Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

In my doll group there's some issues with 'inner circles' and cliques. The people in the group that have been around longer and know each other better do all the planning and so they plan events according to their schedules. I find that to be a little inconsiderate, so while i actively participate on our facebook page I don't think I'll bother too much with meetups. they're aren't mean but I feel like im invading on their relationships lol?

 

I have severe social anxiety. I'd be a nervous wreck! And I feel like there's not point to it though, but I'd totally go to a Dollpa. I don't really know why though..

 

I don't go because the group tends to sit around in the same place and not go anywhere and talk about subjects I dont have much interest in a lot of the time. I'd rather just be outside on my own finding nice photography spots and maybe one other person if they're avaliable. I've also never been terribly happy being social in a group, I'm the type to be happier alone or socializing with one, maybe two other people.

 

Shyness, mostly...

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
No, not that.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Possibly. I'm new, can't restring anything, and my dolls have their imperfections (little chips in their blushing, unrealistic makeup on one).

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Probably not, but that's less important to me than the dollies themselves.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Yes - my devotion might not go as far as other people's. I'm admiring, careful and fascinated, but maybe not in-crowd material that has their dolls fall in love with someone else's...
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh).
Hm. I did mention I practiced martial arts for a while, yes?

 

I have indeed found that there have been maturity issues with meetups I've gone to in the past. I'm not terribly keen to go again.

 

Since I moved back I haven't had time to make friends with other fellow BJD collectors in the country. I have gone to 2 conventions but I didn't know anyone there so I focused on buying things.
Also, the place that I live is kind of inconvenient so that hasn't really spurred me either.

 

I have gone to several meet ups over the years and met some really great and fun people, but I have two real life kids at home now that require my attention, and also work a lot of hours, so I don't have much time anymore.

I have, however, found the doll community to be made up of mostly extraordinarily nice people for the most part. I would love to find a couple of doll people near me to hang with, because none of my local friends are in to dolls, and they think the hobby is childish and a waste of money.

I do know of a collector who had a meet up in her home once and sadly had a doll stolen, so you do need to take precautions, and this could be a deterrent for some, as I know it was pretty well known about in many doll groups that it had happened. I don't think that should stop anyone though, just be smart about it.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young? I feel right with my age, there are people at my meet that are young and older, we accept pretty much anyone as long as they can respect the place we managed to get and the people at the meet.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? I'm pretty confident in my dolls and their cuteness, everyone else seems to really like them.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? I love showing off the outfits I've made! I'm not judgy on others dolls outfits, they get what they can and that's understandable, I did the same when I first got a BJD, lol she wore a scrap of fabric and still looked great.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? I can think that way sometimes, especially since I suffer a case of what they call social anxiety (basically an introvert but with anxiety attacks), I just stand my ground and believe in what makes me happy...sometimes you just have to smile and wave at the people that don't understand.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? The first meet I went to I went with a friend, my doll never left me, but over time I came to realize how protective others were of their dolls, I also learned who i could trust. not everyone is trust worthy, even in this hobby. So always on my guard.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience? I could say that about half of my meet up group felt like there was a divide...we (that is those that felt left out form what seems like the bulk of the group or a room full of people who made out with their own cliques) eventually made our own meet up that I'm glad to say is very successful and everyone that comes is part of the family.
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? I think I might feel left out if I didn't have a doll to show for at a group but based off the reactions of people who brought someone without a doll to a group (but wants one of course) they seems to be in awe of the dolls, not only that but I always like to help them in on information about the dolls to maybe help them about getting one.
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? For some this has happened...lol I don't need a meet up to make me nervous about wanting to buy a new doll...I do that on my own ^^"
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? This is something I fear at meet ups, and I'm sure it happens at other meets, but as far as I'm concerned if someone is messing with my expensive doll in a way that I'm not comfortable with, they will be told and they will also be told to calm down around the dolls.

I'm not sure what life will hold in the future for me. Meet ups are fun and I've made some really good friends. Meet-ups might not be forever, but at least the experience is what I need for the time being...gives me a chance to get out of the house and interact with people.

 

I, like others have mentioned, also suffer from a rather severe social anxiety disorder. The older I get, the worse it seems to get. But that is only a part of the reason I don't do meetups of any kind, for one I generally dislike people lol and don't want to be around them, but the main thing is, I'm just not that into dolls in the sense that I feel the need to go to a meetup or con. Yes, I have like 20 (and no, I don't know how many I have lol. Truth be told they're all in boxes, in storage, I've been sort of out of the hobby for gosh, years now! But I'm dipping my toes in the water again!) but it's not like they are a big part of my life. If I went to
any sort of thing like this it would be for shopping purposes I suppose, but I prefer online dealings. I only go to reptile cons for example when I'm looking to make a purchase, not to meet people.

 

I was that kind of person before. simply because I just don't want take my dolls out and let them expose to sunshine and other things which might happen and hurt them. Another reason is I am a shy ... But since I knew more friends, I started to go some meetups.

 

I don't feel too young or too old.

My dolls are beautiful (if I dare say so). They are also pretty "normal" looking if you will. No tattoos, weird piercing, weird hair or eyes. So they are very "not-offensive" for most people. So I don't foresee anyone really hating them or anything.

