Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

I hate going to doll meets.
First and for most, I'm obese and some what anti-social to all human kinds.I tend to only have 3-5 close friends and that's it :\
i am also sometimes the youngest when goin to doll meets.( They are all 20 and above @.@ ) ,excluding a friend of mine which just recently graduated from her high school.but yes, still older.
but the reason why I'd have to encourage myself and to be brave enough to go to the meet up sometimes, is because the one holding the event is the one dear bjd friend of mine who is particularly almost the same age as I am and yes, she's really well mannered and kind and it'll be sad to not attend to a doll meet she held and invited me to go to.
so..yea..that's my reason x_x

 

I feel a bit intimidated by entering a group full of people who already know each other fairly well. I sat through one of their meetups a bit awkwardly and ended up leaving shortly after. I have been aiming to try again, though. It would be nice to have some doll friends. ^^;

 

I generally like more personal meets. I used to host a lot of them at my old apartment, when I lived alone, because it was a controlled environment where people knew their dolls would be safe. Sometimes I would have up to 20 dolls on my couch I also like to do small meets in public places with lots of personal space allowance, like gardens, or private tea rooms.

I don't go to meets at malls, or conventions generally. I find the setting to be too unpredictable, and the purpose of the meet-up to be skewed. I like meets to be about the dolls, and not about the venue. I also like to be able avoid literally sticky situations. Mall food courts tend to be unclean, and I'm not going to be able to shop because I wouldn't want to put my doll down anywhere for fear of it getting snatched.
I do take my doll to small food places, like coffee shops, or family owned restaurants that I know like my dolls. But those kinds of places are only good for meeting with 2 or three people with maybe one doll each.

 

I just went to my very first meeting. For us newbees, it's a bit intimidating. We don't know anyone (well, I did because I talk to one girl a lot because she works as a fabric store I frequent). It's a bit unnerving to just walk into some stranger's house for the first time, even if you've been invited to come.

Not having a doll yet is also a bit scary. I had eyes. That's it. I brought them.

They were a great group of people and I relaly look forward to more meetings...and introducing them to my doll once I receive him.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?

I feel too young, because the people who I've seen run the bjd panels at my local anime convention were older than the age of people I usually hang out with.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?

I'm worried about me, not my doll. I'm almost always a very likable person (I base that off the fact that I've never had an argument with anyone outside of my parents), but its because I always wonder what others think so I often muffle my own opinions.

If I go once but don't like it, I'll feel really bad for not going again. ._.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?

My girl doesn't have any great outfits yet, but her clothes are decent. However, she is very very loosely strung so I'm embarrassed about the fact I'm too wimpy to restring her.
My boy is muscular and well-strung, but he only has a pair of pajamas.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?

I'm always reluctant to go out and try new things, especially when they involve people. For example, this summer, I turned down all invitations to parties, and only left the house to go shopping, to church, and a big anime convention.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?

The meet-ups are at a restaurant, so to a degree, yes.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?

I never even thought about that. Oh no. D8[B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]

[B]Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?

[/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B]I'm actually one of those youngsters, but I act very mature, just because of my personality. I'm afraid of those kind of teenagers too though. ^^;;[B][B][B][B][B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B]

 

First and foremost, I live in Mexico XD. So meet-ups are few and scarce (I still wouldn't attend one, I think D: )

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
Yeah, I actually feel a little too young. I'm 19 now, so it's not as bad, but most people in the hobby are above 20 so...I dunno, I'd feel intimidated.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Not my doll. I mean, I don't think people are rude enough to tell you your doll is ugly, and as far as preferences go...well, to each their own. But I do fear...I won't fit in, not liked :3. Taking into account age and all that.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Not really. I mean, most of them I bought, so...o___oU Hopefully I have a decent taste, at least XD. I have a few I've sewn, but I think they're fairly decent.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Yes. But that's not exclusive to this hobby XD. I'm just generally an extremely shy person and would only go if I knew somebody from real life or really well.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
No, not really.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
I already want to purchase new dolls and can't afford them so...no =w=.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
I think I could still be considered a teenager, so no. I think that's a stereotype. Most people in the hobby, no matter the age, tend to be very careful with their own dolls and that, to me, is a sign of responsibility :3.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?

