1. It has come to the attention of forum staff that Dollshe Craft has ceased communications with dealers and customers, has failed to provide promised refunds for the excessive waits, and now has wait times surpassing 5 years in some cases. Forum staff are also concerned as there are claims being put forth that Dollshe plans to close down their doll making company. Due to the instability of the company, the lack of communication, the lack of promised refunds, and the wait times now surpassing 5 years, we strongly urge members to research the current state of this company very carefully and thoroughly before deciding to place an order. For more information please see the Dollshe waiting room. Do not assume this cannot happen to you or that your order will be different.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dollshe Craft and all dolls created by Dollshe, including any dolls created under his new or future companies, including Club Coco BJD are now banned from Den of Angels. Dollshe and the sculptor may not advertise his products on this forum. Sales may not be discussed, no news threads may be posted regarding new releases. This ban does not impact any dolls by Dollshe ordered by November 8, 2023. Any dolls ordered after November 8, 2023, regardless of the date the sculpt was released, are banned from this forum as are any dolls released under his new or future companies including but not limited to Club Coco BJD. This ban does not apply to other company dolls cast by Dollshe as part of a casting agreement between him and the actual sculpt or company and those dolls may still be discussed on the forum. Please come to Ask the Moderators if you have any questions.
    Dismiss Notice

You're not allowed that doll...

Nov 9, 2010

    1. I can understand seeing a large, child-size doll like the DM Lusion creepy. I do; if I could see any BJD attacking me in my sleep (lol) it would be that one, because it really is the size of a small child. They're almost 3 feet tall. That's almost 2/3 my height. And I do get the creeps sometimes with bigger dolls, especially at night, praying that they're not standing near my bed, staring at me in Paranormal Activity-esque way.

      Plus, they do seem kinda heavy, being the size they are... It'd be really hard to tote a doll like that around, unless you go to the gym and get pumped.

      But more to the point, no one has forbidden me to buy a BJD. My mother said flat-out that she was not going to pay for a $300-600 doll ever in 1 million years... but saving for one by myself wasn't out of the question. I had told my parents that's what I was saving for, and they were (at first) like, "You're not getting that doll...".

      Well, turns out I got the doll.

      The process drove me crazy, and there were a bunch of things that sort of looked like a bad omen (I had to lend some of my 'stash' out for other stuff, but was paid back), but in the end, I got the doll.

      I wonder if your boyfriend has the same kind of doll phobia, and he doesn't want you talking about it because it signifies that she's still on your mind, and he doesn't want one in the house. Or maybe it's some other child-doll issue?
       
    2. I don't really understand why the approval of others is needed when buying a doll. So what if someone else thinks that they are creepy? If it's bought with your own money and you don't talk about it to others who don't like dolls, it really shouldn't be an issue.
       
    3. I haven't had anyone tell me I'm not allowed a certain doll. We do have a "no dolls in the bedroom" rule, because my boyfriend is afraid of dolls. He is super creeped out by anthro dolls, as in he litterally goes "AAARRGH!1!!" when he sees pictures of them, but he hasn't said I can't buy those. We haven't discussed it, but should I ever get one, I'll make sure he'll never have to see it and I'll warn him about where I'll keep it, so he won't stumble upon it by accident.

      It would be harder to keep a Lusion from sight, though.
       
    4. Absolutely no one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do with my own money. The fact that your boyfriend said that you're "not allowed" to buy a doll that YOU like/want is rather worrisome. Personally, I can't handle anyone (especially a partner) telling me that I'm "not allowed" to do something, go certain places, buy things I like, etc. I'm an adult, I'm fully capable of making my own choices. Also, I'll never try to stand in the way of other people's decisions. Especially when it comes to hobbies/interests.

      So, the short answer to this question? A resounding NO. I refuse to be controlled like that.
       
    5. Very astute! Controlling people may not know how to stop themselves when it comes to exerting control, and they may or may not even realize they're doing it. So you might find yourself willing to forgive them for it... and even colluding... which makes the slope even slipperier. Nip it in the bud before either of you takes Step #2 down that slope.

      And, no matter how much you like your boyfriend [or whatever type of mate], always keep your own bank account. Always always always!
       
    6. I get concerned when I read about cases such as the one described by the OP where a significant other "forbids" a loved one to partake in (healthy) activities. Like others have posted, that type of control can be dangerous and detrimental. I've seen it in person and was a victim of it once myself. No human deserves to be treated that way.

