"You Have A Problem" - Friends Who Think Your Hobby Is Wank

I actually have no friends in the country that I live in, which sucks, but still I'm not getting any negative comments from anyone, I'm not sure if I would as I tend to attract very like-minded people, when my best friend was visiting from England I was terrified that she'd think I was a weirdo for liking Yaoi but within minutes she liked it too XD so I think I'd have a similar experience with BJDs c:

Dad thinks I spend too much money and should save it, I've never had a lot of money so now I'm getting a bit, I had a bout of kid-in-a-candy-store-itus. I find it hard to resist buying my boy new outfits, as he doesn't have many, so whenever my dad sees a box in my room he says "MORE doll stuff? 8l" or "how much did you spend this time?" and he makes me feel a bit ashamed about it.
Though tonight he did give me a handy lidded box to store my clothes in because I was using an old cardboard box before.

Mum doesn't say anything though, but whenever I mention wanting another, and buying some stuff ready for when I get her she's quick to insist that I wait a while incase I change my mind, and that I should save my money for new clothes for myself and not dolls.
She probably thinks I'm substituting him for a RL companion like lolyon mentioned above, I don't help my case by talking to him in front of her and dressing him to suit the weather ^^; it's true I can get a bit lonely, but I have online friends who keep me as sane as I'm possibly able to be.

I'm much more sensible with my money that I was a few weeks ago, I did have a bad day the other day when I bought my boy a new outfit but I'm keeping my self in check c: I try not to spend more than I make in a week (which isn't much anyway) and I'm still paying off my dolls, too. Almost done though c:
Now I've set up a little savings plan for my next doll, saving a little every week to afford her and all her trimmings in March next year.

I say so long as you save up your money and don't spend every penny you have on dolls and put yourself in a situation that will make you struggle with stuff you need for yourself, then you're doing no harm. If you feel the need to get a doll the moment you see one, make sure you have the money to do it, that you've paid off your previous dolls and you won't be left with nothing, and if you don't then there's a lesson in it for you, especially if you're after the limited moulds c:

People are bound to think you're a bit crazy for spending so much money, but that's their opinion. Don't shun them for what they might say to you though, they're looking out for you, if they keep on at you just make sure you let them know that you saved up for your doll sensibly over time and you're not going the way of a homeless person.

 

You never fail to make me smile with the images you conjure up! Yes, I work retail right now, and unfortunately one of the downsides is lack of safety for anything fragile, including clothing.

 

I'm really glad I've found this thread, it cheered me up. I've just had my boyfriend asking "what do you like about them? But why dolls?" in a really negative way and then a close friend telling me that I COULDN'T get one and he wouldn't let me and "I used to think the things you were interested in were quite cool".

So I got really annoyed, because I'm not the only one with an expensive hobby and than afterwards sort of felt down... Before if I'd had answered the question I would have said that it wouldn't have bothered but but apparently not... maybe it's just because my first is arriving soon and I'm really excited about it.

BUT after reading this thread, it really doesn't matter. I guess most people get this about their dolls at some point and if she was here, she'd be yelling at them worse than me I think if they weren't the people I was closest to and it hadn't happened at the same time, it might not have been so bad haha.

 

I've never really gotten much flack for it from anyone other than my sister, but my sister gives me flack for almost everything since I'm such an outright and proud nerd, and she's completely and totally not.

My dad seems generally indifferent, but my mom's begun to take enough of an interest in it that she'll take to me about how I should dress and style my pair, but she, like anyone, laments the price of these resins, but only in that she wishes they were cheaper, not that I'm wasting my money. (Both my parents have pricey hobbies, too!)

My closest friend was the one who introduced me to BJDs, so the buddy I hang out with all the time already loves them enough to love mine and I love hers.

I guess I'm just incredibly lucky in that my peeps are fully accepting of it all since I've always been so nerdy and into oddball things.

 

My friends that know about my hobby think it's awesome but I don't know if they would get into it themselves...

 

I had to chuckle at this thread. Personally I've gotten a mixed reaction from the people I know, my family more so.
Dad... Think's it's literally a "wacked out" hobby. He think's it's strange, but he finds it oddly amusing that most dolls come with genitalia. (Lol, he's so weird!) My Bory has been dubbed "Peter Pecker" as Dad saw him nakey once. Yes.
Mum... She's "ok" with it. She's a bit worried about the price of my kids, but she also keeps fabric aside for them for the day where I actually learn to make clothes.
My sister think's they're all creepy as hell. That's all I have to say about that.

