Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

I basically don't fit in the group. Being ignored is not my idea of fun.

 

I just decided to go to my first meet up a week or so ago. I also have anxiety around new people and would not be going if I wasn't going with two of my sisters. I'm not too worried about being older/younger, I think I'm pretty middle of the road there (33). I'm not worried about myself or my doll either, I don't really care what the others think. I am a little nervous, as I've never been to one before, but worst case I'll have my sisters to talk to.

 

I dont go to meet-ups because there's no one in my town to do meet-ups with.. I had done one meet-up before, and sad to say it was quite disappointing.. a complete waste of my time and money.. I had taken the time, and my mothers time since she drove since I dont drive, to go all way to a different city, a full days drive, to attend a meet-up.. I felt like the out caste as usual.. I get quite awkward when around people I have never met.. and just kind of lingered around.. I had hoped to make some friends, and that it wouldnt be so awkward since we were all in the same hobby and had similar interests.. boy was I wrong.. they all kind of went off and did their own little things and I was kind of just left on my own.. They were all kind absorbed into their own dolls, and their friends dolls.. And on top of it being disappointing, they all decided to ignore me and stop talking to me over messanger when I got home. Im not sure if I will be interested in doing anymore meet-ups after that first experience..

 

I would definitely consider going to a meet up if there was one locally, but to be perfectly honest and candid (and yes I do realize this is an irrational and non PC reason), the thing that would make me possibly hesitate would be the possibility of meeting people who might be rude, immature, unpleasant, gross, anime obsessed, LARP obsessed, creepy, or obnoxious, and would create unpleasant associations with BJDs in my head. Yes, i realize that is an extremely insensitive and irrational thing to think and write, and I realize that it really has no foundation in reality. (I also realize that people who LARP or love anime can be wonderful, pleasant, mature, and attractive. I am simply sharing my basest and most irrational concerns). I just don't want to show up to a room full of people who are crazed of mountain dew and live more in imaginary worlds than real ones.... yes, yes, i know... completely irrational and stupid of me, not to mention culturally insensitive. I

In reality, I would not let these irrational concerns keep me from attending a meet. It's just the stupidest most irrational fear I have haha.

A more realistic concern I have is that I simply won't have much in common with the others there. There are so many different types of people that the BJD world attracts and I'm concerned that I'm the type that is in the minority. I'm a fashion-loving antique hunter who got into BJDs through an interest in vintage dolls and miniatures. I really just love childlike tinies and have little to no interest in the larger sized dolls.

Even this later concern isn't really enough to keep me away from a doll meet. I realize my concerns are really stupid and irrational and simply caused by my ignorance and stereotypes caused by a culturally insensitive public. Unfortunately, despite my knowing this, they still creep up.

Please don't attack me for what I have said here. I have shared this as an honest and candid look into a place in myself that I know is based on untruths and irrational fears that I hope to correct. I do not mean to make anyone feel bad or judged by the insensitive stereotypes I have referred to, and I do fully realize they are nothing but stereotypes and I need to get over myself lol.

 

Gibsongirl, I feel you.

When I went to Dolpa there were basically two kinds of women there. Normal ones and otaku types. When it came to men, there were basically just the otaku types.

I really have no interest in hanging out with otaku. I've noticed that a lot of western doll fans are those types. (Note that I'm using the looser Japanese sense of otaku, not the strict "anime" sense used in English.) It sounds horrible and elitist, but I've spent a LOT of time around otaku sorts and I just do not like that crowd. I don't like those personalities, and they do tend to be certain personalities. And there would be no assurance that a meetup was full of ordinary people who don't talk to their dolls or carry them like babies or RP with them, who are mature and not grabby and don't have immature views on collecting ...

So ... yes. And being here in Japan, chances of NOT meeting otaku collectors (of the foreigner variety) are pretty low. If they were just chill, normal people ... but no, they're all these awkward, immature and ハイテンション types.

(And to be clear, immature views on collecting are things like, "It's rude not to let me hold your doll," or "people who are careful with their dolls are doody-heads." Both of which I've heard expressed by people on this board. Not necessarily exactly in those words though.)

 

You should attend the next Volks Dolpa event in NYC - many, many of the collectors there are from a fashion doll background and some have even collected(and still do) 'serious' antique dolls. Its a good mix of older and younger doll fans, so you'll have less of a chance of meeting the types you don't want to meet if you don't want to - its a big enough crowd for you to pick and choose, and avoid! And though there may not be a large amount of tinies there (Volks doesn't even sell bjds that size), some of the giveaways are tiny in size. And you could tell who collects that size by the bjds that they bring to the doll party - many people meet afterwards too.

Yeah, you're in the minority, but i've been to doll meets and doll lunches where I've seen an entire table full of tinies and their proud owners.

