"You Have A Problem" - Friends Who Think Your Hobby Is Wank

My friends usually make some discouraging comments, such as the dolls are just too expensive ("you're crazy for spending so much money in a doll"), too scary ("I wouldn't sleep with such a doll in my room") or that I'm an adult ie. shouldn't be playing with dolls ("you're buying dolls now because you never had them as a child")... but they don't really try to talk me out of the hobby. Yep, that "so much $$$ on a doll = you're crazy" comment might sound short of plainly offensive, but I understand they don't mean it that way; they're sort of serious there, sort of jokingly. So I never really paid too much attention to their comments... that's it, until I got very frustrated and upset after listening to the same comments for the past nine months or so (since I bought my first BJD).

It didn't help that a long-time friend of mine told me (with pretty accurate timing, for I was feeling really bad at the moment) that I shouldn't stop buying "useless things"; I was young, she said, so I'd eventually learn how useless and a waste of money all my hobbies were. Well, she included my other hobbies as well: buying doujinshi, manga and anime-related collectibles... but her comment was primarily related to BJDs. And how did I deal with her comment? Truth be told, I haven't done so yet. I was very upset, but I decided to follow another person's suggestion and gave me some time to cool down and think my response.

I think I can understand my friends. I understand why they think I shouldn't be spending that much money in this hobby - however, I'd like them to understand me as well. They think this isn't a hobby but rather a childish fixation, ie. dolls are for children, thus their hobbies aren't questionable as mine: they might spend $300 going to a concert, or buy lots of videogames, or go out to discos or bars, or to the movies... I know that my friend, the one who told me the hobby was useless, goes out to discos and the movies quite frequently, and she obviously thinks those are things that are worth the money. So why not my dolls? I try not to bring up the topic unnecessarily, but sometimes I just feel like answering my friends they spend as much money or even more in their hobbies, oh, and that some of them have Chucky, Aliens, Predators or pretty gory PVC statues in display in their rooms, so I'd like to know how come my boy in casual clothes and a nice face-up qualifies for "creepy" (I know, there's the uncanny valley, as one friend did tell me, but...)

 

I have two friends who got me into the hobby so they don't bother me about it its one my mom who since i live with her and I am an adult over 20 so i didn't tell her I will have close to three dolls now....hehee. But I am in grad school for and MSW program and my classmates do the chastzing they say things like my god u bought another doll hun u don't ahve mone yfor another doll or really sweetie shouldn't u spend that on x,y,z something. It does get frustrating it gets upsetting but at the same time u have to remember that you're not alone and go to your bjd friends or DOA when that happens. I find it helps.

 

I've gotten this exact reaction from girls at work when they hear the price. Then again I've learned to throw something in their face is their designer purse collections or coats or shoes or something else that I find insane. It's now mutal that we don't rag on each other anymore.

 

I think I'm lucky in that the people I've told are all really supportive. Of the two friends I've told, one is kinda excited 'cause she wants to sew clothes for it, and while the other thinks the doll I'm getting is creepy as hell, she loves the DoD dolls. Honest, I don't disagree with the "creepy as hell" part (Minifee heads are pretty alienesque o_O) so we just laugh about it. xD

My dad doesn't know yet, and my mom's oddly supportive...probably because she's finally glad that I have a relatively girly hobby. Collecting Gundam figures, buying male clothes and announcing that I'm a MAN (caps necessary) when I'm really female makes my mom give me odd looks more. XD

 

My friends are all nerds with equally odd hobbies: BF dresses up like a cowboy and vanishes for a weekend to be a cowboy with other guys playing cowboy for the weekend. Other weekends he's being a Victorian era gentleman (oooh he looks HAWT in those outfits) or doing the steampunk thing. (hahahah, got a steampunk suit for my SD dude...)
Other friends KNOW they are way too much into either SF movies, comic books, D&D, WoW, LARP....

So comparatively the dolls are similarly "odd".
BF joked, (when I was doing photo session using details of his 1885 Steamboat Gothic house) that I'd have to retake a shot because one of the dolls blinked.

guess I'm kinda lucky.
(Oh, and my parents, they're CLOWNS: I don't think dolls can top that!)


Oh, and my DD (23), I need to brag on her! for solstice she gave me a HORSE for my dolls, and for my birthday a very cool outfit for my SD guy!

