Will you sell your doll to me?

This comment made me smile

 

My intention wasn't to be dark; the first part would be how I'd react if it was a negative interaction (which admittedly, I should've made more clear). I can only assume (if it was a negative interaction) that it would probably drain me a little, and I wouldn't want to go back right away because I wouldn't be in the mood to possibly have an equally draining interaction again.

I also didn't intended it to mean that I thought it was *likely* that someone would intentionally try to damage your property. Like I said, I've only read a few pages of this thread, so I don't know what's been happening within the whole thread; however I figure if there are people who aren't going to settle for 'no', when they ask to buy your doll, there's bound to be a very minute percentage of people who will somehow take offense that you won't sell, and try to ruin your doll on purpose. Adults can easily resort to a five-year-old's tactics.

I'm also not intending to paint non-BJD people in a harsh light. I have read posts where people have had very positive, pleasant interactions with non-BJD people - and who knows? Maybe they inspired a new collector? I know things most likely end in the positive

The perspective of my post wasn't coming from the highly positive interactions between BJD and non-BJD people, but mainly drawing from the negative posts that I've read from the first few pages.

 

I think how i would react will depend on how the other person approaches me about it.

This is really a question tht needs to be considered on a case by case basis.

If they ask nicely and their offer is reasonable, i would always consider it.

If they shake me and demand tht i sell my dolls for the simple reason tht they want them, then i would explain to them tht its not possible.

 

writerm - Thanks for explaining your post! I see your point about the earlier posts and you know...on the internetz people tend to post more about the bad than they do about the good. I just strongly believe that there are a bunch of non BJD people out there who don't really understand our hobby and accidentally blunder and think a doll/toy is purchasable or cheap. When people tell stories of a stranger *humphing* and stalking off I also imagine the tone the doll owner might have used to cause that reaction. So many people love their BJD so if they used a defensive tone with a stranger it would logically prompt a negative interaction.

 

Okay, not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here we go.... So, I have introduced several friends/acquaintances into the BJD world within the past year or so and lately I been hearing a common theme from all of them and I'm really not sure how to feel, respond to it. Basically, they love my dolls and each one likes one doll more than the others. They know how much the hobby costs and lament to me about how expensive it all is, which I don't mind, because before getting into the hobby myself I shared the same feelings. It was mostly a matter of saving up, cutting back on stuff I wanted less than the dolls (movies, games, etc.), and I've said as much to these people.

So here comes the part that has me.. upset I suppose. At first I've had people want to buy a particular doll from me, saying something like "Oh you don't seem to be bonded with him, can you sell him to me? Also I don't have a lot of money, maybe you can give e a discount and I can pay you (sizably less amount that I paid for the doll)?"

After I flat out state that No I don't want to sell the doll, you would think that would be the end of it yes? But no, the keep wheedling and poking about how much they love the doll and can I just let them buy it. Or they ask if they could borrow the doll for an indeterminate amount of time or event adopt (which apparently means I give them the doll for free) the doll because they would love and play with the doll much more that I am currently doing at the moment.

So I have gotten these request from 7 different people in the span of a week and it's pretty frustrating (I also realized why I was being bombarded all of a sudden. There is an anime con happening this weekend and it has several BJD events going on. I'm not going but people want to take my dolls to the con without me.)

So has anyone had this happen to you? What did you do? What did you say? How can you respond to these people without hurting feelings?

 

I honestly do not have my own doll yet but the most I have ever asked from a friend was to hold hers. Straight up sounds like you got some hard core moochers surrounding you right now. Are all 7 friends from the same circle of friends? If that is the case they may have planed to bombard you for the convention. If not then almost every group has to have one person like that.

I would honestly start responding with, "You know if you weren't going to 'insert convention' or if you had not bought 'insert item' you would be about yea amount to this doll"
If you are the giving sort though on holidays I would just start saving them money for a doll and if they blow it then it is their own fault.

I had some mooching problems myself it started off small but quickly got out of hand I just had to realize that they were that type of people and stopped hanging with them. Sometimes being nice just does not work you just got to keep in mind its your money you earned one way or another and they just don't want to share they're earnings with you.

I don't make much sense sorry...

 

I don't know anyone in my small town that has BJDs besides myself so have not had issues with that. Most people that have seen them are pretty creeped out by them. Or they think I am a 58 year old weirdo that plays with expensive strange dolls. Either way I don't care.

If you have "friends" dogging you about your dolls this way you need a better class of friends.

 

If it's happening IRL then tell them if they want to stay friends with you to stop hounding you and that you would never dream of selling to them even if it was IRL. And make sure to keep your dolls tightly locked up away from them. Best not to risk it getting stolen right?

 

This happens to me, with the same person, over and over again. It's really bad, and it's really shattered our friendship - on my end, at least.

I've actually purchased 2 dolls from her which is how we met, really, and she has wanted to buy both of those dolls back from me....she gets really depressed when I tell her no, and says that sometimes she wishes she hadn't sold them to me.

I'd rather have not gotten into dolls with her, I valued her friendship highly but these days all we talk about is my doll vs. her doll, and how she wants them, or how she wants them back.

To try to save our relationship, I literally don't talk about dolls with her anymore. To make it worse, she's out of state visiting a very seriously ill family member, and I feel really alone. I worry a lot about our friendship getting fixed, I really miss my friend. I think it was stupid that the dolls did this to us.

What it comes down to is greed, and trust, I think. I myself don't know how to cope. It devastated me and my wife and our friend.

 

Moochers. I seriously wouldn't worry about hurting people's feelings like that, just tell them to buy their own doll. This is an $$$ hobby and most of us aren't rich, like you said we just cut down to be able to afford them.