Back when I was 16 and first attended meet-ups I knew I was younger but I was much more mature and made very close friends with 30 year olds. A few years later and I moved and when I returned once more the crowd was very different. I recognised some faces but they didn't notice me. It was a horrible experience and I'd only intend to meet up with friends in the doll-world.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?

Many of the people there are very open minded, they will complement or take interest in your doll which is also encouraged in yourself, so it's nice.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?

My outfits have always been a sewing machine disaster and far from pro but a lot of the people had similar experiences. If you have no money you have to start somewhere!

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?

I'm good at customer service so I can be nice to everyone as long as they are back. If they don't like me, so be it.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?

Damage most definitely. I have had many terrifying accidents. However I am always conscious of where my money/bag is and my camera.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?

No, I'm quite picky with dolls but they give me inspiration.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?

I've seen a lot of it at meets I've been to but it can be slightly humorous. If you don't like the idea at all it can be pretty annoying. You can avoid it if you're in a big group though.

 

It seems like a lot of people have anxiety about doll meets. When I hosted in Jacksonville, everyone kept coming back to mine and seemed to be having fun. I'm wondering how much of an exception to the rule my little groups are.
Why are people feeling so alienated? Are doll people turning into rude, scary people with really exclusive groups of friends? I've heard of changes in area groups from people I know in different cities, where long time collectors just stop going to meets because they don't like the shift in attitudes.

Maybe some people in the community need to see that they aren't as welcoming and inclusive as they think they are. It makes me sad that young people are afraid to go to meets

Also, maybe you guys that are nervous about meeting old timey collectors could band together and have meets for newbs! Even if you don't have dolls, everyone could meet in the library (coffee shop, or anywhere else public) and talk about it, and share eyeballs that you have while waiting on dolls? It's supposed to be fun, not a cause for stress!

Best of luck, friends!

 

I agree with Elasaid, I think people are worrying about a lot of things that aren't a big deal (ex age, friends to bring along) or are a matter of perspective (if you're feeling excluded). Not that there aren't some rude people out there, but I think people get paranoid and feel rejected when they haven't been.

I didn't go to meets for a long time simply because it never occurred to me that there even were meets in my city. I'm a really shy quiet person, and I didn't have anyone to come with me to my first meet, but I got up the courage and had a lot of fun! I've been to almost every meet since. My group is small and has a mix of people of different ages, etc. Though, I think it would have been more difficult if the meet had lots of people, because the more people there are around me the less I can say and the more quiet and awkward I feel. I think that's why I never enjoy the anime clubs I've been to--it's a room full of strangers who already know each other and I don't know how to work my way in ._.

 

I just haven't found many people in my area who are into dolls in general

 

I wouldn't call myself a collector yet, but even still, I have yet to go to a meeting because I feel like I know so little of the collecting world, I feel others may look down on me or not be able to relate to me. Also, in general meetups make me nervous because I tend to be very quiet and people think I am being stuck up, but really I am just shy >.<

 

I think distance to travel is an issue, I'm very quiet with people I don't know so I don't tend to talk to people. And in public places accidents can happen to dolls and of course there is a risk of them getting stolen or dare I say it even forgotten.

 

I am shocked to hear that some people have had other people insulting their dolls. There have been some dolls that I am not keen on, but insulting somebody's doll is like insulting their outfit, or their hairstyle, or their pets. It is terribly cruel... Actually, whilst I have never had anybody insulting my doll, my sister did say that my dog wasn't as beautiful as my other dog, which made me very angry because they are both beautiful. Having a complete stranger insult something of yours though is even worse!!!

I think the way I went about it was perfect for me. I went with a friend to meet one other person in a coffee shop. My friend is louder than me, so when I was a little shy, she made sure there were no awkward moments of silence, so then I felt more comfortable and I'm now, because I eased into it, I'm good friends with the other doll owners we meet up with.

