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"You can't buy her too!" Friends forbidding you to get the same doll

Aug 7, 2010

    1. We have no idea knowing what this girl is going through or thinking without hearing her side of the story. Perhaps she is going through something rough. Maybe she is emotionally unstable or has issues surrounding her own self worth and tries to feel special by the stuff she has. Or she is simply spoiled or childish. Who knows?

      Either way I think it would be just as childish of you if you just go ahead and buy the doll even though you know she has some kind of problem with it.
      Rise above that selfishness I say and sit down with your friend and talk to her! Find out why she is behaving this way. Tell her how you feel and, as others has already suggested, explain how you would style yours differently and so on.

      The most important thing about this hobby is having fun right? Would you really be able to enjoy your doll if you knew you were hurting your friends feelings, selfish and childish though they may be, by having it?
      So my tip is that you sort out your feelings first by talking about it and THEN you get the dolls you both want and have fun with them together!
       
    2. Man, I feel sad that people have encounted this behaviour. In the group of doll owners I am friends with everyon e gts excited meeting people with the same scuplts as theirs! I think it's neat, I'd love to see other versions of dolls I own.

      Haha, I even mentioned to a friend I was considering one doll, and she said 'I am too! We could get one each and they could be twins! :D'

      I think people get scared that someone might present their doll 'better' then them, and then they worry about feeling unique, or that maybe someone else having their doll will remoive their specialness. It's about insecurity.

      If it were me in that situation, I'd talk to the friend and talk about why they feel this way, and that it hurts your feelings. And then you could both work it out. :)
       
    3. That is utterly ridiculous. So ridiculous it is just not even worth responding to. Although if I did respond, it would be something like "And what are you going to do, if I do, take away the dashes in my Social Security number?"
       
    4. I agree with Nihmo. And are you sure she wasn't joking? Though it might seem like a bad joke...I'm sure the novelty of having the doll will wear off and then she won't mind if you get the same sculpt.
       
    5. Maybe she's a little worried that if you get the same doll
      yours might look nicer/cuter or more special than hers?
      It may also be a way for her to believe that this sculpt is
      hers alone........I personally love LE dolls for this reason.
      I like thinking that there aren't that many more of this
      particular doll around, especially since I have never attempted
      to customize my dolls :(

      I agree with most of the comments made, it's pretty silly to tell
      someone they can't get this or that because THEY already have one.
      If you really like the same doll, then I'd say get it, but not simply to
      upset your "friend". I often agree and say "yes, get a new friend"
      but today I'll say perhaps you can just talk about her reasons for
      not wanting you to get the same doll, and if there is more behind
      it than "because I don't want you to!" you can go on from there. :D
       
    6. While I desire to be as individual as possible, I also have this snarky evil streak in me that defies people when they tell me 'not' to do something.... So while I would understand her wanting to have a doll that you don't have, I would probably wait a while until she's nearly forgotten that she said it.... And then whipped up a doll of my own from the same mould, that is as pointedly and drastically different from hers as possible.

      And then take it every where I go.

      I don't appreciate being told I 'can't' buy something I like, just because my friend likes it and wants it. Its lke your friends telling you to 'only like' a certain music type or band. Or that you 'shouldn't' like another. I'll admit it, I still like some Brittany Spears music, which is really odd when you see me, despite the fact that most people despise her music like its the plague. So I say, get your doll, if you want it. She doesn't need to dictate what you buy with your own money.
       
    7. While I do think talking things through with her friend is a good idea, I don't think it's selfish to go ahead and buy the doll. Doll buying is very personal, and people love what they love. It would be a shame to regret not getting the doll, because a friend made an unreasonable demand -- and it is unreasonable. Being a good friend is one thing, being a doormat is another.
       
    8. Frankly, I would tell her to get over herself. =P That is a very VERY childish way of thinking. Anyone should be able to get the dolls they want, and even if you didn't want the same mold, it's quite selfish of her to tell you what you can and can't have just because she has one.

      My best friend and I are both doll people as well, and while we like a lot of the same dolls we each have different ones on our wishlist. However, both of us are just in love with a DOB Libra. ^_^; And each of us is getting one. They're going to be twins!
       
    9. Unfortunately I don't have any friends that are collectors. I'm hoping that will change someday though. u-u
       
    10. I am not saying she should not get the doll if she really wants it. I am saying she should talk to her friend about it first. Even if her friend is making outrageous demands I think it is counter productive to just ignore the friends feelings.
      As I said before, we do not know what the girl is going through. It is easy for us to call her all sort of things but who are we to judge when we know nothing about her?
      I do not think caring for a friends feelings is the same thing as being a doormat.
      Staying open minded, not judgemental but understanding and diplomatic instead would be the wiser thing to do. Not just go ahead and buy a doll just because you can and ignore a friends feelings.

      edit:
      I want to add though that if she talks to her friend about it and the friend is still making this demand and ignoring her feelings... that is when I would suggest her thinking about putting the friends feelings aside and to ahead and buy the doll anyway. But I think she should at least give it a try to make it work with her friend first. :)
       
    11. It sounds silly and childish to me. Why can't two friends have the same doll? Especially considering that no two dolls are going to be exactly the same anyway, with all the different face-ups, eye colors and types, hair colors and styles, clothing, etc. that are available to choose from. Friends shouldn't be giving you orders about what you're allowed to do, either.
       
