Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

So far, I really enjoy meet-ups. I'm a bit shy around strangers, and have many of the anxiety issues listed in the OP, but at the same time I tell myself that what other people think do not matter to me. In my opinion, if you want to attend a meet-up but are nervous/shy/anxious/etc then ask a friend to attend with you. This is what I do, although it helps that my best friend is also a BJD collector and fan.

It may be the region the meet-up you're attending in as far as the maturity level of attendees. For the most part, I have found that the vast majority of the collectors in my area are normal, sane, and friendly people who respect each other's dolls. Rarely have I gone up to someone at a meet-up here and was met with a cold shoulder or curt response. On the other hand, I have found that the convention meet-ups I have attended have exhibited some of the characteristics a few people have listed in this thread; they primarily seem only interested in their own dolls or their friends next to them. There tends to be no interaction and there seems to be a trend in a hostile vibe if they are approached by anyone else. This happened recently to me at an anime convention in Tampa--my best friend and I arrived late for the meet-up, so many people had already left and were packing up, but we walked around to see who was out. I was shocked that we were met with several glares. This has made me reluctant to go through the trouble of bringing my dolls to cons, because there's no fun in that. So far, I prefer non-convention meets.

Really, meet-ups are for people who love to socialize in person with other collectors and see other dolls "in the flesh". There's nothing wrong in never wanting to participate in something like that.

 

I think it may also have to deal with the area your in. I know alot of the Southern California owners have worked hard to make the local meetups open and friendly to everyone, including new people, and those without dolls even. Then we are also lucky that we have a large range of people into the hobby in our area, so it's easier to find people you would feel comfortable around.

 

Not at all - if you're shy, you're shy. That's just the way it is.

However, if you *do* manage to get to one of the London meets, I doubt they'll seem like strangers for long - once a few of them have approached to ask about your dolls, the ice will have broken and you'll be in the thick of it, dolly geeking with the rest.

Teddy

 

I love our local meetups, when I can get to them. 'Normal' people have weekends off, so that's usually when they plan meets, and it's really hard to get a weekend day off when you work retail. x_x
Still, it's one of the best parts of the doll hobby, IMHO. I love meeting new dolls, seeing new sculpts, seeing what people have bought/made for them. I particularly love a doll-in-progress where at one meet I get to see hir new out of the box, and at the next s/he has hir proper eyes, then hair, then clothes, and oops, a few months later an even better wig is found, and so on. ^__^ I particularly love meeing new SDs, because I have something of a wig collecting problem, and I adore trying my wig collection on other dolls. ^^; (With permission of course.) It's become sort of a tradition at our meets that someone has to swap wigs at least once. ^.~

I can totally understand being nervous, though. That's why I try very hard to greet new doll owners and invite them to come, so they know they're welcome. I'm somewhat of a hermit myself, so taking that first step can be a doozy. x.@ But I'd hate for anyone to miss out on the awesome fun that is to be had. Particularly when we hit up the zoo or gardens or other fun photo op places. ^___^ Plus, it's always a good thing to have extra dolly-catchers for those windy Oregon days. x_X

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
No, that's not an issue with me. As I lurk the meet up thread for my area, I see there are alot of people of different ages and they seem to be fully welcomed by all.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I'm worried something stupid I say might make me very unliked. I tend to say stupid things and worry if by asking a question about someone's doll I might accidentally offend them. I'm not quite sure yet which things are okay to ask and which are not. Like if by asking "Oh, what wig color is this? It's so lovely! " people will think I'm planning to rip off their doll or something when I was really just curious and wanting to get to talk and socalize with people a bit, let them talk about their dolls, you know?

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
So-so on that one. I've sewn a few things for my own and my friend's MSD, they're nothing like company quality, but they're not sloppily done, either. I know some people's dolls there will be 'decked out' in head to toe in details, so my simple clothes will look silly next to theirs, but I plan to remind myself that simple is what I was going for when sewing them.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
In a way, yes. I'm a very dull person in real life, I'm kind of afraid people will be like "How is someone so dull into such a creative hobby as BJDS? ".

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Not at all, if a doll isn't safe at a doll meet, is it safe anywhere?

