Why do some collectors choose to not go to meetups?

:O I just have to say that I'm schocked by your experience dragonslayerssdd!
I thought that since bjd's are quite a special hobby, that there would be a lot of different doll owners, in wheelchairs, walking, socially introvert and etc. x3 Maybe that's just me though... Myself, I need my wheelchair because I can't walk far without feeling like I've run a marathon. And also have back issues.
And that you then get flamed! That makes me mad! I'm glad you've met other people who's not judgmental like others are

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
LOL who cares?

Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Again, who cares? I like them and that's all that's important.

Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? I
LOL my troupe do not look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards, so no, I wouldn't be embarrassed by them ever.

Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
again, my not caring, let me show you it.

Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Hardly. I watch my possessions when outside, unlike many who wander off. What's that anyway? Dennis decided to break a finger off on the way back from Gogadoll... Shit happens. I got superglue and fixed it. I only pitched a wobbly for a few hours

Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I did try to make a London meet but I never did find out where it was and no one seemed overly interested in telling me about it so I just chalked it up. I've been to a few where the crowd was tough but I'm tougher :P

Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
Why would I feel silly?

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
LOL yes and no. Sometimes it gets me over wanting something but not always.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
The people at the NYC meets are very good about asking before touching.

 

Yeah I've been trying to find the nerve and time to try again but seems like both arn't happening. The phoenix doll comm is a lot like the phoenix anime comm, if you don't force yourself in you won't ever make it in. and you get flamed for stating your opinion even if it contrasts theirs. So be it. I hope you and most people here have better luck than us!

 

I think a lot of outgoing people forget how hard it can be for anxious people to speak up and get involved. But a lot of anxious people also forget that it makes outgoing people feel uncomfortable and awkward when they are expected to do all the "work" in a social situation.

I once attended an event where, afterward, people were accused of being "horrible" and "unwelcoming" to a certain shy person. But at the event, I had seen multiple people attempt to engage this person in conversation. I sat next to her at one point and tried to encourage her to participate, too. Our efforts were met with one-word answers and sometimes total silence. So guess what happened? We stopped trying to talk to her. There are only so many attempts you can make draw someone in before you are made to feel unwelcome yourself. We assumed that she preferred to watch rather than participate, since she failed to respond to a single overture, and let her be. The response once she got home? She blasted everyone at the event for "not doing enough" to include her. It was all our fault, and we were insensitive to her psychological needs and diagnoses -- none of which, of course, we had any way of knowing about. We did not hold another event for a long time, because we felt it was a case of no good deed going unpunished. We had tried to include her and were ignored. Then we were accused of being horrible people for it.

This is a long way of saying that the road goes both ways. Before going after others for not doing enough to include you or make you feel welcome, consider for a moment whether or not you are allowing them to welcome you.

 

Lizzard, that is interesting. My husband is a total introvert and I am very extroverted. I really do love talking to quiet people. Many of my closest friends in life have been the very quiet people. I guess it makes me feel special when I am one of the chosen few that they allow into their lives

However that said, I do get awkward with extreme introverts because I don't want to be a big mouth! I have enough quiet friends to know that they dislike people who make a show of themselves. So I become slightly self conscience and sometimes...I don't know what to say in those situations. I want to chat but ya know...NOT be a loud mouth!

I thought the Montreal meet was great. Everyone chatted and admired the dolls. I didn't detect any weirdness sooooo. Maybe things are less stressed here?

 

hehee....reading some of these experiences are hilarious really (not meant to offend). Anywho....I used to do a lot of meetup attending. As in every meet regardless of where in FL it was. Now I do a whole lot less. Most of that is do to the fact that gas price is really high and I'm a lot poorer right now.