    12. With two sisters in the hobby, I expected there to be some overlapping of doll choices, especially seeing as we all tend to have similar preferences where aesthetics and styling is concerned. Yet, we all make our own personal choices that fit, and those choices are usually pretty distinct to each of us.
      I have to admit, there have been a few brief incidents of passive aggressive feelings when one of us chooses a doll we love and then the other will declare their love for it as well. I think it stems from the need to prove yourself to another person, to prove that your ideas are unique, and I think the feeling is pretty natural especially amongst siblings. That feeling subsides pretty quickly these days as we all tend to be pretty supportive of each other's decisions. We've all been into doll customizing long enough to know that even if we choose the same doll, we both see them in a different light and will make them look completely different.

      I would think that if your friend loves the doll as much as she does, she wouldn't mind seeing it in a different light? Funny story - my sister recently showed me a picture of a doll that she is getting and there happened to be another doll in the same picture which she expressed a dislike for. I instantly adored the doll she disliked and then as I explained what I thought of the doll, she began to see it through my eyes and reconsidered her opinion of it.

      So maybe if you tell your friend what you will be doing with the same doll, she might reconsider her feelings towards it.
       
    13. I've had a couple friends say they wanted one of the sculpts I own, in the end, they both decided against it, one because I already had it and she didn't want a duplicate, the other because she found another doll to save up for. Admittedly I felt a little irked about someone I knew wanting the same sculpt as me, but when I think about it now, it seems silly because ours would have looked completely different.
       
    14. Ha ha ha, oh yeah I had this disagreement a lot with a few of my best friends ever:lol:

      ...when we were like ten years old, and whining about Barbies. :|

      I'll be honest, usually it was me that got jealous. I grew up extremely poor and would only ever get toys and things for my birthday, Christmas, and because we're Dutch, St. Nicholas. My best friend growing up was fairly well off and when my birthday rolled around and I got a new Barbie outfit, she would whine to her mom to go get her the same one. I just felt like it made the gift less special because someone else could just get it whenever when I had to wait a whole year for my birthday to come around.

      But that's just the mind of a ten year old :) An incredibly silly argument. Almost worst in the BJD world because Barbies are all identical! With a BJD it would wind up with a different wig, eyes, faceup, and totally different wardrobe personality (Gothic Lolita vs. Tomboy for example.)

      Maybe the friends that say this are just saying it out of feeling protective of their latest investments and later on realize how silly and childish it is. :doh
       
    15. No, of course it's not. However, (and I'm not saying this is necessarily the case here) sometimes in the effort to assuage hurt feelings or avoid conflict, you can be taken advantage of. I speak from personal, though nondoll related, experience. Sometimes compromise or letting go of something is the way to go. Other times, especially in the case of unreasonable demands, you need to stick up for yourself. I don't mean being unnecessarily rude or hurtful about it -- think more gentle but firm. The friend is not the only one that has feelings involved.
       
    16. Absolutely unreasonable and childish. Unless you were belligerently declaring your intent to copy every single detail - same faceup artist, same clothes, same backstory, etc, there would be absolutely no need for her to make such a ludicrous claim. If it were me, and this were my best friend? I'd tell her to shove it, and buy whatever doll I wanted. If they want to be selfish, I will be selfish right back at them.

      For the OP's situation, clearly the polite thing to do is discuss it. Why does she really not want you to have it? Does she know you're going to customize it differently? Explain to her how you feel about this and why it just isn't reasonable or fair. If she persists in her opinion, kindly tell her you feel otherwise, and purchase the doll you want anyway. You aren't 'ruining' her doll if you get the same - she is, by having silly ideas about what you can and can not buy. Don't let her childish decision ruin your enjoyment of the hobby/the doll you want.
       
    17. When I was a kid I had a friend who, whenever I'd get a new toy, very often wanted the same thing. I don't think I ever told her not to do this because it was nice to have someone to play the same kind of toys with but after a while it got a little irritating because I felt I was being copied.
      The only time I think we ever got in an argument over it was when I got a pet parakeet and she, like a week later, got one too and named it the same. She insisted that the bird already had the name (from the pet store) and I didn't believe her so we both got upset over it.
      Anyway, so from that perspective I can see why someone might not want their friend getting the exact same doll.
      I guess it is a little childish though and I don't think it is ok to try to dictate to anyone what they can and can't want to buy.
       
    18. Absolutely! Nicely put!

      Yeah, that is what I believe is behind all of this.
      I had friends like that too as a child. They copied my every move and finally made me just want to scream "get you own freaking sense of style and opinion and stop mimicking mine!".
      Perhaps the friend of the OP has had the same experience and that has made her become over sensitive and that is the reason behind her selfish demand. Who knows? We don't even know how old the OP and OP's friend are.

      Either way... I believe I have said everything I have to say about the matter. I think it is really up to the OP to sort this out. This topic is starting to look like couples counselling more than dolly discussing. I am not sure I made the right move with participating in it.
      I do wish the OP the best of luck though and hope it all sorts itself out!
      Peace out!
       
    19. That's kind of childish of her, but perhaps there's a deeper reasoning behind her saying that.

      I can't say I've ever encountered this problem before from my friends; our tastes all vary alot. But if a friend of mine happened to acquire a sculpt that I liked very much, I'd be happy because it'd be an oppurtunity for me to see it in real life and decide if I would want one, or just admire from afar.

      Just to clarify on that, Steffi, the other M that I had in my possession was not mine; I was just selling it for a friend. :)
       
    20. Oh gosh, if this happened, I would tell that friend to get a grip. Thankfully this has not ever happened, and quite frankly, I doubt I would get along too well with someone who makes these sorts of demands. One time I saw a friend and it turns out we had bought the exact same purse within the past month. Oh the horror.