      No one has ever forbid me to look at a doll, to buy a doll, etc. I am my own person. I am capable of making my own decisions. When I was younger I did not realize this and would often let others' opinions influence my actions. As an adult, I've learned from those mistakes. Only you know what makes you happy, your situation, etc.

      To the OP: Your boyfriend is entitled to his opinion. He does not have to like your dolls. He doesn't even have to support your hobby... BUT if YOU like the doll he should NOT keep you from enjoying it, nor should he tell you how to spend your money (assuming it is your money you want to buy her with, not his money or conjoined funds). Loved ones often don't share tastes. Heck, a lot of times they disagree. That doesn't mean they don't respect the others' opinion. There is a way to co-exist peacefully.

      Remember: communication is the key. See if you can compromise. And if he is not willing to compromise... well, that's not a good sign (IMHO).

      Very true. Of course, this also goes for women who think they can tell men what to do, etc. etc.

      EXACTLY.

      ETA: Okay, apparently the OP has since edited her post to clarify her boyfriend has a phobia. I still think communication/compromise/negotiation should be taken, but that does put a different spin on things. :sweat

      If someone I loved were truly afraid of a certain doll style, I would respect their feelings and find a replacement sculpt I loved equally (or ask if I could purchase the doll but just not show it to him/her, keep it in a private place, etc). I still think a request should be made with respect and tact (as opposed to "you can't look at it", etc). Still don't think there is cause for making demands. :sweat For example, I am extremely terrified of spiders and bugs. If my husband suddenly wanted to keep a spider as a pet, I would not forbid him to have one but rather explain my thoughts and feelings to him, asking him to meet me half way.
       
    7. Same here. n_n My husband thinks Fairyland PongPong is THOROUGHLY weird and creepy but he's never once even suggested I can't or shouldn't get one. He's supportive of my hobby and I love him for that. He's even gifted me two dolls and (indirectly) gifted several others (since he brings in the money these days).

      If he ever tries to say I CAN'T do something, then we have a problem. The only "must-dos and don't" in our relationship were said in our marriage vows. Beyond that, there are no orders.
       
    8. To try and counter act the "omg he's controlling you!" cries, I want to point out that if the doll creeps him out that badly you should talk to him about it and find out why.

      My boyfriend has a phobia of dolls that's on par of my phobia with insects (completely irrational). He doesn't want to hear about or look at them so we've agreed that when I get mine they'll be kept in a cabinet out of sight where he won't have to deal with them.

      So, while yes I am letting him control how and where my dolls will be kept, I am doing so out of respect for his phobia. It's a compromise. He understands my like of the hobby and I understand his fear of it and we work out a way to co-exist. Like every other couple should.
       
    9. Compromise is one thing. In your case that sounds perfectly reasonable: you get your hobby, and he doesn't have to look at them. Lusion dolls creep me out too! If my husband wanted one I wouldn't stop him from getting it. But I'd probably ask if it could be stored in another room.

      The OP's post was more like "They creep me out so you can't buy any." There is no compromise with that statement. There is only control.
       
    10. Ya know, context and intention might need to be further assessed here.

      When he said you can't get Lusion, did he say it in a half-joking half-serious way? Like, "Oh my god. That is weird. You can't possibly get that thing!" Yeah, he means it, but at the same time, it's joking which leaves room for discussion.

      Or did he say it like, "That is horrible. You can't get that. I'm forbidding you." and meaning it very seriously.

      I seem to recall my husband saying (when I showed him a Pong), "That's weird. Don't get that." And I followed with, "I'm going to." And he said, ".....okay, I guess. But it's weird." Me: "I know, that's why I like it. (and then I pinched him) And that's why I like you! :D" And we were both happy. He didn't like the Pong, he didn't really want the Pong, but it was my choice and he respected it.

      Maybe OP's boyfriend was "forbidding" it jokingly? That would be worth asking him.
       
    11. I agree with this and yet at the same time it all has to do with context. My mom still tries to tell me to do or not do things but I know that if I don't listen and do something she doesn't approve of I'll still have her respect and she'll understand my decision same with my brother and sisters. I think its a little beyond our place on a forum to say a boyfriend is controlling because he is uncomfortable with a certain sculpt of doll, it doesn't sound like he said he would leave if she bought it or something.