Do you feel you're too old or too young? I'm just right
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked? Don't care, they are my dolls and I like them and that's enough for me.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off? N/A I buy too many of my clothes to think that.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally? Nope, I'm pretty confident about myself. Probably too much -lol-
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft? ah, now this one I've had a time or two of fretting over. But mostly if I feel that way then I keep a closer eye on my dollies. ^__^
Did you or someone else have a bad experience? I have never personally had a bad experience (well there was that one time we didn't meet up with some people at Disney, but we ended up having a blast anyway)
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll? N/A
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls? -lol- no. The fun is getting to play with all the different ones to see what you like.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? o__O umm, no. Can't say that ever crossed my mind. And besides, I've met older women who have stripped down dolls as well. It's just part of having anatomically correct dolls. -shrug-


I do have to mention to the people that talk about the 'Volks Elitists': just because a person has all Volks dolls doesn't mean that he/she is an elitist. Think for a minute before you decide to 'dis' or leave these people out. You are really hurting their feelings as well. The hobby is about collecting what is aesthetically pleasing to yourself, not dictating or discriminating about what other people like. I've been to meetups where this has happened and the Bobobie Elitists (they are out there) have done this. All I'm saying is that people should be respectful.

 

I posted earlier but I forgot to "fill out" the Q's. LOL So what the heck.
Do you feel you're too old or too young?
I think I am just the right age. Not too young and not too old. Although, I am not sure what would be too old.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I dont care about my doll being liked. I bought the doll for me not anyone else.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
I have never thought about that. I guess everyone has their own tastes so some may love my outfits and some my hate them.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
As I wrote before I am sort of antisocial. But not in a unfriendly way. I work in a social job and at work I am very social. It is harder for me in my personal life to be social because I dont want to put on that work facade. Anyone can fake being nice. I want to find people I really would be interested in hanging out with.
I do want to add I meant several people at the Goga who I just adored. Everyone was nice but I did feel a tiny bit odd with certain people and we may just have different personalities that would never mesh no matter what the circumstances.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
I do worry I am gonna break my doll sometimes but I try and be really careful.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
Like I said earlier not everyone who I talked to did I feel the most comfortable with and others I felt just fine. Sometimes I can have a thick skin and other times I don't. I think that is normal. Or no? Yikes! I'm a total freak

Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
LOL yes! I keep adding more to my list.

Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked?
I have not yet met with that experience.

I own Volks dolls. I was originally afraid to get a Volks because of all the things I have heard and because of price. I originally was only gonna be a two doll person. That failed LOL.
Anyhow, I own a number of dolls from different makers. I would never like or dislike someone based on their doll preference. I actually do not pay attention to doll prices unless it is a doll I want to buy. There is nothing wrong with collecting dolls from only one company. I say this because if someone looks at my doll wants they are gonna see a lot of Volks. I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea.

__________________

 

Meetups are great, I love them. The Brissie/Qld doll crowd we have are an awesome bunch XD I was shy and nervous at my first dollmeet but since then I chatter incessantly at them - everyone is so nice and friendly that it's hard not to :P

I do think though that it's not the job of everyone else at the meet to make someone comfortable - there's only so much you can really do when first meeting someone who may be a complete stranger, but if they don't respond to you, you can't exactly force them to be more comfortable (I'm talking from experience outside of dollmeets, I haven't had the experience of people refusing to relax and being a proverbial brick wall at them in particular but in other social settings, yes). In the end it's up to them to work through their issues with socialising with others with a therapist or similar if it's a huge problem.

As for being afraid that they won't like you or your dolls, well it's a risk you take when meeting new people. I'd like to say no one will judge your character based on your dolls, but after reading some posts in this thread it seems that some people do. It seems that sometimes you're lucky and find a really good group of people to meet with, and other times you don't. But if you don't go you'll never find out! And so what if someone doesn't like your doll and is openly rude about it? They just made a total ass out of themselves by being openly rude about someone's preference in dolls, of all things.

 

On the subject of not going to meets, I just don't like that they always seem to be in restaurants or near food. I tend to just have mini meets with a small group of friends fairly often instead, they are easy to organize and are pretty relaxed.

dragonslayerssdd: Whoa! I'm in a bit of shock here. The community actually did this to you? I haven't been to a big meet in forever but now I am happy that is the case. I'm very sorry the Phoenix community treated you that way.

 

It's a fine line, particularly when it's someone whose anxieties you don't know. :/ I'm more of the watch-and-ease-in type myself - I wouldn't be comfortable trying to insert myself where there wasn't any welcome at all, but overextension of said welcome can be just as hard, if not harder, on me. Sometimes if I have too many people (or one very insistant person) descend on me right away, I start feeling cornered, which turns up the difficulty on me being able to express that I'm okay even if I'm quiet or that I need a little time/space to settle down and in. It's even worse if I have the misfortune of running into someone who takes it personally.