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
A friend of mine spoke of a few uncomfortable things when she went to one. But then again she is a different person than me (a lot louder - I see how some people could find her rude or annoying) and this was also a different area meet up then I plan to go to. But it does make me worry a bit.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
That too. I won't be getting a doll until September. I'd really like to see some things in person (like an SD! ) before then, but I'm kind of too worried to go until I have my own doll. I don't really want to be the odd lurker girl there while everyone else is showing off a new outfit to their friends, or a new doll or something. It's like walking into someone's home on Christmas and watching as they open their presents, and you've never met them before.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Nope. Plain and simple on that one.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
Young, yes. Almost every BJD owner I've met was in college or older. I only met one who was younger than me. So it's a bit intimidating...

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Kinda, but taking him to ACen made me get rid of that fear. Everyone I ran into liked him.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
.....Yes, yes yes yes yes. I sew everything for my boy and almost never buy clothes from actual doll sites for him. They're just too expensive and too easy to make.
At ACen, I ran into so many extravagant dolls that were dressed up all nice, had tons of expensive customizations and it was easy to see they weren't cheap themselves. I dunno...having a Bobobie, the cheapest of them all, I just feel sorta....poor compared to them. None of my dolls were over $250

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Kinda. I've always been underestimated because of my age. I hate being talked down to and treated like a kid just because I'm younger than someone. Sure, I'm not the most mature person or the smartest, but god give me a chance before you start talking down to me like I don't know anything.
Not to mention, I tend to be a bit awkward to talk to. I'm always afraid that stuff I say offends people or makes me seem stupid or that people won't like me based on things I say. I tend to believe everyone hates me and judges me the second they see me. Odd fear, I know.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
I was. While holding him in the car on the way to ACen, I prayed every ten seconds that he would be safe and that no one would take him. Chicago isn't the best town and I know pickpockets thrive for these big events. I just thank god that he came home safe, unscathed, and with nothing missing.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
Nope. Not me or anyone else to my knowledge.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
I know I'd feel silly. I walked in on a meetup by accident at Mitsuwa and had to resist telling everyone how pretty their dolls were and asking to touch them. xD Thankfully, my cousin pulled me away before I made a fool of myself.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Oooh yeah. I saw one doll stand at ACen selling clothes and stuff. There were some really cute (and affordable) dolls there...Xion got jealous.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
Sometimes. Though a lot of my friends have done that to him...but they asked so it's a bit less annoying. I would get annoyed if a complete stranger just grabbed him and ripped off his pants. Not to mention, my generation makes me sick. I feel ashamed to even admit I'm part of that teenage generation.

 

I don't have problems with going to meets at all, even if I'll be the youngest there pretty soon. I consider myself very mature, and I've always done well fitting in with 'older crowds'. It helps that I was at the first meet for the current group too, so I've known most everyone from the beginning, except for the newest folks.

A friend of a friend has had problems with meets before though, people being very snippish about her dolls and asking very rude questions, so she refuses to go to any meets at all.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
I don't think I am old XD

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I fear for my dolls, I care less for me, even if yeah make me anxious, I can be very talkatvie as I can be very quiet if I'm with the wrong persons.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Without sounding pretentious, I sew them and I'm proud of this then no !

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
No one should feel unworthy o-O ... no matter how you look ! In my case, I'm not afraid of people, as dancer I went enough time on stage, and don't feel afraid anymore of others eyes on me lol I just hate my hair because it never obeys me, so you could see me with odd hair -_-

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Damage, maybe, theft ? Already said in a previous thread that no one should try to steal my dolls ...... ^w^ except this I'm nice girl I swear lol

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I don't really base myself on others experience, plus you can't never really trust someone words.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
Have dolls ^w^

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Blah no

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
No need to be young to be immature ! XD Anyway if it would happens, I would leave for sure. That's not my taste, sorry ^^
But as I would fear to be quiet like a wall, I would be filled with anxiety and wouldn't go to a meet. And being afraid to fall on wrong persons doesn't help either ! And also I fear my dolls being rejected and I wouldn't like this at all ....

But yeah, there are no meet around me then, I don't have to worry, but I wish I could meet some dolls owner but ... yeah no one around.

 

Usually my faith in the decency of humanity is enough to outweigh my misgivings, which are usually few and far between at the prospect of seeing my doll friends, but I have occasionally abstained, so to speak, because of some issue or other. My very first experience with my dolls outside of my house was a terrible one, and involved my poor boy's head being thrown across a field like a football, and that deterred me from doing ANYTHING with my dolls for a while.