Eye

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
No, not really. Age isn't much of a factor to me.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
From what I can tell, lots of people think Aurora is cute. ;D

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
I've only got two outfits (as of now) and I'm quite proud of them.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Sometimes. It just takes a little nudge of encouragement for me to finally get off my lazy butt and go. xD

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Absolutely. I hear about all these dolls being picked up and handled violently. >.< Makes me scared.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
Er...not someone I know in person.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
I have a doll.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
I know I'll buy more dolls, no matter what. :3

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
Sort of. But I haven't been to one, so I wouldn't really know. ^^;

 

haha thanks so much. Now I don't feel so silly about my irrational fears :p I guess "otaku" was the term I was looking for... I definitely wasn't trying to dis anime as a whole (there are actually several anime I am quite fond of). I was definitely referring to that one type of group.

Thank you so much for the advice! NYC isn't too terribly far away, so perhaps one of these days I will be able to attend. I collect Madame Alexander dolls as well, and I have a similar problem in that I am in the minority in that world as well, except the majority of collectors are older women and their granddaughters haha.

 

Well I am willing to go to a meet and plan to in Dec. if i can make it but I do have to say I am afraid. I am pretty good with people I don't know because of collage classes and making friends but I am afraid of what people will think of my dolls and how I dress them and have factory face-ups. I really hope I don't chicken out.

 

I'm pretty asocial. I tend to be introverted, socially awkward, and mostly shy. I also have a mild fear of social situations. If I ever made friends with any doll collectors and they wanted me to accompany them to a meet, then maybe I'll consider it. However, I cannot see myself going to one alone simply because I'd be all alone in the corner all shy and awkward...

 

Incredibly shy, afraid of being judged, too old? Maybe? I feel pretty nervous about any sort of get together that has anything to do with any of my hobbies. If it's just a general one like for tea, or dinner, or a movie or something I'm OK, but when it gets into collecting, art, or other hobbies I get really anxious.

 

I would love to try going to a meetup again someday but probably if the group didn't already know each other and I wasn't the one random spare. I ususally have at least some social anxiety especially if it was something like trying to fit in to an established group of friends. It would be awesome to meet maybe one or two other doll owners in my area though, especially if they were also shy.

 

Well for one I don't drive but I too have a bit of social anxiety. That and now as one of the friends that got me into the hobby is no longer a friend...welp it would be hard to go to meets seeing as we usually rode together with our one friend that does drive.

 

You know, I attend all sorts of meets (as in, I'm a member of Star Fleet, of the local Anime club, a Browncoat, etc) - I go to DragonCon EVERY year, etc etc. I'm a huge anime fan, Tolkien freak, etc. Been in the SCA, blah blah blah
so OF COURSE I will go to meet-ups - when they are around to go to! I'm certainly NOT the anti-social type, & I'm a big Byotch when people are stupid enough to be nasty to me LOL Most aren't - I like people
I am looking forward to going to a meet in January which is supposed to be about an hour away - I went to the DragonCon ones & LOVED seeing everybody's dolls.

 

Although I'm somewhat shy I love meet-ups generally and that nervousness definitely isn't a factor. My main reason for not going to them is that there are never held within my area and when I have attempted to find others it seems most collectors are still a good distance away. Yes, I could drive the 2+ hours to San Fransisco or Sacramento, but it's just not worth it, especially since I can't afford to take time off work and would need to return in the evening for my shift and the only day I ever have off, Thursday, is smack in the middle of the week when no one else can really meet. It's frustrating as I do quite enjoy them and miss the interaction with other owners but a few hours of fun is not worth the gas money/time spent driving/missing work.

 

Gibsongirl: I feel the same as you. Just because I am Asian, all of my school life I've been stuck with the otaku group. Not like I wanted anything to do with them but they all hung around me like we had anything in common. I would especially feel out of place because the only doll I have represents a personification of Superflat, an art movement against things like anime.

 

I would love to go to a meetup if it was in my area and meet others but I'm quite busy with school and work. Another thing is that I would be a little afraid of what sort of people would be there because even thought people share collecting bjds as a hobby, there are many different sizes and I might not fit in... Nevertheless I would be willing to try if I got the opportunity

 

I'd love to go to a meet up - I believe there are two (loosely) in my area. The only trouble is that despite being 22 years old I don't drive or own a car and at least one of those meets is held on Sundays and the local public transit system for my county doesn't operate on Sundays. :< On top of being a good ways away from where I live.

It doesn't really help that new social situations where I don't know people make me nervous. I'm fine once I get into the event but the getting there and lead-up to that is.... eh.

And my only regular days off are mid-week. It's a pain to request off or trade days at my work.

 

I'm not a very social person and get anxious when I go to new places with lots of people I don't know or am meeting face to face for the first time. Basically it's an uncomfortable situation that I would just like to avoid. I have thought about going to the one that's held about 1 hour away from my house but it's at a mall on Sunday so it's even more of an issue.

 

• Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
• Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
• Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
• Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?

Check mark for all of the above.
I hardly attend any meets at all anymore due to bad happenings at meet-ups involving pretty much all of the above.
That being said; I loved Dolpa and if they have it every year (or bring it back as the case may be) then I'll be there every time.