That said, I've lucked out at the two meets I have been to and I'd make the effort to hit another a lot more readily than I would some of the other social hobbies I've dabbled in. The last one in particular, I felt completely comfortable at - it was fairly small, no one was standoffish or pushily enthusiastic (well, not to me - I'm not sure what the people watching thought ^^; ), and we all seemed to have enough common interests aside from the dolls that the conversation flowed very easily an naturally. I wouldn't have any hesitation about attending another with the teahouse crew as long as the other circumstances fell into place, and that's something I can't always say about my main/non-doll hobby. (If I ever moved, though, I'd be shifting and biting my fingers nervously again until I re-found my comfort zone. ^^; )

 

I've never gone to a doll meet up. I'm not really sure what I'd do there. What do people do at doll conventions?

There's also the issue of money. The last time there was a doll convention near me, I didn't have anything saved up so I couldn't have gone anyway.

 

I am beginning to wonder if they exist or are some mythical creature lol.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
You know, that thought didn't occur to me before I went to my first meet! As it's turned out, most people within the local community are maybe slightly older or slightly younger. It hasn't led to any issues that I know of.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
I'm beyond satisfied with all my dolls, so I wouldn't say so. As for me, obviously it's impossible for everyone to get along. Doesn't mean people can't be civil, though.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
I can't sew, so it isn't like I'd be displaying my own handiwork. All of the current crew have at least one presentable outfit, so I don't worry so much on that front.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
I suppose, since I'm fairly shy. Judging by a lot of the responses here, it seems I'm not alone! I'm short, quiet, and easy to lose. But I really do like chatting and getting to know people, so it's something I try to overcome. I had the wonderful luck that my first meet was fairly small and all the attendees were really fun people, so I think it made things much easier for everyone.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I've attended one large meet (at a con) which I didn't enjoy, because I felt it was harder to get to meet people, and I can also say that I've had a hard time engaging people who seem to be as shy as myself...we both clam up, and it gets nowhere. I guess it's important to try to be open-minded and willing to engage?
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
I don't see why it would be. I've been at meets where attendees had no dolls, and they seemed to be having just as much fun as anyone else.
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
Oh yeah.
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
I don't expect that, no. But I know it happens, and I know it would annoy me, and I know I'd refrain from attending meets where that sort of thing is very common. Especially if it was happening in really public places.

 

I don't go because of all the freaks XD

(kidding! omg kidding!) Really I don't go to meets because of distance, and how I hate being stranded far from home with my doll, because it's precious. but the people in the Melbourne meetups are such beautiful, lovely people. I think i'll have to start going again, because I have such fun when I do. It's a really accepting environment, nobody makes you feel unusual for liking the dolls.

(I did stop going to anime clubs because of all the hardcore otakus though. they weird me out even though i love anime XD)

 

Er, no, it's not the same as a convention. At doll conventions you go to spend money, right? But 99% of all meetups are free. They're just to hang out with other people, see other molds in person, and get tips and tricks. Every once and a while there'll be a swap or people selling secondhand items, but it's mostly social. Maybe you should check out the Meetups subforum and look at what people are talking about doing.

 

I haven't actually been to a dollie meetup, persay. I go to anime meetings locally with Mira, and she's always the only one, so she's fawned over. It's good to really have her be the only one, because I was extremely embarrassed of her at first. I had gone to Ohayocon, the biggest convention of the state, and there was a huge meetup of dolls, but I sat at the edge, and talked to no one/had anyone talk to me. I felt really left out. Someone tried to get me in the conversation at one point, but I was ashamed and didn't continue. I saw her later at the panel and thanked her though.

I've attempted going to meetups now, but I don't get a ride/have the time to go to the ones when they're scheduled. So my friends are trying to host mini ones, especially with people from near their town, just so we can all get more comfortable. We're planning on getting more into the group at the next Ohayocon.

 

But what about when you ARE sociable and approachable but you're STILL snubbed! I talked to the mother of a doll owner who was standing there, my fiancee talked to a fellow artist he knew but still the rest of the doll people decided that they were better than these new freaks and decided they didn't want to talk to us. Instead they stared and stared and glared. Would you wanna go talk to someone who looked at you like you're the most vile thing to crawl out of the primordial ooze? No, you wouldn't.