Last year I went to a convention meetup, and someone who is generally well-respected in the doll community down here made some patronizing, hurtful comments about one of my dolls because he was a hybrid. I went home feeling self-conscious and generally crummy, and the next day's meet was not as fun as it could have been, so on the third day of the festivities I stayed home. I see no need to subject myself to discomfort and deal with inhospitable people when I can enjoy myself perfectly well on my own or elsewhere.

That said though, my good experiences far outweigh my bad ones, and nothing so far, knock on wood, has scared me away more than temporarily. I do think that I have self-worth issues, and some things that need to be changed about the way I see myself, but I have found that I'm lucky to be in a place where most doll people are pleasant, friendly, and are worth getting to know, so I tell myself that I won't be the focus of attention and suck it up to have a good time. Thinking about it perhaps that's why I usually bring so many of my dolls to events, to deflect people's attention away from myself. Food for thought!

 

I think people have had bad experiances that's why they don't go. I've only been to one for about 20mins, I'm quite shy so it's just not a great social situation for me.

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
No, there are people of all ages.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I don't care. I love my doll and that's all that matters to me.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
All my dolls dress nice so no.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
No, I don't care what people think of me or my doll.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
There is always that worry when you take a doll out at anytime.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I haven't.
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
No I have 5. No silliness for me.
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
No I've got all the dolls I need.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
lol No, but I do try to have trust in people that they won't be grabby. If I didn't like the way people were acting I'd just leave. I don't care about things like that, if I look rude or what they think. If I'm not having fun I just go.

 

Another shy, nervous person here. I also have no transport and am always afraid of getting lost, so don't like to go to people's houses for meetups. i would ask my mum to come but she has enough to do with work and such.

Though I am hoping to go to London film and comic con, and attend the talk on BJDs there and see a few dolls, though I don't think I'll approach anyone, because I'm so shy and tend to think that people will snap at me or instantly hate me xD And seeing some of the answers doesn't help that phobia..lol.

 

I love going to meets, but I thought I'd take the time to answer these questions anyway.

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
Not at all. I'm in the middle 20's, which is pretty much the average age group of BJD'ers in my area. Even still, I've hung out with collectors of all ages, and I've never had a problem with any of them.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
It actually never crossed my mind. I don't sit up at night and wonder, "What will they think of me?" It honestly doesn't matter. I am who I am. As for the latter half of the question, if someone is petty enough to dislike me because of my doll, well... I have bigger things to worry about.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Well, sometimes I get a bit "meh" about having the same old outfits they always wear, but those misgivings are my own. It inspires me to spoil them a bit more, I admit.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Showing off? Hardly. There's not much I really brag about, and if I did, it would have to be something really worth bragging about (I just saved a child from a burning building; I just discovered the cure for cancer; I found where they hid Jimmy Hoffa).

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Heck no. If someone is stupid enough to try and damage/steal my things, well... They'd learn the error of their ways fairly quickly.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
Not really. Of all the meets I've attended, there've been a few tense moments here and there, but nothing bad. Drama attacks everywhere; I simply try to dodge it whenever possible.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
N/A, since I have several, but I would never begrudge someone who was curious or wanted to ask questions. Why not learn from people who have the knowledge?

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Nervous, no, but I admit there is some strong enable-fu in this community. You know who you are.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
It's happened once or twice, but I wasn't mad. I think I was more confused that I'd never noticed it happening until pictures had already been taken.

To all you who are nervous, just give it a chance! Most of us are pretty nice, and we don't bite. Cliques happen, yes, but that shouldn't deter you from what could potentially be some of the best friends you'll ever make.

 

I have gone to meets that were unpleasant. I'm not very social either so that makes it difficult for me to just talk to people I don't know. I have gone to convention meets and had a pleasant time although again, I don't talk to a lot of poeople and I always feel like my dolls are relatively ignored so I don't really seek out doll meets. In addition to THAT (LOL) I live in an isolated area without many owners so there isn't even the option of attending meets and trying to get to know people....

 

i have refused to go to certain meetups either because of venue, who was hosting it, or who was going to be there. bad experinces tend to lend a hand to making these decisions.

 

As of now it's starting to be held on weekends which I can't go. Other things going on. So as of now, I don't go because I have other things I have to do.

