Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
that might be the case. I'm too old to be as overly excited and squirming as those younger than me and too young to sit with the ladies and gents and maybe think my dolls are like my children long gone from home. ^^;
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? / Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
I'd jump that water and just see for myself. That wouldn't be the reason not to go.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
I wouldn't really care for that, either.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
That would be a main reason. I'm really afraid of people in public transportation getting at me. @_@
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
Nope.
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
d/a
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Maybe. But since the owners would make their dolls unique, I think I'd be more interested in the doll's owner and character. It'd be like looking at DoA photos and liking the owner for the doll's concept.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
How did you come up with that nightmare!? @_@ Nope, don't think so.

 

So far, I haven't considered going to a meetup because I am afraid I'll suddenly be surrounded by a lot of people who treat their BJDs like little people. Every time I see someone talking about their doll like it's alive, it makes me feel like I've turned the wrong corner and stepped into crazyville.

I feel terrible saying this because everyone I've met in the hobby so far seems to be perfectly nice. Also, there's a heavy fantasy and roleplaying aspect in the dolls, so it makes sense that many people would take it that extra step. Alas, it doesn't change the fact that I am really, really creeped out by the behavior.

 

Um, you mean like actual, breathing, alive, living little people? I've been to a few meet-ups with a good number of people and I've NEVER seen anything like that O.o There's a huge difference between off handedly saying the doll "wants" something or "acts" this way and actually treating an animate object like it's a flesh and blood child. Huge difference.

 

I agree with Watchword that the fear of running into people who describe their dolls as having "wants*" or as liking or disliking things is a part of what keeps me away from meetups.

The few meetups I've been to have been small, semi-private, and it's taken me plenty of bucking up the courage to turn up. That said, I've made one really good friend from going to a doll meet in a strange city, and that was well worth the heart-in-mouth fear of saying hello in the first place! I think I've blotted my copybook at my local meets by being a boring old fart and not quite "getting" how meetups go, so I just don't go along to those anymore.

*Apart from things like "She wants a hat like this to go with those shoes", in the same vein as "That soup wants eating; I bet it'll go down nice with a few biscuits" or "Those tiles want sorting out before Winter". Disclaimer for dialect forms!

 

because of Anthropophobia / agoraphobia?


edit:
watchword and Tarry: this is a bit mean to say and I can't help but feel offended by this. I am the kind to say that my doll likes/dislikes certain things. but it's not because I consider them alive or anything, it's "facts" based from the OC the doll is based on :/ and if I talk on the behalf of my doll and say things like "he likes you too" "you made him upset" etc, it's always a joke. but now, I know people like you will consider me crazy instantely because they think I'm serious -___-
and like inkybear said, I have NEVER met anyone who actually treated their dolls like their child or as if they were alive. they treat them very carefully of course since they are expensive. and those who refer to them as their baby is because they are proud of them. they paid a good ammount of money on something and belive they made it beautiful some people also do that with their cars.
and I think most people who do stuff like that don't do it seriously.

 

I have been to a few meets but its really easy for me to talk myself out of going. The few meet ups I've been to were friendly enough, but I felt really awkward. I don't really like the idea of going to someone's house whom I've never met before, or being in a group of people who know each other and just feeling obligated to talk to people. This is a very courteous hobby I've noticed, so most of the conversation is very polite and careful, which is really hard for me to get into. I am always polite, but I feel like having being nice as a dominant form of communication is like a lot of fancy small talk.

Since the subject is all about the dolls, its really hard to connect with people on any other level since it is pretty much all about dolls all of the time. I never really know what to say after "I like your doll, she is pretty." or "Did you make that dress yourself?" So I always feel awkward and a little uncomfortable. Its hard for me to really feel comfortable around everyone when I can't figure out how to get to know them. I also feel like I'm coming out of the left field interest wise, because I like my doll because she is a customizable doll, not because I want to be a hobbyist or collector. I can't imagine being a "doll person." There's nothing wrong with it or anything, I just don't feel like I can relax when I don't feel like I quite fit in.

I also never get the point of putting all the dolls on a table to look at for several hours, mingling with people I don't know or even particularly like or not, then going home. Maybe if we were playing with them or putting on face ups or something. But that is just what little I know about it. I know a lot of people and meets are different, but I still struggle with the idea of having to be in a group of "dolly people" to feel accepted or that if you like dolls you are obligated to like other people's dolls and other people who like dolls. If I go to a meet I'm always nice to everyone, even if I find certain people annoying or I don't like them. I feel like a jerk because at a meet everyone goes to have a common hobby and find other people to connect with. But I don't feel like I fit in because I don't really get it.