It felt like they decided that because they have this special doll and all these special friends they already know that despite new people stating before hand they were going to show up on their forums they blatantly ignored them for at least 30 minutes until they gave up and left.

I'm social I'm loud i love to talk i'm very approachable and friendly but i was snubbed by these people and nothing could ever get me to attend a meet with those particular people again.

The only reason i'm typing this is not for me but for the other new people who will show up to doll meets and may not look just like you, realize that a simple hello will make them feel just a little more welcome, even if their introversion is self induced, even if they're scared of crowds, a hello, who are you, nice to meet you can go a long way. Ignoring people, glaring, expressiopns every little thing you do can hurt or can help ease someone's tension. All i'm asking is for people to realize this so that what happens to me isn't repeated on anyone else, anywhere.

 

Do you feel you're too old or too young?
No, if anything, I'm finally old enough to not care anymore what others think and be free from the social anxiety I suffered from as a young person.
Do you think you or your doll won't be liked?
Don't really care, I think my dolls are beautiful and some will like them, but they're inexpensive so some won't. Sometimes I can put on an amusing social facade and be easily liked, or be snubbed for being sick, old, fat, and weird. I can't control how others feel, and I don't expect everyone to have the same taste as I do.
Do you think your outfits aren't worthy of showing off?
Usually they are, although they might not be to everyone's taste. And talking about sewing with adept doll sewers would be great, it's probably the thing I regret most about not being able to go. The hands-on critique and examination is so much more informative, I miss it from previous hobbies.
Do you think you're not worthy of showing off, or afraid of what others will think of you personally?
Some of my autoimmune symptoms are disfiguring enough to cause problems with ignorant people, so I'd have to be on guard for that.
I'm also very clumsy and have a tendency to spill things which is always uncomfortable in other peoples' homes.
Are you afraid to bring your doll out, for fear of damage or theft?
Not really, one must take precautions and then be prepared to deal with the worst case.
Did you or someone else have a bad experience?
I've never been to a doll meet, but I've had bad experiences with people in similar hobby-driven social situations. Knowledge of the possibility of unpleasant social experiences doesn't affect my decision not to attend doll meets, but it might make me stop attending a particular meet if it happened.
Are you afraid it will be silly because you have no doll?
n/a
Are you nervous it would make you want to purchase new dolls?
I want to purchase a _lot_ of dolls, I'd be pleased if it made me _stop_ wanting a few!
Are you expecting, with all the youth on DoA, a group of immature, loud, sex-crazed teenagers who'll grab your doll without asking and strip it naked? (Heh.)
Umm, no, because I don't actually expect people to be so rude as to grab my things without asking. No problem with showing you my doll nekkid, just ask.

Why don't you or someone you know attend?
I actually don't attend primarily because of my poor health. I have a lot of autoimmune disease symptoms that get much worse if I'm exposed to the kind of chemicals in everyday scented products, pesticides, and vehicle exhausts. And the long (4 hours to Nashville) drive to the nearest meets would be too tiring and painful. Oh, plus I have to stay out of the sun and I can't eat many foods, so I'm pretty much stuck here in my "bubble" and the forum _is_ my doll meet.

 

Dragonslayerssdd, my post was a general one and was not meant to address your particular situation, so please don't take it in such a personal manner.

As I wasn't at the meetup you described, I have no way to assess what happened there or why. That said, I must admit I share the disbelief and shock of most of the other users in this thread that people would stare "like you're the most vile thing to crawl out of the primordial ooze" simply because your fiance was in a wheelchair. In all my decades of work worldwide at conventions, charity events, and school events, and attendance at doll meets, parties, and other social events, I have never seen the sort of intentional, mean-spirited, mass snubbing you describe except once -- and in that case, the subject had said something incredibly rude to the assembled group the moment he arrived, so there was an obvious and understandable explanation.

This is not to say that I don't believe you, just that I have no experience with such behavior and lack the means to address it. I am confident, however, in saying that such experiences are rare.

 

I'm very shy. I have to be outgoing and charming (or at least try to be) at my work, but I'm horribly socially anxious and insecure. The thought of meeting a whole group of strangers, who might look down on my less expensive dolls with my home-made faceups and clothes (although home-made stuff was what appealed to me most about this hobby)... I just couldn't do it. What if it was someone who had read my posts and hated me?

Way too insecure.