 

My mother in law hates that my husband and I collect dolls. She thinks it is not adult or 'manly' and wants her son to be 'manly' and has an obsession with 'normal', so she thinks we have a problem, though to her it is more okay for me as a girl.

I deal with it by never bringing it up to her, and if she happens to see a doll or is reminded of one then I just shrug and say 'well, you know.' She seems silly if she rants if I do not argue back. So I just remain quiet. Does not matter what other people say, as long as you are happy with it. I do not understand her Mercedes and her other cars and her house that is wayyy to big for her, but it is her business.

 

Dude, I have been in this hobby since 04 and I gotta say I have been dealing with friends who do not approve of the bjd hobby for just that long. The majority of my friends not only think this hobby is weird, but it is creeeepy.

My boyfriend and good friend both usually make some sort of comment about my dolls should they see them (although my boyfriend has been getting a ton more understanding and doesn't seem to mind them as much as he used to). The comments usually involve the words "creepy" or something negative. I also have lots of friends who just think the whole hobby is crazy, the dolls are creepy, the prices are insane...

And honestly? I just don't care. xD I have my dolly friends who I am able to prattle on with about such and such mould or event or new release, and then with my friends who don't like them I talk about other things. The fact that they don't like BJDs isn't a personal attack against me, it's just their preference. If someone was allergic to chocolate you wouldn't go ON and ON about this amaaaaazing chocolate bar you had would you? Or if someone was afraid of dogs you wouldn't bring your new dog over to show them would you?

Now, as for a "destructive habit"- well, anything can be a destructive habit! But it's kind of obvious when someone close to you, be it friend or family, is saying you are getting into some serious trouble with spending $ on a hobby, vs. they just don't personally approve. The first warning/concern is good to listen to, but the latter doesn't have to be taken to heart.

 

For the most part my friends have been pretty supportive. One of my good friends seems to like them but probably still thinks I'm crazy because of the prices and just doesn't say anything--because then I'll call her crazy for owning five bookcases full of DVDs (I'm as much of a movie person as she is a doll person). So we understand each other to an extent, heh.

I do have another friend who thinks my dolls are creepy and it's getting on my nerves a bit--but not because she doesn't appreciate them like I do. No no no. It's just she always says "That's/They're so creepy!!!" every time time she sees my dolls or when they pop up during conversation. We'll be hanging out in a group and if I have one of my dolls when she arrives, she'll whine "That's sooo creepy!" Then an hour later she'll go to the bathroom and as soon as she comes back and sees the doll, she'll whine "That's sooo creepy!" again. Grr. I can't stand repetition. I eventually told her that once is enough. It didn't matter even if she said they were so pretty over and over again--I will get sick of it.

 

My friends don't care, and mind their own business. They don't say anything about my odd hobbies, and I don't say anything about theirs. As friends you should be supportive, and this particular hobby is the least dangerous thing you could be doing with your money. Same with my boyfriend. His hobby (warhammer) is just as expensive and time consuming and even life consuming from time to time.
My dad doesn't care and my mom only complains about the price, but that's what mom's are for.
Personally I think that unless you're spending all your last pennies so you couldn't even eat anymore on a doll, or somethign else that might ruin or greatly affect your life, people should mind their own business and trust you that you know what you're doing.

 

It peeves me when people just assume I'm rich when I talk about having dolls. It's not like I bummed the cash off of someone, I actually worked for it. I think spending my ENTIRE spring break babysitting a few sets of brats, i deserve the one thing my mind had been set on buying forever.
Don't assume I'm rich when i don't even have a damn job D:<

xD

 

I still don't understand why people keep saying 'You shouldn't care about what your friends say.' To me it seems (not saying they are) those people don't really have friends... because well... friends are the people you care about and if they criticise you every time you see them, then that IS upsetting. (And don't give me the comment 'they're not good friends then', it's irrelevant here. It's about a person being upset, not whether a friend is a good friend or not)

In my case, I'm lucky. My friends are in some cases crazier than I am and are constantly broke, while I am not. They think they're pretty, but would never buy one. I have only had one say she thought they were creepy, but not in a negative way. I will just have to keep in mind to ask her if she'd mind me bringing one. Would be mean myself if I'd keep bugging her with it.
And mom likes 1:12 doll houses, dad doesn't care as long we're happy and sister has 2 herself, so no problem there.