I don't hang out with a group of people who draw and talk about drawing just because I like to draw, and I don't meet up with people who like books and talk only about books because I like reading. If I have friends with common interests that is great, but I don't like the idea of only being friends because we both like reading, and only talking about reading. I just feel awkward when I go. Maybe I just haven't figured it all out yet. I still want to be able to connect with people through the dolls because they are not so commonplace, and you can meet a lot of interesting people that way. Its also a great way to see other kinds of dolls and learn different ways to take care of them, etc. I still go to meets and try to figure it out and have fun, but if I decide not to go to a meet that is usually why.

 

@InkyBear and@sahoma: I'm not talking about obvious jokes (I'd probably joke the same way if the situation warranted it, haha). I'm talking about folks saying, "My doll is feeling sad today!" or that a doll "acts" a certain way.

Maybe it's just that I'm really new to the hobby and something on the pragmatic side, but... how do you think it looks when somebody pops up and starts talking about their doll like it lives and breathes? You know, that it has a personality and hobbies and a love life and favorite foods and that sort of thing? It's an inanimate object, so how can it want or feel anything?

I understand the fantasy aspect, I understand why people want to look at them as little embodiments of their characters. I fully understand having the doll based on a character, and that character being fully developed. I don't understand thinking that the doll IS the character.

But then again, there are a lot of gray areas here and I don't feel confident making any more broad judgments until I've observed the BJD culture further. Again, I'm new to the hobby, maybe my perception will change as time goes on.

PS. I honestly hope you guys didn't read either of my posts as angry, as I'm really not. Sucks to try and read tone on the Internet, am I right?

 

i happen to live just far enough away from dfw area that it's a big deal if i were to drive up there for a meet. in my current location it's just not practical for me to drive long distances to go to a meet, that's not to say i don't want to ^^

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young? Nope
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? Nope
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? hehehe noooo
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? nope
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? no- I take them all over the palce!
Did you or someone else have a bad experience? Oh yes
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? Not an issue
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? well it does but no not nervous
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.) Has never happened and never heard of anything even close. In fact I have always encourage people to handle my dolls (except the faces of course). I know many people have gone on to purchase dolls after seeing how cool they are in real life- how poseable and how many things you can do with them!

I started bjd collecting from a 'gateway' collection of Vinyl dolls. I have a large chat list for one kind and have met a whole lot of people from it and from other lists I own or am on. Everyone is generous and friendly and fun and we all are so happy to be with other people who understand and share and help do fun things with our dolls. We all have different kinds of dolls too and even the other kinds we don't like- well we figure there is room for everyone.

The BJD meets I have been to have been very different. People have said rude things about my dolls faces, mocked my camera, don't seem to understand party favors (tho that seems to be getting better over time- I *always* bring pressies) and don't seem to feel like they should contribute to anyone else s good time but expect others to assure theirs. They talk to a select few and that's it. I am friendly with everyone- I always bring party favors even though my budget is zero. I help with repairs and face ups and take pictures and SHARE the pics. But only have made a few good friends which just seems so bizarre to me. It does not seem to be an age thing as some of the nicest people I met were 'kids' to me at least. Anyway I've never had a terrible time or felt the need to leave in the middle, but the few I went to- not very friendly compared to the other doll groups. I don't know why. Weird huh? They were not bad, but not a lot of motivation to go to more.

Some of my bjd friends have met up with my other doll friends and things have been great. Some people act like the only 'worthy' dolls are the ones they like. That is ridiculous. They are ALL art and they are all beautiful and interesting to someone and have value to them and should be respected for that at the very least.

I am pretty mellow and friendly and always available for help- *shrugs* dunno...I certainly have a lot of happy customers for fu and fashions. It is a shame for I had high hopes for bjd meets. Aye well. I loves me some dollies and i guess that is what really matters
QZ

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young? :: Nope.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? :: Yes, it's possible.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? :: Yes.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? :: YES.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? :: Damage, mostly. I'm paranoid every time one of them leaves the house, even if I'm taking them to a doll shop where they'd be in good hands.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience? :: I've heard stories...
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? :: N/A
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? :: No, I know what I want.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? :: I would expect snobs around my own age, actually...

