When was the first time you could not bond with a doll?

I Havent had problems bonding with a doll the first bonding problem i had was with a body. i LOVE my MD miho's head but the first body i go for him was nothing but trouble. it was a disaster right from the moment i took it out of the box, the s-hook fell out and i had to completely re-string him. his body was dirty and some of it would NOT come clean, and his clothes never fit right. i ennded up selling the body and i've been looking for a replacement ever sense. especialy now that his daughter is comming home and needs a daddy thats more than a head.

 

Well, I know it isn't exactly a ball jointed doll, but I bought a 23cm soft bust obitsu body and a pre-rooted obitsu head and some decal stickers. I made a sweet little doll from that and I just loved her so much! So I thought I would try again with a volks body and head etc... and when she was done...I just couldn't seem to like her as much as the other one. So instead I fixed her up and gave her to my mom as a present. I made her look like a fairy. As far as ball jointed dolls...I have bonded well with all 3 of mine! My Soom Asil-Evangeline, Soom Spinel-Frost, and their daughter Puki Piki-Amber. I have another little one that I am paying for, Soom Glot----I haven't come up with a name for her yet. And I am saving up for a Puki Chu Chu Basic. I hope I can bond with these as well!

 

XD; i'm typing this with a heavy heart, and hoping my girlfriend won't see it...

It's time for me to face facts- I can't bond with Shinku. I don't know what it is...maybe it's the way the eyes are just a little too big, maybe that I never got to see her with her default faceup, or that she's pretty yellow...

I got her second hand (more like forth, really) and I had to fix her up myself- this is just after my partner got their first doll (from the factory) and my flatmate, who is a wellfare whale, ordered his (factory as well).
I never wanted a second hand doll as my first doll. I know, it sounds petty and dumb-who cares if it's second hand, right? So long as you love it?- but I can't bond with her, and I think it's because of that. She's not the doll I wanted and she's been touched and loved and defiled by other people before me. I'm sorry in advanced if I've offended anybody who has a second hand doll as their first, or who don't have a doll at all and would love a second hand one.

I didn't even get to choose her, yanno? She was got because she was cheap and because I could 'fix' her. Now I feel like crying XD; 'cause I want to love her and I don't know what to do.


So my questions are:

Have you ever bought a doll second hand?

did you have trouble bonding with it?

What did you do if you did have trouble?

Any advice for me?

 

Welfare Whale...?

For me it's the opposite. The process of making a used dolly my own tends to make me bond more strongly with it, if bonding is to happen at all. It doesn't always, and it's not the end of the world.

If you don't like your doll, you can sell her in the MP when you've got access and try another doll.

Good luck!
Raven

 

My first doll was second hand, and for about three months, I had a HELL of a time bonding with him. It took me a long time but eventually I managed to bond, via an assortment of methods-

I took him completely apart, cleaned him head to toe and then put him back together again. Its strange but it helps a little, I find, if you do this and pretend that you're building her yourself, from scratch, from her parts, it makes her a little more 'approachable', so to speak.

Do you have the eyes and wig you want for her? Sometimes just making her look how she's supposed to works wonders with bonding. If she does, and you and her still aren't clicking, try taking all the planned stuff out of the picture and giving her some random alternatives, see if another little lady makes herself known to you. Thats what I did with my doll- he wasn't at all the chararacter I imagined him to be, my lazy, teadrinking aristocrat, so I did the above and it took a little while, but a Chinese assassin peeked through with his demanding little self and made himself known, and thats who Lao Shan is and has been for the past year.

In the same vein, try wiping off her existing faceup entirely if it irks you, or doesn't look or feel 'right', and get her one that does. Sometimes a new face can make all the difference. When I got him Lao looked like a bored, spoiled pouter.....now he looks a lot more smirky and sly and seductive, and it just makes him look like a whole different doll!

If all else fails, and you really just can't bond with this doll, consider calling it a day and selling her or trading her for a doll you DO want, and don't feel guilty because you couldn't love her....think of it as you're letting her go to someone who can and will love her.

 

My first, and almost all of my others, are secondhand - and honestly I'm far more bonded with them than with the ones I got new. The new ones have less soul, somehow. If I had to sell off any of my dolls, the last ones I'd have left here would be the secondhand ones.