But being convinced to purchase a new doll, having someone strip my doll and putting them in strange positions is what my friend and I do constantly. When she showed me her new doll, I immediately pulled down his trousers. And then, she kept saying that I would never stick with just one doll, and I did end up buying another. We've been friends for a long time so it's pretty funny. But I don't approach somebody else's dog just because I like it, so I wouldn't touch their dolls either, unless they let me.

And I never feel unworthy: if somebody doesn't like my dolls, I'll tell them to complain to someone who cares. My dolls are perfect for me and I've worked hard to make them that way. Why am I going to care what some other nasty person thinks?

 

I would love to go to a meets, but can't seem to find one here in In. I would not mind hosting one myself. I think it would be nice for me to meet more people like me who love their doll, and want to share with others. So if you are in the fishers, noblesville area give me a hit.

 

I used to be looking forward to a doll meet, but after my most recent one with my facebook doll group. I completely gave up on trying , there was a girl that was on my facebook friend list so i went up to say hi to HER (Just her only) she actually turned to her friend who is sitting infront of her and asked her " You know her??" Its just pure rude.... and hurting..... We met before to trade , and if you really cant recognize me, you can just ask me " You are??" It would sound less hurtful then turning to your friend and asking her if she knows me or not.... darnny.

And another bad thing about my facebook group is they form cliques, if you dont have expensive doll, you are just nothing..... they give me this image by just sitting by them self and having a small group by the corner with their expensive volks dolls.....

Above 2 things is many of thoes which puts me totally off doll meets... there are many other fears and other factors but nah... no wall of text this time.....

 

It's hard to go to a new place with people you don't know but can be worth it but it's like that with everything in life

 

Jadey sorry to hear that. But I still want to go to a meet. You just have to find the right one if you are still up to it. Next time try taking a friend with you. That away you will already have some one there you know.

 

I've never gone to a meet, though I've thought about it. I think the fact that I know there are a lot of doll owners in my area (Vancouver BC) and I could find several meets a year to go to, if I wanted, makes me a bit lazy. Also I'm just a home-body by nature. But in response to the questions:

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
-no idea. I do sometimes get the sense that people my age usually have more SeriousBusiness! hobbies, and a lot of doll collectors may be both younger (high school/college age) and older (retirement age) than me. Just an impression, though.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
-not really, although meeting new people is something I can be a little nervous of I'm still fairly good at being gregarious with strangers, especially if we share a common interest as in a doll meet we surely would. I hope my dolls would be liked, I think I have a nice mix in my collection and I'd probably bring two or three if I was going to a meet.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
-personally I really like my dolls' outfits, they're not the most elaborate ones out there and I'm sure not the greatest seamstress, but I think they fit well and have personality and a little individual style to them. Definitely nice enough to be seen in (except the ones that aren't finished of course).

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
-hope not. I don't worry much about what people think of me, but at the same time I try to be friendly and pleasant and get along with people, especially when I'm first meeting them. I can get chatty when I'm nervous/excited, but chatty wouldn't be too bad a thing at a doll meet, right?

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
-this this this... not even so much damage or theft as my own absent-mindedness. I nearly left a dolly carrying case in a ferry terminal once, that scared me badly enough not to want to take them out much.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
-nope

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
-nope (got 7)

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
-nope (got a wishlist, sticking to it)

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
-I'm pretty confident that if I went to a meet, most or all people there would treat each other's dolls with respect. That's all I really mind about.

To sum up, I don't go/haven't gone to meets because 1) I'm lazy finding out about them, 2) I tend to stay home in my spare time, and 3) I'm afraid to take my dolls out in case I leave them somewhere or they get damaged or stolen.

 

the main reason i don't go is because as far as i know there is no one anywhere near me that collects bjds to meet with. also i'm a full time mom to two handicapped kids so it is hard for me to get out anyway. meeting over the internet is just much easier and it allows me to meet people all pver the world so i don't really miss it much

 

I second this... i feel like an outcast.....