Aside from the main issue of working weekends and therefore being unable to attend ANYTHING, I just don't think I'm the right kind of person for a meet. I wouldn't call myself shy, but I do have a hard time mingling. I prefer keeping to myself, which has been on more than a thousand occasions a complete detriment to my mental and social well-being. And that's just a preliminary reason I'm hesitant to attend.
My dolls aren't fantastic amazing Gallery + dolls. They don't wear designer clothing. Only one of them has a pair of shoes. And yet, they make me happy. Go figure. They're not works of art or anything, but when I look around DoA, a lot of the time I feel like they should be. There are so many 'show piece' dolls that I kinda feel like a loser for not having one. But I love my boys (and Lottie) anyway because they're exactly how I intended them, even if it's not much by some standards. And there's another: I'd rather stay away from any elitism I might run into. I get enough of that at work anyway, I'd rather not have it happen in my favorite hobby.

Point being, I feel like there's nothing I would add to a meet. I would not make it better by going, and would probably just be the awkward guy with an awkward doll unable to make conversation and going home feeling like an idiot for having taken the day off for it :\

 

I'm currently not going to meets because I have a real live human child who is mobile and will want to touch everything. In the past I didn't go to meets a lot because I didn't enjoy schlepping 45 minutes to an hour+ and paying $10+ in train fares along with possible parking (or walking 1.3 miles to get to the train station) to make it to NYC meet ups. (and I sure as heck was not going to drive into NYC!)

The last meet up I did make it to, most of the other collectors were younger than me and many were late teens early 20's (at least that is the age I guessed, luckily none of us has to state our ages) and they were all extremely lovely and polite people. None of the teens I've ever met appeared "sex crazed" nor have they ever just grabbed dolls not belonging to them (let alone started stripping them.)

 

I appreciate and agree with SO much of what you said, UsagiOchya ~ or rather, feel very similar. I suppose if it were a really big meeting (in a public place) where I wouldn't feel the strange awkwardness of talking to strangers (by taking along a friend, maybe) THAT would be better. But, it really would be nice to go and see different dolls, and maybe if there was a swap or a sale to have a focus instead of just standing around and talking about dolls for a couple of hours.
Most of my doll enjoyment is very private (like drawing, reading, painting) ~ focusing mostly on styling, redressing, setting up scenes and photographing them. I don't create stories where they exist as characters (although I think that's incredibly creative!) ~ I would probably be pretty boring!

But, I'm not apposed to going completely. Like I said, it would be fun if there was a focus like selling or trading at a public location.

 

(I've been to a couple doll-related things but not stand-alone meets. I have friends who do attend or have attended meets actively, though.)

​Do you feel you're too old or too young? Not particularly. I think as I'm in my mid-20s, I'm about average aged.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? I do worry about that if I were to bring a Dollfie Dream, but I'd bring my BJD instead anyway. However, the real problem is that I've seen a lot of people talk about their opinions on male collectors, and I've seen enough negative commentary that I don't think I'd feel totally welcome. I'd almost certainly be going with my girlfriend, who's also into dolls, but it's still a possible issue.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? I don't know about showing them off, but I don't have any problem bring them, especially as my GF makes most of them and she's an exceptional costume maker.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? As above, my gender is somewhat of a concern.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? Yes, absolutely. I have friends and acquaintances who have had dolls stolen while at meets. Some only turned away for a second and they were gone. I'm also concerned with people grabbing and damaging them.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience? As mentioned above, yes. I also have encountered people in the doll community that I couldn't possibly bear being around for the duration of a meet.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? N/A

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? Yes, but that's not what stops me from going.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.) Youth has nothing to do with it. There's a small but active minority of 20 and 30-somethings that are just as likely to do that as teenagers are. In fact, I get the impression that some of the slightly older people are more likely to do that kind of thing.

So yeah. Basically my prime concern is that there is an element in the community that doesn't have the maturity or the self-control for me to feel safe around, and that are disruptive enough to make the events less than enjoyable to attend.

I hope nobody finds any of my comments offensive, if you are in this thread to begin with, you're probably not the kind of person I have a problem with. Oh, unless, of course, you're one of the people who steals dolls, in which case I hope you're so offended that it causes you physical pain.

 

Elitism is so tiresome - I tend to laugh at it. That type of person is usually extremely easy to discompose if you go about it correctly....
But the stealing of dolls is very serious! Terrible to hear of that happening. I concur, may those who steal dolls gather to themselves all of the pain they cause their victims.