 

Honestly, this may be brutal, but these are friends you're better off without. At least this situation is quite simple to fix - sit them down, say calmly but firmly: "Ronaldo, I'm glad you like my doll Bernardo, but he is absolutely not for sale and if you want your own BJD you will have to save up just like I did. I don't want to hear you asking if you can have him again. Thanks for understanding."
Then, if the bizarre requests continue, you can disengage contact with them and find some friends who aren't hopeless moochers.

 

Hmmm... I assume that your friend(s) (and probably you) are quite young.

Maybe it would help if you find out what is the most valuable and precious thing she owns and loves and then ask her "Would you give me XYZ for my doll?"

Are your dolls customized? If they were company default - the only thing I would give is the link to the company's website.

Also maybe you should make a clear statement that this situation is endangering your friendship.

 

I'm right there with you, but granted I don't own a doll right now, it hasn't happened to me yet. How rude is that to pressure someone into selling you something you're too cheap or lazy to buy on your own? Yeah, I'd say no and suggest either they save up, or suck it up.

 

This just all seems so weird to me! I can't imagine just walking up to any of my friends and asking them for their (insert item here). It just seems so odd. I mean what kind of people hound you for your belongings? I have to say I have NEVER had this happen and think I would disengage from someone who kept after me about such a thing. It is just disturbing. @Ingy Your particular situation is REALLY disturbing. It almost sounds like a Fatal Attraction. Watch yourself.

Maybe it is regional. Older Southerners are just so darned polite even when we really don't feel it or want to be. Maybe that is why I have never heard of such a thing. My mom would die if I embarassed her that way even if I am 58.

 

Your friends don't seem like very good friends, especially if you have made it clear that it bothers you.
Personally I have had a few friends joke around about it, but it was always clear it was a joke.
I have one friend who would love a doll, but her husband would never let her (would be from his money lol). So every once in a while she complains when I have a doll for sale, but never pushes it. I wish I could give it to her, because it would make her incredibly happy and I would be parting with the doll anyway, but sadly I need the money.
She's always been jokingly going about it, never annoying or pushy.

I don't have a lot of people around me that like dolls, so I guess the chances of me having rude people is more slim.
If you haven't already, you should make it very clear to your friends how much it bothers you and what these dolls mean to you. If they don't listen to that, you might have to consider cutting them out of your life for a while, or at least not let them play with your dolls anymore.

 

I have never had this happen to me as my friends are either into BJDs (and have their own) or are respectful enough not to ask. I do consider multiple requests for my property (when I have said no) to be disrespectful and not a friendship worthy behavior. I feel you have reason to be upset by these actions, particularly when so much money is involved.

Personally, this is how I would respond to each individual person:

Person A: "Could I buy your doll?"
Me: "I'm sorry, she isn't for sale."
Persona A: "But you never use her!"
Me: "I use her for my own purposes. But if you want a doll at a better price than normal let me help you find a doll on the second hand market! "

Person B: "Let me borrow your doll for the weekend!"
Me: "I am not comfortable lending my doll out without supervision by myself. She is very expensive and I don't want our friendship to be destroyed if someone else chooses to steal her or break her. I have had people try to rip her out of MY hands before, so I know it happens. I know you would take good care of her, but please understand I just am not comfortable with the idea."
Person B: "Oh come on! No one will steal her!"
Me: "I'm not going to argue. She is my doll and I am uncomfortable with this. I know you are disappointed because you won't have a doll for the meet. Would you like to come with me to a meet instead? I'd feel much more comfortable if I was around and I'd love to have you with me! "

Anyone who asks again: "But please because XYZ123!"
Me: "I am hurt that you would ask again. I told you before that the answer is no. I feel like I have not been heard and I am very disappointed about that. I am not comfortable with giving you my doll and I really feel sad that I am being asked by so many people of late. I feel like I am being used for my items. Please excuse me, I need to be alone. *walk away*"

Anyone who asks me a third time: "But! But! ..."
Me: I feel like you are using me for my items and ignoring my wishes. You are not entitled to my property and I am feel very hurt that this seems to mean more to you than our friendship. Please do not contact me again until you can respect my wishes." *burn the bridge and walk away. This person is not worth your time anymore.*

 

I won't say get rid of your friends, because it's much easier said than done and it can be quite cruel. But you really should let them know the implications of what they're really asking for. You need to let them know that the financial implications are not small and that not all doll owners actually need to bond with the doll. Sounds like they're just being whiny selfish to me. You need to give them a firm no. One that will keep them from asking again. But don't explode on them. Do it with tact and gentleness.

 

This is . . . really not any different from the online version, which has a loooooong Dolly Debate thread right here: http://www.denofangels.com/forums/s...-Selling-a-doll-they-had-NO-intention-to-sell

 

Thanks for all the great advise! Got few things to add to the situation. Most of these people are not friends but more like acquaintances, people I see on a regular basis at Cons and other Sci-fi/Horror/Fantasy events. The reason I don't want to make a big stink of things is because I do see these people on a regular basis because we tend to turn up at the same events and I really don't want to deal with drama and such. Most of them are young (under 20) although I myself am not (36 today, Happy birthday to me) but I am (I've been told) too nice for my own good. I don't like seeing people upset, it stresses me out :P

 

I know what you mean, but sometimes, people won't be as upset as they act like they will. Ignorance can be a sin. Your acquaintances don't know the gravity of this hobby and are a bit flimsy about it. Through that they're hurting you. Being upfront is the best answer. How you handle it though shows your strength ^^ Good luck!