As for having a "problem", no I don't think I do. I'm deeecceenntt enough at budgeting money for them so that I can have my rent money+necessities, I'm more than likely to be caught out from holidaying than dolls. xD But whatever.

 

Do your friends, your family members, or your significant others have trouble understanding why you would spend hundreds of dollars on resin dolls? How do you deal with people's negative comments, especially when those people are actually close to you? Do you find yourself discouraged by people whose opinions you value and whose advice you're used to taking?

Sorry, but I think it's kind of ridiculous to get offended/defensive because of some simple response as that. My parents don't approve of it. My roommates are scared shitless and make fun jabs at me and my dolling habits all the time. Some people think its cool; some people avoid me at all costs because of it. Grow a thicker skin, my dear.

You've got to realize that conventional society rears a very narrow mindset. See dolls for what they are: a VERY expensive and not at all affordable hobby. HOBBY. as in something not entirely necessary to your daily life. Yes, you could always point out that other people may spend just as much on purses or other vices, but an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Furthermore, dolls are definitely not a conventional hobby; people fear what they don't understand, it's a widely known fact. Toss in some social stigma from all those horror movies and ta da!! Instant rejection.

How do I take it? Simply at face value. Even if people tell me I have problems, everyone else does too, to differing degrees. So follows my question if I reply to such a comment: "So what?"

 

Hi.
As I am reading all your lines I am thinking to myself that I must be the older in this companion so let me share with you my lots lots of experiences and knowledge. I hope my english do not betray my thoughts..
First of all, when human kind began to appear to this earth they were all collectors... they collected their food. As human history started to releash it's thread -and till now- all the world has museums for mankind collections! We collect dolls to play, it is physics and it is history...
On the other hand we all have an inner child that loves to play... each adult also has his/her collection: cars,cds,accessories,shoes,books etc...and each adult "plays" with them. (have seen the guy with his new car?you know what I mean...lol)
I am a psychotherapist as well. I have seen miracles on how a doll works not only for a child but for an adult too. For a dementia patient or an abused teen...
So why on earth all these stupid questions for people that do not know that a doll can introduce us in our Land of Fantasy and release our inner child to create?
I am not listening anymore and I accept the fact that not so many will understand but I am happy knowing that there others who have the gift to love a doll and "play" with her instead of playing tricks and games with others. All people I have met that they love dolls have a very fragile self and their thoughts still hold their innocence.
I am a mother too. I wish I had a girl like you girls. I could share my bjds and play dolls for hours. I have only boys so my parients are my only chance to share this lovely hobbie.
And you too...

 

One of my friends calls me an idiot who is wasting my time and money on stupidity...I don't talk to her much anymore.

 

I'm at the point in this hobby now that I'm less doll collecting (only one doll on my wishlist that I'm buying in two weeks and my little family is thankfully starting to wind down), and more about doll improving.

Now I want the best clothes, shoes, eyes, and wigs for my resin babies.

My friends don't really bat an eyelash now about how much I spend on dolls, particularly the ones that I pulled into the hobby with me. However, they can all sew or draw and be creative physically, and I can't. If it's not writing or photography, I fail hard at it (though I am desperately wanting to improve my face-up and blushing work). I'm a writer, and I like photography, and for my photography to turn out well, my subjects need to look their best.

A proper outfit for a doll can cost as much as a doll! Jeans plus shoes plus shirt plus coat plus wig plus eyes can easily be upwards of $150 or $200! That's where I get the "you're spending how much?!" attitude since I won't even spend that much on myself.

But when it comes down to it, there is no problem with collecting dolls or having as many as you can afford. It's a hobby and we all love it or we wouldn't be on DOA and we certainly wouldn't be taking the time to post in this thread.

I might spend $500 on a beautiful hunk of resin, and another $200 to get him exactly the way I want, but at least I'm not drinking or smoking him away and destroying my liver in the process.

 

Do your friends, your family members, or your significant others have trouble understanding why you would spend hundreds of dollars on resin dolls?

Their initial reaction is often very surprised or (unintentionally, I think) contemptuous. But I know my friends and family well enough that I can point out luxuries that all of them spend 'excessive' money on. I can usually think of a time when they've even cut back on other things (food, outings with friends, etc) to afford something for their hobby. Once you outline things like that, it makes it a lot easier for people to understand, I think.

I also make it a habit not to tell anyone exactly what my dolls cost. It's not really anyone's business, as I'm spending my own money that I've budgeted for luxuries.