Their outfits are great. I dress them nice to go out with other dolls hehe

I like to think I'm a nice person for the most part. I tend to get along with most people, and I am usually a very understanding person

I don't know what people think about my appearance. I always wear black everything, with Docs, so I would think the focus is more on the dolls than me

I organize meets myself, because I like getting together with other doll people to talk and stuff, and hand with the dolls. I can trust them to not damage my dolls, so that is not an issue, but I try to make the meets at safe places where I know that we won't have to worry about anyone's doll being stolen. I know things can happen, but at least we try to prevent issues.

About bad experiences, there's been a few things. First time I took my very first doll out in public for pictures, I went to a little park downtown and was approached by some young thugs, drinking alcohol in public. I got a bad feeling, so I picked up my doll and put her in her bag and left. I've heard of other people having dolls stolen at conventions. Not quite a meetup, but still a public outing with dolls. I heard of someone else that had someone threaten to break her doll "for no reason". Then I found out she brought that up on herself. That might seem harsh and mean, but I can't explain. Don't know if it counts that the bad experience she had at that meet was because she was so horrible to those people.

I did hold out at first, and waited to get my first doll before going to a meet. I know now that was silly and I should have gone before that, and met some dolls and people I do encourage members of my group to bring friends that don't have dolls as well so they can get a "feel" for the dolls. But I honestly felt silly showing up without a doll when I didn't know anything. I thought I might look like the creepy person at the playground, without a child lol
I don't think meets will make me want to purchase new dolls. I do that well enough without meets, thank you very much

I think people of all ages in the hobby learn Doll Etiquette sooner rather than later, for the most part. I also like to think that people would respect other people's possessions, even if they have to be told once, if they didn't know the rules. so I have never expected a group of crazies doing crazy stuff like that.

 

I'm afraid of an accident happening,
and the majority of the people in my doll community that go to the meet ups
seem to be friends already, and its hard for me and my dolls because I feel like
I'm invading some inside circle I'm not part of.

But that said, when I do have the nerve to speak up I have had some very positive experiences at meet ups!

 

We (my fiance and I) went to a meet up one. It was at a beautiful arboretum, lots of flowers and picture opportunities there. Around maybe 10 people were there, it was small. When we arrived we put our dolls on the table with all the others and were looking and admiring all the other dolls. ...it was extremely awkward. No one else was talking to anyone, we even asked some people about their dolls and we got very curt responses in return. My friend offered a small prop we had (a baby rattle) to one of the ladies who had a baby bjd and she somewhat rudely refused it. We ended up leaving the group to walk in around by ourselves and met a couple of people who had never heard of bjds before who were very nice.

It was not the best experience and I don't see getting enough out of a good doll meet to really put much effort into going to another.

 

I have been to two meet-ups in two different cities and my experiences both times were less than great. Part of the problem I think is that I am shy and trying to get in with a group of people who have already known each other a long time is hard for me. I posted on one group's Facebook and was pretty welcomed on there. But, in person, I didn't feel very included in either group. No one but the couple of people next to me tried to talk to me or introduce themselves so I just felt really awkward being there. Despite how welcoming they say they are, there is a problem of exclusiveness with some groups that makes it hard to join in unless you already know someone there, which I did not.

 

^ This! For the most part. I already knew coming into this world that I would primarily socialize with people online and not go to meet ups. I'm far far more outgoing online than I am in person. I like my internet friends, I'm very solitary in real life.

 

Same here. I'm not a social butterfly; going to buy beads, fabric, and paint is a major expedition for me.

Also, the local meetups I see advertised seem to revolve around a potluck or be at a sandwich place or something. I have severe food allergies so being around allergens like that would leave me very ill for weeks afterwards. I literally can't go.

 

Well, I am a rather socially awkward person and very shy in "real life". I can't really have fun with a lot of people around me, I feel very self consious and awkward. The only way for me to feel more confident in a big group of strangers is by being with a friend, but even then, I usually just ignore / don't socialize with the rest.
There are not a lot of collectors in my country so our "bjd meet" is like 4-5 people so far...that's good for me though~

 

I know a few people with BJD's but I have never gone to a meet-up. I don't think they would be my cup of tea. I have ADHD so I also can't focus as well and to be honest; I don't really like hanging out with people lol!

 

After a lot of years of performances and presentation, I have to say I overcame nervousness and anxiety while meeting a huge group of strangers and people who are generally more experienced than me. I know how to be thick-skinned to go into circles and be polite and start introducing myself. If they want to be friends, I gladly chat with them, if not, it is totally fine. So far, everyone is happy that I take photos of my doll with theirs. I must say, the local community I am in right now is made up of absolutely awesome and friendly owners!

The two things that will stop me from going to doll meets are the transportation money to get to the venue, and my schedule.

 

Honestly, I just don't want to anymore as I get nothing from them.
They all tended to run together; same people, same dolls, same conversations.
They were useful when I first started in the hobby. Though meets was able to get a tonne of information that really helped in the early years.


Plus me focusing on esthetics and not caring about backstories got me called a 'bad collector' a few times which pissed me off.