 

I haven't gone to one either due to family issues, or I've decided not to go. I don't think I would know what to do with myself. <<; I don't know anyone else in the doll hobby that I can really interact with face-to-face.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young? Not at all.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? This is my main reason for not going. It's not about being liked...but more about whether or not the people there would be taking their time out to welcome a shy newcomer or if they would just ignore me and do their own thing with their established friends. There's nothing more awkward and uncomfortable to be standing there and wandering around clueless.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? Nope, I like what my dolls are wearing and don't care if anyone feels that the cloths they wear are unoriginal or boring.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? I don't like to show off to begin with; it makes me worry that others will think of me as a snobby person.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? Nope, I bring them out occasionally to the bf's place which is a two bus ride where I have to transfer in a really crowded area. I have padding and a bjd bag, which I can feel the familiar weight as it will always be slung over my shoulders, what's there to worry about? ^_~
Did you or someone else have a bad experience? Not that I personally know of.
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? I have dolls ^.^
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? Nope, rather the opposite with getting to know dolls from different companies.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? In my experience here, the majority of people seem to be very mature.

 

It's funny because I'm a very social person, but meeting up with people for the first time can always be slightly nerve wracking! But nerve wracking in a good way because I'm really excited to meet up with the person(s) I've been talking with. I don't have my Dollfie Dream just yet, but I'll be attending a meet-up in Solvang, CA because it sounded like a good time with a handful of people. I truly look forward to meeting up with others and seeing all the different kinds of dolls there are since I am still learning about everything I can.

The only things that would keep me away from a meet-up would be if they were incredibly far away (luckily I'm carpooling with someone from DoA for the Solvang meet). When I do get my doll I'm sure I will be slightly paranoid about leaving her standing on a table, but so long as I can keep her in view I'll be okay.

And cosplayshots I'm sorry to hear that there is so much negativity towards male collectors. I don't see the problem at all with a guy collecting DDs, BJDs, etc. I actually just met up with a Male DD Owner this weekend and we had a great time chatting about DDs, about the con (PMX), and just our regular lives outside the hobby If you were local I would definitely have no problems with meeting up with you! Also just wanted to add that I check your website from time to time and love the info I've found on it. Plus I adore your Beatrice and we will be fellow Saber Extra owners soon

Meet ups aren't for everyone so for those who do enjoy them continue to do so! And to those who choose not to go to meet ups continue to enjoy the things that keep you loving this hobby

 

I'm way too young to attend any meeting, in my opinion. The closest BJD meetup group in my area has college students, at youngest, whilst I'm only just approaching highschool. I don't know how anyone else would act but I'd certainly feel awkward.. Imagine, you're 14, everyone else is like 20, and it just doesn't mix sometimes! That doesn't mean people can't get along with older or younger people, it's just the way I feel, if being the youngest of the group. ^^;;

I'm social and all- and actually, since I haven't even gotten my hands on a BJD yet, let alone touch one, it'd be great to use a meetup as an advantage just to ask a few questions about dolls, and then see the difference of the digital pictures and the real thing. It'd be awkward though- having no doll whilst everyone else just having a huge party with their own, haha.

And also, the group is around 5 or 6 hours away, so that's one contributing factor. The problems of living in a small city!

 

I used to go to meet-ups all the time; I haven't been to one in almost a year. But, I'm not an overly social person and I'm usually ready to leave within the hour, especially if we're sitting in one place for several hours (I get antsy very easily.)

And I'm one of the oldest ones in my area at 27, when everyone else is 21/22/23. So, I always feel a little out of place.

 

I think most people need to get over them selves. Meets i'm organizing welcome everyone and that's how i met most of my friends. I find them in the are on forums and pretty much tell them they are going XD No option given. I try and make feel everyone like they belong, we play with every doll, share stuff like clothes and talk about all sorts of things, talk about dolls until you find other common interests. We take eachother's dolls all the time, i trust other's with mine and i hope other's know i'm just as careful with theirs. I let people i didn't really know but who wanted a doll to hold one of my boys for the meet and apocalypse (surprise, surprise) didn't start.
Age plays little difference to us too. I have a friend who was reluctant to come because she was older, but does it really matter? Really. We have Otakus too. Oh well roll your eyes and laugh or join them. Everyone are passionate about something. No one is talking to you? Jesus just talk to someone, they might be just as shy. Explain that you are newb, most are glad to help and talk.
I treat my dolls as friends or family members and i didn't met anyone who is weirded out by that. I know many of my friends do too, after all we put so much love and energy into them, how could you treat it like a furniture?
Meets are there for a reason . To meet people, catch up and are about dollies mostly. Just take a deep breath and go. You'll have fun.