 

I'm neutral to meets. As long as they aren't boring.

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
Depends. Almost always people think I'm younger than them. So I don't really care. Unless everyone start saying things like 'you're the oldest/youngest person here~', then I'll start to get very conscious...

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Not really. If they don't like me or my doll and they show it rather obviously, I'll leave the meet actually. (Did do that to my friend's meet. Apologised to her like hell...but her friends didn't like my dolls. They thought they were 'creepier' than theirs.)

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Not really. I don't care what they think about my dolls' outfits. As long as I like it.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Hmm...can't think of a reason for me to show off. Heard from a friend that there's a group of doll owners who go round harping about their dolls' brands/price tags/made-in-which-country. I don't do that. I'm very happy with owning China made dolls. I think they're prettier.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Definitely there's fear for damage. Theft not so...'cause I'm the type who actually looks after her belongings. The damage fears...well...when taking public transport, when taking photos of dolls together...there's always the risk of having some domino effect or them toppling to the floor at dangerous heights...
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
My closest friend. When she wasn't paying attention to one of her dolls(she brought 3 out), that doll was drenched in coffee and had some make-up and lipstick smeared on him. Never did find the culprit/s.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
The first meet I went was when I had a doll. I only felt silly was that everyone knew each other and I was a stranger. So I felt as though I was intruding into the group...

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Huh...? I don't understand that...but I have the dolls I want. Maybe next time a new, prettier one will pop out sometime and I would like to get him/her...

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
I cling to my dolls...So grabbing is kinda hard. Plus if they strip them naked, I'll do the same to their dolls.

 

I've been to a couple, but for me, circumstances just tend to get in the way - aside from having agoraphobia/social anxiety, I don't work or drive due to various illnesses. The meetups 'local' to me involve travel time of at least at hour (though to be honest, I'm content with no other owners living in my city, because I live in fear of people wanting to get together with me just to hang out. The meets are a little easier because they're set events and I can fade into the background or leave without feeling rude if I need to). My only option for transportation is my mother, who works five and a half days a week and fairly often doesn't want to spend an afternoon in another city trying to find something to do herself. There's also a financial component - on top of the cost of gas, if a meet is held at a restaurant or other venue that requires cash to attend, I may not be able to afford it (even if it's what others would consider a fairly insignificant amount).

Scheduling can be a problem, too - Saturday mornings are out for me because I don't have a ride, and it's hard for me to know for sure I can attend when I don't know from one day to the next how I'm going to feel. If I say, "Yep, I'll be there," and then I end up sick/not able to sleep/on the verge of a panic attack, I may not be able to after all - which is one thing if it's being held at a park or something, but another entirely if reservations are involved.

 

i just don't deal well with strangers. i'm uncomfortable in a classroom or a new job - nevermind a group of people involved in my hobby :\ i don't mind meeting up with my friends who are interested, but i don't think i'd ever go out to meet a bunch of new people @_@ superstress.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
It's not really something that's crossed my mind, really, though I might feel a little awkward if I get to a meet and I'm drastically older or younger than everyone else.

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I'm another one with social anxiety, so I have the constant little worry that I'm going to do something wrong or stupid and make everyone dislike me. I'm not really worried if anyone likes Alys or not- she's mine, after all, not theirs.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Not something I worry about. As long as I like it, that's all that matters.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Like I said, social anxiety. I cope with it relatively well, though. Occasionally people will think I'm stuck up when I don't say much, which is a little annoying.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
I'm not all that worried about theft- maybe when I get my pukis, but not with my 59cm girl- but I am a bit worried about damage. Accidents happen, even among the most careful.

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I've never been, yet! So no bad experiences. Though the clique stories do make me a little nervous.

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
N/A.

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Nope!

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
A little, I guess. I remember reading the Meet-up Etiquette thread and being surprised that something like that needed to be noted. It just wasn't something I expected.

 

None of those things keep me away. What does keep me away is the distance, my disliking of the regular group and being less than amused at having to keep an eye on my dolls at all times lest they be roped into crazy photoshoots behind my back or get paired off with someone else's doll and having to endure the drama over that (and most of that is being done by people older than I am). I prefer my dolls to be dressed and a-sexual. And basically I'm not much interested in other people's dolls other than giving out the occasional compliment so I find meets rather boring.