I suspect it's not the "secondhand" thing as much as it's the "you didn't get to choose her" thing.

I only agree with buying a cheap doll because it's cheap if it's ALSO one you really like and want. Even if it's not the first one on your list, if you really want it and like it things will almost always work out fine. She's not the doll you wanted. You didn't choose her. There are things you don't like about her. Most of those aren't secondhand issues, they're "not the right doll" issues. Really, if you'd bought the exact same doll straight from the factory, her eyes will still be too big, she will still be the same sculpt.

I say go post comments in the galleries until you get up to 40 posts, and sell her on to get money for the doll you DO want. There's no shame in not bonding with a doll. If she's not right for you, she's not right for you. It happens with new dolls all the time.

 

thanks, you guys... :3

Just one thing, though... XD; I feel guilty as hell, because even with those factors, I know in my heart of hearts, it's partly because she's second hand. Again, sorry if i've offended anyone with that...

I'll try taking her apart again and fixing her... I personally wouldn't have chosen her as a doll at all >>;

 

If she's not the doll you wanted, then she's not 'your' girl, and thats that, you don't need to feel guily. I know its not the same thing, but its along the lines of waiting for your new little ginger kitten to come home, only to have a big slobbering labrador puppy glomped in your lap. Sure, its cute and a great pet, but its not for you, because its not what *you* wanted and chose. ^^

 

Well, my first was second hand, and I no longer have her. Really...I was the doll's 4th owner, at least. And I DID want that doll. But for all that I started out well bonded...that totally fell apart after I'd had the doll for a while. In the end, as my sister liked her, I completely wiped everything that had to do with my character from the doll, gave her a new face-up, made her a new dress, gave her new eyes, and sent her off to my sister. Almost didn't want to after all the changes, though. But now she's in a better home for her and well loved.

When you can't bond, and nothing you are willing to try works, it's time to move on, and either make the doll a shelf baby, or sell/gift it on to the next owner.

I still look at second hand dolls, but find after 3 'fresh from factory' ones that a lot of the dolls I want are less attractive to me second hand. Doesn't mean that I won't wind up buying secondhand anyway. But it would have to be the right doll, at the right price, in the right condition.

 

I'll be fairly direct with all this, if that's ok.

Have you ever bought a doll second hand?
Yes. Looking at my current collection of 14 dolls (including 2 ordered within the last week) only 5 were bought new. The other 9 were all second hand, bought on the marketplace here or from friends who needed to rehome their BJDs.

did you have trouble bonding with it?
No, but then, I didn't buy the dolls just becuase they happened to be for sale- even when buying from friends, I only took on dolls I actually wanted and that I could see a home for here with my gang. Only one of the dolls I have rehomed here has kept her original name from her previous owner- all the others are my characters, and my ideas... they just live in a shell that used to belong to someone else.

Any advice for me?
Sell Shinku, and buy a doll that is new and is a kind that you like.

Seriously- you took on and fixed up a second hand doll. If you have done a good job of it (and I have no reason to think that you wouldn't! ) then you should be able to get a decent amount for her, and you can put that towards a new doll, that has never been touched by another owner. If her being second hand, and having- at least in your mind- a kind of residual prescence of other ower's ideas is really bothering you, then don't feel guilty. Just use it as a learning experience, and pack her off to someone who will adore her while you can adore your new girl too!

This hobby should always be about what makes YOU happy, after all.

 

I've bought plenty of dolls second hand and I've never noticed a difference in my ability to bond with them. The new dolls are a lot more impressive and/or neat as I'm the first one to see him/her outside of the people who made/packaged him/her but overall the bonding process has to do more with the character that the doll represents and how well the doll does it than anything.

As for how I've dealt with bonding issues.... Once, I had made the horrible mistake of trying to modify a doll in hopes that I'd bond with it only to make a mistake and cause a great deal of damage to it in the process causing myself a great deal of heartache (I felt so bad for the doll and I had wasted so much money... I was crushed...). Since that incident I figure it's much better to sell a doll to someone who can love it and take care of it more than I can rather than try to force myself to bond with it.

