at it! Someday they may understand, it just may take a bit of time.

 

I know I might sound a little harsh and disheartening, but we can never fully please our parents with our decisions. You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age (geez, I sound like an old woman!!), trying to be the best daughter you can be, never giving your parents any trouble.
I'm pretty sure you are, but as much as you try, you can never fulfill all of their (and your own) expectations. You will upset them sometimes, even when you do your best to please them. My best advice to you is, do not get upset if your choices, tastes, hobbies and/or opinions don't live up to their expectations. This is your life, after all. You may still depend on them today, but eventually, you will grow up and leave to live your own life.

The dolls may "just be a hobby", but they still symbolize your growth, from a child who always does what they're told, to a grown person who has their own tastes and opinions.

Sorry for the long ramble, but this just hit very close to home for me. Hope it helps you Lina, and congratulations on your new dolls!

 

Echoing what others have said. Not everyone is going to be interested in the same things you are, and unfortunately that goes for relatives too. I'd say, talk with your dad and his girlfriend about things that do interest them, and save the doll talk for your mom.

 

"It's like they dont care that these dolls make me happy."
I am sorry to say that this is, by evidence, likely to be true at the moment- It's very probable they don't care about such things right now, and I know it hurts. We love people and sometimes they aren't good at loving us back in the ways that would mean more to us. Sometimes it takes time or talking before people realize what their words can do.

You can tell your dad privately that it's hurtful when he makes disparaging remarks about your interests, as he may not realize how important this is to you.
If even that doesn't stop him from doing it, then you keep anything you enjoy to yourself and do not share it with him until he changes his behavior, and if he asks about your interests you say that he was rude about them before and it was hurtful- that he can't do that if he wants to know more about your hobbies. He doesn't deserve to hear about those parts of you if he doesn't care that much about your interests right now. If he changes then he can hear about them. He may change, but right now you're becoming an adult and you have to protect yourself and your own feelings. You don't owe him access to the parts of your life that he doesn't value right now.

 

Maybe their opinion will change when they see your doll in person. The craftsmanship is difficult to appreciate from photos alone. I got my first doll when I was a teen living with my parents. They were unenthusiastic when they saw photos of them online but were much more positive when the doll arrived and they saw it in person - because they could see, at the very least, it was beautifully sculpted. I will never make doll collectors out of them (sadly) but despite that they can see the value of them as an art piece, which is good enough for me.

 

I'm sorry about that. My parents went through a pretty nasty divorce when I was really young as well, my dad was super obsessive about weird hobbies but my mom always rolled her eyes. I wish I could talk to her about it, because any hobby is 10x better with other people involved.

I just stopped bringing it up. If they're anything like my mom, odds are their opinions won't change. You can lay out your feelings clearly, because that's the easiest way to get the point across (in my opinion). "I don't think you really understand what this hobby means to me. You don't have to like it, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't diminish it in front of me." Something like that, main thing is to keep level headed when doing so.

That's the line I had to draw with my mom. It doesn't mean there's any love lost, this is just an aspect of my life she isn't interested in. She doesn't stop me from collecting, and as long as I'm responsible with it she doesn't fuss.

Sorry for the kinda cut and dry explanation, I'm really not trying to sound harsh. That's just how things were with me. I hope things go smoother than they did for me.

Regardless, whenever I have problems like this my older sister usually tells me: "You do you. And if anyone tries to sh** on your parade.... Eat them."

 

Thanks to everyone who replied! It's so nice to see that there are so many nice people in this hobby! This helps me a lot.

 

I'm sorry you're going through it. I know it can hurt a lot when people we care about don't understand us completely. My mom don't like it to much, or she just don't care about my hobby. When I talk about my dolls she usually says "Naiara and her excentric side" or "you're still into the dolly thing hu?", so I usually don't bring the subject. When I do, or go to her house with my dolls (in this moment, I don't have any anymore, and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive) she just say they are pretty, but too expensive, or doesn't say a thing.

I think with time they start accepting it and respecting it so it's okay. We can't expect everyone to love our dolls or to totally support us in our hobbies. If there's respect, then it's good enough. You will be fine, and be happy

 

I'm sorry to hear your dad and stepmom do not support you. Some people don't really make an effort to understand other people's choices, and it happens with parents/older people that they just attribute someone's ideas to being young, immature or naive.
However some people's mind can be changed: if you stick to it for a while they might see it wasn't just a childish whim, or a rushed choice and they might at least stop being adverse to it.
In other cases, like it happened with my mom, they might come to understand it once they see your passion about the hobby. Initially my mom was very sceptical, however after seeing the dolls and realising what kind of craftsmanship and creativity goes into their creation and customisation she got very enthusiastic and now fully support me. I think what did it was that she realised these are more like artworks and a creative outlet, rather than expensive toys for childish adults (although for some people the hobby can be more about playing with them than being crafter or an artist and that's ok too).
In the end your dad might change his mind given time, or if he realises that bjds aren't mass-produced toys that you can buy in any store like barbies, or he might not.
But there's still hope that he might stop openly opposing you if he sees how happy you are, and that as you grow a bit older he'll start respecting your choices.

 

Honey, I'm sorry that you pass this, many people do not understand the hobby and they are disturbed by the affection one has to the dolls or by the value of them.