 

My friends are mainly pretty geeky, so they have expensive hobbies/interests of their own (Warhammer models, games, action figures, taxidermy animals *yeah, rly* haha) and for the most part understand the value/expense of collectable items. Nobody is surprised about my BJDs, since I've made plush dolls since before most of them knew me. My first doll Clarice has kinda become part of our friend group really, we talk about her like she is real Mostly it involves her stealing their organs in their sleep but... thats fine... Considering my age, my parents opinion isn't really relevant anymore, but my mum thinks the dolls are beautiful, and helped me buy a tiny for my birthday She has always encouraged any of my artistic pursuits and is happy to see what I do with them!

 

I don't approve of or care about every single thing my friends do, so I really don't expect them to care about or approve of every thing I do. I have several friends obsessed with Hetalia. I think Hetalia is overrated and has unattractive artwork. I let them know this when they were going on about it to me. Now, they save the Hetalia talk for people who care and I don't have to hear about a series I don't like. For my friends who are bothered by my dolls in some capacity...I just don't talk about them while around them. Solves everyone's problems.

 

Mmm, people find it weird that I "Collect creepy looking dolls that look like girls but are boys" but they accept that it's part of who I am, and don't try to change me ^^

My parents (well, my dad) thinks its good, because I'm learning to manage money and to spend it wisely :3

 

I think there is a huge difference between someone dissaproving of a hobby and hounding someone to stop doing something that they enjoy. Similarly, there is a difference between listening to a friend's concerns and chosing to continue with a hobby and cutting someone out of your life completely just because they don't like your dolls.

I think people should listen if all thier friends are concerned about them collecting dolls, but I don't think you should necessarily stop collecting just becuase of what others say. If everyone you know is against it, then maybe they are worried that you can't afford it (it's expensive, after all) or that you are too focused on your dolls- and being too obsessed with anything is never healthy. However, if the only concern seems to be 'I don't like them, stop playing with them' then maybe the other person needs to, (and I hate to say it) be a more considerate friend and understand that just becuase they dislike a hobby, it does not mean they can tell you to leave it.

(And I use 'you' in a very general term here, this is not directed at anyone specifically.)

 

Sure, my friends think dolls are creepy, but they aren't insulting about it. They just think its another of my weird and wonderful hobbies, one of my friends even says she loves the fact I have slightly "odd" hobbies, but none of them are into the hobby themselves. Although it does get on my nerves when the money aspect is brought into it, and they all think I'm rich/posh, which I'm not, I just save well.

 

I'm sure everyone in this town would find this hobby creepy or useless, even though the majority of them drive miles just to buy a t-shirt at Aeropostale. The problem that I see is that people seem inable to stop talking about something you don't want to hear about. Today, my class did a worksheet and the results were that half the class rated "insulting someone" as 0% out of 100% (100% being the worst). I guess it's hard for some people to stop talking about something THEY want to talk about.
My dad has a problem with spending period and hobby comparisons wouldn't work with him, but my mother understands that this is a cheap hobby compared to others out there. I don't deal with negative comments. If I can't get the person to stop them, I just leave. I can't change their mindset, whether I understand it or not. I wouldn't allow myself to be discouraged, but it is saddening that they would say such things.

 

I have problems like this all the time with my family and friends. The way I view it, its my money... I can spend it however I wish. Yes its a very exspesive hobby, but I find it worthwhile in the end. Just recently in fact my mother and I got into a argument about buying a petdoll. She told me it was way to exspensive and not worth the money. I could go on about other stuff but this isn't the place for it.

Honestly, like I said, its your money and yes it is exspensive and yes a lot of people don't know about it and may think you are weird, but in the end its your choice. You shouldn't let anyone put you down because you decide to spend money on somthing that makes you happy.

If somone puts their dolls ahead of food, family and bills... then thats a bigger issue. But all in all, people have their own opinions but its ultimately your choice of what to do.

 

I've gotten those responces, and frankly i don't care. They look at me like I'm crazy.

"Why would you buy that for so much money?" I tell them its my money i can buy what i want. I like the dolls I like painting them. They are something that can cheer me up when real people put me down.

To me that makes them totally worth it.

As of late though my dad has gotten more interested. He asked about them and if he ever has fabric laying around he said he would help me make doll dresses. lol how cute.

There are always the good moments that cancel out the bad&#9829;