      Guess I'm agreeing with the previous poster =D
       
    12. I'm a little surprised by people's reactions to the OP's post.

      I've never been forbidden to do anything by my fiance, but if he did tell me I wasn't allowed to do something, I would take it for what it was, a statement of "I don't want you to do that, but you can anyway, I'm just letting you know my feelings on the matter." He has told me before that he's uncomfortable with me being alone with one of my guy friends (for he-might-be-dangerous reasons not jealousy reasons). Do I still do it? Yes, but I try as best I can to be hanging out with other friends so that he can feel more comfortable.

      It really depends on how the OP's boyfriend phrased it. If it was an absolute order and there was no room for discussion, that would indeed be weird, but if it was more a statement of the extreme level of discomfort with the idea, then that's more understandable.

      Personally, if my fiance was that uncomfortable with the idea of me getting a particular doll, I wouldn't even consider getting it, because he's more important to me than any doll. And as we share living space, I think it would be fair for him to forbid me to get a particular doll, because he has to be comfortable too. And although if he ever did order me to not do something, it would be understood that I still had the power to disobey because I'm an adult capable of making my own decisions, I would listen because I respect him and I know he would respect me if the situation was reversed.

      Just my .02
       
    13. Wow! I would LOVE for someone to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with MY money. I'm an adult, I work hard, and I make sure bills and rent are paid before spending money on myself AND my incoming doll. No one is allowed to tell me what I can't get with my OWN money. Suggestions, ok, but to outright say I can't? No, I can't abide by that. Plus, it's not respectful or fair. If they had GIVEN me the money, on the other hand, okay. Their money, their rules. But, then again, my money, my rules. :)
       
    14. I'm not surprised at all-- the OP said "I am not allowed" (no room for discussion), not "He asked me not to" (room for discussion). That hits the hot-button of most thinking folks who dislike being controlled. Doesn't sound like there's any mystery about context here, either: "I'm not allowed to talk about it" is just plain creepster territory.
       
    15. That's true but I worry about the phrasing "You're not ALLOWED to get that" if it's used in a serious way. "I'm not comfortable with you getting that doll"? Fine. "That doll gives me the creeps and I'd rather not have it in the house"? Fine. "You're not allowed to have that doll," though, is pretty questionable.
       
    16. @CallieBaird why are you surprise by the peoples reactions. I totally agree with them. For one thing no man tell me what to do with my own money, including my husband. Some men like to be in controll of everything. Makes them feel for like a man for doing so. Just like he can buy whatever he likes. I don't tell him what he can or cannot buy.
       
    17. The Barbarian (my lifemate) has never told me that I couldn't buy a specific doll, no. But I have been told something along the lines of "if you bring one more doll into this house, so help me, I'll scream!"
       
    18. @Emby Quinn - *snicker* In my house, that's considered a direct challenge and I'd have to do it just to see if That Guy would live up to his end. :)
       
    19. And there are many reasons why that could be totally normal and not creepy but we cannot make those judgments because we don't have all the information
      - the OP could have been paraphrasing, which people do a lot
      - their relationship could be one in which they are very comfortable with each other, and her boyfriend could have assumed that she would understand what he meant, that he really, really wanted her not to, but that he couldn't stop her if that is what she wanted
      - they could have discussed before that if anything makes either one of them very uncomfortable, they are allowed to "tell" the other not to do it

      I agree that without context it sounds very sketchy, but I also don't approve of making judgments about other people's relationships based on one statement. I know I've said/done some things that people could point out and say, look, she's an awful, controlling witch. I would hope that they would look at more than that, though.
       
    20. True, but the phrase "not allowed" does imply an order more than it does a discussion. There might be more context to it - If the couple lives in a one room flat and is working out compromises on stuff ("We only have X amount of space and everything is on display at once, so let's make it comfortable for both of us"), but without that kind of context it just sounds like one person having to bow to their partner's desires.


      To be fair there might be some exceptions - if you're in a relationship that's a true partnership, I do think it's fair for one person to comment on things that effect the financial status of both - "We can't replace the hole in the roof because you bought a new doll?" is not a conversation anyone wants to have. Obviously in an ideal world every family unit would have their joint and separate accounts perfectly balanced and have an emergency fund as well, but in the real world I can see how a couple might not be on the same spending/saving page.

      But then the OP's story was about feelings rather than finance, so that's a different topic, I suppose.