Maybe you should not comment on this for the moment and someday try to explain to your father that they help you feel better and happier, I think that conversing is the only way to find a solution, but equally important to understand that in this hobby is a must That you are not affected by what people say, because many people like I said before do not understand, while you are happy with your wrists is the important thing.

I hope you solve your situation many hugs! I am sorry for my bad english

 

It is always kind of hurtful when your family doesn't like your collection or hobby, because they're the people you'd hope would understand you the most. My parents and brother have always hated my collecting over the past 6 years, whether it was toys or figures or now dolls. My mom apparently counted all my figures and fashion dolls so that she could tell me how many I should get rid of (all of them.) I haven't bothered showing my dad or brother my MSD as I know they wouldn't understand or like it, and I don't want to be mocked to my face again, but my mom has seen her and remarked at how pretty she was- so, in other words, I feel like there is room for SOME people to grow and change their minds on these kind of things. But some people just might never change their minds.

I'm sorry you can't talk BJD in front of your dad and his girlfriend; I know how hard it can be to keep things in especially when it's about something you love or are excited about. If I were in your position, I would let this hobby be something you discuss with your mom, and leave your dad and his girlfriend out of it. If in the future they change their minds and come around and see BJD as art and want to be involved... then it will be fun to tell them about your hobby.

 

Honestly, my parents are the same way so I completely keep them out of it. I'm in the same situation as you: I have my first 2 dolls on the way. I have no idea what I'm going to tell my parents when they get here lol, probably just tell them I bought some dolls but not say how much they cost. I don't need the negativity. I'm super girly so it won't be weird that I ordered dolls.

I do wish I could talk about it with them, and for them to be interested in my hobby. But I know it will be all judgement so I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. You can't force people to see your point of view!

I suffer from mental illness as well (ODFED) and I can relate that they help me so much, even though they're not even here yet.

 

I'm lucky to have parents who understand my hobby. But if, they don't, I will not try to change their mind. When I was not an adult and could not pay for my tuition, daily fees and meals by myself, I could not request parents to pay such expensive things simply for interest if they don't want to.

 

My parents didn't get it, and thought it was a total waste of money. I first got interested at 19 when I still lived with them, and it was kind of like...if I could afford this hobby, I could afford to live on my own type deal.

I moved out, got a job, saved up, bought my first doll when I was 25. After seeing the dolls, my parents started to see the difference in them and a cheap toy a little more, and I explained how art dolls are different than mass produced, and how the customization aspect would help me with my painting, drawing, photography, sewing, sculpting--all sorts of things! Also, the dolls mostly hold their value, so if you do decide to get out of the hobby one day, you can probably get most of your money back. You sure can't do that with makeup, movie tickets, money spent at clubs/bars/restaurants/on coffee, drugs, alcohol, hair, nails....Some parents may also see the hobby as anti-social--like you're playing with dolls, rather than making friends. This is sooo untrue! I've met some of my closest friends through the hobby, either online or from local doll meets. Some therapists have even said that this hobby is good for mental health--you can play out situations, escape from reality temporarily, have something to focus on in a positive way.

Now, I'm 9 years into the hobby, and just last week, my dad who has always insisted dolls don't have a nickel's worth of plastic in them, bought a bike for my girl. He found it for $7 at a flea market and thought it was so cool, that my doll needed it. So...sometimes those stubborn parents can come around once they understand better.

 

It's not different in essentials to any other choice we get to make. Being family doesn't guarantee understanding of each other and unfortunately, tolerant, accepting, agreeing-to-disagree, live-and-let-live is something very people people can be all the time.

I don't know of an easy answer. Options include actively or passively hiding it from the other person, confronting them, working on them indirectly, ignoring or 'not hearing' their negative words. How you deal with it is ultimately as personal as the choice of doll.

But don't try to justify it. You're right, other girls your age will spend their money too and, in the majority of cases, on things far more ephemeral. But that's 'normal' so its 'ok'. You won't win if you try to justify it; by doing so, it implies that they have the right to judge and they have valid reasons to judge negatively. It's your money, your time, your life - and you're making choices based on your own happiness.

 

Please give yourself permission to enjoy your hobby with or without your dad's approval. Keep in mind you have chosen a lovely, artistic, expressive and imaginative pastime, and aren't out getting into trouble! Part of growing up is realizing that parents aren't always perfect, and they don't know the right way to react every time. The dynamics of a changing family make it harder for everyone: your dad may be following his girlfriend's lead because this is a new situation for him. The girlfriend may be jealous of your relationship with your dad, so she wants to trivialize your hobby. Or, they may be truly clueless as to how wonderful the world of dolls is. Congratulations on purchasing your first dolls, and please be happy and proud of yourself!

 

Even when I was a young child, I liked dinosaurs. Back in my day (I'm OLD) girls didn't like things like that, icky monsters, etc. But I did, and I wouldn't let other people's opinions disrupt my enjoyment. I was lucky in that my Mom indulged my "weird" interest, even if she couldn't understand it completely. I never liked dolls when I was younger...and now I find I am halfway through my life, and I'm faced with the same problem! BJD's are the ONLY dolls I've ever liked, and if I show them to my Mom, she will be completely confused again! LOL...happiness is an emotion, and it has no rational. Sometimes you have to enjoy what is in your happy bubble and not worry about what the rest of the human's think about that.