My advice to you would be to sell her. If she was never a doll you would consider even if you were to get her new, I'd say that both you and the doll would be better off. When you're feeling guilty just remember that everyone makes mistakes and in this hobby you're not alone when it comes to having bonding issues with a doll (just take a look at the pages and pages of dolls up for sale on the marketplace). Whether the doll is second hand or not, it's really all just your preference. Everyone has their own little reasons for not bonding with a doll... What matters is not the reason why you can't bond with her but what you're going to do about it.

Really, if you've fixed her up you've done a great thing for her and for her next owner. You should definitely be able to get what you paid back if not more depending on what you did.

 

I'm scared to sell my first doll... how do I know she'll be in a better home? my girlfriend will kill me, how can I ever afford another one...? I'm torn ;w; and crying a lot XD;; I haven't told my girlfriend yet, and she was the one who helped me pay for her...

 

Well, if you're not ready to sell her yet, you can try changing her hair, eyes, faceup... try things to see if you like her better if she looks different. Maybe she's not what you thought she would be, but is something you can bond with once her personality comes out more? Or you can try the old "put her away for a few weeks and then decide - if you miss her maybe you should keep her" trick.

But if you're going to be upset every time you look at her, that's WORSE than selling her would be. Selling her can help you save for a new one. Look around and try to figure out what IS the right doll for you. Would your girlfriend really rather you be torn and crying and upset? If she's not right, she's not right. This is YOUR hobby. If you're not enjoying it, something's wrong that needs to be addressed.

 

Alrighty...

Well, I re-dressed her, but she just looks angry at me XD; so I've explained to her that I'm going to be putting her in her case for a few weeks and that I promise I'll open it again later. I hope she understands... the doll and the girlfriend.

 

Selling the doll you've got can go a good way toward funding the one you want. Honestly, any home that wants her wiill be "better" just because she'll be more appreciated by whomever buys her from you and she'll no longer be sitting around your place making you unhappy. And I'm going to be a bit blunt here:your girlfriend will just have to get over it. Your doll is your doll, it doesn't matter if she helped pay for her-once she was in your hands she was *yours* unless you made some sort of agreement to share her with your girlfriend, so the decision to sell or not sell her is yours alone.

I've never had the problem of not bonding with my second hand dolls-it's my new ones that have sometimes given me trouble until I've figured out who they're going to be.

 

I love that you hate Twilight as much as I do ;w; [/offtopic]

 

Perhaps the trouble is that she wasn't really the doll you wanted & just bought her because she was affordable. I've bought quite a few secondhand dolls &, except for a couple of them, never had any trouble bonding with them. The few that I did were ones that just never seemed to fit in even though I loved them.

There's nothing to be ashamed of when you buy a doll & it just doesn't work out. Simply sell her & put the money towards the doll you originally wanted. If you really want one straight from the factory, well, that's what you should have. For me, secondhand or brand new has never mattered but everyone's different & there's nothing wrong with wanting a "fresh" doll.

 

Have you ever bought a doll second hand?

4 actually...but I'll reference one here.

did you have trouble bonding with it?

He was a few years old and had yellowed, like yours. I loved him and he had such a sweet face, but after a while, he just didn't seem to fit with what I wanted.

What did you do if you did have trouble?

I put him up on the marketplace and sent him off to a new home; while it was hard packing him up, I don't regret the decision because he's gone off to a better place. Best way to determine if you can live with parting with your doll is put them away and out of sight for at least a week. If you don't feel bad or miss them terribly, then they really aren't for you and you'll be able to let them go.

Any advice for me?

Sell her and get the doll you want It is a hobby after all; the doll won't like you any less for it. And get a new flatmate....sounds like you resent them being on welfare and buying a doll (which is understandable), which probably won't make daily life with them comfortable (if it hasn't already).

 

it sounds to me like the reason you dont like your doll is just because she isnt your dream doll. if there is any advice to newbies that cannot be said enough its "get the doll you really want" dont get a doll just because its cheaper or because you know the person who has it. even if you have to save up forever it will be worth it in the end. that doesnt mean you CANT bond with the doll you have now. as others have said you should try making her your own. get her a new look, name, and personality she is your blank canvas =]