How do you deal with people's negative comments, especially when those people are actually close to you? Do you find yourself discouraged by people whose opinions you value and whose advice you're used to taking?

I don't really mind the comments about price, but I do find it disheartening sometimes when other people are less excited than I am. But I think that's something unrelated to dolls - I fell just as disheartened when I complete a video game and my boyfriend doesn't care (and I'm sure he feels the same when he does complicated maths and I'm not impressed, etc). It's just human nature to be disappointed when people you care about don't enjoy something you do - but we can't all share the same hobbies or interests, so it's best to just prepare for it as best you can.

I also think that hobbies only become detrimental when you start shunning responsibilities to fund them (not paying rent, borrowing money from friends without ways to pay it back, building up credit debt that you can't afford, etc). Anything less is just a personal choice - if you can afford to spend hundreds on dolls, the only reason not to is if you don't want the dolls.

 

I can, will, and do, talk about my dolls to anyone who shows interest or is willing to listen to me babble about them. I started keeping a pad of post-it notes and my signature purple ink pen in my purse at all times, because people ask me if there are websites they can look at, places to find information about them, ect.

Yes, some of them hear the price and look at me like I've just landed from Moron Mountain and tell me I'm out of my tiny little mind for spending X-amount of money on 'a stupid doll'. XD Most of the time I have something snarky to say back, such as commenting about their 'stupid' Channel bag they're carrying that cost as much as my doll, or their 'South Pole' jeans or something else, that could easily have put new brakes on my car, bought a months worth of groceries, or paid one of my bills. Yet they chose to spend 70 or 120 dollars on whatever makes them happy.

I spend that 70 or 120 dollars on dolls, or put it back in my dollie savings for one. Usually it shuts them up. I don't like people calling other people's hobbies 'problems' or 'stupid' or anything derogatory, because you could be really hurting them, and they can't do much back too you. So yeah, my friends sometimes think my hobby is a waste of time, money and effort, but occasionally I get a good comment, or someone who wants to 'meet' my dolls! XD It makes it worth it.

 

My best friend thinks I'm nuts for buying one of these, and is very vocal about it. And I'm not even TELLING my father, he'd disown me XD

 

i deal with it the same way i deal with all the strange things i do; cosplay, DnD, roleplay, wear rainbow suspenders, sing in public restrooms, etc. i look them dead in the face and say "good thing i'm me and not you then huh?" and if they say i'm dumb or stupid for doing these thngs or having these dolls i wave my school letter i got for accedemics in thier face and tell them to suck it. i like what i like, i do what i like, and you better stay out of my way or i WILL humiliate you.

 

..........

 

As long as I get my priorities right and pay my bills etc then its up to me what I spend my money on. However I haven't told hardly anyone about my dolls because I know they'll make fun of me, I did tell one friend and she said my dolls were freaky so i'd rather just keeep it to myself.
My Mum collects them too so we just talk to each other about our dolls, and thats fine by me!

 

haha so true, as long as the bills are payed and priorities are taken care of then my family doesn't mind. My husband didn't get it at first but then he kinda figured it was like him buying video games and consoles. My parents always knew I collected rare and expensive thing. My friends actually think they are really pretty, they just wouldn't spend as much on them as I do.
I guess being at an art school there are some things weirder than doll collecting hehe.

 

I think my family thinks I'm nuts - but as we're all kinda nuts ... *shrugs* doesn't really matter.

Actually, it was my Mum who encouraged me to get those Minimee heads done after a drawing I made of a story-character I came up with years ago. I got some money for Christmas and it was just enough to finally buy the heads. However, I was going on kinda like "Dunno. I want them - but do I really want them badly enough to spend so much money on them? But the Christmas event's still on and I can get them cheaper. But I could get so many books, CDs and DVDs for that money. But -" And went on like that, kind of, until my Mum said something along the lines of "For god's sake, go and get those heads, will you?" So I did.

 

'cause they ARE friends.maybe.

 

My friends aren't too fussed about my doll hobby. Of course, most of them have either known me long enough to realize why it would be important to me, or are in the hobby themselves. My family, on the other hand...

I wouldn't say we're obsessed with money, just we (the entire family) have always been dirt poor. Which tends to give most of them the opinion that all your money must go to necessities, and any left over you have to save for the Next Big Crisis (which is always around the corner, but I digress). I just don't let my family know how much I actually spend on the dolls. They don't worry about me, and I don't get any flak from them. ^^